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Acres  of  'Books 
140  Pacific  Ave 


THE  LIFE  MASK 


THE  LIFE  MASK 


A  NOVEL 

BY  THE  AUTHOR  OF 
"To  M.  L.  G." 


SECOND  EDITION 


NEW  YORK 

FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 


Copyright,  1913,  by 
FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 


All  rights  rf  served  including  that  of  translation  into  foreign 
languages,  including  the  Scandinavian, 


February,  1913 


URU  514176J 


DEDICATED 
TO 

THE  CRITICS 

IN  THE  OLD  COUNTRY  AND  THE  NEW 

whose  kind  and  generous  words  about 
the  book  I  wrote  to  "M.  L.  G."  helped 
me  through  dark  days  till  bright  ones 
came.  Now,  when  I  am  asked  to  try 
my  hand  at  fiction,  I  dedicate  my  work 
to  those  men  and  women  who,  though 
they  may  not  be  as  lenient  to  the  made 
up  story  as  they  were  to  my  real  story, 
will  be  just.  And  I  want  them  all  to 
know  it  was  through  one  of  them  that 
happiness  came  to  me  from  "M.  L.  G," 


THE  LIFE  MASK 


CHAPTER  I 

I  WAS  afraid  to  fall  asleep  the  night  after  Sarah 
Nicholls  brought  me  home  to  the  little  house  by 
the  sea.  I  thought,  "If  I  dream  the  gray 
dream  here,  there  is  no  hope  for  me  anywhere." 

Nearly  every  night  of  the  years  I  wished  to  forget, 
the  dream  had  come  in  the  moment  of  dropping  asleep, 
and  I  had  started  up  struggling  to  shake  it  off  as 
though  it  were  some  remorseless  live  thing. 

I  hoped  to  escape  from  it  while  I  was  ill  at  the  san- 
atorium, but  it  found  its  way  there  sometimes.  If  it 
had  come  often,  I  should  have  died,  as  every  one  ex- 
cept Sarah  expected  me  to  do. 

"  I  knew  you'd  get  well,  dearie,"  she  said.  "  I 
prayed  every  minute.  I  never  stopped  prayin'. 
Whatever  I  did,  there  was  that  prayer  behind  it,  like  a 
kind  of  undertone.  I  was  sure  the  Lord  wasn't  goin' 
to  let  you  slip  away  just  when  He'd  give  you  the  chance 
to  be  happy." 

"  The  chance  to  be  happy !  " 

I  did  not  answer  when  she  said  that.  I  couldn't 
bear  to  depress  her.  She  had  been  such  an  angel  to 
me. 

On  this  night  when  she  tucked  me  into  bed,  as  she 

3 


4  THE  LIFE  MASK 

used  to  when  I  was  a  little  girl  —  little  Anita  Duprez 
—  I  said,  "  Sarah,  do  you  know  I  always  see  you  with 
a  halo  round  your  head,  like  a  saint." 

"  Oh,  my  dearie,  don't  say  such  things  to  me ! " 
she  cried  out,  as  if  I  had  hurt  her.  "Me  a  saint! 
Why,  I'm  nothin'  but  a  worm,  a  crawlin'  worm! 
What  I  done,  I  done  not  from  goodness,  but  from 
love.  You've  bin  my  life,  honey.  I  reckon  there 
ain't  much  credit  to  a  body  tryin'  to  save  her  own 
life!  And  now  I  shan't  let  my  lamb  talk  any 
more  of  that  kind  o'  talk  this  night.  All  she's  got 
to  think  about  is  that  she's  well  again,  an'  she's  young 
an'  beautiful  an'  her  Sarah  worships  her;  an'  she's 
safe,  an'  nothing  bad  can  come  to  her  in  this  little 
home." 

"  You  mean  the  dream,"  I  said ;  for  Sarah  knew 
about  the  gray  dream.  "  No,  I'm  sure  it  won't  come 
to  me  here." 

It  was  true.  I  felt  really  sure,  until  she  had  kissed 
my  hand  and  had  gone  tip-toeing  out  of  my  room  to  her 
own.  She  would  have  sat  with  me,  but  I  didn't  wish 
her  to  do  that.  I  thought  it  would  be  a  bad  beginning 
for  our  new  life,  so  I  asked  her  to  go,  saying  I  should 
sleep  more  rest  fully  if  I  knew  she  were  in  bed.  She 
left  the  door  ajar,  and  I  could  hear  her  stirring  in  the 
room  which  was  pathetically  different  from  the  nest 
she  had  prepared  for  me.  A  creak  of  the  floor  told 
me  that  she  was  kneeling  down  to  pray ;  another,  that 
she  was  getting  up  from  her  knees ;  then,  a  faint  metal- 
lic squeak  like  the  "cheep"  of  a  caught  mouse  an- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  5 

nounced  that  Sarah's  form  pressed  the  thin  mattress  on 
its  poor  springs.  She  had  kept  her  promise,  and  crept 
into  bed,  though  it  would  be  long  before  she  could  sleep, 
and  in  spirit  she  was  with  me. 

It  was  comforting  to  know  she  was  there,  loving  me 
with  her  whole  heart ;  and  all  my  surroundings,  brought 
together  by  her  devotion,  were  comforting;  still,  I  was 
afraid  the  dream  might  steal  in. 

"  It  will  be  a  heavenly  sign,"  I  said  to  myself,  "  if 
it  doesn't  come  to  me  here." 

The  peace  and  coziness  of  the  room,  each  detail  of 
which  had  been  studied  by  Sarah,  made  me  long  to  let 
myself  go,  to  fall  deliciously  asleep,  yet  the  terror  kept 
plucking  at  my  sleeve  whenever  my  eyes  half  closed, 
and  wrenched  me  awake.  By  and  by  the  wish  to  sleep 
passed.  It  was  as  if  an  electric  light  had  been  turned 
on  in  my  brain,  and  I  was  willing  to  lie  awake,  defying 
the  dream.  "  You  see,  you  can't  come  now,"  I  said  to 
it,  where  it  waited. 

I  began  to  feel  an  exquisite  pleasure  in  the  night 
lamp,  with  its  thick  blue  glass  dome.  It  was  a  luxury, 
as  it  had  been  at  the  sanatorium,  after  endless  dark 
nights.  I  knew  why  Sarah  had  thought  of  it  for  me. 
She  thought  of  everything. 

The  linen  of  the  pillow-case  and  sheets  was  fine  as 
silk  and  cool  as  silver,  and  smelt  of  lavender.  The 
pillow  was  made  of  down ;  the  blankets  were  light  and 
fleecy;  the  bed  was  wide  and  soft  to  lie  on.  There 
were  no  shrill  complainings  of  springs  when  I  moved. 
The  furniture  was  painted  white  with  blue  medallions 


6  THE  LIFE  MASK 

in  imitation  of  Wedgwood  designs,  an  odd  idea  for 
furniture,  but  it  was  the  sort  of  thing  which  Sarah 
would  expect  me  to  admire.  Its  frail,  meretricious 
daintiness  was  pathetic ;  and  the  blue  carpet  with  white 
roses,  and  the  white  muslin  curtains  tied  back  with 
bows  of  blue  ribbon  were  pathetic  too. 

I  could  see  all  the  features  of  the  room  in  the  moony 
blue  dusk.  The  night  lamp  on  the  mantelpiece  was 
reflected  and  had  its  dim  double  in  the  mirror  over  the 
dressing-table.  There  was  not  enough  ventilation 
under  the  glass  dome  to  keep  the  flame  steady.  A 
small  bright  disc  wavered  on  the  ceiling,  and  the  light 
in  the  room  was  tremulous,  flickering  in  the  glass  and 
on  the  silver  brushes  and  tray  Sarah  had  bought  for 
me.  What  she  must  have  spent  for  these  things  which 
she  had  been  collecting  —  who  could  say  how  long,  or 
with  what  yearning  love? 

In  the  chest  of  drawers  were  little  muslin  bags  of 
lavender,  one  for  each  drawer,  and  in  the  wardrobes 
more  lavender  bags  of  a  different  shape,  hanging  by 
ribbons  from  the  hooks,  under  the  clothes  I  had  not 
had  time  to  try  on  yet.  Wonderful  Sarah!  And  in 
her  strenuous  life  before  I  came,  she  had  found  time  to 
embroider  fine  underlinen  and  handkerchiefs  for  me. 
Nobody  I  ever  knew  could  embroider  more  beautifully 
than  Sarah  Nicholls. 

As  I  lay  there  in  the  bed,  it  was  as  if  some  inner 
self  slipped  out  of  the  shell  that  was  my  body,  and 
walked  about,  looking  at  everything:  the  china  angels 
on  the  mantelpiece,  the  lithographs  on  the  satin-striped 


THE  LIFE  MASK  7 

white  wall-paper,  all  the  pictures  chosen  for  the  cheer- 
fulness of  their  subjects:  children  playing  with  kit- 
tens; big  dogs  smiling  at  kennel  doors;  maidens  with 
short-waisted  dresses  making  up  lovers'  quarrels  in 
gardens. 

When  this  other  me  had  catalogued  the  contents  of 
my  room,  it  went  and  peeped  into  the  bath,  which  I 
had  delighted  Sarah  by  admiring :  all  white,  and  smell- 
ing very  good  of  a  rather  strongly  rose-scented  soap. 
The  bath-towels  were  thick  and  soft.  There  was  a 
white  rug  on  the  imitation  oak  linoleum,  a  rug  with  a 
blue  border  and  the  word  "  Bath  "  in  large  blue  letters, 
I  reveled  childishly  in  the  thought  of  this  little  cube 
of  a  room  with  its  white  enameled  tub,  and  the  wall- 
paper patterned  like  Dutch  tiles. 

Next,  this  self  which  could  wander  as  it  would  while 
I  lay  in  bed,  flitted  to  Sarah's  room.  There  she  made 
up  for  her  generous  extravagance  by  severe  economy : 
no  carpet;  a  stained  floor,  and  a  strip  of  matting  in 
front  of  the  narrow  iron  bedstead;  not  an  ornament 
anywhere,  nothing  that  was  not  strictly  necessary,  ex- 
cept a  small  book-shelf  on  the  wall.  The  real  me 
had  glanced  at  those  books  when  I  first  arrived  in 
the  afternoon,  and  remembered  every  one  from  child- 
hood days.  Sarah  owned  them  all  when  I  was  a 
little  girl,  and  had  not  lost  one,  nor  bought  a  new  one 
since.  There  was  "  The  Changed  Cross,"  two 
volumes  of  religious  verse  bound  in  blue,  the  gilded 
edges  of  the  leaves  worn  and  faded  now;  "  Step- 
ping Heavenward,"  in  brown;  "The  Gates  Ajar," 


8  THE  LIFE  MASK 

green;  a  book  of  Methodist  hymns;  a  blaclc-covered 
Bible;  a  novel  by  E.  P.  Roe:  and  I  knew  the  faint, 
musty  smell  of  the  old  pages.  Nothing  else  in  that 
room,  nor  in  the  house,  except  those  books,  to  remind 
me  of  the  past. 

Those  old  friends  Sarah  could  not  part  with,  but 
probably  she  had  not  expected  me  to  notice  them.  They 
had  always  seemed  to  me  a  part  of  herself.  She 
traveled  with  them  everywhere.  I  wondered  if  the 
books  would  ever  do  any  more  traveling,  or  if  this 
little  seaside  villa  would  be  their  permanent  resting- 
place  —  and  mine. 

Laburnum  Lodge!  Sweet  and  new  and,  above  all, 
pathetic  as  it  was,  something  began  suddenly  to  shriek 
into  my  ears  that  I  could  not  bear  it  for  very  long. 
I  could  like  it  now,  and  be  thankful  for  its  daintiness, 
passionately  grateful  to  Sarah  for  her  goodness,  but 
by  and  by  I  should  pine  to  get  away.  I  should  want 
to  go  out  of  England. 

The  spirit  self  that  walked  about  the  room  slipped 
back  into  my  body,  and  was  hypnotized  into  peaceful- 
ness  by  the  disk  of  light  on  the  ceiling.  Hours  after- 
ward, my  eyes  opened  to  a  different  light,  the  living1 
fire  of  dawn.  I  realized  with  joy  that  I  had  been 
asleep,  and  the  gray  dream  had  not  come. 

"Thank  God!"  I  said  involuntarily,  almost  in  a 
whisper,  yet  Sarah  heard,  and  appeared  at  the  open 
door. 

How  good  it  was  to  see  her  there,  though  I  ought 
to  have  wished  her  to  be  asleep ! 


THE  LIFE  MASK  9 

By  day,  when  Sarah  was  dressed,  though  she  wore 
a  plain  black  gown  like  a  maid's  or  a  housekeeper's, 
she  had  a  mild  air  of  distinction.  She  looked  like  a 
lady ;  a  prim,  delicate-minded,  old-fashioned  lady ;  not 
like  a  servant.  Indeed,  it  seemed  ridiculous,  even  hor- 
rifying, to  speak  of  her  as  a  servant. 

She  did  not  look  distinguished  in  her  brown  wrap- 
per (she  knew  how  I  disliked  gray  things,  and  the  rea- 
son) with  her  mouse-colored,  white-streaked  hair  in 
a  meek  walnut  at  the  back  of  her  head;  but  she  was 
beautiful  in  my  eyes.  I  think,  through  it  all,  I  had 
never  loved  her  so  much  as  at  that  moment. 

I  lay  still  with  my  eyes  half  closed,  gazing  at  Sarah, 
feeling  the  comfort  of  her  presence  and  the  joy  of 
knowing  that  she  would  be  there  to-morrow  and  all  the 
to-morrows.  The  light  which  came  through  the  white 
blind  and  curtains  was  clear,  but  not  strong  yet, 
and  as  I  lay  in  shadow  Sarah  could  not  be  sure  if  I 
were  awake.  She  was  afraid  to  come  nearer,  thinking 
I  might  have  spoken  in  my  sleep. 

There  is  something  about  the  dawn  which  has  a  dif- 
ferent quality  from  any  other  light.  People  who  have 
secrets  to  hide  can't  like  to  be  seen  in  the  dawn.  It 
is  revealing.  It  seems  to  shine  through  the  flesh  to 
the  soul.  It  was  a  new  Sarah  that  I  saw,  though  older 
than  by  day,  older  and  frailer.  She  gazed  at  me  with 
an  intensity  which  gave  a  wildness  to  her  light-blue 
eyes.  They  seemed  to  be  telling  me  something  which 
I  tried  to  understand  but  could  not,  and  for  an  instant 
her  expression  turned  her  into  a  stranger.  I  won- 


[10  THE  LIFE  MASK 

dered  what  that  mysterious  something  could  be,  for 
nothing  about  her  was  really  changed.  Between  my 
lashes  I  studied  the  long,  thin  face,  with  its  high 
forehead,  its  hardly  perceptible  eyebrows,  its  deep-set, 
pale  eyes  sloping  downward  at  the  outer  corners;  its 
slightly  prominent  cheek-bones  with  the  hollows  be- 
neath; the  sweet,  small,  firmly-set  lips,  obstinately 
folded  together,  contradicting  the  weak,  pointed  chin. 
It  was  a  lovable  face,  I  thought,  and  very  char- 
acteristic of  Sarah,  a  mixture  of  strength  and  weak- 
ness. For  my  sake  she  had  surmounted  difficulties 
that  would  have  discouraged  many  of  the  bravest 
men.  Yet  she  was  afraid  of  a  mouse  or  a  spider, 
turned  sick  at  the  sight  of  blood,  even  a  drop  on  a  cut 
finger;  and  she  could  neither  read  nor  hear  a  descrip- 
tion of  torture. 

"  Sarah  dear,"  I  whispered  lazily.  It  was  delicious 
to  be  lazy. 

She  started,  with  the  quick  shiver  and  involuntary, 
sidewise  glance  that  had  been  a  nervous  affliction  with 
her  ever  since  the  days  of  the  great  terror  which  shat- 
tered both  our  lives. 

"  My  lamb !  I  thought  you  were  asleep.  You 
called  out,  so  I  jumped  up  and  ran  to  the  door,  but 
your  eyes  were  shut." 

"I  didn't  call,"  I  explained.  "I  only  said 
*  Thank  God ! '  because  I'd  slept  all  night,  without  the 
dream." 

"  Ah,  that's  good,  mighty  good !  I  told  you  it 
wouldn't  come  here.  I  reckon  I'd  better  put  a  light 


11 

to  your  fire.  There's  a  chill  in  the  air.  You  know 
this  place  is  away  up  North.  They  say  it's  the  best 
in  England  to  make  sick  folks  well,  and  that's  why 
I  took  the  house.  But  it's  real  cold  sometimes." 

"It  doesn't  seem  cold  to  me,"  I  said.  "  Aften 
what  I  — " 

"  Never  mind,  dearie,  now  don't  you  go  talkin'  about 
anything.  It's  only  April,  and  it  ain't  like  our  old 
Aprils  down  in  Alabama,  is  it?" 

"  They  were  so  long  ago,  I've  forgotten.  Why, 
Sarah,  I  wasn't  more  than  ten  when  mother  and  you 
and  I  came  away.  Think  how  many  years — " 

"  No,"  she  insisted,  with  a  break  in  her  thread  of  a 
voice,  which  had  never  lost  its  Southern  drawl.  "  We 
just  won't  think  of  any  years.  We'll  think  about 
when  you  was  a  little  girl,  or  we'll  think  of  now.  Or 
else  we'll  think  of  by  and  by." 

She  bustled  about,  found  matches,  and  lit  the  gas 
fire.  After  all,  I  was  glad  of  it.  Not  that  I  needed 
the  warmth,  for  the  air  which  came  through  the  half- 
open  window  seemed  to  me  mild  as  it  was  sweet ;  but 
I  liked  the  purring  of  the  gas,  and  the  pretty  light  it 
made  between  the  imitation  logs. 

"  Another  luxury !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  Oh,  Sarah,  you 
can't  imagine  what  all  these  things  mean  to  me!  I'm 
like  some  starved  beggar-child,  brought  into  a  bright 
room  where  there's  a  Christmas  tree,  and  told  that 
I  can  have  whatever  I  like  for  my  own." 

"  I  hope  you  ain't  goin'  to  make  me  break  down 
an'  cry,"  Sarah  mumbled,  her  back  turned  to  me  as 


12  THE  LIFE  MASK 

she  stooped  over  the  fireplace.  "  I  don't  want  to  be 
as  plumb  silly  as  that." 

"  No,  and  I  don't  want  you  to  be,"  I  answered. 
"  I've  given  you  sorrow  enough." 

And  as  I  spoke  I  was  ashamed  because  I  had  told 
myself  last  night  that  I  couldn't  go  on  living  always  in 
Laburnum  Lodge,  at  Margate.  As  if  it  mattered 
where  I  lived! 


CHAPTER  II 

SARAH  brought  me  my  breakfast  in  bed :  a  silver 
cream-jug  and  dwarf  coffee-pot,  and  china  thin 
as  an  egg-shell. 

"  Oh,  Sarah,  what  you  must  have  spent  on  me ! "  I 
sighed.  "  But  I  know  so  well  why  you've  done  it  — 
why  you've  made  everything  so  dainty." 

"  Because  I  love  you,  that's  why,  Miss  Nita,"  she 
caught  me  up  with  quick  sharpness,  almost  funny  for 
her  monotonous  voice,  so  meekly  soft  that  it  seldom 
rose  much  louder  than  a  whisper.  And  I  smiled  to 
hear  her  call  me  "  Miss  Nita."  "  You  needn't  worry 
about  what  I've  spent." 

"  I  don't  worry  —  except  that  I  hope  and  pray 
you've  spent  some  of  my  money  and  not  all  yours." 

"  I've  spent  my  money,  because  I've  got  plenty  of 
it,"  said  Sarah,  "  and  it's  just  as  much  yours  as  mine, 
as  well  you  know,  or  ought  to.  But  what  was  yours 
to  begin  with,  I  ain't  touched  a  cent  of.  It's  just  bin 
pilin'  up  interest ;  and  you  ain't  poor,  Miss  Nita.  Don't 
you  go  imaginin'  you  are.  You've  got  enough  to  buy 
yourself  all  the  lovely  things  you  ought  to  have:  pretty 
dresses  and  hats  —  why,  what  makes  you  laugh  ?  " 

"  The  idea  of  pretty  dresses  and  hats  —  for  me ! 
What  would  be  the  good  of  them?  Sarah  dear,  I 
shan't  have  the  courage  to  go  out  of  Laburnum  Lodge, 

13 


H  THE  LIFE  MASK 

except  into  the  little  garden  at  the  back,  and  perhaps 
not  even  there,  for  people  can  see  me  from  the  win- 
dows of  the  two  next  door  houses." 

"  Now,  if  you're  goin'  to  feel  like  that,  I  shall  just 
die !  "  Sarah  quavered. 

She  came  and  stood  at  the  foot  of  my  bed,  grasping 
the  brass  rail.  Her  thin  hands  —  always  thin,  but 
much  thinner  than  in  old  days  —  were  like  loose 
gloves  drawn  on  over  skeleton  fingers.  It  was  as  if 
for  my  sake  she  had  kept  her  face  serene,  and  sweetly 
prim,  through  the  battle  of  the  years,  but  the  strain 
had  had  to  show  somewhere,  and  so  had  made  havoc 
of  her  delicate  hands.  The  window  curtains  were 
drawn  back,  and  the  sunshine  was  merciless  to  her 
pale  skin,  that  had  little  fine  creases  or  cracks  all  over 
it,  like  very  old  china.  Yet  she  did  not  look  like  a 
stranger,  as  she  had  for  a  moment  in  the  clairvoyance 
of  the  dawn.  She  was  sweet,  and  homely  in  the  best 
sense  of  the  word,  in  her  inevitable  black  dress,  her 
lace-trimmed  cap  over  the  neatly  parted,  sparse  hair. 

"  I  won't  '  feel  like  that,'  then !  "  I  promised.  "  I 
will  go  into  the  garden.  There's  a  nice  tree  there.  I 
shall  sit  under  it  and  read.  I  shall  love  that." 

"  You  won't  go  out  in  the  streets  ?  "  she  asked,  wist- 
fully. 

"  Oh,  I  don't  think  I  can !  There  are  such  crowds 
of  people." 

"  Not  people  you  know,  dearie.  They  don't  come 
to  Margate,  I  reckon;  and  this  is  outside  the  town, 
anyway." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  15 

"  I  know,  but  —  well,  maybe  I  shall  feel  differently 
some  day.  You  won't  try  to  make  me  go,  will  you  ?  " 

"  I  shan't  make  you  do  one  single  thing  you  don't 
want  to  do,  though  I  wish  —  But  I  was  lyin'  awake 
some  —  oh,  not  much  —  in  the  night,  thinkin'  maybe 
after  all  I'd  made  a  real  silly  mistake  bringin'  you  to 
a  place  like  this.  I  didn't  realize  it  till  I  saw  you  in 
the  house.  Then  I  says  to  myself,  '  It  ain't  her  kind. 
I  don't  know  as  she  can  be  happy  here.' ' 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  can,"  I  hurried  to  reassure  her.  "  Life, 
as  most  people  think  of  it,  is  finished  for  me,  but  — " 

"  At  your  age,  and  with  your  looks  ?  That's  not 
right  to  say.  God  wouldn't  like  it." 

"  You  good,  old-fashioned  Methodists  know  more 
about  what  He  likes  and  dislikes  than  others  do,  of 
course,"  I  laughed,  "  but  He  can't  expect  me  — " 

"  He  does  expect !  Why,  you're  goin'  to  begin  all 
over  again.  There  ain't  any  reason  why  you  shouldn't. 
If  you  keep  on  say  in'  there  is,  it  will  kill  me,  that's 
all." 

"  I  won't  again." 

"  If  you  think  it  and  brood  over  it,  that'll  be  worse." 

"  I'll  try  not  to." 

She  went,  as  if  on  a  sudden  thought,  quickly  to  the 
dressing-table,  and  picked  up  the  round  silver-backed 
handglass  which  was  one  of  her  extravagances  for  me. 

"  I  want  you  should  look  at  yourself,"  she  said. 
"  You  just  do  it,  Miss  Nita ! "  And  gently  yet  ob- 
stinately she  forced  me  to  take  the  mirror. 

I  met  my  own  eyes,  and  could  not  look  away.     A 


16  THE  LIFE  MASK 

mirror  is  to  my  mind  a  wonderful  and  beautiful  thing, 
even  in  itself,  and  I  could  not  help  thinking  that  my 
face  was  a  wonderful  and  beautiful  thing  too.  My 
hair  curled  round  it,  and  made  me  look  very  young, 
as  if  nothing  had  ever  happened  in  my  life,  ex- 
cept pleasant,  ordinary  things,  such  things  as  happen 
to  protected  girls.  This  struck  me  as  terribly  strange, 
even  unnatural. 

It  seemed  to  me,  as  the  eyes  in  the  glass  held  my 
eyes,  that  I  looked  scarcely  over  nineteen.  Yet  I  re- 
membered that,  when  I  had  been  really  nineteen,  I 
was  different.  It  was  before  my  nineteenth  birth- 
day that  the  earth  opened  and  swallowed  me  up. 
Staring  at  myself  now,  I  recalled  my  face  as  it  was 
then. 

My  eyes  used  to  be  so  wide  open  that  they  had  a 
surprised  expression,  and  seemed  immensely  large. 
My  face  was  round  as  a  child's,  and  I  used  to  hate  my 
bright  color.  I  thought  it  uninteresting  and  admired 
white- faced  women.  Mine  was  white  enough  now! 
My  hair,  which  used  to  be  a  yellow  brown,  had  grown 
many  shades  darker,  almost  black. 

Now  the  eyes  staring  sadly  at  me  were  long,  rather 
than  round,  and  did  not  look  as  if  they  could  be  sur- 
prised. Nor  was  my  face  round.  It  had  thinned  to 
an  oval  shape  and  my  skin  had  paled  to  ivory.  It 
struck  me  that  if  I  should  meet  myself  as  a  stranger, 
I  should  say,  "  She  must  be  Spanish,  or  Italian." 
And  perhaps  that  was  not  odd,  for  there  is  Spanish 


THE  LIFE  MASK  17 

blood  in  my  veins.  My  mother's  mother  was  a 
Spanish  woman,  from  Monterey. 

"  Sarah,  I  shall  open  those  trunks  to-day ! "  I  said 
suddenly,  giving  her  back  the  handglass. 

"  Mercy,  Miss  Nita,  what  brought  them  to  your 
mind?" 

"  Remembering  myself  as  I  was  at  nineteen.  I 
want  to  look  through  the  things.  I  must  have  forgot- 
ten ever  so  many." 

"Better  keep  forgettin'.  I'd  ha'  left  the  trunks 
in  the  warehouse  forever,  and  not  brought  'em  here 
if  you  hadn't  told  me  that  after  a  while  the  folks  would 
open  them  to  try  and  find  out  who  they  belonged  to, 
and  see  whether  I  used  a  false  name." 

"  And  they  could  have  found  out." 

"  Oh,  yes,  they  could.  But  don't  you  touch  the 
things,  Miss  Nita  —  anyhow  till  you're  stronger." 

"  I  feel  as  if  I  must,"  I  said.  "  I  want  to  get  it 
over.  I  can  rest  better  afterward,  perhaps." 

She  made  no  objections;  and  when  I  was  dressed 
we  went  together  to  the  box-room  in  a  gabled  attic 
above  the  two  bedrooms  of  the  little  villa.  It  could 
be  reached  only  by  a  steep,  ladderlike  staircase,  but 
Sarah  had  had  the  trunks  hidden  away  there  in  the 
hope  that  I  should  forget  they  were  in  the  house. 
This  she  confessed,  when  she  realized  that  I  must  be 
allowed  to  have  my  way. 

There  were  two  trunks,  both  French.  My  mother 
had  bought  them  for  me  at  a  trunk-maker's  in  Paris 


i8  THE  LIFE  MASK 

on  my  eighteenth  birthday,  though  they  were  not  re- 
garded as  birthday  presents.  So  little  had  they  been 
used  since  then  that  they  looked  almost  new,  standing 
in  their  corner  of  the  bare  new  attic  of  Laburnum 
Lodge. 

Keys  in  hand,  Sarah  tried  to  make  me  change  my 
mind  at  the  last  moment. 

"Are  you  plumb  sure  you  can't  wait  just  a  few 
weeks  ?  " 

" '  Plumb '  sure,"  I  echoed,  smiling*  at  the  word 
which  in  a  breath  wafted  me  back  to  the  South,  and 
my  childhood.  "  Do  you  remember,  Sarah,  how  when 
I  first  went  to  school  to  Miss  Peach,  I  came  home  and 
told  you  that  you  mustn't  say  '  plumb '  any  more,  be- 
cause it  was  a  common  expression  unless  you  meant 
fruit  ?  Oh,  how  well  /  remember !  You  blushed,  you 
poor  dear,  and  I  was  so  sorry  I'd  hurt  your  feelings, 
that  I  said  the  word  myself  whenever  I  could  after- 
ward, to  make  up  to  you." 

Sarah,  delighted  to  put  off  the  evil  moment  of  open- 
ing the  trunks,  straightened  up  on  her  knees,  as  she 
knelt  on  a  piece  of  matting  and  smiled  back  at  me. 

"Dear  me,  no,  Miss  Nita,  I  reckon  my  feelings 
couldn't  ha'  bin  hurt  very  bad,  for  I  ain't  thought  of 
it  from  that  day  to  this.  But  it's  just  like  you  to  re- 
member, with  your  tender  heart  that  would  grieve  if 
you  harmed  a  fly !  " 

As  she  spoke,  our  eyes  met  for  an  instant.  There 
was  fright  in  hers,  and  a  dark  color  streamed  over  her 


THE  LIFE  MASK  19 

face.     Then  she  looked  hastily  away,  and  began  fit- 
ting a  key  into  the  lock  of  the  larger  trunk. 

"  Well,"  she  said  confusedly,  "  I  suppose  if  it's  got 
to  be  done,  we  might  as  well  get  at  it." 

"  Hateful  trunks !  "  I  mumbled.  "  Doesn't  it  seem 
strange  to  see  them  look  as  new  as  they  did  when  you 
unpacked  them  for  me  in  England?  I  liked  the  color 
of  them,  then,  but  now  — " 

It  was  not  worth  while  to  finish  the  sentence.  Sarah 
knew  what  I  meant.  Both  trunks,  exactly  alike  ex- 
cept in  size,  were  gray  with  a  small  stamped  pattern 
of  fleur-de-lys. 

Sarah's  hands  were  trembling.  She  had  some  dif- 
ficulty in  lifting  the  lid,  but  when  I  would  have  helped, 
she  shook  her  head,  with  an  excited,  "  No ;  you 
shan't  touch  it ! "  Forcing  the  lid  up  with  a  wild 
energy  that  was  almost  fury,  some  tiny,  unseen  tack 
or  splinter  grazed  her  hand,  bringing  blood.  She 
turned  yellow-pale,  and  a  dew  sprang  out  on  her  fore- 
head, which  glistened  faintly  in  the  light  from  a  win- 
dow high  in  the  gable. 

"  Poor  Sarah ! "  I  exclaimed.  "  I'm  so  sorry. 
Does  it  hurt  much  ?  " 

"  No,  dearie,  no,"  she  said  in  a  quivering  voice.  "  It 
ain't  a  bit  bad.  Only  you  know  what  a  silly  thing 
I  always  was  about  a  drop  o'  blood.  I  must  ha'  bin 
marked  that  way,  I  reckon,  by  my  mother  before  me. 
I  just  can't  help  it."  She  wrapped  a  clean  handker- 
chief round  the  wounded  hand,  deftly  making  a  kind 
of  thumbless  mitten.  "  Now  I  can  go  on  all  right." 


20  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  pushed  her  gently  back  (for  she  was  on  her  feet 
now)  and  opened  the  top  tray  myself.  Photographs 
were  there,  framed  and  un framed,  piled  together  any- 
how, as  Sarah  had  packed  them  in  a  hurry.  On  top 
was  a  picture  of  me  as  a  slim  little  thing  of  five,  large- 
eyed,  with  immense  masses  of  curly  hair,  standing  by 
a  chair  in  which  sat  my  mother,  her  hands  full  of 
roses. 

"  O  Sarah! "  I  cried.  "  That's  the  dress  with  the 
pocket  you  sewed  up  because  I  put  snails  in  it !  " 

She  drew  near,  and  I  showed  her  the  photograph. 
My  heart  felt  suddenly  lighter,  as  if  a  heavy  load  had 
been  lifted  from  my  breast;  and  I  knew  that  Sarah 
was  cheered. 

"  Why,  yes,  so  it  is.     Poor  lamb." 

"  Poor,  indeed!    If  she  had  known — " 

"  Now,  don't,  Miss  Nita !  What  a  pretty  picture 
it  is  of  your  mamma." 

"  Lovely,"  I  agreed.  "  She  couldn't  have  been  more 
than  twenty-five,  could  she  ?  —  and  she  looks  eighteen. 
But  she  hadn't  begun  yet  to  realize  what  a  great  beauty 
she  was." 

"  I  reckon  she  knew  she  was  mighty  handsome. 
She  couldn't  ha'  helped  it,  admired  as  she  was  by  all 
the  gentlemen  after  your  papa  died.  You  can  see  by 
her  black  dress,  she  wasn't  out  o'  mourning  for  him 
when  the  photograph  was  took.  But  'twasn't  till  the 
winter  she  went  up  to  New  York  that  she  got  to  know 
how  much  better-lookin'  she  was  than  all  the  noted 
ladies." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  21 

"  When  I  was  eight.  We  had  a  nice  winter  down  at 
home,  you  and  I,  Sarah.  She  didn't  care  enough,  for 
me  to  miss  her  much.  But  she  brought  me  back  that 
lovely  doll  —  you  remember?  How  I  adored  it! 
Two  years  later  when  we  were  going  to  live  abroad, 
she  said  I  would  love  Paris  because  there  were  lots 
of  dolls  there,  and  I  could  have  as  many  as  I  wanted. 
But  I  never  did  have  another." 

"  You  took  Antoinette  to  the  convent  when  your 
mama  sent  you  to  school.  If  I'm  not  mistaken,  she's 
in  that  very  trunk  you're  lookin'  in  now,  Miss  Nita, 
'way  down  at  the  bottom,  wrapped  in  something  blue, 
I  ain't  sure  what,  because  I  was  in  no  state  of  mind 
to—" 

She  broke  off  short.  Already  we  had  both  left 
many  sentences  unfinished.  I  foresaw  that  it  would 
often  happen.  Only  the  childhood  days  were  safe 
ground.  Talking  of  them  was  like  being  on  a  flowery 
island  in  the  midst  of  a  stormy  sea,  so  small  an  island 
that  unless  we  were  careful  we  missed  our  footing. 
We  were  on  the  island  of  safety  up  to  the  time  of 
my  coming  out  of  the  convent  school.  After  that, 
the  rocks  were  slippery. 

I  glanced  through  the  photographs,  dreading  some- 
thing that  I  was  spared.  Then  Sarah  took  out  the 
tray,  and  at  the  top  of  the  one  underneath  lay  the 
thing  which  first  made  me  hate  all  that  is  gray  in 
color.  Together  we  saw  it,  and  I  heard  Sarah  draw 
in  her  breath  sharply. 

"Oh,    Miss    Nita!"    she   said    in   her    frightened 


22  THE  LIFE  MASK 

whisper,  "  if  only  you'd  ha'  let  me  do  this  alone ! " 

"  I  know.  You  would  have  hidden  the  gray  dress- 
ing-gown. But  I  didn't  wish  you  to  hide  anything. 
It  seemed  to  me  that  if  I  could  bear  this,  there's  noth- 
ing left  that  I  can't  bear.  I  wanted  to  test  my  strength. 
Don't  you  think  I'm  doing  well  ?  " 

With  an  effort,  I  put  out  my  hand  and  took  the 
dressing-gown  from  the  trunk,  but  I  could  not  help 
shuddering  when  the  satin  folds  and  soft  edging  of 
chinchilla  brushed  my  bare  arm. 

"  You  know,"  I  said,  "  it's  always  in  this  I  see  my- 
self in  the  dream." 

With  a  cry,  Sarah  snatched  the  dressing-gown  from 
me  —  she,  who  was  always  so  gentle,  almost  sub- 
servient. 

"  For  God's  sake,  let  me  burn  it !  "  she  panted. 

"  Yes.  That  is  one  reason  I  wanted  to  open  the 
trunk.  I  wanted  first  to  make  sure  where  this  was, 
and  then  to  know  it  had  ceased  to  exist.  Oh,  I  shall 
be  glad  to  have  it  burnt  1  But  not  yet.  Don't  leave 
me  alone  here.  There  may  be  other  things  — " 

As  I  spoke,  I  saw  the  volume  of  Browning  I  had 
been  reading  that  night  ...  in  the  gray  dress- 
ing-gown ...  to  keep  myself  awake.  "  The 
Ring  and  the  Book  "  and  "  Pippa  Passes." 

Sarah's  eyes  fell  on  it,  following  mine.  She  re- 
membered. 

"  Shall  I  burn  this  too  ?  "  she  asked,  and  would  have 
wrapped  the  book  in  the  folds  of  satin.  But  I  cov- 
ered it  with  a.  protecting  hand. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  23 

"  It  would  be  sacrilege  to  burn  those  glorious 
thoughts,"  I  said.  "  It's  dreadful  to  burn  any  book. 
But  Browning  —  No!" 

•  •••*••• 

With  the  dress  and  the  book  of  the  dream,  the 
worst  was  over.  There  was  nothing  else  in  either  of 
the  trunks  which  stabbed  my  heart  unless  perhaps  the 
diary  which  used  to  be  my  intimate  companion.  But 
this  faded,  blue-covered  volume  (I  wonder  if  all  girls 
choose  blue  for  their  diaries?)  brought  me  only  from 
the  age  of  ten  to  fourteen.  It  began  when  we  were 
starting  for  Europe,  mother,  Sarah  and  I;  and  ended 
with  my  unrequited  love  for  Willy  Mackinnon  in  the 
summer  holidays  which  I  spent  with  Sarah  at  Ver- 
sailles. 

Once  I  had  begun,  I  could  not  put  the  book  down. 
To  read  what  I  had  thought  and  felt  in  those  half- 
forgotten  days  was  like  being  pricked  by  the  thorns 
of  a  sweet-scented  rose. 

I  stood  turning  over  the  pages,  and  Sarah  did  not 
speak  or  interrupt  me  by  a  movement.  Almost  I  for- 
got her  and  the  attic,  as  I  read;  yet  I  was  conscious 
that  there  was  in  both  our  minds  an  undertone  of 
the  same  thought:  a  remembrance  of  the  missing 
volume  which  followed  this :  the  book  of  myself  from 
fourteen  to  nineteen,  that  had  been  taken  away  and 
never  given  back. 

If  any  one  had  offered,  before  I  opened  the  diary, 
to  blot  out  from  my  life  all  that  was  terrible,  provided 
I  would  tell  what  was  written  on  the  first  or  any  other 


24  THE  LIFE  MASK 

page  of  the  book,  I  could  not  have  told.  But  opening 
it  was  like  opening  the  door  of  a  shut-up  house,  and 
walking  from  one  long  ago  familiar  room  to  another, 
where  not  one  piece  of  furniture,  not  one  ornament  was 
really  forgotten.  The  Christmas  party  at  the  hotel 
in  Paris,  soon  after  we  arrived  and  began  to  know  peo- 
ple. Charlie  Sachett,  who  taught  me  to  waltz  and 
tried  to  kiss  my  ear. 

There  was  my  first  day  at  the  convent,  described 
from  beginning  to  end,  and  the  Mother-Superior  and 
the  sisters  and  what  they  had  said;  names  of  girls 
buried  till  now  under  the  dust  of  later  memories ;  my 
first  meeting  with  Diane  Tenier  and  the  idea  about 
mother  which  she  put  into  my  head.  "  On  dit  que 
votre  maman  est  tellement  belle  et  jeune,  qu'elle  n'aime 
pas  d'avoir  un  enfant  grand  comme  vous,  pres  d'elle. 
C'est  pour  c,a  que  vous  etes  chez  nous  a  present.  Peut 
etre  vous  restera  toujours?  "  All  this  painfully  writ- 
ten down  in  my  best  newly  learned  French,  followed 
with,  "  I  don't  believe  a  word  she  says.  Diane  is  a 
mean  thing.  I  don't  like  French  girls  nearly  so  well 
as  American  or  English  ones." 

I  didn't  believe  Diane.  But  I  never  got  her  words 
out  of  my  head.  Sometimes  I  used  to  try  to  push 
them  out,  when  they  would  suggest  themselves  as  ex- 
planations of  things  that  happened. 

On  the  last  page  of  the  diary,  there  they  were,  still 
lurking  in  my  memory: 

"  Mamma  says  she  thinks  I  had  better  spend  the  rest 
of  my  holidays  at  the  convent  because  it's  safer,  till  I 


THE  LIFE  MASK  25 

come  out  for  good.  But  I  don't  care.  I  shall  never 
forget  Willy  Mackinnon.  If  he  isn't  married  when 
I  grow  up  I  shall  make  him  fall  in  love  with  me. 
And  I've  vowed  never  to  love  any  one  but  Willy 
even  if  I  have  to  be  an  old  maid,  though  Diane  thinks 
mama  will  marry  me  off  quickly,  as  French  mothers 
do  their  girls.  At  the  end  of  ten  years  I'll  look  back 
to  this  page  and  write  down,  in  the  space  I'll  leave 
at  the  bottom,  what  has  happened.  But  I  know  I 
shall  have  kept  my  vow." 

Poor  little  girl!  I  would  not  spoil  her  book  by 
writing  another  word  in  it.  It  does  not  seem  as  if 
she  and  I  were  one.  I  think  of  her  as  a  dead  friend 
for  whom  I  have  a  pitying  tenderness.  But  if  she 
had  lived  and  grown  up  to  be  happy,  she  would  not 
have  wanted  to  keep  her  vow.  Willy  Mackinnon  was 
a  silly,  effeminate  boy,  and  worth  none  of  the  trouble 
he  helped  to  make  later.  I  should  like  that  little  girl 
to  have  loved  a  man  if  she  had  lived  to  grow  up. 


CHAPTER  III 

I  KEPT  my  promise  to  Sarah  and  went  out,  wear- 
ing a  thick  blue  veil  which  she  bought  for  me; 
but  it  was  at  the  time  of  the  Easter  bank  holi- 
day, and  the  sea  front  and  the  streets  depressed  me 
with  a  black  depression.  The  air,  I  knew,  was  sup- 
posed to  be  a  tonic,  and  Sarah  had  chosen  Margate 
for  my  sake.  Perhaps,  too,  she  had  secretly  thought 
that  its  "  liveliness "  would  do  me  good.  But  the 
people  I  saw,  who  stared  at  my  veil  as  if  in  the 
hope  it  might  cover  some  curious  deformity,  irritated 
and  made  me  sad,  they  were  so  ugly  or  so  coarse ;  and 
the  knife-like  wind  cut  through  my  body.  If  I  had 
been  strong  and  happy,  it  might  have  affected  me  like 
boisterous  shouts  of  joy,  but  the  gray  sky  and  rough 
gray  sea,  coldly  silvered  sometimes  with  bursts  of  un- 
sympathetic sunshine,  had  no  messages  from  Nature 
for  me.  I  longed  for  southern  blues  and  greens,  and 
rich  orange-gold,  but  I  said  nothing  of  this  to  Sarah. 
I  felt  that  it  would  be  better  to  die  in  the  little  home 
her  love  had  made,  rather  than  let  her  know  that  her 
devotion  was  in  vain.  And  there  were  reasons  why 
it  would  be  well  to  die;  few  why  it  would  be  good 
to  live. 

I  sat  wrapped  in  shawls  and  rugs  in  the  back  yard 
which  we  both  called  "  the  garden,"  but  I  had  no 

26 


THE  LIFE  MASK  27 

heart  to  work  in  it.  I  knew  that  I  could  not  care  for 
any  flowers  which  might  consent  to  grow  in  such  a 
place,  so  why  plant  them  if  they  were  not  to  be  loved? 

I  had  thought,  when  I  was  ill,  how  splendid  it  would 
be  to  walk,  or  even  to  be  out  of  doors,  but  now  I 
liked  better  to  stay  in  the  house  where  I  felt  safe  from 
eyes,  and  where  I  was  warmed  by  Sarah's  watchful 
affection. 

Soot  from  the  chimneys  of  the  two  neighboring 
villas  fell  on  me  in  the  garden,  and  gave  me  an  excuse 
to  run  back  to  the  sitting-room.  I  read  a  great  many 
romances  which  Sarah  brought  me  from  the  circula- 
ting library,  and  at  first  I  enjoyed  them,  even  those 
which  were  not  well  written ;  by  and  by,  however,  they 
lost  their  novelty,  even  the  best  could  not  take  my  mind 
off  myself. 

We  had  no  servant;  but  Sarah,  who  had  a  natural, 
Southern  gift  for  cooking,  thought  of  a  new  dish  for 
me  every  day,  but  it  was  an  effort  to  express  enough 
delight  to  reward  her.  And  I  did  so  want  to  reward 
her  as  she  deserved ! 

One  morning  when  she  had  been  out  marketing,  she 
came  in  with  a  bunch  of  red  roses  on  top  of  the  bundles 
in  her  string  bag. 

"  For  you,  Miss  Nita,"  she  said,  breathlessly,  as  she 
always  spoke  after  walking  fast.  "  Don't  they  smell 
like  the  South?" 

I  buried  my  face  in  the  cup  of  the  roses. 

"  They  are  the  South,"  I  answered.  "  They  don't 
belong  here." 


28  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  Neither  do  we,  I  reckon,"  said  Sarah.  "  You 
don't,  an'  no  more  do  I;  an'  I  tell  you  what,  lovey, 
we  ain't  goin'  to  waste  our  lives  stayin'  in  a  place  like 
this  when  there's  others  about  ten  thousand  times  nicer 
callin'  an'  callin'  us  to  come." 

I  stared  at  her,  over  the  roses. 

A  faint  color  was  coming  and  going  on  her  thin 
face.  I  had  never  seen  her  like  that  except  when  she 
was  highly  excited.  She  looked  as  she  did  the  day 
when  mother  offered  to  get  a  French  maid  and  give 
her  —  Sarah  —  back  to  me. 

For  a  minute  she  stood  nervously  swinging  the 
string  bag,  full  of  bundles.  Then,  suddenly,  she  be- 
gan taking  them  out,  in  a  hurry :  parcels  of  tomatoes, 
of  hot-house  grapes,  and  Benger's  food  for  me.  Un- 
derneath all,  there  was  something  shaped  like  a  book, 
in  brown  paper. 

"  There !  "  she  exclaimed.  "  Open  that.  Maybe 
it's  'most  as  good  as  the  roses.  I  reckon  it'll  show 
you  the  way  to  'em  anyhow." 

"  Murray's  *  Spain/  "  I  said,  when  I  had  freed  the 
red  book  from  its  wrapping.  "  What  made  you  think 
of  getting  that  ?  " 

"  Because  you  used  to  say  you'd  rather  see  Spain 
than  any  other  place,  on  account  o'  your  grandma. 
Not  that  she  was  ever  there  herself,  but  her  folks  all 
come  from  Spain.  I  reckon  you  haven't  got  over 
wantin'  to  go,  have  you  ?  " 

"  I've  not  thought  about  it  for  a  long  time  — " 

"  Ah,  that  was  only  because  it  didn't  seem  as  if  you 


THE  LIFE  MASK  29 

could  get  there,"  she  caught  the  words  out  of  my 
mouth.  "  But  now  there  ain't  a  single  reason  why  you 
can't.  At  the  bookstore  this  morning  I  asked  for  a 
book  about  Spain,  and  the  man  give  me  that.  He  was 
a  real  nice  man,  and  took  an  interest  when  I  said  I 
thought  o'  goin'.  He  said  he  guessed  spring  was  the 
best  time." 

"  But  we  can't  go,"  I  said. 

"  Yes,  we  can.  Why  not,  I'd  like  to  know?  And 
we've  got  to  go  somewheres  mighty  soon,  because  — 
Miss  Nita,  I've  rented  this  house." 

"Sarah!" 

"Yes,  I  have.  It's  the  same  as  done.  I've  bin 
try  in'  to  get  it  off  our  hands  since  a  week  after  you 
come.  I  see  it  wouldn't  do.  I  didn't  say  a  word,  for 
fear  of  buildin'  up  your  hopes  and  lettin'  'em  down, 
for  I  sort  o'  knew  you'd  make  a  fuss  about  leavin', 
if  the  villa  was  empty.  You'd  ha'  thought  'twould 
be  a  burden  on  me.  Not  that  it  would.  But  I  wanted 
you  to  have  the  pleasure  without  any  worry.  And 
now  it's  all  right,  Miss  Nita.  I  had  a  letter  from  the 
house  agent  this  morning.  Don't  you  remember,  you 
thought  it  sounded  like  a  postman's  knock,  and  you 
looked  'most  frightened?  I  had  to  fib  and  say  'twas 
a  circular.  So  'twas,  in  a  way.  It  was  to  tell  me 
a  gentleman  will  take  the  villa  for  himself  and  his 
invalid  wife  for  a  year  and  maybe  more  if  he 
finds  it  as  nice  inside  as  out,  and  as  good  as  the  de- 
scription the  agent  give  him.  Well,  that's  the 
same  as  if  it  was  rented,  because  it's  a  lot  nicer 


30  THE  LIFE  MASK 

inside  than  anybody'd  think,  to  pass  by,  ain't  it?" 

"  Indeed  it  is,"  I  said.  "  But,  O  Sarah,  the  little 
house  you've  spent  so  much  on !  I  can't  — " 

"  Yes,  you  can,  honey.  I  always  had  it  in  my  mind 
that  if  it  wouldn't  do,  I'd  rent  it  to  some  one,  and 
we'd  clear  out.  That's  one  reason  I  was  partic'lar  to 
have  things  real  well  done,  so  as  it  would  be  a  good 
investment.  Now  I'm  mighty  glad  I  did.  If  you'll 
take  a  walk  this  afternoon  between  three  and  four, 
it  will  be  best,  because  the  gentleman's  comm'  to  go 
over  the  house.  His  wife  has  to  live  in  Margate  for 
the  air,  and  they're  anxious  to  get  out  of  their  hotel 
and  settled.  I  shan't  be  surprised  if  you  and  me  can 
start  next  week." 

It  almost  frightened  me  to  find  that  I  was  still 
capable  of  joy  and  excitement.  I  had  told  myself  that 
if  I  lived  I  should  be  like  a  shadow:  wherever  I  might 
go,  the  sunshine  would  fly  before  me.  Yet  here  I  was 
with  the  blood  racing  through  my  veins  because  we 
were  turning  our  backs  on  Margate,  looking  toward 
Spain. 

I  stayed  out  until  five,  and  before  I  had  time  to 
touch  the  electric  bell,  Sarah  appeared,  beaming. 

"  I  thought  you'd  never  come !"  she  exclaimed. 
"  Seemed  like  I  couldn't  wait  to  tell  you.  He's  a  re- 
tired army  officer,  with  money,  I  reckon,  for  he  didn't 
do  any  bargaining.  His  name's  Major  Turner,  and 
he's  willin'  to  pay  eighty  pounds  a  year.  That's  four 
hundred  dollars,  ain't  it?  Come  and  drink  your  Ben- 
ger,  and  we'll  make  plans  about  startin'." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  31 

"  Sarah,  you  are  an  angel !  "  I  said,  putting  my  arms 
around  her  as  we  stood  in  the  tiny  passage.  "  A 
glorious,  unselfish  angel !  " 

I  felt  her  quiver  sensitively,  and  the  joy  died  out 
of  her  face.  Suddenly  it  looked  tired  and  old. 

"  You  don't  know,  Miss  Nita,  how  it  hurts  to  hear 
you'  keep  on  callin'  me  such  names  as  that.  You 
won't  do  it  any  more,  will  you,  child  ?  "  she  pleaded, 
almost  pushing  me  away. 

And  for  once  she  forgot  her  humility,  to  pass  be- 
fore me  into  the  chintzy  sitting-room  which  had 
caught  Major  Turner's  fancy.  I  felt  ungrateful  be- 
cause I  was  glad  that  he,  and  not  I,  was  to  see  it  every 
day  for  the  next  year. 

By  the  time  I  had  taken  off  my  veil  and  gloves,  and 
Sarah  had  the  cup  of  Benger  on  a  tray,  she  was  her 
mild,  cheerful  self  again,  and  we  began  to  talk  of 
Spain. 

"  But  supposing  you're  not  happy  there  ?  "  I  said. 
"  You  don't  know  a  word  of  Spanish.  It  will  be  dif- 
ferent from  any  place  where  you  have  ever  lived,  and 
so  far  away  — " 

"  Wasn't  I  happy  in  France,  while  I  had  you  ?  "  she 
broke  in.  "  Why,  any  place  is  my  home  if  you're 
there.  You  ought  to  know  that  by  this  time.  I  ain't 
had  any  other  sort  of  home  for  so  many  years  now, 
I  forget  what  it  feels  like;  and  even  if  I  went  way 
back  down  to  Alabama,  it  wouldn't  be  like  home  now, 
because  my  folks  are  all  dead  and  gone  long  ago,  and 
the  friends  I  had  have  forgotten  me  —  at  least  " — 


32  THE  LIFE  MASK 

and  the  startled  look  came  into  her  eyes  —  "I  hope 
they  have,  for  I  don't  want  any  one  on  this  earth 
but  you.  We're  both  of  us  alone  in  the  world,  me 
ever  since  I  was  young,  and  you  since  your  mamma 
died.  It's  a  pity  if  we  can't  make  ourselves  feel  at 
home  anywheres.  As  for  knowin*  no  Spanish,  I  never 
knew  more'n  about  twelve  words  o'  French  all  the 
time  I  was  livin'  in  France.  I  reckon  I  can  pick  up 
as  much  as  that  of  another  language,  even  at  my  age." 

"Of  course  you  can,"  I  hurried  to  assure  her.  "  I 
spoke  only  because  I  can't  bear  to  have  you  sacrificing 
yourself — " 

"  There  you  go  again,  Miss  Nita !  " 

I  laughed  at  her  reproachful  face.  "  You  won't 
let  yourself  be  appreciated  if  you  can  help  it.  Oh, 
don't  look  like  that!  I  shan't  say  any  more.  Let's 
study  Murray's  '  Spain.' ' 

Not  that  there  was  need  of  study.  There  was  but 
one  place  in  Spain  where  I  wanted,  and  had  always 
wanted,  to  live.  That  was  Granada,  which  I  had 
yearned  to  see  ever  since  a  Monterey  cousin  sent  me 
Washington  Irving's  "  Alhambra,"  on  my  ninth  birth- 
day. It  was  the  first  "  grown-up  "  book  I  ever  read, 
and  I  had  difficulty  with  the  Spanish  and  Moorish 
names.  Perhaps  those  difficulties  made  the  book  more 
precious,  like  a  hidden  jewel  I  had  to  search  for  in  a 
cave,  as  mysterious  as  the  Alhambra  itself.  There 
was  also  another  reason,  less  romantic,  but  more  im- 
portant, why  I  fixed  upon  Granada  the  instant  the  pros- 
pect of  Spain  was  opened  for  me.  Granada  in  June 


THE  LIFE  MASK  33 

and  July  would  be  almost  empty  of  tourists.  The 
Spanish  people  I  should  not  mind.  It  seemed  that  I 
might  even  feel  at  home  with  them;  and  it  would  be 
a  great  interest,  learning  their  language.  I  could  not 
imagine  myself  staying  at  a  hotel  in  a  town  where 
I  might  stumble  against  old  acquaintances.  The  idea 
was  unbearable ;  but  Granada  in  the  summer  would  be 
empty,  and  already  it  was  past  the  middle  of  May.  I 
had  been  at  Laburnum  Lodge  for  six  weeks,  which 
seemed  six  months.  I  began  to  make  plans. 

"  Sarah,  were  you  a  good  sailor  when  we  came  from 
America  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  Yes,  indeed,  I  was  mighty  good,"  she  said, 
"  though  there  was  a  storm  that  lasted  three  days." 

"  Then  we'll  travel  by  sea !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  We 
can  go  to  Gibraltar  in  a  ship  on  its  way  to  India  or 
Australia;  and  Murray  says  it's  only  half  an  hour 
or  so  to  cross  to  Algeciras.  Don't  you  think  that 
will  be  best?" 

"  I'm  right  sure  it  will,"  Sarah  agreed. 

Neither  of  us  spoke  out  what  was  in  our  thoughts, 
or  swimming  just  underneath  their  surface:  that  we 
did  not  wish  to  go  to  Paris.  It  was  a  place  of  mem- 
ories. 

The  next  day  we  began  to  get  ready,  though  we  had 
a  whole  week  before  the  Turners  would  move  in.  I 
made  Sarah  give  away  the  two  gray  trunks  that  were 
in  the  attic,  and  everything  in  them  which  could  not  be 
identified,  except  the  gray  dressing-gown  and  a  few 
photographs  which  she  had  burned.  The  Browning 


34  THE  LIFE  MASK 

and  my  diary,  and  my  dead  mother's  picture  I  kept, 
though  she  had  never  cared  for  me  really,  and  hated 
me  at  the  last. 

Now  that  I  was  to  leave  Laburnum  Lodge  I  began 
to  love  it,  though  I  knew  that  I  should  fall  back  into 
the  old  bored  dislike,  if  anything  happened  to  change 
our  plans  and  force  us  to  stay. 

In  feeling  this,  I  looked  at  my  character  as  if  it  were 
that  of  another  person  whom  I  was  studying.  Was  it 
a  sign  that  I  was  changeable,  that  nothing  could  please 
me  for  long?  That  no  sooner  had  one  thing  been 
given  me  than  I  tired  of  it,  and  longed  for  something 
else.  If  so,  there  was  no  chance  of  contentment  in 
the  future  stretching  ahead  like  a  long,  straight  road, 
dimly  seen  in  twilight.  Would  it  be  the  same  thing 
over  again,  when  we  got  to  Granada?  I  kept  asking 
myself,  in  fear  of  what  the  answer  might  have  to  be. 
If  I  should  find  that  the  fault  was  in  myself,  not  in 
Laburnum  Lodge,  then  there  was  no  hope  left,  noth- 
ing in  me  worth  Sarah  Nicholls'  devotion,  nothing 
worth  self-respect. 

There  was  not  much  packing  to  do,  for  neither  of  us 
had  many  clothes.  Sarah  had  provided  me  with  a 
few  things,  hoping  that  as  I  grew  stronger  I  might 
take  an  interest  in  choosing  for  myself;  but  the  inter- 
est had  not  come  yet. 

In  London  we  stayed  for  several  days  in  quiet  lodg- 
ings, which  we  selected  from  a  list  of  advertisements 
in  a  newspaper;  and,  wearing  the  thick  veil  I  wore  in 
Margate,  I  bought  our  tickets  for  the  ship,  and  did  a 


THE  LIFE  MASK  35 

little  shopping.  I  felt  like  a  ghost,  sent  back  to  visit 
old  haunts,  yet  the  thought  of  Granada  in  the  distance 
kept  me  from  being  depressed. 

I  had  no  idea  of  buying  pretty  things  for  myself, 
but  the  day  before  the  Mooltan  was  to  sail,  Sarah  went 
out  alone,  and  was  gone  all  the  morning.  When  she 
came  in,  white  and  weary  about  three  o'clock,  I  asked 
anxiously  what  had  delayed  her  so  long. 

"  I  kep*  thinkin'  of  one  thing  an'  another  to  do," 
she  answered,  mysteriously,  with  the  little  dry  cough 
she  always  had  when  she  was  tired,  and  her  heart 
was  fluttering.  "  I  didn't  realize  you  was  goin'  to  be 
worried,  I  was  that  interested! " 

"  Oh,  well,  then  I'm  glad  you  stayed  out,"  I  said. 
"  But  you  might  tell  me  what  it  was  that  interested 
you  so  much." 

"  You'll  see  by  an'  by,"  she  replied,  nodding  her 
head.  "  I've  been  buyin'  two  or  three  little  odds  an' 
ends.  They'll  be  stringin'  along  all  the  afternoon,  I 
reckon.  But  don't  you  ask  me  any  questions,  for  I've 
plumb  made  up  my  mind  not  to  answer." 

"  Just  one ;  did  you  have  any  lunch  ?  " 

"  Mercy,  no,  child,  I  didn't  get  a  single  minute  to 
spare.  I'll  have  a  cup  o'  tea  and  some  toast  now. 
I've  kind  o'  bin  lookin'  forward  to  it." 

"  I  should  think  so,  when  you  had  no  breakfast  but 
toast  and  tea.  And  now  you'll  lunch  on  tea  and  toast. 
Bad  Sarah!" 

"  I  know  I'm  bad,"  she  answered  meekly,  where- 
upon I  was  disarmed.  Marvelous  Sarah! 


36  THE  LIFE  MASK 

As  she  said,  the  things  did  "  keep  stringing  along  " 
all  the  afternoon,  and  into  the  evening. 

Sarah  had  bought  me  silk  stockings,  and  suede 
gloves  of  pale  tints,  which  she  considered  suitable  to 
Spain.  She  had  bought  delicate  blouses,  silk  petti- 
coats, and  a  white  serge  coat  and  skirt.  There  were 
dainty  shoes  and  slippers,  matched  in  size  from  a  boot 
of  mine  taken  by  stealth,  and  even  a  pair  of  rose-and- 
white,  brocaded  satin  corsets. 

"  Why,  Sarah,"  I  reproached  her,  "  you  must  have 
spent  more  than  twenty  pounds !  "  And  that  was  be- 
fore the  hats  and  veils  and  perfumes  and  manicure 
things  began  to  arrive. 

"  Never  you  mind  how  much  I  spent !  "  she  chuckled 
with  unwonted,  gaiety.  "  I  was  bound  you  should 
have  the  things,  and  I  knew  you  wouldn't  get  'em  for 
yourself,  because  I  begged  you  to,  a  hundred  times  in 
Margate,  and  you  never  would.  This  is  next  best  to 
your  choosin',  and  if  anything  ain't  right  it  can  be 
changed.  But  I  reckon  there  won't  be  much  wrong. 
I've  taken  a  lot  o'  pains;  and  I  ain't  enjoyed  a  day 
so  much  since  I  fetched  you  out  o'  the  convent  when 
you  was  seventeen.  Now  I  want  you  should  try 
every  single  thing  on,  and  see  how  you  look  in 
'em  all.  That's  what  I've  bin  countin'  on  the  live- 
long day." 

"  But,  Sarah  —  me  in  those  satin  corsets !  Me  in  a 
Leghorn  hat  wreathed  with  roses!  It's  —  it's  like 
dressing  up  a  —  corpse !  " 

The  minute  the  words  were  off  my  tongue  I  re- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  37 

gretted  them,  fearing  to  see  her  flinch;  but  she  pro- 
tested in  undiminished  excitement: 

"  You  put  the  things  on,  Miss  Nita,  and  see  whether 
you  feel  a  dead  corpse  or  not.  You're  no  woman 
if  you  do." 

I  would  not  have  believed  that  the  pretty  frivolities 
could  make  a  complete  change  in  my  feelings.  But 
instinct  must  have  told  Sarah  what  the  effect  was 
likely  to  be.  I  can  describe  it  only  by  saying  that  a 
rush  of  youth  came  over  me.  It  was  the  Leghorn 
hat  with  roses,  and  the  collarless  chiffon  blouse,  and 
the  white  cloth  skirt,  showing  bronze  shoes  and  brown 
silk  stockings,  which  worked  the  magic. 

I  threw  my  arms  around  Sarah  and  hugged  her. 

"  I  owe  everything  to  you !  "  I  cried  out.  "  I've 
owed  you  everything  for  a  thousand  black  years,  and 
now  you're  giving  me  back  my  youth !  I've  no  right 
to  it  —  but— " 

'  You've  got  a  right  to  everything  that's  good  and 
beautiful,"  she  said.  "  You've  got  the  right  to  live!  " 


CHAPTER  IV 

FOR  one  thing  I  thanked  Margate.  It  was  the 
sight  of  the  incoming  waves,  and  the  thought 
of  the  unseen,  outgoing  ships,  bound  for  far- 
off  ports,  in  the  east  and  west  and  south,  that  put  into 
my  head  the  wish  to  go  by  sea  to  Spain. 

All  day  Sarah  and  I  sat  on  deck,  in  steamer  chairs. 
I  wore  my  thick  veil,  and  sat  with  eyes  half  shut, 
seldom  speaking  to  Sarah  or  glancing  at  the  book 
in  my  lap.  New  voices,  such  as  I  had  never  heard 
before,  spoke  to  me  in  the  wind,  and  in  the  clear 
whisper  of  waters  against  the  beating  side  of  the  ship. 
The  brown-skinned  Lascars,  with  their  little  caps  and 
bright  sashes,  and  bare  feet  padding  on  the  deck,  gave 
an  air  of  strangeness  to  the  ship,  romantic  as  the  smell 
of  sandalwood. 

To  be  going  out  of  England  to  a  country  dreamt  of, 
yet  never  seen  —  a  country  to  which  my  blood  gave  me 
claim  —  was  beautiful  as  an  answered  prayer.  This 
was  not  because  I  had  learned  to  hate  England  — 
rather  the  contrary;  but  because  I  told  myself  that  I 
had  no  longer  any  right  in  that  land.  It  was,  to  my 
mind,  as  if  I  were  an  adopted  child  in  a  country- 
house  full  of  happy  children  who  belonged  there.  I, 
an  alien,  because  of  things  that  had  happened,  was  not 
loved  by  the  children  of  the  house.  They  did  not  wish 

38 


THE  LIFE  MASK  39 

me  to  play  with  them,  but  murmured  and  raised  their 
eyebrows  when  I  came  near. 

At  first,  I  had  not  the  courage  to  go  to  the  dining- 
saloon  for  meals.  Sarah  brought  me  something  to 
eat  on  deck;  but  when  she  reported  that  at  her  table 
there  were  only  a  deaf  man  with  a  near-sighted  wife, 
and  their  two  daughters,  I  decided  to  run  the  risk.  It 
would  make  things  easier  afterward,  if  I  began  to  go 
among  people,  Sarah  argued;  and  it  was  conspicuous 
to  sit  always  on  deck,  taking  my  meals  there. 

On  the  third  day  I  went  to  luncheon,  unpinning  my 
veil  as  I  sat  down.  For  a  minute  I  could  not  look 
up,  though  I  tried.  It  seemed  as  if  there  were  a  hand 
on  my  eyelids.  My  fingers  trembled  so  that  I  could 
hardly  unfold  my  napkin,  and  I  felt  as  if  all  the  eyes 
in  the  dining-saloon  had  become  one  great,  terrible 
eye  staring  at  me.  But  when  I  did  compel  myself 
to  look  up  (more  for  Sarah's  sake  than  my  own,  be- 
cause I  heard  that  little  nervous,  fluttering  cough  of 
hers)  nobody  was  taking  the  slightest  notice  of  me. 
We  had  chosen  the  moment  after  the  sounding  of 
the  bugle,  to  come  below,  so  that  we  might  be  among 
the  first.  No  one  had  arrived  at  our  table.  People 
in  other  parts  of  the  saloon  were  slipping  into  their 
revolving  chairs,  talking  and  laughing,  for  everybody 
knew  everybody  else  by  this  time. 

As  the  dark- faced  Indian  steward  gave  me  a  menu, 
and  Sarah  had  not  yet  dared  to  speak,  our  table  com- 
panions came,  sliding  into  their  chairs  on  the  side  op- 
posite us.  For  a  second  or  two  my  heart  was  in  my 


40  THE  LIFE  MASK 

throat,  it  was  so  new  and  terrible  to  be  thus  close  and 
at  the  mercy  of  strangers.  But  the  deaf  husband,  a 
stout,  comfortable  man  of  fifty-five  was  helping  to  seat 
his  wife.  They  bowed  to  Sarah,  including  me  in  the 
gesture.  The  man's  look  rested  on  me  benevolently 
for  an  instant.  Then  he  absorbed  himself  in  advis- 
ing his  wife  what  to  have  for  luncheon,  and  announc- 
ing to  the  whole  family  his  own  selection.  The  two 
bouncing  girls  looked  at  me  with  vague  interest  in  a 
new  arrival  whom,  perhaps,  they  flattered  by  thinking 
rather  pretty.  Maybe  they  were  sorry  for  me  because 
I  was  large-eyed  and  pale,  not  rosy  and  sunburned  like 
themselves. 

By  and  by  the  gentle  little  mother  spoke.  She 
hoped  that  I  had  not  suffered  from  the  sea?  No? 
That  was  good.  The  voyage  so  far  had  been  delight- 
ful. Her  husband  had  brought  her  by  sea  for  the 
benefit  of  her  health.  We  talked  across  the  table: 
the  girls  asked  if  I  played  or  sang:  they  were  getting 
up  a  concert.  Never  mind  if  I  couldn't  do  anything. 
I  could  listen.  .  .  .  And  so  the  ordeal  was  over. 
After  that  I  took  all  my  meals  at  the  table;  and  though 
Sarah  and  I  did  not  refer  to  it,  because  we  had  a  way 
of  ignoring  things,  I  knew  that  she  was  thankful. 
This  was  what  she  had  prayed  for,  no  doubt;  and 
her  prayer  was  answered.  I  was  sure  that  she  did 
pray  for  me,  even  for  the  smallest  trifles  concerning 
my  welfare;  for  Sarah,  though  meekly  unobtrusive 
about  her  inner  life,  was  fervently  religious. 

Only  one  thing  I  said,  on  the  voyage,  that  bore  on 


THE  LIFE  MASK  41 

the  subject  of  my  new  courage.  "  I  wonder  if  there 
can  be  a  chance  for  me,"  I  asked,  "  to  break  the  co- 
coon and  come  out  alive  from  the  chrysalis?  Or  isn't 
there  a  chrysalis?  Am  I  just  a  mummy  tightly  folded 
up  in  my  musty  wrappings  ?  " 

"  No,  you  ain't  any  mummy,"  Sarah  soothed  me, 
though  I  suspect  that  if  asked  to  describe  a  mummy, 
or  even  a  chrysalis  she  would  have  been  at  a  loss. 
"  You're  something  like  the  princess  in  a  fairy  tale  I 
used  to  read  you  out  of  your  blue  book  —  do  you  re- 
member ?  The  wicked  fairy  had  made  her  go  to  sleep 
in  a  dark,  deep  wood,  and  she  was  like  one  dead  till 
the  black  magic  was  taken  off  by  the  prince  — " 

"  The  prince !  "  I  laughed  so  harshly  that  poor  Sarah 
was  startled.  "  If  I  depend  on  a  prince  to  take  away 
the  curse  I  shall  lie  forever  in  my  enchanted  sleep. 
No  prince  would  come  near  me.  And  I  should  send 
him  away  if  he  did." 

"  I  reckon  you  couldn't  do  that,  if  you  was  fast 
asleep,"  said  Sarah,  slyly,  in  her  soft  Southern  drawl. 
"  And  there  ain't  any  reason  why  you  should  send  a 
prince  away,  even  if  you  was  wide  awake.  You've 
got  as  good  a  right  — " 

"  Don't!  "  I  cut  her  short.  "  Don't  let's  even  talk 
about  such  a  thing.  I  hate  it !  " 

Sarah  was  silenced,  and  looked  so  crushed  that  I 
was  repentant. 

"  Forgive  me,  dear,  kind  friend,"  I  said,  taking  her 
hand  and  pressing  it  against  my  cheek,  as  I  lay  in  my 
berth  and  she  bent  over  me,  "  tucking  me  in."  "  I 


42  THE  LIFE  MASK 

know  how  you  mean  to  cheer  me,  as  if  I  were  like 
other  women.  But  I  don't  need  a  prince  to  wake  me 
up,  if  only  I  can  prove  myself  to  be  a  butterfly  in  a 
chrysalis.  I  shall  find  out  how  to  feel  my  wings  when 
the  time  comes.  The  thing  I  ask  is,  am  I  one  of  those 
who  have  the  faculty  of  beginning  life  over  again, 
after  such  a  knock-down  blow?  Some  people  have 
that  faculty.  Others  haven't.  It's  a  kind  of  gift,  I 
suppose.  Is  it  too  good  to  be  true  that  I  should 
have  it?  I've  only  just  begun  to  wonder.  A  little 
while  ago  I  should  have  thought  it  would  be  impossible 
for  me  to  live  again.  But  now  —  sometimes,  for  a 
minute  or  two  at  a  time  —  I  hope  —  O  Sarah,  if  I 
develop  the  faculty,  it  will  be  all  through  you !  " 

"  My  precious  one !  "  she  crooned.  "  You  make  me 
want  to  fall  right  down  on  my  knees  and  give  up  the 
ghost!" 

Half  laughing  at  her,  half  crying  for  us  both,  I 
would  have  kissed  her  hand  if  she  hadn't  snatched  it 
away,  and  kissed  mine  instead. 


After  five  days,  a  crouching  lion-form  of  rock  rose 
dark  against  a  sky  of  pale  violet.  And  as  we  landed 
from  the  tender,  among  a  crowd  of  swarthy  Spaniards, 
white-turbaned  Moors,  and  khaki-clad  British  soldiers, 
a  voice  seemed  to  whisper  an  answer  to  my  question. 
It  said,  "Yes,  you  can  learn,  if  you  will,  to  begin 
again." 

"This  is  what  we  wanted,  ain't  it?"  asked  Sarah, 


THE  LIFE  MASK  43 

as  we  rattled  in  a  queer  little  brown  vehicle  up  the 
hilly  street  to  a  hotel.  "  Something  'most  as  dif- 
ferent from  what  we  ever  knew,  as  if  we'd  flown  to 
some  other  world  ?  " 

She  meant  it  was  what  /  had  wanted,  but  it  was  not 
worth  while  to  argue. 

By  this  time  we  had  come  to  the  first  of  June  and 
there  were  very  few  people  in  our  hotel.  It  was  a  noisy 
hotel,  and  its  cheap  modern  copies  of  old  Moorish  tiles 
were  crude  and  harsh  in  color;  but  it  was  so  novel 
to  us  and  everything  was  so  strange,  that  we  were  in- 
clined to  admire.  We  had  meant  to  stop  only  one 
night,  but  the  great  rock  fortress  in  the  sea  fasci- 
nated us  both,  and  we  stayed  on.  "  We  can  do  just 
as  we  like,"  said  Sarah.  "  There  ain't  one  thing  to 
hurry  us." 

That  was  true.  No  one  cared  what  Mrs.  A.  Lippin- 
cott  and  Miss  S.  Nelson  did,  where  they  went,  how 
soon  they  arrived  anywhere,  or  even  whether  they  died, 
provided  they  did  not  fall  dead  in  a  hotel  or  any 
other  public  place  inconvenient  to  their  (more  or  less) 
fellow  human  beings. 

It  was  Sarah  who  gave  me  the  name  of  Mrs.  Lippin- 
cott.  When  I  surprised  every  one  concerned  by  get- 
ting well  instead  of  dying,  it  seemed  necessary  to  have 
a  new  label,  since  the  old  one  was  worse  than  useless. 
I  proposed  to  be  Mrs.  Smith,  because  any  one  can  be 
Mrs.  Smith,  and  about  half  the  inhabitants  of  many 
places  are.  But  Sarah's  favorite  name,  for  some 
reason,  was  Lippincott.  She  thought  it  sounded 


44  THE  LIFE  MASK 

distinguished,  without  being  conspicuous.  And  when 
I  realized  that  she  would  take  more  pride  in  Mrs. 
Lippincott  than  in  Mrs.  Smith,  I  was  glad  to  please  her. 
"  Nelson "  she  chose  for  herself  because  it  conve- 
niently had  the  same  initial  as  Nicholls,  and  the  name 
of  Sarah  Nicholls  might  have  associations  for  ob- 
serving persons  with  good  memories.  It  was  better 
to  make  a  clean  sweep  of  both  our  names,  as  we  were 
trying  to  do  with  all  that  was  old. 

Mrs.  Lippincott  and  Miss  Nelson,  her  middle-aged 
companion,  spent  most  of  their  time  at  Gibraltar  in 
the  public  gardens,  or  in  the  long,  hilly  street  of  Ori- 
ental looking  shops.  '  I  had  a  different  veil  now,  one 
of  creamy  Spanish  lace  with  a  thick  border,  and  a  pat- 
tern which  hid  my  face  as  if  behind  a  vine-covered 
trellis.  I  wore  it  on  a  wide-brimmed,  white  straw  hat, 
which  went  very  well  with  one  of  the  muslin  dresses 
Sarah  had  bought  on  her  famous  field-day  in  London. 
It  was  summer  weather  here,  like  July  in  England,  ac- 
cording to  some  old  memories  I  had ;  and  the  brilliant 
sunshine  was  what  I  had  longed  for. 

I  entered  the  shops  almost  boldly  —  shops  where 
they  sold  Indian  silver  and  carved  ivory;  spicy-smell- 
ing shops,  where  Turkish  rugs  were  displayed,  and 
embroidered  draperies;  Spanish  shops  for  lace  and 
fans  and  tiny  models  of  black  righting  bulls  speared 
by  miniature  toreros;  shops  where  spangled  scarfs 
glittered,  and  whiffs  of  attar  of  rose  came  through  the 
open  doors;  shops  of  Moorish  pottery  and  antique 
Spanish  furniture  and  brocades.  We  bought  odds 


THE  LIFE  MASK  45 

and  ends  we  did  not  want  or  know  what  to  do  with, 
but  they  were  all  so  unlike  anything  I  had  seen  that 
they  seemed  to  be  part  of  the  new  life.  Here  in  Gi- 
braltar it  was  as  if  I  could  peep  through  the  crevice  of 
a  door  ajar,  into  that  new  life.  I  looked  beyond  into 
a  strange  brightness  which  was  glory  after  the  dim 
gray  light  of  the  dream. 

Already  the  horror  of  being  stared  at  was  passing 
like  mist  before  the  rising  sun.  I  began  to  be  less  self- 
conscious,  and  to  enjoy  gazing  at  people  from  behind 
my  veil:  at  the  officers  and  soldiers,  at  the  brown- 
faced  Gibraltarians  whom  they  called  "  rock  scor- 
pions," and  at  the  Moorish  poultry  merchants  from 
wild  parts  of  Morocco,  who  were  like  Sultans  out  of 
the  "  Arabian  Nights." 

At  last,  when  we  had  been  at  Gibraltar  five  days,  we 
took  an  early  boat  across  the  bay  of  Algeciras.  It 
would  be  the  first  time  we  had  set  foot  in  Spain, 
though  we  might  have  gone  over  any  day  and  come 
back  in  a  few  hours.  I  wanted  not  to  go  until  we  left 
Gibraltar  for  good  and  all. 

Suddenly,  as  the  wind  dashed  sea-fragrance  into 
my  face  I  felt  as  if  the  deepest-down  layer  of  ice 
that  bound  my  heart  was  melting.  The  sound  of  the 
breeze  rushing  past  my  ears  as  the  boat  moved,  was 
like  a  harp  accompanying  a  song  of  many  voices  so 
far  off  that  I  could  not  catch  tune  or  words;  but 
the  music  was  meant  for  me.  The  lively  air  and  the 
sparkling  sea  danced  to  it  together,  and  the  small  blue 
and  silver  waves  were  streaked  with  pink  and  golden 


46  THE  LIFE  MASK 

lights  of  morning.  Out  of  the  rainbow-water  the 
tawny  African  mountains  rose  in  strange,  romantic 
shapes.  Only  the  shadows  looked  green.  The  hills 
themselves  were  of  that  orange  gold  I  had  pined  to  see, 
as  some  one  who  is  starved  with  cold  longs  to  see  fire. 
Everything  was  bright  and  full  of  color  and  motion, 
except  the  warships  in  Gibraltar  harbor,  powerful 
monsters  which  made  the  puffing  tugs  and  skittish 
launches,  the  glittering  motor  vessels  and  the  sail- 
boats with  spread  wings,  look  like  ducks  and  gulls  and 
Mother  Carey's  chickens  compared  to  sleeping  whales. 
To  me  it  was  all  so  beautiful  that  I  wondered  how  the 
people  on  our  boat  could  laugh  and  chat  about  com- 
monplace things  in  their  own  small  lives. 

We  did  not  stay  at  Algeciras,  for  the  hotel  in 
the  beautiful  garden  was  too  full  and  too  fashionable 
for  us,  even  in  June.  Straight  to  the  Ronda  and 
Granada  train  we  went  from  the  boat-landing  close 
by;  and  then  came  hours  of  traveling  through  a 
strange,  lost  Paradise,  gorge  after  gorge  where  only 
the  train  and  men  on  foot  or  on  horseback  can  go. 

There  were  groves  of  cork-trees,  with  bare,  fleshlike 
trunks,  and  the  dark  covering  of  cork  left  here  and 
there  like  rags  on  a  half  stripped  beggar.  From  the 
train  we  could  look  far  down  to  a  river,  with  white 
stones  like  pearls  dropped  into  water  green  as  jade. 
Immense  bunches  of  rose-colored,  wild  oleanders 
crowded  close  to  the  edge,  or  leaned  over  from  gray- 
brown  cliffs.  A  man  in  our  carriage,  English,  but 
evidently  living  in  Spain,  told  a  friend  that  the  wild 


THE  LIFE  MASK  47 

oleander  was  superstitiously  supposed  to  breed  fever, 
or  bring  ill  luck,  and  no  Spaniards  would  go  near  it, 
or  have  it  in  their  houses.  Then  it  occurred  to  me 
that  I  was  like  the  oleander,  struggling  to  live  my  life 
in  sad,  lonely  places ;  that  people  looked  at  me  with  a 
kind  of  fearful  admiration,  and  went  away  quickly, 
as  if  I  could  do  them  harm,  or  bring  misfortune  to 
their  homes.  I  felt  sorry  for  the  oleander,  and 
thought  that  if  ever  I  had  a  chance,  I  would  risk  gath- 
ering some  of  the  flowering  branches. 

My  heart  warmed  to  the  country,  wild  as  it  was  and 
desolate  among  the  mountains.  And  I  should  have 
liked  to  live,  with  Sarah  to  love  and  be  kind  to  me, 
in  one  of  the  little  houses  of  the  road-menders,  white- 
washed cottages  with  posts  or  trunks  of  cut  trees  set 
up  in  front,  with  beams  across,  curtained  with  vines. 

From  the  small  stations  where  we  stopped,  Spanish 
eyes  gazed  up  at  the  train  windows,  and  boys  offered 
strawberries  and  cherries,  or  girls  uncovered  trays  of 
iced  cakes.  Old  women  poured  water  from  dewy, 
white  clay  jugs  into  tumblers,  for  the  passengers,  and 
men  with  grave  faces  under  broad  sombreros  loaded 
jingling,  tasselled  mules  with  bags  of  meal  or  oil  jars. 

The  Englishman  who  lived  in  Spain  spoke  to  his 
friend  of  the  gorge  of  Ronda,  and  how  in  June 
there  would  probably  be  no  one  but  Spaniards  in  the 
hotel.  This,  and  the  stories  he  told  in  a  loud  voice 
(perhaps  for  our  benefit)  of  the  old  Moorish  palaces 
and  mills,  made  me  want  to  stop  at  Ronda ;  so  we  took 
our  hand  luggage  and  got  out  at  the  station.  The 


48  THE  LIFE  MASK 

larger  things  we  let  go  on  to  Granada ;  and  that  night 
we  stayed  at  the  Reina  Victoria  with  its  gardens 
on  the  verge  of  an  incredible  gulf.  It  was  like  seeing 
into  another  world  to  stand  and  stare  over  the  edge.  I 
felt  as  if  I  were  looking  down  into  the  depths  of  my 
own  past,  after  I  had  climbed  up  into  air  and  daylight, 
and  had  not  yet  found  a  firm  footing.  Perhaps  I 
never  would  find  one,  I  said  to  myself ;  but  I  had  begun 
to  hope  a  little.  Though  I  knew  well  that  the  flowery 
hilltops  belonged  to  the  other  people,  the  happy  people, 
I  thought  that  if  I  didn't  push  myself  forward,  if  I 
asked  and  expected  nothing  of  them,  perhaps  they 
might  not  mind  my  having  just  a  small  place  in  the 
sun.  The  wind  pouring  up  from  the  depths  of  the 
gulf  was  a  kind  voice  promising  peace.  There  at  the 
bottom,  nearly  a  thousand  feet  down,  everything  con- 
cerning man  and  his  works  appeared  curiously  insignifi- 
cant. Could  it  be  that  the  things  I  had  suffered  would 
ever  seem  so  far  away,  if  I  could  mount  to  greater 
heights?  I  wondered  as  I  leaned  on  the  wall  of  the 
terrace  looking  over  the  precipice. 

The  season  crowds  had  gone  from  the  hotel,  and  it 
was  restful  in  the  summer  heat.  Dark  blue  linen  was 
fastened  over  the  panes  of  the  huge  windows,  and  the 
awnings  were  down,  between  the  brick  pillars  of  the 
veranda,  from  morning  till  sunset;  but  Sarah  and  I 
braved  the  flaming  gold  of  afternoon,  and  walked  into 
the  town  over  the  marvelous  bridge,  and  to  the  Ala- 
meda.  A  boy  fair  as  an  Anglo-Saxon  thrust  upon  us 
his  services  as  guide,  and  got  permission  to  go  through 


THE  LIFE  MASK  49 

the  old  palace  of  the  Moorish  king,  down  the  steps 
made  by  Christian  slaves  in  secret  passages,  to  the 
bottom  of  the  gorge.  There,  where  we  came  out,  the 
wild  oleander  was  growing  above  the  green  torrent 
which  rushed  by  and  filled  the  ravine  with  its  hoarse 
voice.  I  gathered  some  of  the  branches,  as  I  had 
vowed  in  the  train  I  would  do,  though  Sarah  begged 
me  not  to  touch  them. 

"  Maybe  it's  true  what  that  man  said,"  she  pleaded. 
"  You've  had  enough  bad  luck.  I'd  sooner  do  all  I 
could  to  keep  it  off,  than  run  the  risk  of  attractin' 
more." 

But  I  only  laughed. 

"  You,  a  pious  Methodist,  as  superstitious  as  the 
Spanish  peasants !  "  I  teased  her.  "  The  oleander  is 
sad,  like  me,  because  it  is  a  pariah.  I  want  to  show 
it  that  somebody  isn't  afraid  of  it." 

The  blue-eyed  boy  who  had  guided  us  could  under- 
stand English  and  speak  it  a  little.  He  had  learned 
the  language,  he  told  us,  for  two  reasons.  One,  be- 
cause many  tourists  came  to  see  the  gorge,  and  he 
could  do  good  business  with  them;  the  other,  be- 
cause like  many  in  Ronda  he  had  an  ancestor  who  was 
an  Englishman,  one  of  Wellington's  soldiers,  married 
to  a  Moorish  woman.  He  listened  to  all  we  said, 
and  protested  against  my  gathering  the  oleander. 

"  It  bring  a  curse  to  any  peoples  who  pulls  it  out  of 
where  it  grow,"  he  said,  "  if  they  not  have  curse  on 
them  before." 

"  And  if  they  have?  "  I  asked. 


50  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"If  they  have  curse  already,  oleanders  can  take  it 
off,"  he  answered.  "  I  hear  gypsy  by  the  Alhambra 
tell  that  to  some  ones  once.  I  was  to  Granada  with 
English  family,  like  guide,  and  I  hear  that  in  the  gypsy 
cave.  The  gypsy  peoples  know  all  the  secret  things 
of  the  plants  and  the  stars.  That  one  says,  if  some- 
body been  cursed,  oleanders  found  by  a  happy  one,  can 
bring  a  great,  strange  joy,  but  if  not  cursed,  then  take 
care!" 

I  bent  down  from  the  rocky  platform  where  we 
stood,  and  gathered  another  flowering  branch. 


After  olive-clad  slopes  and  floods  .of  poppies,  the 
first  sight  of  Granada  was  a  blow.  My  heart  ached 
with  disappointment  as  we  drove  in  the  hotel  omnibus 
from  the  railway  station  toward  the  hill  of  the  Al- 
hambra. The  street  was  new  and  ugly  and  straggling ; 
the  young  trees  —  just  at  the  awkward  age  —  were 
gray  with  dust  from  the  uneven  white  road.  The  one 
pleasant  sound  among  many  was  a  jingling  of  mule 
bells.  Faces  that  passed  looked  Saracenic  and  sullen. 
The  people  were  of  a  very  different  type  from  the 
deer-eyed  Andalusians  who  had  smiled  up  to  the  train 
windows,  offering  fruit  and  compliments.  I  could  see 
the  green  beetle-wing  glint  of  tiles  on  the  distant  Cathe- 
dral of  Ferdinand  and  Isabella.  It  looked  heavy  and 
uninteresting.  Had  we  come  all  the  way  from  Eng- 
land for  this?  I  asked  myself  gloomily.  Still,  I  did 
not  say  to  Sarah  that  I  was  disappointed,  though  I 


THE  LIFE  MASK  51 

saw  by  her  face  as  the  omnibus  jolted  us  past  dull 
shops  and  hideously  decorated  modern  apartment 
houses,  that  she  was  wondering  why  we  had  traveled 
so  far  to  see  Granada. 

Just  then,  we  turned  into  a  shadowy  street,  narrow 
as  a  lane,  and  began  to  go  steeply  uphill. 

On  either  side  were  curiosity  shops,  whose  windows 
were  filled  with  bright  fans  and  big  tortoise-shell 
combs ;  and  through  open  doors  we  could  see  very  old 
women  and  very  young  girls  making  lace  on  frames. 

At  the  top  was  a  great  stone  archway  which  I  knew, 
from  the  book  I  had  read,  must  be  the  one  built  by 
Charles  the  Fifth ;  and  beyond  that  was  a  deep  green- 
ness, as  if  a  bright  emerald  curtain  had  been  let  down 
behind  the  gateless  barrier. 

On  the  omnibus  rattled,  climbing  higher,  until  the 
mules  had  trotted  under  the  stone  arch,  plunging  into 
the  sudden  coolness  and  green  gloom  of  a  forest.  I 
was  gazing  up  an  avenue  of  giant  elms,  like  a  vast 
arbor,  and  even  over  the  sound  of  wheels  and  the 
hoofs  of  mules  I  could  catch  the  music  of  running 
water.  It  poured  a  stream  of  silver  down  a  shallow 
channel  on  each  side  of  the  shady  brown  road.  Sing- 
ing as  it  came,  it  bathed  the  feet  of  the  tall  trees 
which  rose  out  of  it;  and  I  remembered  an  old  Spanish 
saying,  repeated  by  the  cousin  who  sent  me  Irving's 
"  Alhambra  "  when  I  was  a  child :  "  The  three  sweetest 
sounds  on  earth  are  the  tinkle  of  gold  pieces ;  the  music 
of  running  water;  and  the  melody  of  the  loved  one's 
voice."  It  must  have  been  some  Moorish  king  of 


52  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Granada,  I  thought,  who  invented  that  proverb;  and 
as  it  echoed  through  my  memory  in  tune  with  the 
voice  of  springs  and  fountains  in  the  Alhambra  wood, 
my  heart  gave  a  leap,  but  not  of  joy.  A  longing  such 
as  I  had  never  known  swept  over  me,  with  the  breeze 
from  the  Sierra  Nevada.  It  was  the  desire  to  love 
and  be  loved,  with  a  love  all  different  from  Sarah's 
devotion. 


CHAPTER  V 

WE  went  to  a  big,  vaguely  Oriental  hotel  close 
to  the  Alhambra,  to  which  we  had  been  rec- 
ommended by  the  landlord  at  Gibraltar.  In 
the  open-air  entrance  court  I  had  a  shock  of  surprise. 
A  group  of  people  were  laughing  together,  and  chat- 
ting in  English,  in  front  of  a  curiosity  shop.  Evi- 
dently the  tourist  season  was  not  over  at  Granada,  and 
this  hotel  had  a  number  of  guests  still.  But  it  was 
too  late  to  go  away  and  try  somewhere  else  for  a 
quieter  place.  Already  our  luggage  was  being  taken 
in  by  dark- faced  servants;  and  I  whispered  to  Sarah 
as  we  passed  into  a  big  white  hall,  "  We'll  have  to  be 
extravagant  here,  and  take  a  private  sitting-room,  for 
I  can't  go  down  to  meals  with  all  those  English  peo- 
ple and  Americans  about.  We  can  begin  inquiring 
and  looking  round  for  a  little  furnished  flat  or  house." 

It  was  Sarah  who  engaged  rooms  and  wrote  our 
names  in  the  visitors'  book,  while  I  hovered  in  the 
background,  glad  of  my  veil.  But  when  I  had  heard 
that  we  could  have  a  suite  of  three  rooms  and  a  bath 
for  out-of -season  prices,  I  summoned  up  courage  to 
step  forward. 

"  Till  what  time  in  the  evening  can  we  go  into  the 
Alhambra?"  I  asked  of  the  manager,  who  spoke 
English. 

53 


54  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  It  closes  at  half-past  six,"  he  answered. 

I  looked  at  my  watch  —  a  present  from  Sarah. 

"  Five  o'clock ! "  I  said  to  her.  "  I  don't  think  I 
can  wait  until  to-morrow." 

"  Very  well,  dearie,  how'd  you  like  to  go  now,  and 
when  you  come  back  I'll  have  the  rooms  nice  and 
homey  ?  "  Sarah  suggested. 

"  But  you  mustn't  do  the  unpacking  alone.  You 
aren't  strong  enough.  It  will  spoil  my  pleasure  if 
you  do." 

"  All  right,"  she  mildly  consented.  "  I  can  just  put 
the  little  things  about,  and  leave  the  big  ones  for  you 
to  help  with  when  you  come  back.  But  don't  you 
want  to  see  the  rooms  first  ?  " 

"  No,"  I  said.  "  They're  sure  to  be  nice.  Only  I 
don't  like  going  to  the  Alhambra  for  the  first  time 
without  you." 

"  You  needn't  mind,"  she  assured  me.  "  One 
place  is  mighty  near  the  same  as  another  to  me,  as 
long  as  you're  happy.  I'd  as  lief  not  see  it  till  to- 
morrow, and  I  reckon  I  wouldn't  shed  tears  if  'twasn't 
to  be  till  day  after." 

A  minute  more,  and  Sarah  had  disappeared  in  the 
elevator,  followed  by  a  small  liveried  boy  with  our  bags 
and  umbrellas.  It  only  remained  to  ask  the  way  to  the 
Alhambra,  which  was  easy  to  describe,  and  but  a  short 
distance. 

I  passed  through  a  burning  pool  of  sunshine  and 
then  was  fanned  by  the  freshness  of  the  forest. 
There  in  the  green  dusk,  a  nightingale  had  begun  its 


THE  LIFE  MASK  55; 

evening  song,  and  the  running  waters  sang  with  it. 
There  was  a  bitter-sweet  fragrance  of  ferns  and 
moss,  and  moist  earth  drinking  in  its  evening  draught 
I  could  see  that  it  must  always  be  cool  and  golden- 
green  in  these  long  avenues  under  the  elms,  for  the 
sunshine  could  but  leak  through  the  arching  roof 
in  a  few  gold  drops.  Never  had  I  been  in  a  place  so 
peace-giving,  and  I  walked  slowly,  stopping  at  a  great 
fountain  whose  mossy  stone  base  was  a  sheet  of  mov- 
ing crystal. 

On  a  heavy  stone  seat  lolled  an  elderly  brown  man 
with  sombrero  tilted  back  and  to  one  side  above  the 
level  line  of  his  eyebrows.  He  had  a  tray  of  flat, 
sugared  cakes  to  sell,  though  there  was  no  one  to 
buy;  and  instinct  told  him  so  surely  I  was  no  client 
that  he  did  not  offer  his  wares.  Next  to  him,  how- 
ever, sat  a  withered  old  woman,  with  a  bright-colored 
handkerchief  tied  over  her  gray  hair.  She  had  a 
basket  of  magnolia  buds  folded  in  packets  of  their 
own  glossy,  brown-lined  green  leaves,  and  tied  with 
grass. 

As  I  came  near,  she  held  up  the  basket,  and  the 
luscious  perfume  came  out  from  the  packets,  filling 
the  air.  With  a  stab  of  remorse,  I  remembered  that 
I  had  left  at  Ronda  the  oleanders  I  had  likened  to 
myself.  No  doubt  they  would  have  been  thrown  out 
to  fade.  I  might  better  have  left  them  growing,  since 
my  pity  had  done  them  only  harm;  but  I  could  not 
resist  the  magnolias.  I  bought  two,  all  I  could  carry  in 
comfort,  though  they  had  been  gathered  with  just 


56  THE  LIFE  MASK 

enough  woody  stem  to  make  a  convenient  handle  for 
each.  Then  I  went  on  to  the  Alhambra,  turning,  as  I 
had  been  directed,  past  the  immense  bulk  of  Charles 
the  Fifth's  unfinished  palace;  and  in  two  or  three 
minutes  I  was  buying  my  ticket  of  entrance  for  the 
Alhambra. 

I  wanted  one,  I  said,  which  would  be  good  for  many 
weeks.  Already  I  was  making  up  my  mind  that  I 
must  live  here  for  a  very  long  time,  and  my  heart 
was  beating  at  the  thought  of  the  jewel  I  was  about 
to  see.  Nothing  could  rob  me  of  my  love  of  beauty 
and  the  joy  it  gave.  It  was,  I  told  myself,  the  one 
link  which  united  me  with  happier  women. 

As  I  talked  to  a  Spanish  official  who  could  speak 
French,  a  number  of  people  passed  on  their  way  out 
of  the  Alhambra. 

"  Mademoiselle  is  late,"  he  said.  "  Everybody  else 
is  going.  Or  if  a  few  are  left,  they  will  be  leaving 
soon." 

"  But  surely  I  have  more  than  an  hour  before  clos- 
ing time?  "  I  asked,  frightened  lest  I  had  lingered  too 
long  by  the  fountain.  Still,  I  did  not  miss  hearing  the 
"  Mademoiselle."  It  made  me  feel  younger,  and  as 
if  I  had  thrown  off  some  burden,  or  else  as  if  the 
burden  were  invisible  to  others. 

"  Yes,"  he  answered,  "  there  is  a  little  more  than 
an  hour,  but  for  some  reason  most  people  leave  a  good 
while  before  the  Alhambra  shuts,  even  in  the  summer, 
when  it  is  as  light  at  half-past  six  as  at  noon.  We 
often  notice  that.  Will  mademoiselle  have  a  guide?  " 


THE  LIFE  MASK  57 

"No,  thank  you,"  I  said,  "not  to-day.  I  don't 
want  to  learn  things  at  first.  I  want  only  to  see  them." 

The  man  smiled  indulgently,  indicating  the  door  by 
which  I  could  go  from  the  office-room  into  some  bright 
space  beyond,  which  I  could  see  through  the  glass.  I 
went  through ;  and  had  left  the  world  I  knew,  to  enter 
a  world  of  centuries  ago. 

It  was  a  haunted  world,  of  "  Arabian  Nights  Tales," 
and  I  was  dazed  by  the  beauty  of  its  fairy-palace. 
Yet  I  felt  at  home,  as  if  I  knew  the  place  and  had  a 
right  in  it. 

I  was  in  the  Patio  de  la  Alberca,  the  marble-paved 
court  of  the  great  pond  bordered  with  myrtle.  The 
huge  crenelated  Tower  of  Comares  reared  its  square 
bulk  against  the  blue  of  an  unclouded  sky.  The  tiles 
of  the  gallery-roof  glittered  in  the  sun,  like  eyes  in 
a  peacock's  tail.  Through  the  arched  doorway  under- 
neath I  could  see  the  ivory-like  walls  and  jeweled  dado 
of  the  Hall  of  Ambassadors,  and  I  could  look  through 
the  windows  of  the  immense  room,  far  off  to  a  vague 
opal  glimmer  of  sky  and  tree-branches.  I  stood  in  the 
shadow  which  lay  in  a  clearly  defined  line  along  the 
pavement,  like  a  strip  of  black  marble  joining  the 
white;  and  from  my  feet  to  the  other  end  of  the  long, 
open  patio  stretched  the  bright  water  of  the  bathing- 
pool.  Its  color  was  the  green  of  emeralds,  but  more 
opaque.  Still,  it  was  transparent  enough  to  show  the 
forms  of  fish  brilliant  as  water-flowers,  under  the  sur- 
face. 
No  one  was  near.  I  seemed  to  have  the  silent 


58  THE  LIFE  MASK 

palace  to  myself,  and  I  threw  my  veil  over  my  hat, 
so  that  my  eyes  should  lose  nothing  of  detail  and 
color.  The  Tower  of  Comares,  yellow-pink,  the  bright 
roof  of  the  gallery  and  its  delicate  supporting  pillars, 
the  arched  door  and  the  dusk  of  the  room  beyond 
were  all  repeated  in  the  marble- framed  green  mir- 
ror. I  could  see  myself,  too.  The  eyes  looking  down 
met  eyes  looking  up  from  the  water-world.  I  could 
not  bear  to  raise  my  eyes,  for  it  seemed  that  never 
should  I  see  such  beauty  again.  A  ruffling  breath  of 
wind,  and  it  would  be  blotted  out,  never  to  be  so 
radiant.  Besides,  I  had  the  conviction  of  a  child,  that 
into  this  fairy-land  would  steal  something  still  more 
wonderful,  if  I  looked  long  enough  without  raising 
my  eyes;  something  like  the  visions  which  appear  in 
crystals  to  the  gaze  of  seers. 

By  and  by  the  green  mirror  began  to  hypnotize  me. 
What  I  could  see  in  it  was  all  that  was  real.  I  was 
not  sure  that  there  was  anything  outside  it.  Maybe 
I  should  see  myself  as  I  had  been  in  another  form 
centuries  ago  when  I  lived  here,  and  the  Alhambra  was 
my  home.  Yes,  if  I  were  patient,  I  should  know 
whether  I  had  been  a  princess  or  a  slave,  and  whether 
there  had  been  some  man  who  loved  me. 

I  was  almost  afraid  to  wink,  lest  I  should  miss  the 
expected  vision,  and  as  I  stared  into  the  mirror  some- 
thing new  did  come  into  the  picture.  A  figure,  dark 
in  the  shadow  as  a  living  silhouette,  walked  into  the 
doorway,  and  stood  there  for  a  moment.  It  was  the 
figure  of  a  man,  tall  and  straight  and  slim.  He  was 


THE  LIFE  MASK  59 

bare-headed.  He  carried  his  hat  in  his  hand.  Under 
his  arm  was  something  red.  It  might  be  a  book. 
Now  he  had  begun  to  move  again.  He  was  walking 
slowly  put  from  under  the  shadow  of  the  gallery, 
coming  along  the  patio  toward  me ;  but  it  did  not  occur 
to  me  to  move,  or  even  to  pull  down  my  veil.  Half 
hypnotized  as  I  was  by  the  great  green  crystal  with 
its  picture,  and  the  one  moving  form  in  it,  the  man 
had  for  me  no  existence  in  the  outer  world. 

The  spell  would  have  broken  if  I  raised  my  head 
to  see  an  ordinary  person  idling  in  the  sunlight,  pass- 
ing me  and  going  out  of  the  Alhambra,  home  to  some 
hotel  or  pension.  For  a  minute  he,  whoever  he  was, 
should  have  the  privilege  of  living  in  my  fairy-land. 
He  would  never  know  what  had  happened  to  him, 
and  when,  unknowing,  he  faded  out  of  the  mirror  he 
would  cease  to  be,  as  a  bubble  dies  in  bursting,  or  a 
rainbow  changes  into  mist. 

This  I  felt;  and  enjoyed  the  feeling  in  peace,  be- 
cause I  knew  that  my  face  was  hidden.  In  stooping 
down  to  peer  at  the  fish,  I  had  knelt  on  one  knee. 
Round  the  other  I  had  clasped  my  hands,  and  was 
bending  so  far  over  that  any  one  passing  could  see 
no  more  than  the  crown  of  my  hat  and  a  long  veil 
falling  over  my  hair  behind.  So  I  remained,  in  the 
same  position,  without  lifting  my  head,  as  the  man 
in  the  mirror  came  closer.  I  was  no  longer  looking 
at  myself  or  at  the  goldfish.  I  was  watching  him, 
seeing  his  features  take  a  kind  of  ethereal  clearness 
as  he  drew  near.  At  last,  I  could  not  have  taken  my 


60  THE  LIFE  MASK 

eyes  from  his  figure  if  I  had  tried.  Although  the  real 
man  could  catch  no  glimpse  of  my  real  face,  I  began 
to  guess  that  he  must  be  able  to  see  it  in  the  water 
as  I  saw  his,  for  the  eyes  in  the  mirror  met  mine  in 
the  mirror,  and  gave  them  some  quick  message.  It 
was  like  two  astral  bodies  meeting  in  the  mystery  of 
space,  while  the  bodies  of  flesh  were  far  away,  asleep. 

He  was  moving  so  slowly  now,  that  he  appeared 
hardly  to  move  at  all.  This  would  make  the  vision 
in  the  crystal  last  longer.  I  was  glad.  I  did  not 
want  it  to  end.  It  was  not  like  romance.  It  was 
romance. 

Yes,  the  red  thing  under  his  arm  was  a  book.  I 
wondered  what  book,  and  was  sorry  that  I  should 
never  know.  He  was  dressed  in  gray  flannels.  In 
his  buttonhole  was  stuck  a  scarlet  pomegranate  blos- 
som, the  sacred  flower  of  Granada.  He  had  a  rather 
low,  soft  collar,  out  of  which  his  firm  brown  throat 
rose.  His  face  was  deeply  burned  by  the  sun,  all  but 
the  highest  part  of  the  broad  forehead,  which  looked 
white  by  contrast.  I  could  almost  have  smiled  to  see 
how  the  line  of  white  was  aslant.  Evidently  he  pushed 
his  hat  always  to  one  side.  This  slanting  line  of 
brown  gave  a  quaint  effect.  I  glanced  at  the  hat 
swinging  in  his  hand.  It  was  a  Panama,  sunburned 
like  his  face.  He  must  have  had  it  a  long  time.  Per- 
haps he  loved  it  and  hated  to  get  a  new  one.  Once 
I  had  felt  like  that  about  some  of  my  things.  He 
walked  well.  In  the  sheet  of  green  water  he  seemed 
to  glide  noiselessly  as  if  to  music  he  could  hear  and 
I  could  not.  The  upper  part  of  his  face  was  beauti- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  61 

ful.  I  thought  that  the  arch  of  his  eyebrows  would 
have  made  him  look  like  a  saint  in  some  old  picture, 
if  his  lips  had  not  been  too  full  and  his  chin  too  square 
for  the  face  of  a  conventional  saint.  I  fancied  that 
his  eyes  must  be  blue.  They  had  an  effect  of  being 
light  in  contrast  with  his  dark  skin,  and  black  eye- 
brows and  hair;  but  the  sun  in  them  dazzled  mine  as 
if  I  were  looking  at  something  too  bright.  I  did  not 
ask  myself  whether  he  were  a  handsome  man  or  not. 
Maybe  the  real  man  would  not  be  beyond  the  ordinary, 
but  I  did  not  want  to  know  what  he  was  like.  The 
face  and  the  eyes  looking  out  of  the  mirror  might 
be  worth  all  the  world  to  a  woman,  and  they  were  mine 
to  keep  forever,  if  I  chose.  He  would  not  dream  of 
my  dream. 

We  looked  long  at  each  other  in  the  water,  as  he 
slowly  passed.  Then  he  was  gone  out  of  the  picture. 

•  ••••••• 

I  waked  up  from  the  dream.  I  knew  that  a  man 
had  come  out  from  the  Hall  of  the  Ambassadors, 
had  walked  past  me,  and  was  still  in  the  Patio  de  la 
Alberca.  If  I  turned,  I  could  see  what  he  was  like. 
Possibly  he  would  be  looking  back.  But  not  for  any- 
thing would  I  have  turned.  Even  the  Tower  of 
Comares  and  the  exquisite  pillars  and  the  orange-trees 
and  myrtle  borders  were  more  beautiful  in  the  mirror 
of  water  than  they  were  in  themselves.  There  was 
just  the  difference  between  the  real  and  the  ideal. 

I  stopped  without  moving,  until  I  was  certain  the 
man  had  gone.  Then  I  got  up  and  walked  through  an 
inconspicuous  door  into  the  Court  of  Lions. 


CHAPTER  VI 

I  FOUND  other  courts  of  the  Alhambra  as  beauti- 
ful as  the  Patio  de  la  Alberca ;  but  none  seemed 
so  wonderful  that  evening.  Still,  I  stayed  till 
the  last  minute.  I  was  the  latest  visitor,  and  it  was 
after  half-past  six  when  the  door  of  the  dull  little 
office  shut  behind  me.  Nothing  could  be  seen  of  the 
fairy  palace  but  the  plain  red-brown  walls,  and  brown- 
tiled  roofs  with  which  Moorish  men  loved  to  conceal 
the  secret  splendor  of  their  dwellings. 

I  thought  that  I  knew  the  way  back  very  well,  and 
I  should  have  known  it,  if  I  had  not  been  thinking 
of  other  things.  Somehow,  I  got  on  the  wrong  road, 
and  there  was  nobody  to  direct  me;  but  instead  of 
worrying,  I  was  pleased.  To  lose  myself  seemed  part 
of  the  spell.  And  I  was  still  wandering  in  the  pre- 
cincts of  the  Alhambra. 

Presently  I  came  to  a  tall  iron  gate.  It  was  wide 
open,  but  as  I  drew  near  a  man  on  the  other  side  be- 
gan to  shut  it.  Thinking  that  I  wanted  to  enter,  he 
shook  his  head,  saying  something  in  Spanish  which 
I  took  to  mean,  "  It  is  too  late." 

Until  he  said  this,  I  had  had  no  wish  to  go  farther, 
but  when  it  was  forbidden,  I  felt  a  desire  to  see  what 
was  on  the  other  side  of  the  gate.  Also,  in  the  exalted 
mood  not  yet  thrown  off,  I  could  not  bear  to  go  back 

62 


THE  LIFE  MASK  63 

to  the  hotel  and  help  Sarah  unpack  our  trunks.  I 
wanted  to  stay  out  of  doors  and  to  be  alone. 

I  took  two  pesetas  out  of  my  purse  and  held  them 
up.  The  man  stopped  shutting  the  gate.  He  began 
to  talk  again  in  Spanish.  I  thought  that  he  said,  "  It 
is  closing  time,  but  if  the  Sefiorita  wishes  to  walk 
through,  let  her  do  so.  I  will  wait  here  until  she 
comes  out."  I  understood  this  more  from  gestures 
than  words;  and,  nodding  my  thanks,  I  marched 
briskly  through  the  gateway.  I  hoped  to  show  him 
by  walking  quickly  that  I  knew  what  he  meant,  and 
would  return  in  a  few  minutes. 

I  was  in  a  large,  straggling  wood,  surrounded  with 
red  walls.  There  were  many  trees,  and  a  few  rough 
paths  cut  through  the  long  grass.  As  I  turned  away, 
the  man  called  out  to  attract  my  attention,  and  pointed 
toward  two  distant  towers.  Evidently  they  were  the 
attractions  here,  and  this  walled,  wooded  space  being 
part  of  the  Alhambra,  the  gate  was  supposed  to  close 
for  the  night.  I  hurried  on  along  a  brown  path  under 
young  trees,  to  the  first  tower,  which  must  always  have 
been  outside  the  palace  precincts,  though  perhaps  at 
one  time  not  out  of  the  gardens.  I  remembered  that 
Washington  Irving  told  of  a  tower  where  a  princess 
had  been  imprisoned.  Perhaps  this  was  the  place. 
Murray  spoke  of  it,  too,  and  of  another  tower  near 
by,  but  I  had  forgotten  the  names.  Beautiful  win- 
dows supported  by  marble  pillars  suggested  that  there 
was  something  worth  seeing  inside;  but  the  door  of 
the  tower  was  fastened.  I  knocked  and  called.  No 


64  THE  LIFE  MASK 

one  came,  and  I  realized  that  permission  to  walk 
through  the  wood  did  not  include  a  late  visit  to  the 
towers.  I  must  wait  till  another  day  for  the  sight- 
seeing, but  I  was  not  sorry  I  had  come  in.  There  was 
a  beauty  in  the  desolation  of  the  place,  and  the  sky 
was  golden  behind  the  trees. 

I  began  to  take  bearings,  and  to  realize  that  one  of 
the  ruined  red  walls  was  a  wall  of  the  Alhambra  it- 
self. I  could  see  a  church,  and  the  backs  of  some 
curiosity-shops  which  had  fronts  higher  up  near  the 
palace  of  Charles  the  Fifth.  In  the  ill-kept  wood 
there  were  two  or  three  small  houses,  and  a  half 
ruined  patched-up  tower  where  perhaps  a  guardian 
lived.  There  was  even  a  pension,  behind  a  wall  with 
flowers  falling  over  it;  and  there  was  another  wall, 
in  front  of  which  I  stopped  as  if  a  voice  had  called 
me.  It  was  a  very  high  wall,  and  very  old,  its  white 
plaster  yellow  in  patches,  and  splashed  with  pink  and 
purple  under  the  mass  of  convolulus  cascading  over 
the  top,  as  if  generations  of  flowers  had  dyed  it  with 
their  petals. 

In  the  wall  was  a  gate  of  cedarwood  carved  in 
squares  like  the  oldest  doors  in  the  Moorish  palace; 
and  it  was  because  this  gate  stood  ajar  that  I  stopped. 
Evidently  it  opened  into  a  private  garden,  and  I  had 
no  right  to  peep,  but  I  could  not  resist.  A  path  led 
straight  on,  and  in  the  middle  of  it,  not  more  than  six 
yards  from  the  gate,  was  an  old  stone  fountain,  spray- 
ing plumes  of  spun  glass  into  a  shallow  basin  and  be- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  65 

yond,  over  moss  and  weeds  that  choked  the  gravel; 
ill-kept  but  beautiful  borders  of  myrtle  encroached 
upon  the  path,  and  walled  with  green  the  tangled 
masses  of  flowers  which  had  once  been  carefully 
planned  beds.  The  scent  of  orange  flowers  and  mag- 
nolias fanned  out  to  me,  and  I  caught  the  tinkle  of 
water,  which  seemed  to  come  from  many  directions. 
I  thought  it  was  like  a  garduen  of  dreams,  gentle 
and  mysterious  like  the  perfume  of  flowers  in  moon- 
light. I  wondered  if  there  were  a  villa  out  of  sight 
beyond  the  thicket  of  orange  and  magnolia  trees  and 
cypresses  which  made  a  screen  behind  the  fountain. 

As  I  stood,  longing  to  push  the  cedar  gate  wider 
open,  an  elderly  man  ambled  down  the  path.  He  had 
been  gathering  oranges,  and  was  coming  out  with  them 
in  a  basket.  I  retreated,  ashamed  of  my  curiosity 
and  afraid  he  might  scowl  at  me,  but  instead  he  smiled 
blandly.  He  was  fat  and  brown,  with  oily  skin,  and 
so  little  hair  on  his  large  round  head  that  he  looked 
like  a  monk,  in  spite  of  his  sombrero.  His  sloping 
eyes,  set  far  apart  on  either  side  of  a  wide  nose,  with 
a  flat  bridge  and  a  wrinkle  straight  across  it,  blinked 
mildly  like  the  eyes  of  a  sheep. 

"  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina,"  he  said,  and  more 
which  I  could  not  understand.  But  I  knew  that  Car- 
men was  Spanish  for  garden.  I  wanted  so  much  to 
ask  questions  about  the  garden  that  I  felt  desperate 
in  my  forced  dumbness. 

Seeing  that  I  did  not  understand  him,  the  man  whom 


66  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  took  to  be  a  gardener  came  out  and  locked  the  gate 
with  an  immense  key,  which  looked  as  if  it  might  be 
a  hundred  years  old.  Then,  touching  his  sombrero 
he  walked  away  with  an  odd  gait,  which  I  thought  like 
a  big  armchair  moving  from  side  to  side  on  legs  set 
at  the  corners.  I  walked  away  too,  remembering  that 
I  was  trying  the  patience  of  the  guardian  at  the  en- 
trance of  the  wood.  But  seeing  the  big  key  turned 
in  one  of  the  cedarwood  squares  had  made  an  exciting 
idea  jump  into  my  head.  I  wondered  if  there  were  a 
house  in  the  garden  not  lived  in,  and  if  so,  whether  it 
would  be  possible  for  us  to  take  it.  I  could  hardly 
wait  to  get  back  to  the  hotel,  hoping  the  manager 
might  know  about  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina. 

It  turned  out  that  he  did  know.  The  place  had  be- 
longed in  old  days  to  a  Spaniard  who  was  a  student  of 
Moorish  history  and  dialects.  He  had  died  many 
years  ago,  and  the  Carmen  had  been  bought  by  a 
Frenchman  believed  to  have  Arab  blood.  He  had 
been  rich,  but  had  somehow  lost  his  money.  Then 
he  killed  himself,  but  not  at  Granada.  He  had  been 
far  away,  at  Monte  Carlo,  it  was  rumored.  Mean- 
while he  had  married  a  Spanish  wife,  the  daughter 
of  a  curiosity-shop  keeper  down  in  the  town.  There 
was  a  house  in  the  garden,  but  the  widow  did  not  like 
it,  and  had  gone  back  to  live  with  her  father.  Now 
she  was  middle-aged,  and  kept  the  shop  herself. 
Sometimes  she  let  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina,  but 
not  often,  for  the  house  was  dilapidated.  There  was 
little  furniture,  and  the  owner  refused  to  buy  anything 


THE  LIFE  MASK  67 

new  for  tenants.  This  the  manager  knew  because  he 
had  once  or  twice  had  people  in  the  hotel  who  were 
looking  for  furnished  villas  on  the  Alhambra  hill; 
but  they  had  said  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina  was 
impossible.  Besides,  it  was  inconvenient,  having  the 
gate  of  entrance  to  the  woods  shut  up  at  night,  for 
there  was  no  other  way  of  getting  to  the  Carmen; 
and  some  people  would  be  afraid  to  live  so  near  the 
Tower  of  The  Infantas,  and  the  Cattiva,  which  were 
believed  by  the  superstitious  to  be  haunted. 

"  I  should  like  to  live  there,"  I  said. 

The  manager  smiled. 

"  Perhaps  you  would  think  differently  if  you  saw 
the  house;  and  even  the  garden  is  in  bad  condition. 
The  old  fellow  who  looks  after  it  does  nothing  ex- 
cept take  care  of  the  orange-trees  and  the  grapes  for 
his  mistress.  Still,  I  can  give  you  her  name  and  ad- 
dress." 

I  saw  by  his  manner  that  he  was  sure  I  would  never 
live  in  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina;  but  I  was  just 
as  sure  that  if  I  could,  I  would.  I  made  up  my  mind 
to  go  the  first  thing  in  the  morning  to  the  curiosity- 
shop  kept  by  the  widow  of  the  Arab-Frenchman. 

By  this  time  it  was  past  seven  o'clock,  and  I  let  the 
elevator  take  me  up  to  the  floor  of  the  suite  which  I 
had  not  seen. 

There  were  long  cool  corridors  running  from  end  to 
end  on  each  story  of  the  hotel;  and  our  rooms  were 
in  the  middle  of  one.  I  knew  the  numbers,  but  lin- 
gered for  an  instant  looking  at  a  trunk  standing  out- 


68  THE  LIFE  MASK 

side  a  door  next  one  of  ours.  It  was  a  leather  port- 
manteau, which  had  seen  much  service. 

There  were  all  sorts  of  labels  on  it,  like  decora- 
tions on  an  old  soldier's  breast,  and  the  name  painted 
in  white  letters  on  the  end  toward  me  was  a  soldier's 
name:  Captain  H.  St.  J.  Shannon.  There  were 
labels  of  hotels  in  Cairo  and  Alexandria  and  other 
eastern  places  which  made  me  thrill  with  longing,  al- 
most with  envy;  and  among  the  newest  looking  was 
a  white  slip  with  "  P.  and  O."  printed  on  it,  and  the 
name  Mooltan. 

"Our  ship!"  I  said  to  myself.  "Perhaps  this 
portmanteau  was  put  on  board  her  at  Port  Said  or 
somewhere  for  Gibraltar  before  she  went  to  England 
last  time."  I  thought  about  the  Mooltan,  steaming 
on  at  this  moment  through  the  blue  Mediterranean 
on  her  way  to  the  far  east,  whence  this  trunk  had 
come;  and  I  thought  of  all  the  places  the  label-cov- 
ered thing  had  seen,  if  only  it  could  tell.  I  felt  drawn 
to  it,  somehow,  because  of  its  unknown  adventures, 
and  because  it  had  traveled  so  far  in  our  ship,  maybe 
in  one  of  our  staterooms.  I  was  listening  to  a  temp- 
tation which  said,  "  Look  and  see  the  number  of  the 
cabin  on  the  white  label,"  when  the  door  of  the  room 
was  thrown  open.  Instantly  I  grasped  the  handle  of 
my  own  door,  and  would  have  darted  in,  if  I  had  not 
seen  a  large  bunch  of  wild  oleanders  dripping  water 
in  the  hands  of  a  hotel  chambermaid.  She  had 
a  disgusted  look  on  her  pretty  dark  face,  and  was 
holding  the  long  stems  of  the  flowers  in  a  torn  bit 


THE  LIFE  MASK  69 

of  paper,  so  as  not  to  touch  them  with  her  hand. 

"  Oh,"  I  exclaimed  in  French,  "  are  you  going  to 
throw  those  away  ?  " 

"  But,  yes,  mademoiselle,"  she  answered  in  the  same 
language  —  luckily  for  me.  "  The  monsieur  in  this 
room  has  brought  them,  not  knowing  that  they  carry 
fever  and  misfortune.  I  am  going  to  have  them 
burned  before  he  comes  in  to  dress  for  dinner.  They 
are  very  bad  things,  and  I  would  be  sorry  to  have  them 
harm  him." 

"  Perhaps  he  will  be  angry,"  I  said. 

"  I  think  he  will  not  notice,  mademoiselle.  But  I 
will  get  for  his  vase  some  better  flowers." 

"  Here,  take  this  magnolia,"  I  said,  offering  her  one 
of  the  two  buds  I  had  bought  in  the  packets  of  their 
own  leaves.  "  It  will  open  out  and  be  lovely  if  you 
cut  the  knot  of  grass;  and  you  can  give  me  the  olean- 
ders instead.  I  like  them." 

"Mademoiselle  is  not  afraid  of  the  evil  spirit?" 

"  No,"  I  said.  "  I  don't  believe  in  it.  Poor  ole- 
anders, how  sad  they  must  feel  because  people  say 
cruel  things." 

The  girl  laughed. 

"  It  is  said,  too,  that  if  they  can  give  a  curse,  they 
can  take  it  off.  But  that  does  not  concern  mademoi- 
selle." 

"  Still,  I  should  like  to  have  them,"  I  insisted;  and 
she  put  the  branches  into  my  hands,  taking  one  of  my 
magnolias  instead.  I  was  pleased  with  this  episode, 
because  in  the  hurry  of  leaving  Ronda  in  the  morning 


70  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  had  forgotten  the  oleanders  gathered  for  pity's  sake. 
Now  it  seemed  that  I  might  atone. 

Sarah  had  unpacked  everything,  after  all.  I  might 
have  known  she  would.  Of  course  she  made  meek  ex- 
cuses for  not  keeping  her  promise. 

"  'Deed,  Miss  Nita,  I  was  that  tired  sittin'  in  the 
cars  so  long,  I  felt  right  glad  to  stir  around  and  get 
the  cramp  out  of  my  bones.  There  wasn't  another 
livin'  thing  to  do  but  unpack,  or  I'd  a  done  it,  to  please 
you.  Anyways,  I  got  through  a  long  time  ago,  and 
I've  been  en  joy  in'  myself  real  well  lookin'  at  the  nice 
view." 

Her  "  nice  view  "  was  down  from  the  great  height 
of  the  hotel  windows  over  the  brown  roofs  and  open 
patios  of  Granada,  and  the  blue-green  plain  of  the 
Vega  away  to  far  mountains,  the  Last  Sigh  of  the 
Moor.  Our  rooms  looked  south,  and  would  have  been 
hot  but  for  a  cool  wind  from  the  Sierra  Nevada.  They 
were  very  Spanish  rooms,  I  thought,  with  their  white 
walls,  tiled  floors  and  crimson  curtains.  Though  they 
were  not  pretty,  I  liked  them  for  their  novelty,  and 
Sarah  had  made  them  almost  homelike  with  the  few 
sofa-cushions  and  bits  of  drapery  and  books  we  had 
brought.  Neither  of  us  had  any  framed  photographs 
to  carry  on  our  travels.  The  only  one  I  had  kept, 
the  picture  of  my  mother  with  me  —  a  little  child  — 
by  her  side,  was  not  one  I  could  let  be  seen.  It  was 
wrapped  in  paper  at  the  bottom  of  my  trunk. 

Sarah  did  not  like  my  oleanders,  so  instead  of 


THE  LIFE  MASK  71 

using  them  to  adorn  the  little  salon  between  our 
rooms,  I  put  them  into  a  jug  of  water  in  my  own  bed- 
room. While  I  was  arranging  them,  a  man  next  door 
—  the  door  of  the  leather  portmanteau  • — began  to 
whistle  softly,  but  not  so  softly  that  I  could  not  hear 
him  distinctly  through  the  wall.  He  had  come  in,  as 
the  maid  said  he  would,  to  dress  for  dinner.  He  was 
not  angry  about  the  loss  of  his  oleanders,  or  he  would 
not  be  whistling,  I  thought.  No  man  could  whistle 
so  melodiously  if  his  temper  were  upset.  Perhaps  he 
liked  my  magnolia  better  than  the  oleanders.  The 
bud  would  be  wide  open  now,  and  sending  out  a  cloud 
of  perfume. 

Never  had  I  heard  such  musical  whistling.  He 
might  almost  have  been  a  professional,  so  flutelike 
were  his  trills.  I  thought  that  he  must  be  young,  and 
rather  pleasant  or  good-looking,  or  the  chambermaid 
would  not  have  troubled  to  protect  him  by  taking  away 
the  oleanders. 

At  first  he  whistled  some  Irish  air  which  I  had 
heard,  but  had  forgotten.  Then  he  went  straight 
through  the  "  Toreador  "  song  from  "  Carmen,"  and 
at  last,  to  my  surprise,  he  began  to  whistle  a  very 
old  darky  ballad,  "  Weep  no  more,  my  lady."  It 
was  a  plantation  song  of  the  slave  days,  many  years 
before  I  was  Born;  but  Sarah  often  crooned  it  in  her 
high,  thin  voice,  to  put  me  to  sleep  at  night  when  I  was 
a  tiny  child.  I  used  to  love,  and  ask  for  it.  "  Weep 
no  more,"  I  called  it,  though  perhaps  it  had  some  other 
name  which  I  didn't  know,  for  I  never  heard  any  one 


72  THE  LIFE  MASK 

sing  it  except  Sarah.  Now  this  man,  who  must  be 
an  Englishman,  if  he  were  Captain  H.  St.  J.  Shannon, 
owner  of  the  leather  portmanteau,  was  whistling  a 
song  of  the  Southern  slaves.  I  wondered  where  he 
could  have  learned  it,  and  hearing  the  old  tune  made 
my  heart  begin  to  beat  fast.  But,  after  all,  he  did  not 
know  the  air  very  well.  The  flutelike  notes  stopped 
suddenly.  He  went  back  to  the  beginning  again,  and 
broke  down  at  the  same  place.  Then  he  began  to  sing 
the  tune,  in  a  tenor  voice  almost  deep  enough  for  bari- 
tone, and  with  a  thrilling  quality  in  it.  From  the 
whistling  I  had  thought  it  would  be  lighter.  It  was 
so  sweet,  so  sad  that  tears  came  to  my  eyes,  though 
the  voice  on  the  other  side  of  the  wall  was  singing 
"  Weep  no  more,  my  lady." 

Once  more  he  broke  down  on  the  same  note.  He 
had  forgotten  the  rest  of  the  tune,  and  like  the  singing 
bullfinches  trained  in  darkness,  he  had  always  to  go 
back  to  the  beginning. 

I  was  tempted  to  take  up  the  song  where  he  had  to 
leave  off,  and  sing  it  through  for  him.  How  surprised 
he  would  be!  And  he  would  never  know  who 
prompted  him.  Whenever  he  sang  the  song  after- 
ward he  would  have  to  think  of  me,  making  up  some 
sort  of  image  in  his  mind,  where  I  would  live  as  a 
mystery.  It  was  all  I  could  do  to  resist,  but  I  did 
resist.  Somehow  the  old  Southern  tune  seemed  to  go 
well  with  the  soft,  sleepy  fragrance  of  magnolias.  I 
wondered  if  he  thought  so  too,  and  if  perhaps  the 
perfume  had  not  suggested  that  song  to  his  remen> 


THE  LIFE  MASK  73 

brance.  I  should  have  liked  to  know;  but  now  the 
idea  was  connecting  itself  in  my  mind  with  magnolias, 
I  believed  that  I  should  always  think  of  the  song  and 
the  beautiful  white  flowers  together. 

"  Weep  no  more,  my  lady !  "  .  .  .  He  kept  on 
trying,  again  and  again,  until  the  inspiration  came, 
and  with  triumph  he  whistled  the  whole  air  from  be- 
ginning to  end.  Evidently  Captain  H.  St.  J.  Shannon 
was  not  a  man  easily  discouraged  when  he  made  up 
his  mind  to  do  a  thing.  Almost,  I  clapped  my  hands 
in  applause;  but  not  quite.  And  it  was  really  a  re- 
lief when  I  heard  his  door  open  and  shut,  which  it 
did  immediately  after  he  had  accomplished  his  aim. 
He  was  going  down  to  dinner.  I  believed  that  he 
must  have  waited  to  remember  the  end  of  the  tune, 
and  that  he  had  determined  not  to  leave  the  room  until 
he  did  so. 

I  liked  him  for  his  obstinacy,  and  I  envied  him  be- 
cause he  had  no  reason  to  hide  himself  from  people's 
eyes.  He  could  go  happily  to  dinner  in  a  big,  gay 
restaurant,  meeting  all  the  eyes,  and  giving  back  their 
looks.  Yes,  I  did  envy  him !  He  did  not  know  how 
fortunate  he  was.  No  oleanders  could  give  him  bad 
luck.  I  pictured  him  tall,  and  rather  swaggering,  with 
light  wavy  hair,  cut  very  short,  and  laughing  blue  eyes 
with  curled-up  lashes. 

Sarah  and  I  dined  together  in  our  sitting-room, 
looking  out  on  a  flaming  sunset  which  died  to  royal 
purple.  She  was  tired  afterward,  and  thought  that  I 
must  be  also;  but  the  Alhambra,  and  the  face  in  the 


74  THE  LIFE  MASK 

pool,  and  the  thought  of  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina 
had  excited  me.  I  begged  her  to  get  ready  for  bed, 
and  let  me  sit  by  the  window  looking  out  at  the  sky 
and  the  firefly  lights  of  the  Vega,  when  the  waiter 
had  cleared  our  table.  At  last  she  consented,  and 
went  to  her  room,  which  was  on  the  left  of  the  salon. 
Mine  was  on  the  right.  Her  door  was  partly  open, 
and  I  could  hear  her  stirring  about.  It  made  the  place 
seem  homelike  that  she  should  be  there. 

With  my  arms  on  the  window-sill,  and  the  cool 
breeze  from  the  mountains  on  my  face,  I  began  in- 
voluntarily to  hum  the  air  of  "  Weep  no  more,  my 
lady."  Sarah  heard,  and  appeared  in  her  doorway, 
slipping  on  her  dressing-gown. 

"  Mercy  me,  Miss  Nita !  "  she  exclaimed.  "  You're 
singin'  my  old  song,  '  Weep  no  more.'  I  ain't  heard 
it  for  I  don't  know  how  many  years." 

"  Why  do  you  never  sing  it  any  more  ?  "  I  asked, 
bringing  my  head  back  into  the  room  from  outside 
the  window. 

"  Because  —  well,  I  never  do  sing  anything,  any 
more.  Not  for  years.  My!  But  I  ain't  forgotten 
that  tune." 

"Where  did  you  learn  it?"  I  asked.  "You 
never  told  me.  It  must  have  been  old,  even  in  your 
day." 

"  I  reckon  it  was.  But  it  was  mighty  sweet,  an' 
folks  sort  o'  clung  to  it.  'Twas  a  young  man  learned 
it  to  me.  His  name  was  William.  I  don't  know  as 
I  ever  spoke  to  you  about  him.  There  was  no  call 


THE  LIFE  MASK  75 

to  speak,  for  you  was  no  more'n  a  baby  when  we  was 
goin'  together,  Will  an'  me." 

"  Were  you  in  love  with  each  other  ? "  I  asked 
eagerly. 

"  I  liked  him  mighty  well.  An'  he  asked  me  to 
marry  him.  I  said  I  would.  We  was  engaged. 
But  we  couldn't  be  married  just  then ;  an'  I  got  a  place 
to  take  care  of  you.  Folks  thought  I  was  a  real  good 
nurse,  an'  that  was  why  your  mama  was  set  on  havin' 
me.  Afterward,  when  I'd  had  the  care  of  you  for  a 
while,  you  just  wound  yourself  round  an'  round  my 
heart.  You  wasn't  very  strong,  either.  An'  so  when 
Will  wanted  me  to  come  away  an'  be  married,  why  — 
I  just  couldn't!  I  said  I  reckoned  to  stay  till  you  got 
bigger,  an'  he  took  it  into  his  head  that  I  liked 
you  better'n  I  did  him.  Maybe  I  did,  too  —  but  it 
kind  o'  hurt  when  he  went  away  an'  took  up  with  a 
cousin  o'  mine.  Well,  I  reckon  'twas  for  the  best." 

"  So  that  was  your  love  story !  "  I  said.  "  And  I 
spoiled  it  for  you.  It  was  like  me !  " 

"  You  can't  hardly  call  it  a  love  story.  An*  you 
didn't  spoil  it,  darling.  I  wouldn't  put  it  past  Will  to 
have  gone  back  on  me  for  Nance  anyways.  I  reckon 
'twas  only  an  excuse." 

She  disappeared  from  the  door,  embarrassed,  and 
regretting,  maybe,  that  some  impulse  had  led  her  to  tell 
me  the  story.  I  half  felt  that  I  ought  to  follow 
and  caress  her,  as  if  to  make  up  for  the  wrong 
I  had  done  in  the  past,  beginning  even  as  a  baby  to 
cheat  her  of  her  love.  But  something  held  me  back; 


76  THE  LIFE  MASK 

selfishness,  I  am  afraid,  though  I  tried  to  make  myself 
believe  that  she  would  rather  be  alone  just  then. 

Downstairs,  the  guests  of  the  hotel  were  finishing 
their  dinner.  Three  stories  under  my  window,  I  could 
see  them  walking  out  through  the  long  windows  of 
the  restaurant,  on  to  a  wide,  roofless  balcony,  bril- 
liantly lighted.  There  were  many  seats,  and  round 
tables  dotted  about  on  the  tiled  floor,  and  people 
took  chairs  by  these  small  tables,  to  smoke  cigarettes, 
and  drink  their  after-dinner  coffee. 

I  counted  a  dozen  men,  and  twice  as  many  women 
in  evening  dress.  Their  voices  floated  up  to  me.  A 
few  were  talking  French  and  Spanish,  but  most  of 
them  were  English  and  Americans,  by  their  voices.  I 
had  done  right  not  to  go  down.  Still,  I  felt  lonely 
looking  down  from  my  unlighted  window  on  their 
gayety,  and  I  tried  to  pick  out  my  whistling  neighbor, 
Captain  H.  St.  J.  Shannon. 

There  was  no  fair-haired  young  man,  no  young  man 
at  all.  The  men  were  elderly  or  middle-aged.  Most 
of  their  heads  were  growing  bald,  as  I  could  very  well 
see. 

"Is  he  old,  then?"  I  asked  myself,  vaguely  disap- 
pointed, because  the  voice  had  sounded  gallant  and 
young.  But  at  that  moment  another  man  came  out 
on  to  the  balcony,  and  seated  himself  at  a  little  table 
away  from  all  the  others.  He  gave  some  order  to  a 
waiter,  and  laid  a  red  book  open  on  the  table,  as  he 
struck  a  match  to  light  a  cigarette.  The  first  match 
went  out,  and  he  struck  another.  Then  he  lifted  his 


THE  LIFE  MASK  77 

head,  slightly  puffing  at  the  cigarette  between  his  lips. 
His  hair  was  black  and  thick,  and  I  caught  one  glimpse 
of  the  face  I  had  seen  in  the  pool. 

I  felt  the  blood  rush  to  my  cheeks. 

"  Why ! "  I  exclaimed,  and  said  no  more.  I  drew 
in  my  head,  and  pushed  my  chair  back  from  the  win- 
dow. 

In  the  night,  before  dawn,  I  Heard  faint,  suppressed 
sounds  in  the  room  next  mine.  Some  one  was  dress- 
ing1. By  and  by  some  one  was  softly  opening  and 
closing  the  door.  Captain  H.  St.  J.  Shannon  was 
going  away  from  Granada. 


CHAPTER  VII 

IT  was  a  long  time  before  I  could  fall  asleep  again, 
after  my  neighbor's  stealthy  night-flitting.  I 
switched  on  the  electric  light  by  the  bed,  and 
glanced  at  my  watch.  It  was  two  o'clock,  but  already 
the  inhabitants  of  Granada  were  astir,  or  had  not  yet 
gone  to  rest.  I  got  up  and  looked  out  of  my  window, 
and  far  below  could  see  lights  in  the  patios,  which  in 
the  blue  night  were  like  square  plates  of  gold  on  dark 
enamel.  Voices  came  up  to  me,  scolding  or  laughing 
or  singing  in  those  illuminated  wells.  Watch-dogs 
bayed,  and  cocks  crowed.  Nearer,  a  nightingale  sang. 
Seen  and  heard  in  the  night,  Granada  might  still  have 
been  a  city  of  the  Moors.  I  felt  sure  their  ghosts 
must  often  come  back,  trying  to  fit  keys  into  vanished 
locks,  or  wishing  to  walk  in  gardens  long  ago  built 
over  with  shops  or  blocks  of  flats. 

I  went  back  to  bed,  but  as  I  was  falling  down  the 
hill  of  sleep,  to  my  horror  I  saw  the  gray  dream  on 
its  way  to  my  bedside.  Already  I  was  under  its  in- 
fluence, but  I  struggled  to  get  away  before  it  took  hold 
of  me.  "  I  can't,  I  can't  dream  it  here !  "  I  heard  my- 
self saying.  I  tried  to  wake,  for  I  realized  that  I  was 
asleep.  Then  again  I  heard  my  own  voice  crying  out, 
"  Come  and  save  me !  "  I  hardly  knew  to  whom  I  was 
calling,  but  it  was  not  to  Sarah.  And  the  answer  I 

78 


THE  LIFE  MASK  79 

seemed  to  hear  was  a  man's  voice  singing,  "  Weep  no 
more,  my  lady."  That  gave  me  the  power  to  throw 
the  horror  off,  and  I  woke,  panting  and  sitting  up  in 
bed.  But  the  dream  was  conquered  before  it  had 
come  near. 

Instantly  I  thought  of  the  oleanders.  What  was 
that  the  boy  at  Ronda  said  about  a  great  joy  or  gift 
which  could  come  with  the  oleander  to  a  "  person  ac- 
cursed," from  another  person  more  fortunate  ?  I  felt 
superstitious  about  the  flower,  though  I  had  laughed 
at  Sarah. 

She  was  as  much  excited  as  I  over  the  Carmen  de 
Santa  Catalina  the  next  morning,  and  we  got  up  early 
in  spite  of  my  disturbed  night.  I  said  nothing  to  her 
about  the  dream.  If  she  heard  that  it  had  tried  to 
come  on  my  first  night  on  the  Alhambra  hill,  she  would 
worry,  and  I  could  not  explain  what  had  driven  it 
away. 

When  I  opened  my  door  into  the  corridor,  I  was 
surprised  to  see  that  the  portmanteau  was  still  there, 
for  certainly  my  neighbor  had  dressed  himself  and 
gone  out  at  two  o'clock  in  the  night.  Also  his  door 
was  wide  open,  and  two  maids  were  working  in  the 
room,  with  the  feverish  energy  hotel  servants  seem 
to  have  only  when  they  are  cleaning  the  deserted  quar- 
ters of  one  guest  for  the  coming  of  another.  I  gave 
a  glance  in  passing  and  saw  on  a  table  near  the  door 
an  empty  vase.  Where  was  my  magnolia?  It  could 
not  have  faded  yet,  for  it  was  a  bud  yesterday  after- 
noon, and  the  one  I  had  kept  was  in  full  bloom  of 


8o  THE  LIFE  MASK 

beauty.  I  wondered  if  the  man  had  taken  it  with 
him.  The  thought  that  he  must  have  done  so  pleased 
me,  though  I  was  glad  he  could  not  find  out  that  his 
neighbor  was  the  woman  who  had  looked  at  him  in 
the  water  mirror.  I  was  glad,  too,  that  he  had  gone. 
I  did  not  want  ever  to  see  the  flesh  and  blood  face 
more  distinctly  than  I  had  seen  it  looking  down  at 
the  balcony,  for  if  I  passed  close  by,  in  the  street  or 
in  a  hotel  corridor,  it  would  cease  to  be  ideal.  I  could 
not  bear  to  have  the  memory  dimmed  by  a  common- 
place reality  which  would  lie  over  it  in  my  brain,  like 
a  photograph  taken  on  the  same  film  with  another. 

I  supposed  that  the  portmanteau,  now  locked  and 
strapped,  was  to  be  sent  after  its  owner.  I  could  have 
found  out,  if  I  had  chosen  to  be  curious  and  ask  ques- 
tions of  the  maids  at  work  in  the  deserted  room.  But 
I  did  not  choose. 

I  guided  Sarah  to  the  iron  gate  in  the  wall  which 
enclosed  the  wood,  hoping  to  get  into  the  Carmen,  but 
the  cedar  door  was  fastened.  Though  I  tapped  and 
called,  no  one  came,  and  there  was  nothing  to  do  but 
go  down  into  Granada,  to  the  address  the  hotel  mana- 
ger had  given. 

It  was  in  a  side  street  close  to  the  Cathedral,  a  curi- 
osity-shop not  as  picturesque  as  those  on  the  Alhambra 
hill.  This  was  sparsely  furnished  with  wares,  and 
the  few  bits  of  old  china,  fans,  tortoise-shell  boxes 
and  ivory  crucifixes  in  the  window  were  dusty  and  un- 
attractive. Madame  de  Ferrand,  the  widow  of  the 
once  rich  Arab-Frenchman,  was  letting  her  business 


THE  LIFE  MASK  81 

fall  to  pieces.  Only  a  sleepy  boy  who  could  speak 
neither  French  nor  English  was  in  the  shop,  but  he 
called  the  "  Sefiora,"  and  she  rolled  in  like  a  wave, 
a  very  fat;  woman,  clothed  somehow  in  billows  of 
coarse  muslin,  such  as  cooks  put  over  meat-safes  to 
keep  the  flies  off.  She  must  once  have  been  gor- 
geously handsome.  Fanning  herself  with  an  illus- 
trated paper,  devoted  to  the  interests  of  the  bull- 
ring, she  listened  to  my  proposition.  She  did  not 
interrupt,  but  as  I  talked  her  great  eyes  traveled 
slowly,  almost  without  winking  over  both  our  per- 
sons, from  hats  to  shoes,  finally  resting  on  my  veil. 
At  last  she  shrugged  her  shoulders,  looking  as  Ori- 
ental as  a  statue  of  Buddha.  She  would  be  pleased, 
she  answered  in  bad  French,  to  give  us  the  key  of 
the  Carmen,  and  those  of  the  house.  Also  she  would 
be  charmed  to  let  the  place,  for  as  long  a  time  as  we 
wanted  it,  provided  we  would  pay  each  month  in  ad- 
vance. But  she  was  certain  that  we  were  not  people 
to  be  content  with  the  discomforts  of  the  house.  She 
was  unlucky  and  always  had  been,  since  her  husband 
died.  It  was  not  likely  that  her  luck  would  change. 

Looking  at  her  and  her  untidy  surroundings,  it  was 
easy  to  see  why  she  was  "  unlucky."  Still,  it  was 
honest  of  her  not  to  raise  our  expectations  by  prais- 
ing her  property.  She  went  to  a  Spanish  desk,  the 
only  fine  thing  in  the  place  (and  the  only  thing  not 
for  sale),  peering  near-sightedly  into  drawer  after 
drawer  to  find  the  keys.  The  desk  was  at  the  back 
of  the  shop,  where  there  was  no  window,  and  in  the 


82  THE  LIFE  MASK 

brownish  dusk  the  immense  figure  in  its  yellow-white 
dressing-gown  loomed  vague  in  outline  as  a  swollen 
ghost. 

She  rummaged  through  two  rows  of  drawers, 
muttering  in  Spanish  as  each  one  failed  her,  then  be- 
gan again  at  the  beginning,  and  with  a  "  Maria  del 
Pilar !  "  clawed  out  a  bundle  wrapped  in  a  dirty  hand- 
kerchief of  Spanish  colors. 

The  entire  contents  of  the  red  and  yellow  rag  con- 
sisted of  keys,  mixed  promiscuously  together,  large, 
middle-sized,  and  very  small,  innocent  of  labels. 

"  It  is  a  long  time  since  I  have  needed  any  of  these," 
she  apologized,  with  a  sidelong  glance  at  Sarah's 
disapproving  face.  "  But  I  know  many  of  them  by 
sight.  The  worst  of  keys  is,  they  seem  to  breed,  like 
mice  or  rabbits,  and  there  are  always  ten  times  as  many 
as  when  you  saw  them  last." 

Of  the  biggest  key  there  was  no  doubt.  She  un- 
hesitatingly pronounced  it  the  key  of  the  garden,  of 
which  Pepe  the  gardener  had  the  duplicate.  As  for 
the  others,  it  was  a  more  difficult  question.  There 
were  dozens,  each  of  which  wished  to  disguise  itself 
as  another.  But  yes,  that  was  almost  certainly  the 
key  of  the  back  door,  and  if  not,  it  did  not  matter, 
for  Pepe  kept  one  in  his  pocket,  if  he  had  not  lost  it. 
He  was  supposed  to  go  in  and  air  the  house  once 
at  least  in  every  three  or  four  months.  Poor  house, 
she  herself  had  not  been  to  see  it  for  years,  it  made 
her  too  sad,  with  its  memories  of  happiness!  How- 
ever, she  used  the  oranges  and  lemons  and  the  few 


THE  LIFE  MASK  83 

grapes.  If  we  took  the  place,  which  she  did  not  be- 
lieve possible,  we  must  pay  extra  if  we  wanted  the 
fruit.  Ah,  here  was  the  front  door  key.  She  knew 
it  because  the  handle  was  broken.  And  as  for  the 
keys  of  cupboards  and  chests  of  drawers,  if  we  de- 
cided on  living  in  the  house,  we  might  take  this  lot 
with  us,  and  try  them  in  their  places.  That  would 
be  the  simplest  way,  as,  after  all,  she  had  forgotten 
which  was  which,  and  her  brain  was  not  equal  to  the 
task  of  separating  them.  As  for  the  rent,  it  was  two 
hundred  pesetas  a  month,  or  two  hundred  and  fifty 
with  house-linen  and  fruit.  To  the  flowers,  such  as 
they  were,  we  were  welcome.  But  really,  it  was  hardly 
worth  while  to  talk  business.  Nothing  would  come 
of  it! 

"  What  a  shiftless  piece  o*  poor  white  trash! "  said 
Sarah,  with  unusual  sharpness;  for  with  lazy,  untidy 
women  she  had  no  sympathy.  But  I  was  sorry  for 
Madame  de  Ferrand  in  her  dusty  shop,  left  high  and 
dry  by  the  tide  of  fortune.  Growing  comfortably 
fat  and  reading  about  bull-fights  were  her  consola- 
tions for  the  loss  of  her  husband  and  the  loss  of  her 
looks. 

It  was  too  much  for  Sarah  to  walk  up  the  hill,  so 
we  found  a  cab.  Strenuous  exercise  always  drained 
her  face  of  color,  and  set  her  heart  fluttering  so  pite- 
ously  that  mine  ached  with  a  guilty  ache.  Well  I 
knew  what  was  the  strain  which  had  weakened  the 
faithful  heart,  and  that  but  for  me  it  might  be  strong 
and  normal  still. 


84  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Even  the  pleasant  excitement  of  seeing  the  old  villa 
in  its  garden,  and  deciding  whether  we  could  attempt 
housekeeping  there,  gave  her  that  curious  pallor  round 
the  eyes  which  I  was  beginning  to  know  and  under- 
stand. 

"  You  mustn't  say  you  would  like  to  live  in  the  villa 
just  to  please  me,  unless  you  really  would,"  I  said, 
when  the  moment  came  of  fitting  the  big  key  into  the 
lock  of  the  garden  gate. 

"  I  reckon  'twill  do  me  good  and  keep  me  goin'  to 
have  a  house  to  look  after,  if  'tain't  fallin'  in  over  our 
heads,"  she  answered  cheerfully. 

We  looked  for  Pepe,  but  he  was  not  in  the  garden. 
We  had  it  to  ourselves,  and  I  was  glad.  I  was  glad, 
too,  when  Sarah  sat  down  on  a  stone  seat,  hot  with 
the  sun,  at  the  side  of  the  path  leading  from  the  gate  to 
the  fountain.  She  said  that  she  was  more  concerned 
with  the  house  than  the  garden,  and  as  she  was  a  little 
tired  she  would  wait  there  for  me  till  I  was  ready  to 
unlock  the  villa.  She  could  walk!  round  the  paths 
another  time.  I  did  not  try  to  persuade  her  to  change 
her  mind,  but  I  knew  in  my  heart  that  she  thought  I 
would  find  it  more  congenial  to  be  alone  than  to  have 
her  with  me  for  the  first  time  in  this  place  of  sad, 
poetic  beauty.  It  was  true.  I  did  want  to  be  alone, 
but  I  was  sorry  she  had  found  me  out. 

"  I  must  live  here.  I  must  have  this  for  my  own," 
I  said  to  myself,  for  the  garden  was  speaking  to  me  in 
many  voices,  voices  of  trees,  voices  of  flowers,  voices 
of  fountains.  I  felt  it  was  meant  to  be  mine,  and  I 


THE  LIFE  MASK  85 

couldn't  give  it  up,  no  matter  what  the  house  might 
prove  to  be  like. 

What  a  haven!  I  thought.  Behind  the  high"  wall 
and  the  locked  cedar  gate  I  should  be  as  safe  from  the 
world  as  in  a  fortress.  Even  in  the  crowded  season 
at  Granada,  it  would  be  the  same.  I  need  never  be 
seen.  No  one  could  get  at  me.  The  place  seemed 
made  for  me  to  live  in  for  months  or  years.  I  knew 
that  here  I  could  never  grow  restless,  and  long  to  go 
somewhere  else,  as  I  had  longed  at  Laburnum  Lodge. 
It  was  true,  as  Sarah  had  known  by  instinct.  That 
little  house  "  wouldn't  do"  This  would.  In  the  gar- 
den, all  the  beauty  of  the  world  would  seem  to  be 
mine. 

I  followed  the  path  from  the  gate,  past  the  middle 
fountain,  where  another  narrow  path  cut  it  across, 
straight  on  to  a  low  white  wall  covered  with  ivy  and 
honeysuckle  and  heliotrope.  This  was  built  on  the 
edge  of  a  sheer  height,  looking  down  over  the  Vega, 
and  away,  at  the  right,  to  the  Sierra  Nevada  like 
banked  white  clouds  along  the  horizon.  The  other 
three  walls  were  so  high  as  to  be  almost  unclimbable, 
and  no  one  could  see  over  them,  except  by  mounting 
a  ladder.  Along  the  low  wall  above  the  precipice 
ran  a  seat  whose  brick  and  stone  showed  through  the 
ragged  coat  of  stained  white  stucco,  and  at  each  of  the 
two  junctions  of  this  low  wall  with  the  high,  side 
walls,  there  was  a  simple  summer-house  of  the  kind 
called  by  the  Spaniards  a  mirador:  a  mere  lookout 
place  of  four  pillars  and  a  roof  overgrown  with  flow- 


86  THE  LIFE  MASK 

ers,  built  to  command  the  view.  One  of  these  mira- 
dors  was  at  the  far  end  of  the  garden;  the  other  was 
beyond  but  not  far  from  the  house,  which  I  could 
just  see  through  a  thicket  of  orange  and  magnolia 
trees,  with  here  and  there  the  silver  arbor  of  an 
olive  or  a  dark  spire  of  cypress.  From  tree  to  tree 
great  branches  of  wistaria  and  rose  vines  had  looped 
themselves  lovingly  for  companionship,  as  the  years 
slept  in  the  garden;  and  all  that  was  visible  of  the 
house  through  the  maze  was  a  brown-tiled  roof  and 
a  few  small  windows  framed  in  blazing  flowers. 
The  intersecting  paths  were  overgrown  with  grass 
and  at  their  junctions  were  fountains  or  stone- 
rimmed  sunken  basins  edged  with  myrtle.  All  the 
neglected  flower-beds,  which  were  square  in  shape, 
and  the  plantations  of  orange-trees  had  myrtle  hedges, 
once  neatly  trimmed,  no  doubt,  but  now  putting  out 
irregular  sprouts  like  little  green  hands  beckoning,  or 
asking  alms.  Round  each  fountain  ran  a  narrow 
cushion  of  velvet  moss  where  the  water  had  sprayed 
year  after  year.  They  reminded  me  of  the  long, 
green-covered  sandbags  which  old-fashioned  people 
lay  against  window-frames  to  keep  out  the  draught. 
Some  of  the  myrtle-trimmed  beds  were  given  up 
to  roses,  which  passed  from  birth  to  death  un- 
tended,  but  lovely  in  all  phases.  Others  were  filled 
with  Madonna  lilies  glistening  like  marble  where  the 
sun  found  them,  between  the  branches  of  a  magnolia 
set  in  the  center  like  a  green-and-white  brocaded  um- 
brella. Two  immense  box-trees  had  been  hollowed 


THE  LIFE  MASK  87 

out  in  the  middle  to  make  summer-houses,  and  smaller 
ones,  done  in  the  same  way,  were  dark  niches  for  old 
garden  statues.  Along  the  edge  of  each  path  and 
each  flower-bed  deep  gutters  had  been  cut,  for  running 
water.  They  were  half  choked  with  fallen  leaves 
and  a  potpourri  of  flower  petals,  wet  from  last  night's 
irrigation,  though  now  the  fountains  were  still. 

There  was  no  wind  this  morning,  and  the  garden 
was  a  great  bowl  of  perfume,  almost  stifling  in  its 
sweetness.  A  million  insects  were  tuning  tiny  fiddles 
and  beating  microscopic  drums.  Now  and  then  a  bird 
let  fall  a  liquid  note,  in  secrecy  of  shadow ;  and  where 
the  sun  was  hottest  white  butterflies  danced  up  and 
down  like  spray  from  a  hidden  fountain. 

It  was  a  long  time  before  I  could  leave  the  green 
gloom  of  the  intersecting  paths,  and  the  hot  flowery 
wall  looking  over  the  Vega.  Even  then  I  explored 
one  of  the  miradors  before  going  to  call  Sarah. 
Rickety  wooden  steps  led  up  into  it,  and  the  open 
facade  toward  the  garden  was  thickly  covered  with  a 
mass  of  convolvulus.  Inside  was  a  three-legged  table, 
fallen  down,  and  a  chair  which  would  certainly  have 
collapsed  if  I  had  trusted  myself  to  it.  A  lizard  ran  in 
front  of  my  feet,  and  a  family  of  baby  bats  clung  up- 
side-down to  the  broken  roof.  As  I  looked  over 
the  sea-like  expanse  of  the  Vega,  I  heard  Sarah's  voice 
calling : 

"  Where  are  you,  Miss  Nita  ?  I'm  gettin'  'most 
worried." 

She  had  been  on  a  small  exploring  expedition  of  her 


88  THE  LIFE  MASK 

own,  and  had  feared  that  I  might  have  fallen  over  tfie 
low  parapet,  built  on  the  edge  of  the  height. 

"  My,  but  it's  a  pretty  garden !  "  she  said.  "  Real 
wild  and  over-run ;  but  I  reckon  with  a  man  who  knew 
his  business  and  wasn't  afraid  o'  work,  we  could  make 
it  right  sweet.  You'd  like  to  have  it,  wouldn't  you? 
And  the  price  is  mighty  cheap,  if  there's  any  house  at 
all" 

"  We'll  go  and  see,"  I  said,  almost  trembling  lest  the 
villa  should  turn  out  to  be  impossible.  But,  to  my  in- 
tense joy,  it  was  far  better  than  either  of  us  had  dared 
expect.  The  outside  was  as  unpretentious  as  houses 
built  by  Moors,  a  mere  yellow-white  box  with  small 
windows  protected  by  brown  wooden  shutters.  But 
its  shabby  stucco  was  almost  hidden  by  flowering 
plants,  golden-hearted  roses,  and  huge  bunches  of 
wistaria. 

The  front  door  was  of  Moorish  fashion  —  Spanish 
fashion,  too ;  a  rusty  iron  grille;  then  a  tiled  vestibule ; 
and  a  carved  door  of  faded  cedarwood.  In  an  old 
lamp  hanging  desolately  from  the  painted  ceiling  a 
bird  had  built  a  nest  and  tired  of  it,  maybe  years 
ago. 

Inside,  all  was  in  darkness,  because  of  the  barred 
wooden  shutters.  We  had  to  grope  our  way  across 
the  first  room,  guided  by  knife-blades  of  light  at 
the  cracks.  The  place  smelled  musty,  and  was 
cold.  Sarah  was  afraid  lest  a  rat  should  run  across 
our  feet.  I  laughed  at  her,  and  was  surprised 
at  my  own  strength  as  I  forced  open  the  tightly 


THE  LIFE  MASK  89 

jammed  French   windows  and  prized  up  the  bars. 
Sarah  could  not  have  done  it. 

It  was  a  strange  room  which  we  saw  when  I  had 
let  in  air  and  sunshine.  The  walls  were  done  in 
arabesques  and  beehive  work,  copied  from  the  Alham- 
bra,  perhaps  by  Monsieur  de  Ferrand,  who  was  sup- 
posed to  have  Arab  blood.  The  floor  of  the  hall  was 
tiled,  but  this  room,  with  a  dado  of  brilliant  tiles,  was 
paved  with  many  different  woods,  in  an  intricate 
pattern.  There  was  brown  oak  and  lighter  olive, 
flesh-pink  eucalyptus,  and  pale  yellow  and  white 
and  greenish  woods  which  I  did  not  know.  The  floor 
was  done  in  stars,  with  rays  of  different  colors.  Win- 
dows were  bare  of  curtains,  and  for  furniture  there 
were  but  a  few  dilapidated  chairs  and  tables,  once 
handsome,  but  with  their  red  velvet  upholstery  ragged 
and  faded  now,  past  hope. 

Other  rooms  were  not  so  pretentious,  but  all  were 
large,  with  high  ceilings.  Most  of  the  furniture  and 
some  of  the  windows  were  broken.  The  kitchen 
regions  were  depressing,  and  there  was  scarcely  a 
whole  plate  or  cup  in  the  house.  The  cooking  arrange- 
ments puzzled  Sarah;  and  the  table  linen  and  bedding 
were  unfit  for  use;  but  if  we  were  willing  to  spend  a 
little  money  we  could  make  ourselves  comfortable  in  a 
primitive  way.  The  prospect  of  buying  things  en- 
chanted Sarah,  for  she  had  a  reckless  enjoyment  of 
spending  money,  if  it  were  to  give  me  pleasure.  In  a 
small  black  bag  she  always  wore  hanging  from  her 
belt  she  kept  little  blunt  ends  of  pencil,  and  half-sheets 


9o  THE  LIFE  MASK 

of  paper  economically  saved.  Walking  from  room  to 
room,  she  made  two  separate  lists:  one  of  things  we 
must  get ;  the  second  of  things  it  would  be  nice  to  have. 

"  There's  plenty  of  money,  Miss  Nita,"  she  repeated 
several  times,  when  I  opened  my  eyes  at  the  growing 
length  of  the  first  list,  added  to  moment  by  moment 
from  the  second.  "  There's  all  the  legacy  from  my 
poor  Uncle  John.  My !  I  shan't  spend  it  while  I  live, 
not  if  I  try.  And  there's  yours,  that's  been  pilin'  up 
an'  up  year  after  year.  I'm  sure  your  mamma  would 
like  you  to  spend  it  makin'  yourself  happy." 

We  were  both  remembering  at  that  moment  other 
money  I  might  have  had,  money  which  would  have 
made  me  rich ;  but  neither  of  us  spoke  of  it.  That  be- 
longed to  the  subject  which  we  never  mentioned.  I 
hated  even  to  think  of  it  in  this  house  where  I  hoped  to 
begin  my  new  life.  And  I  saw  myself  drawing  a 
sharp  line  between  the  past  and  the  present,  as  one 
might  cut  an  apple  in  two  parts. 

"  When  do  you  think  we  can  come  in,  Sarah  ?  "  I 
asked.  "  Oh,  do  let's  make  it  soon,  even  if  we  have 
to  engage  an  army  of  people  to  get  things  straight  for 
us  at  first." 

She  thought  for  a  minute  before  answering,  lost  in 
calculation.  As  I  watched  her,  I  could  not  help  notic- 
ing how  old  she  looked,  when  her  features  relaxed, 
without  any  attempt  at  brightness.  Bent  slightly  down 
as  her  face  was,  the  delicate  covering  of  flesh  hung 
loose,  in  long,  straight  lines  like  those  in  a  white  cloth 
that  has  been  wet  and  hung  up  to  dry. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  91 

"  We'll  come  to-morrow ! "  she  exclaimed  so  sud- 
denly that  I  started.  I  had  just  been  telling  myself 
that  it  was  time  I  began  to  take  care  of  her.  She  was 
wearing  herself  out  in  trying  to  make  me  forget. 

"  To-morrow !  "  I  echoed.  "  Do  you  really  think 
so?  How  splendid !  Our  real  life  together  will  begin 
to-morrow  —  in  this  garden  —  a  new  world,  just  for 
us." 

She  looked  at  me  with  her  tremulous,  loving  smile 
that  made  one  side  of  the  prettily  prim  mouth  go  up 
higher  than  the  other. 

"  I'm  mighty  glad  you  think  you'll  be  happy,  dearie. 
Gladder'n  I  can  tell.  But  if  you're  goin'  to  stay 
happy,  there  ought  to  be  somebody  else  in  the  garden 
for  you  besides  me." 

Just  then  a  brown  face  with  sloped,  sheeplike  eyes 
looked  smiling  in  at  the  open  window. 

"  There'll  be  Pepe,"  I  said. 


BOOK  II 
THE  REALITY 


CHAPTER  I 

AFTER  we  began  our  life  in  the  Carmen  de 
Santa  Catalina,  I  did  not  stir  outside  the  gar- 
den gate  for  more  than  a  week,  not  even  to  go 
into  the  palace  of  the  Alhambra. 

This  was  because,  when  Sarah  and  I  were  shopping 
in  the  town,  buying  things  for  the  villa,  I  saw  go  by 
in  an  omnibus  of  a  hotel  on  the  hill,  a  man  and 
woman  —  husband  and  wife  —  whom  I  used  to  know 
when  I  first  lived  in  London.  They  had  not  been 
friends  of  mine  nor  had  they  ever  been  enemies, 
merely  acquaintances;  but  I  could  not  bear  to  run  the 
risk  of  meeting  them.  They  were  people  who  traveled 
a  good  deal,  and  it  was  not  a  very  strange  coincidence 
to  run  across  them  here,  in  a  place  of  world-famous 
interest,  even  out  of  season.  When  we  decided  upon 
coming  to  Granada,  I  knew  that  among  many  tourists, 
there  might  be  a  few  old  acquaintances,  and  I  took  the 
chance  of  that.  But,  from  the  first,  I  planned  to  find 
a  villa  where  I  could  hide  myself;  and  I  had  been  for- 
tunate, for  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina  with  its  high 
walls,  its  Moorish  garden,  and  its  glorious  view  was 
ideal  for  my  purpose. 

We  settled  in  hurriedly,  with  Pepe,  Pepe's  wife, 
and  a  few  more  or  less  useful  relatives  of  theirs  to 
help  us.  For  several  days  life  was  a  wild  picnic,  but 

95 


96  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  enjoyed  it,  and  Sarah  was  in  her  element.  A  cab 
from  Granada  was  engaged  to  take  her  down  the  hill 
and  back  every  day,  until  all  that  we  needed  was 
bought;  and  her  highly  original  French  (picked  up  in 
the  years  at  Paris)  served  her  well  in  the  shops.  No- 
body knew  English,  but  most  of  the  tradespeople  had 
a  few  words  of  French.  When  we  settled  down, 
we  had  as  servants  only  Pepe,  and  a  sister  of  his 
whom  we  engaged  to  come  and  help  Sarah  every  day 
between  the  hours  of  eight  in  the  morning  and  eight 
in  the  evening.  Pepe  asked  for  an  assistant  in  the 
garden,  if  we  wished  to  have  things  well  kept;  but 
I  had  set  my  heart  upon  gardening,  myself.  I 
wanted  work  in  the  garden,  and  learning  Spanish,  to 
be  my  occupations.  Already  I  had  a  kind  of  fond- 
ness for  old  Pepe  of  the  flat-bridged  nose  and  blink- 
ing eyes.  I  had  discovered  that  his  ears,  under  scal- 
lops of  silvered  black  hair,  were  pointed,  and  he 
seemed  like  a  soft-mannered,  elderly  faun,  reluctantly 
dressed  in  modern  clothes.  I  felt  that  when  I  could 
speak  with  him  in  his  own  language,  he  would  be  a 
congenial  presence  in  the  garden;  but  I  did  not  like 
the  long-lipped,  beetle-browed  young  nephew  who 
was  vetoed.  Pepe  shook  his  head  at  this,  but  soon 
he  found  that  because  I  loved  it,  I  could  really  help  him. 
One  task  at  which  he  set  me  was  the  cutting  away 
of  dead  roses  from  among  the  living  ones.  It  kept 
me  busy  for  hours  each  day,  for  nothing  had  been 
done  since  the  roses  began  to  bud.  I  did  not  care, 
when  on  our  sixth  day  in  the  Carmen  Sarah  reported 


THE  LIFE  MASK  97 

seeing  Sir  Henry  and  Lady  Moffat  still  at  the  Wash- 
ington Irving,  sitting  in  front  of  the  hotel  when  she 
passed.  I  had  grown  so  infatuated  with  the  walled 
garden,  that  I  had  no  wish  to  leave  it  for  an  hour. 
I  had  been  to  the  Alhambra  only  once,  but  already  I 
could  go  back  to  it  in  memory,  walking  from  court  to 
court,  seeing  more  distinctly  than  any  other  the  Patio 
de  la  Alberca  with  the  picture  reflected  in  its  water- 
mirror.  The  Alhambra  would  wait,  I  said  to  myself, 
as  it  had  waited  hundreds  of  years  for  me  to  come 
home  to  it.  By  and  by  the  Moffats  and  the  other 
tourists  would  be  gone.  In  July,  and  afterward  for 
many  months,  it  would  be  almost  as  if  the  Alhambra 
groves  and  the  palace  belonged  to  me  alone.  Mean- 
while, I  had  the  garden,  and  the  view  over  the  low 
wall  of  the  miradors;  the  old  town  beneath,  with  its 
roofless  patios,  secret  to  the  world  on  their  own  level, 
but  open  to  me  and  the  birds.  There,  if  I  liked,  I 
could  observe  family  quarrels,  and  love-makings.  I 
could  hear  girls  singing  over  their  work;  I  could  see 
mothers  teaching  half-naked  brown  babies  to  walk, 
and  children  playing  with  dogs,  and  lambs,  and  old 
women  milking  goats.  I  could  look  out  over  the  Vega 
of  changing  colors,  never  twice  the  same,  its  sunrise 
and  sunsets,  its  twilights,  and  the  yellow  flowers  of 
light  that  blossomed  in  the  blueness  of  night.  In  the 
evening,  after  the  heat  of  the  day  was  gone  from 
the  garden,  and  the  water  had  begun  to  swirl  round  the 
myrtle-edged  flower-beds,  and  ripple  like  silver  snakes 
down  each  side  of  the  transverse  paths,  I  could  stroll 


98  THE  LIFE  MASK 

along  the  grass-grown  walks,  and  see  the  seven  foun- 
tains sparkling  under  the  trees  like  flowers  of  glass. 
All  the  air  would  then  be  full  of  music:  the  notes  of 
nightingales  —  our  own  nightingales  —  singing  the 
garden  to  sleep;  the  bubble  and  murmur  of  waters; 
the  chiming  of  church  bells  down  in  Granada;  the 
laughter  of  children  softened  by  distance;  and  some- 
times the  strumming  of  guitars.  Then  I  could  pic- 
ture young  Spanish  men  in  cool,  narrow  streets  I 
could  not  see,  serenading  girls  they  loved,  who  peeped 
out  from  behind  iron  bars  and  threw  roses  from  their 
sleek  black  hair  when  the  music  stopped.  It  was  bet- 
ter to  imagine  this  than  to  see  it,  because  I  was  able 
to  paint  the  men  as  handsome  and  the  girls  as  beauti- 
ful as  I  chose. 

Early  in  the  morning,  too,  I  could  go  to  the  garden 
gate,  and  see  Pepe's  sister,  Marta  of  the  glorious  eyes 
and  shadowy  mustache,  taking  in  the  milk,  and  the 
bread.  A  witch-like  old  woman  brought  the  milk, 
not  in  cans,  but  in  goats  jingling  with  bells,  who  were 
stopped  outside  the  gate,  and  milked  before  our  eyes, 
into  big  jugs  which  Marta  carried  from  our  kitchen. 
The  bread  arrived  in  panniers  on  a  small  donkey  with 
tasseled  and  embroidered  harness.  While  its  driver 
stopped  to  gossip,  the  little  animal  would  lean  in  an 
attitude  of  abandon  against  a  tree,  and  appear  to  sleep, 
if  but  for  a  moment. 

Never  before,  though  I  had  seen  beautiful  gardens, 
had  I  made  friends  with  a  garden;  but  soon  our  Car- 
men was  my  friend.  I  got  to  know  each  tree  inti- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  99 

mately,  and  all  the  flowers'  faces,  though  they  were  so 
many.  I  began  to  see  that  each  face  was  different 
from  the  others,  as  with  human  beings  and  animals. 
I  thought  there  was  a  difference  even  in  the  perfume, 
the  roses  expressed  themselves  for  me  and  each  bud 
was  a  note  in  the  song  of  color.  I  laid  my  ear  against 
the  trunks  of  trees,  and  it  seemed  as  if  I  could  hear 
the  whisper  of  the  sap  in  their  veins.  If  I  happened 
to  wake  early,  I  would  steal  downstairs  and  out  of 
the  house  in  my  nightgown,  sure  that  there  was  no 
one  to  spy  upon  me,  and  wade  through  the  ghost-blue 
sea  of  the  dawn  till  the  sun  came  up.  Then,  when  the 
veil  of  dewdrops  spread  over  the  heads  of  the  flowers 
began  to  glitter,  I  would  bend  down  and  bathe  my  face. 
The  pure  sweetness  of  this  "  wine  of  the  sky  "  gave 
me  a  pleasure  different  from  any  I  ever  knew,  even 
when  I  was  a  child.  And  I  was  glad  that  I  could  help 
give  back  its  youth  to  the  deserted  garden,  just  as  life 
and  work  in  it  were  giving  back  mine. 

On  the  tenth  day,  in  the  afternoon,  Sarah  told  me 
that  the  Moffats  had  gone.  She  had  seen  them  in  the 
hotel  omnibus  which  was  piled  with  their  luggage. 

"  Now  you  needn't  stay  penned  up  any  longer  be- 
hind this  gate,"  she  said.  "  You  can  go  out  as  much 
as  you  please.  And  there  don't  seem  to  be  anybody 
left,  hardly.  I  don't  meet  a  soul  when  I'm  drivin' 
down,  except  the  Spanish." 

"  But  I  don't  call  this  being  penned  up,"  said  I. 
"  Once  I  used  to  pity  the  Lady  of  Shalott,  but  not 
now." 


loo  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Sarah  looked  blank. 

"  I  don't  know  as  I  ever  heard  you  speak  of  her 
before,  but  I  know  you  used  to  have  plenty  o'  friends 
with  titles.  I'm  mighty  glad  you're  happy  here, 
honey,  an'  so  am  I,  happier  than  I  ever  thought  I 
could  be,  even  a  little  while  ago  when  things  began  to 
come  right.  Still,  it  ain't  natural  for  a  young  lady 
like  you,  livin'  like  this  forever,  without  any  interests 
but  a  garden.  I  want  something  to  happen  to  you, 
Miss  Nita." 

"  Oh,  no,  enough  has  happened  to  me ! "  I  cried 
out.  "  For  heaven's  sake,  don't  let's  have  any  more !  " 

"  I  mean  good  things,"  she  explained.  "  The  kind  of 
things  that  ought  to  happen  to  a  beautiful — " 

"  Dearest  old  friend,"  I  cut  her  short,  "  it's  no  use 
pretending  that  I'm  like  others.  We  both  know  that 
I'm  one  apart  —  like  the  bat  in  the  fable  I  used  to  be 
so  sorry  for  when  I  was  little,  because  it  wasn't  bird 
or  beast,  and  could  have  no  friends  among  either." 

"  There's  no  reason  why  you  shouldn't  have  friends 
—  make  new  ones,  of  course ! "  Sarah  exclaimed,  ex- 
citedly. "  The  garden,  and  just  livin'  ain't  enough  — 
anyhow  they  won't  be  enough  long." 

"  But  I'm  going  to  have  a  new  interest.  Now  the 
Moffats  are  out  of  the  way,  I  shall  walk  over  to  our 
hotel  one  day  soon,  and  ask  about  some  one  to  teach 
me  Spanish.  You  can  learn  too  if  you  like." 

"  No,  I  thank  you,  dearie.  My  French  will  do  for 
me.  I  can  pick  up  what  Spanish  I  need  from  hearin' 
you  speak  it.  I  ain't  equal  to  learnin'  new  things. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  101 

What  I  want  is  to  see  you  happy  the  way  a  woman 
ought  to  be  happy,  an'  then  I  can  just  lay  comfortably 
down  an'  die,  if  I  feel  like  it." 

"O  Sarah,  don't  talk  so!"  I  implored.  "You're 
not  ill?" 

"  No,  not  a  mite  ill,  only  kind  of  tired  sometimes, 
as  if  'twould  be  a  rest  to  let  the  machinery  stop.  I 
ain't  goin'  to  do  that,  though,  not  if  I  can  help  it, 
an'  I  reckon  I  can,  till  you've  got  a  strong  arm  to 
lean  on,  a  whole  sight  stronger  than  mine  ever  was, 
at  the  best.  I  want  you  to  meet  some  good,  splen- 
did man,  Miss  Nita,  who'll  love  you  most  to  death, 
an'  make  you  marry  him." 

I  stared  at  her,  horrified. 

"If  it  were  any  one  else  who  spoke  to  me  about 
such  things,  I  should  say  it  was  cruel,"  I  reproached 
her.  "  You  wouldn't  be  cruel  to  me  on  purpose, 
but—" 

"  Only  to  be  kind,  as  the  sayin'  is,  honey.  It  ain't 
cruel  to  wish  for  you  what,  if  wise  folks  and  books 
are  right,  is  the  best  gift  on  this  earth.  Well,  I 
reckon,  next  to  the  love  of  the  Lord,  the  love  of  the 
right  man  is  the  best  thing  there  is  for  a  woman." 

I  could  not  let  her  go  on.     It  was  like  madness. 

"Do  you  think,"  I  broke  in,  "if  I  met  a  man  — 
which  I  won't  do  —  and  adored  him,  and  he  me,  that 
I'd  marry  him  and  not  tell?  Even  if  I  were  so  self- 
ish, so  wicked,  he'd  find  out  soon." 

"Well,  and  if  he  did?"  Sarah  gave  me  look  for 
look,  with  a  new  defiance  which  was  strange  on  the 


102  THE  LIFE  MASK 

prim  face  with  its  faded  prettiness.  "  You're  as  much 
of  a  martyr  as  if  you  was  in  Fox's  Book,  with  bags 
of  gunpowder  under  your  arms.  Wouldn't  a  man 
—  the  right  man  —  thank  God  for  the  chance  to  com- 
fort you  ?  " 

I  laughed  then;  I  could  not  help  it,  though  I  hurt 
her,  making  her  shrink  visibly  in  her  sensitiveness  to 
ridicule. 

"  I  don't  know  much  about  many  men,"  I  said,  "  but 
I'm  sure  that  isn't  what  they  like  best  to  do  for  a 
woman.  Besides,  how  can  I  tell  that  I  didn't  '• — " 

"  For  the  Lord's  sake —  for  the  Lord's  sake!  "  she 
cried  sharply,  waving  her  thin  hands  up  and  down. 
"  Don't  you  be  keepin'  that  thought  in  your  heart. 
You  don't  want  me  to  talk  o'  dyin',  or  layin'  down  to 
rest,  but  that's  the  one  quickest  way  there  is  to  kill 
me!" 

"  It's  you  who  makes  me  say  it.     I  can't  tell  — " 

"  You  can  —  you  can !  Just  you  believe  Sarah. 
I'm  plumb  certain ! " 

"  But  the  dream  — " 

"  Never  mind  the  dream.  It  ain't  comin'  any  more. 
I  reckon  we've  climbed  up  to  where  there's  realities 
now.  Dreams  go  by  contraries.  An'  there's  no  more 
reason  why  you  shouldn't  be  happy  than  any  other 
young  lady  that's  beautiful  an'  full  of  life.  See  here, 
honey,  let  you  an'  me  go  to  those  gypsies  that  blond 
young  fellow  at  Ronda  was  talkin'  about.  It  would 
be  real  interesting  an'  I  reckon  there's  something 
strange  about  'em,  different  from  other  folks  —  a  sort 
of  gift.  I  know  where  they  live,  an'  how  to  get  there. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  103 

I  was  talkin'  this  morning  to  the  guide  from  the  hotel 
where  we  stayed.  It  was  comin'  home  from  the  town, 
an'  there  was  that  gypsy  king  as  he  calls  himself, 
struttin'  and  posturin'  like  a  peacock  in  his  velvet  jacket 
and  red  sash,  and  his  silly  white  stockin's.  He  was 
pesterin'  me  to  buy  his  photograph,  when  that  guide 
come  along  and  told  him  to  let  me  alone.  So  I  just 
asked  the  young  man  if  there  was  any  good  in  the 
gypsies,  if  they  was  nice  to  see,  and  if  they  could  tell 
fortunes.  He  give  'em  a  real  good  name  for  that; 
an'  everybody  goes  to  visit  the  cave  houses  they  live 
in,  an'  watch  'em  dance." 

"  Where  everybody  goes,  is  the  place  for  us  to  keep 
away  from,"  I  answered;  but  she  looked  so  grieved, 
that  I  repented.  "  Maybe  everybody  has  gone  away 
now,  though,  and  it  would  be  safe." 

"  That's  what  I  thought,"  she  agreed.  "  I'd  like  to 
see  the  caves  an'  the  dancin'  myself,  for  a  kind  of 
change.  It's  what  a  body  comes  abroad  for,  to  get 
acquainted  with  the  foreigneerin'  ways." 

"Well,  then,  we'll  go,"  I  promised  her.  "Will 
you  engage  the  guide  to  take  us,  some  night  soon?' — » 
for  I  suppose  we  can't  go  alone  ?  " 

She  looked  relieved,  but  self-conscious. 

"  I  have  pretty  near  engaged  him,"  she  admitted, 
"  for  to-night,  because  he  says  night  is  the  interesting 
time.  I've  just  set  my  heart  on  your  havin'  your 
fortune  told  by  a  real  fortune-teller." 

I  thought  —  though  I  did  not  put  my  thought  into 
words  —  that  a  "  real  fortune-teller "  might  have 
things  to  say  which  would  make  me  sad  to  hear. 


CHAPTER  II 

WE  had  dinner  early,  took  off  our  few  rings 
and  simple  jewelry,  and  met  the  guide  who 
had  engaged  a  carriage  for  us,  at  a  little 
after  eight.  The  red  of  sunset  still  glowed  in  the 
west,  and  In  the  midst  shone  the  half  full-moon,  like  a 
silver  vase  in  a  furnace,  as  I  saw  it  through  my  veil. 
The  guide,  a  wiry  dark  youth  with  bead-black  eyes, 
who  could  speak  a  hotchpotch  of  English  and  French, 
sat  perched  on  the  high  seat  beside  the  driver.  When 
we  had  passed  beyond  the  groves  of  the  Alhambra 
and  its  singing  waters,  and  were  going  down  the  hill, 
he  began  throwing  us  guide-book  information.  I 
hardly  listened,  for  to  my  surprise  I  found  it  exciting 
to  come  out  of  the  garden  and  go  for  a  drive,  after 
having  been  shut  up  among  the  flowers  and  fountains 
of  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina  for  ten  days.  Down 
in  the  dusty  white  plain,  we  saw  the  Alhambra  stand- 
ing up  grandly  on  its  green  height  above  the  town ;  and 
for  a  while  the  carriage  took  us  slowly  through  the 
narrow  old  streets  into  which  I  had  looked  from  the 
miradors  and  terrace  wall.  They  were  picturesque  be- 
cause of  their  iron-grilled  doors  and  windows,  their 
queer  glassed-in  balconies,  and  flapping  green  blinds 
behind  which  powdered  faces  peeped  out;  but  soon 
we  left  them  as  our  horses  began  to  climb  a  steep 

104 


THE  LIFE  MASK  105 

and  peculiarly  ugly  hill  toward  the  gypsy  quarter. 

By  this  time  the  southern  night,  falling  early  and 
with  suddenness  even  in  summer,  had  painted  the  red 
west  blue,  with  streaks  of  purple,  and  the  moonlight 
was  gaining  power.  The  low  cottages  and  white- 
washed cave-dwellings  of  the  gypsies  which  I  had  read 
about  glimmered  in  the  dusk  like  the  inside  of  pearl- 
oyster  shells,  and  the  lamps  behind  their  deep-set  door- 
ways sent  out  a  dull  glow  of  orange  yellow.  Big 
bunches  of  dusty  cactus  growing  here  and  there,  leered 
at  us  like  crowding  hares  with  pricked-up  ears.  At 
this  hour  the  gypsy  quarter  looked  a  mysterious  place, 
and  the  effect  was  heightened,  as  our  carriage  stopped 
before  a  cave-house,  by  a  sudden  rush  of  girls  and 
children  in  fantastic  dresses. 

"  I  sent  the  capitano  de  gitanos  notice  we  come," 
the  guide  announced,  as  he  helped  us  out  of  the  car- 
riage. "  All  his  peoples  ready  for  dance,  to  make 
you  a  pleasure.  You  find  it  very  naice.  And  you  go 
in  see  this  cave.  It  is  clean,  and  not  to  be  afraid  of. 
These  days  the  gitanos  very  good  peoples,  not  like 
other  times.  No  danger  to  hurt  or  rob." 

It  had  not  occurred  to  me  that  there  could  be  dan- 
ger, but  now  that  he  spoke,  I  was  almost  sorry  to  hear 
that  there  was  no  spice  of  it.  The  girls  in  their  short 
pink  and  yellow  dresses,  their  fringed  shawls  and 
tuftlike  head-dresses,  surged  round  Sarah  and  me, 
laughing,  showing  their  white  teeth  and  chattering  in 
Spanish.  There  were  few  who  were  pretty,  but  they 
were  young  and  bright-eyed. 


106  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  They  ask  if  you  see  dance  first,  or  have  the  for- 
tune telling,"  the  guide  interpreted  the  chatter. 

"  Oh,  I  think  we  must  save  the  fortune  telling  for 
the  last,  don't  you,  Sarah?"  I  said. 

She  agreed,  mildly.  She  was  smiling,  and  looking 
about  with  interest.  I  was  delighted  that  I  had 
pleased  her  by  consenting  to  her  plan.  Evidently  she 
was  enjoying  the  adventure,  she  who  never  gave  her- 
self amusements  of  any  kind! 

"  Yes,  it  is  better,  we  do  that,"  said  the  guide. 

We  went  into  the  cave-house,  through  a  doorway 
which  was  an  aperture  in  the  whitewashed  rock, 
with  a  rough  wooden  door  fitted  into  it.  The  cave 
itself  formed  two  rock-rooms.  From  the  outer  one, 
which  we  entered  from  the  road,  I  could  see  that  there 
was  another  beyond,  but  it  was  in  darkness,  while 
the  front  room,  used  for  a  kitchen  as  well  as  for  a 
dancing-saloon,  was  lighted  by  unshaded  lamps  with 
tin  reflectors.  The  irregular  roof  and  walls  were 
whitewashed  and  there  were  many  utensils  of  polished 
copper  hanging  from  nails.  Also  there  were  a  few 
baskets,  made  of  woven  grasses,  and  colored,  appar- 
ently gypsy  work  intended  for  sale.  Everything  was 
clean  and  meant  for  show.  A  fat  old  woman  with  a 
brown,  greasy  complexion,  was  flattered  by  our  admi- 
ration of  the  copper  pots  and  pans  and  ladles.  She 
pointed  out  the  queer  oven  where  she  did  her  cooking, 
and  was  so  enchanted  with  Sarah's  interest  that  she 
patted  the  London-made,  black  silk  mantle  caressingly, 
and  fell  to  examining  the  bead  fringe.  At  sight  of 


THE  LIFE  MASK  107 

this  liberty  and  Sarah's  amused  smile,  the  young  girls 
took  courage,  and  the  prettiest  one,  spurred  on  by  her 
friends,  with  shrieks  of  impish  laughter,  tried  to  undo 
my  veil. 

"  They  wish  no  harm,"  the  guide  explained,  as  I 
shrank  away.  "  They  say,  they  sure  the  young  lady 
very  beautiful.  They  want  to  look,  and  they  dance 
better  if  they  see  her  face  and  eyes." 

I  had  the  impulse  to  refuse,  but  decided  that  it  would 
be  foolish.  I  knew  there  was  no  real  reason  why  I 
need  object  to  these  gypsy  girls  staring  as  much  as  they 
liked  at  my  unveiled  face.  I  put  up  my  hands  and 
took  out  the  pins  myself.  The  folds  of  lace  dropped, 
and  I  laughed  in  spite  of  myself  at  the  girls'  affected 
cries  of  admiration. 

"  They  say,  my  lady,  you  have  the  eyes  more  splen- 
did than  the  Spanish  womens,"  the  guide  translated 
their  exaggerated  compliments,  "  and  the  skin  like 
some  magnolia  flowers.  They  think  my  young  lady 
must  be  princess,  she  has  such  an  high  air,  yet  is  much 
sympathique." 

"  They  are  very  kind,"  I  said,  "  but  now  we  have 
talked  enough  about  myself,  and  we  should  like  to  see 
the  dance." 

"  In  one,  two  minute,"  promised  the  guide.  "  We 
wait  for  the  capitano.  He  come  when  he  dressed." 
Rush-bottomed  chairs  were  given  us,  and  by  the 
time  we  were  settled,  the  captain  of  the  gypsies  ap- 
peared: a  strapping  fellow  with  a  low  forehead  and 
two  chins.  His  costume  in  honor  of  the  dance  was  a 


io8  THE  LIFE  MASK 

velveteen  coat,  and  a  red  sash  dividing  his  fancy  white 
shirt  from  common  gray  trousers.  He  bowed  to  us, 
sat  down  in  a  businesslike  way,  and  began  to  play  on 
a  guitar  while  the  girls,  two  at  a  time,  danced  and 
postured,  cracked  their  castanets  and  struck  little  tam- 
bourines. Their  dancing  was  rather  wild  and  grace- 
ful, and  interesting  because  of  the  background:  the 
whitened  cave-walls  on  which  their  moving  figures 
flung  shadows  like  giant  tarantulas,  the  smoky,  yellow 
lamplight  that  lit  sparks  in  their  glancing  eyes  and 
made  their  teeth  sparkle;  but  as  a  performance  it  was 
nothing  to  Spanish  dances  I  had  watched  in  London 
music  halls,  a  thousand  years  ago,  it  seemed.  Still, 
there  was  a  thrill  in  it,  a  hint  of  savagery,  as  in  a  band 
of  young  tigresses  at  play.  One  dance  changed  into 
another  with  guttural  cries  of  pretended  joy,  snapping 
of  castanets,  beating  and  jingling  of  tambourines  and 
a  strumming  undertone  of  the  guitar. 

At  last  music  and  dancing  stopped  abruptly,  the 
girls  laughing  and  breathing  hard,  all  eyes  on  us. 
We  clapped  our  hands,  and  the  guide  announced 
that  we  had  now  been  given  twenty-five  pesetas'  worth 
of  amusement.  If  we  cared  to  pay  more,  they  would 
dance  more.  But  Sarah  and  I,  after  consulting,  asked 
him  to  intimate  politely  that  though  we  had  enjoyed 
the  performance  we  had  had  enough. 

"  Then  the  fortune  telling  can  be  done,"  said  the 
guide.  "Which  of  the  ladies  be  first?" 

"  Oh,  I  am  not  going  to  have  mine  told,"  cried 
Sarah.  "  I'm  past  fortunes.  It's  this  young  lady  — " 


THE  LIFE  MASK  109 

But  the  idea  of  Sarah  having  her  fortune  told 
amused  me.  She  had  insisted  that  mine  should  be 
done.  Now  it  was  my  turn  to  insist. 

"  No.  You  must  go,  too,"  I  laughed.  "  I  won't, 
till  after  you've  been.  You  must  come  back  and  let 
me  hear  what  it's  like." 

Sarah  gazed  at  me  wistfully,  but  seeing  that  I  was 
in  the  mood  for  mischief  —  a  mood  she  must  almost 
have  forgotten  —  she  got  up  resignedly  and,  follow- 
ing the  guide  with  a  moan  of  protest,  disappeared 
through  the  dark  doorway  like  a  train  entering  a 
tunnel. 

"  Is  the  fortune-teller  in  that  back  room?  "  I  asked 
the  young  man  when  he  returned  without  Sarah. 

"  Yes,  mademoiselle,  the  fortune-teller  has  been 
waiting  there." 

"  A  gypsy  woman  ?  " 

The  guide  began  to  play  with  a  coin  hanging  from 
his  silver  watch-chain. 

"  Oh,  the  fortune-tellers,  they  all  gypsies  here. 
This  a  very  good  wan." 

"  But  how  can  my  friend  understand  what  the  gypsy 
says,  if  you  don't  stay  there  to  translate?" 

"  The  fortune-teller  can  spik  French  and  leetle 
Englis." 

In  a  few  minutes  Sarah  came  back,  with  an  excited 
and  puzzled  air. 

"  What  a  short  fortune !  "  I  said,  rising  to  take  my 
turn  in  the  dark  room.  "  It  ought  to  be  half-price." 

"  Old   folks   have  got  only  short   fortunes,"   said 


no  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Sarah.  "  But,  honor  bright,  it  was  real  queer.  I 
don't  know  as  I'd  of  made  such  a  point  o'  your  comin' 
to  have  yours  told  if  I'd  thought  what  'twould  be  like. 
Not  that  there's  anything  bad.  But  maybe,  if  you 
feel  as  if  you  don't  want  to,  you'd  better  not." 

Her  look  and  her  words  pricked  my  curiosity.  I 
had  not  wished  to  have  my  "  fortune  "  told,  but  now 
it  would  have  been  hard  to  persuade  me  to  go  without 
hearing  what  the  gypsy  had  to  say. 

"  I  won't  give  it  up,  as  I'm  here,"  I  answered. 
"  I'm  not  afraid.  You  make  me  quite  excited." 

Sarah  offered  no  more  objections,  though  as  I  went 
into  the  inner  cave  I  knew  that  she  was  looking  after 
me  anxiously.  I  wondered  what  the  fortune-teller 
could  have  said  to  upset  her,  and  determined  to  find 
out  after  we  got  home. 

The  guide  went  only  as  far  as  the  door  with  me, 
calling  out  in  French,  "  The  young  lady,"  like  a  foot- 
man who  announces  the  name  of  a  guest.  I  thought 
it  odd  that  he  should  speak  in  French  instead  of  his 
native  Spanish,  to  a  gypsy,  although  he  had  mentioned 
that  the  fortune-teller  knew  the  language. 

After  all,  this  back  room  of  the  cave  was  not  quite 
dark,  though  it  had  appeared  so  when  looking  at  the 
deep  doorway  from  the  lighted  front  room.  On  a 
shelf,  burned  a  floating  wick  in  a  saucer  of  oil,  flick- 
ering as  if  in  a  breeze,  though  the  cave  was  airless 
and  seemed  to  have  no  ventilation  except  from  the 
front  of  the  house.  Near  the  doorway  were  two 
large,  very  neat  beds,  made  with  plump  bags  of  feath- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  111 

ers,  and  covered  with  coarsely  knitted  lace  counter- 
panes over  Turkey  red.  The  place  was  cool,  with 
the  peculiar  coolness  of  a  cellar.  I  could  see  no 
furniture  except  the  beds,  and  two  chairs  put  at  the 
far  end  of  the  cave  in  a  rough  kind  of  alcove.  In 
one,  with  its  back  turned  toward  the  door,  sat  stoop- 
ingly  a  figure  with  head  and  shoulders  covered  with 
a  shawl.  It  did  not  move,  but  as  there  was  no  one 
else  in  the  room,  and  no  way  in  or  out  except  by  the 
door  at  which  I  stood,  I  knew  it  must  be  the  fortune- 
teller. 

I  groped  my  way  toward  the  alcove,  nearly  catching 
my  foot  once  or  twice  in  a  large  rug  apparently  made 
of  all  sorts  of  colored  rags. 

"  Shall  I  take  this  chair  opposite  you?  "  I  asked,  in 
French,  as  I  hovered  on  the  verge  of  the  hollo  wed-out 
alcove,  and  still  the  gypsy  had  not  turned  her  head. 

"  Yes,  if  you  please,"  came  a  whisper  in  the 
same  language.  The  deepness  of  the  voice  was  pe- 
culiar. 

I  squeezed  past  her  chair  into  the  alcove,  and 
took  the  chair  facing  her.  The  little  light  there 
was,  fell  on  my  face,  but  though  I  tried  to  see  what 
the  gypsy  was  like  I  could  not.  The  large  shawl 
she  wore  over  her  head  and  stopping  shoulders  was 
pulled  forward  so  that  it  hung  down  as  far  as  her 
eyes,  and  narrowing  at  the  cheeks  was  fastened  at  the 
point  of  the  chin.  What  with  this  muffling  of  the 
face  and  throat,  and  the  fact  that  her  back  was  turned 
to  the  room  and  its  glow-worm  light,  I  was  unable  to 


112  THE  LIFE  MASK 

make  out  a  single  feature.  I  could  not  see  even  a 
gleam  of  the  eye;  and  the  effect  on  my  nerves  of  be- 
ing alone  in  the  cave-room  with  this  vague  presence, 
was  disturbing.  I  was  ashamed  of  myself  for  fall- 
ing a  victim  to  the  clap-trap  arranged  to  impress  me. 
Still,  I  could  not  help  thinking  this  might  be  a  skeleton 
wrapped  in  a  shawl,  and  a  skull  grinning  out  of  the 
shadow. 

I  had  to  remind  myself  how  near  Sarah  was,  and 
the  guide  from  our  old  hotel,  before  I  could  make  up 
my  mind  to  sit  down.  But  it  was  over  in  a  minute. 
I  did  not  think  the  fortune-teller  would  suspect  that  I 
had  been  silly  enough  to  hesitate.  Sitting  down,  so 
near  the  gypsy  that  my  knees  almost  touched  hers,  I 
inquired  in  a  matter-of-fact  tone  what  I  was  to  do 
next. 

"  Mustn't  we  have  more  light  ?  "  I  asked  in  French. 
"  You  can't  see  the  lines  of  my  hand." 

"  It  is  not  dark  to  me,"  the  woman  whispered. 
"  Lay  your  hand  palm  upward  in  mine." 

I  did  so,  and  felt  my  wrist  supported  by  her  hand, 
large  and  warm,  with  little  pulses  in  it  which  to  my 
imagination  were  like  magnetized  needles. 

For  a  long  minute  we  rested  thus,  and,  my  arm 
growing  tired,  I  relaxed  my  muscles  and  let  the  full 
weight  of  my  hand  fall  suddenly  into  the  old  woman's, 
to  see  what  she  would  do;  but  the  support  did  not 
give  way.  The  large  throbbing  palm  felt  warm  and 
strong  under  mine. 

"  Why  don't  you  begin  to  tell  me  my  fortune  or  my 


THE  LIFE  MASK  113 

character?"  I  wanted  to  know.  "I'm  afraid  I  must 
hurry.  It's  getting  late." 

"  I  am  thinking,"  she  answered,  still  in  the  deep 
whisper,  which  I  thought  a  theatrical  affectation. 
"  I  am  thinking  —  about  you." 

"  Please  tell  me,  if  I  don't  interrupt  you  too  much," 
I  said,  "  how  it  is  you  have  learned  to  speak  French  ?  " 

"  I  have  been  to  France,"  she  whispered,  "  and  other 
countries." 

"Telling  fortunes?" 

"  Perhaps.     And  seeking  my  own." 

"  A  long  time  ago  ?  " 

"  It  is  not  yesterday,  lady.  But  now  your  hand  has 
begun  to  tell  me  things.  Let  me  speak  of  them." 

"  In  one  minute.  Do  you  know  English  ?  The 
guide  said  you  did." 

"  I  can  understand,  but  I  would  rather  not  try  to 
talk  it.  French  is  better." 

"  Very  well.  Go  on.  What  does  my  hand  tell 
you?"  ' 

"  A  great  deal,  lady.  For  one  thing  it  tells  that 
you  are  sensitive ;  that  you  have  strong  and  deep  feel- 
ings. You  wonder  about  yourself.  You  do  not  al- 
ways understand.  You  do  not  know  yourself  through 
and  through.  You  sometimes  misjudge  your  own  ac- 
tions and  then  you  are  unhappy.  If  you  are  ever 
unjust  to  any  one,  it  is  to  yourself.  You  are  afraid 
of  hurting  others.  You  would  not  for  the  world  do 
that,  even  in  little  things.  You  would  rather  suffer 
than  others  should.  Am  I  right,  so  far  ?  " 


114  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"I  —  don't  know,"  I  said. 

"  Ah,  I  told  you,  lady,  that  you  did  not  truly  know 
your  own  nature.  You  fear  yourself.  I  read  that 
in  your  eyes." 

"  But  you  can't  see  my  eyes !  " 

"You  think  I  can't?" 

"  It  seems  impossible  that  you  can,"  I  answered, 
more  doubtfully. 

"  Then  I  will  prove  to  you  that  I  can,  by  describing 
your  eyes.  They  are  very  large,  and  dark  —  long  in 
shape,  which  gives  them  a  sad  look  even  when  you  are 
not  sad.  But  when  you  are  sad  it  is  heartbreaking. 
You  have  thick  black  eyelashes,  lady,  long  and  straight, 
not  curling  at  all;  and  the  under  lashes  are  almost  as 
long  as  the  upper  ones,  so  that  at  the  outer  corners 
near  where  your  hair  droops  they  mingle  together  in 
a  way  that  is  disturbing  to  the  men  who  look  at  you. 
There,  lady,  have  I  described  your  eyes?  And  your 
eyebrows  too  are  long,  sweeping  downward  a  little 
toward  the  temples,  which  adds  to  that  look  you  have 
of  something  fatal  —  as  if  you  had  been  destined  to 
know  the  deepest  suffering  of  life.  Yet  that  is  not  to 
say  you  are  meant  to  be  unhappy  forever.  Now  do 
you  think  I  cannot  see  in  the  darkness  ?  " 

"  You  are  a  strange  woman !  "  I  said. 

"  Yes.  You  are  right.  I  am  strange.  But  no 
matter  for  me!  It  is  you  we  are  talking  of.  I 
will  tell  you  something  else  about  yourself,  before 
I  speak  of  what  has  happened  in  your  past,  or  may 
be  to  come  in  your  future.  It  is  this :  I  see  you  as  one 


THE  LIFE  MASK  115 

of  those  few  women  in  the  world  —  one  in  ten  thou- 
sand there  may  be,  or  perhaps  not  so  many  —  of 
whose  love  a  man  could  not  tire.  You  would  never 
grow  old  for  him.  You  would  always  be  the  most 
beautiful  one.  To  think  of  you  would  send  a  thrill 
through  his  nerves  whether  you  were  near  or  far 
away.  You  would  be  for  him  a  quenchless  thirst,  a 
fever  in  his  blood.  You  would  be  his  heart,  the  pulse 
of  his  life,  and  the  breath  that  keeps  his  life  in  him. 
If  you  did  not  love  the  man  it  would  be  the  same. 
From  the  first  moment  he  saw  you,  and  knew  you 
were  in  the  same  world  with  him,  he  could  not  for- 
get. His  torture  would  be  his  joy.  This  is  because 
you  have  a  soul,  and  a  heart.  But  it  may  be  you 
have  not  found  them  yet.  I  said  you  did  not  know 
yourself.  It  seems  to  me,  it  may  be  that  your  soul 
and  heart  are  asleep." 

"  What  do  you  mean  by  asleep?  "  I  asked.  I  could 
not  help  trembling  a  little. 

"  I  do  not  mean,"  the  gypsy  said  slowly,  "  that  you 
have  never  suffered.  I  think  you  have  suffered,  too 
much  for  one  who  is  young.  What  I  mean  is,  per- 
haps you  have  never  yet  loved  a  man.  Answer  me, 
whether  that  is  true,  because  it  will  be  more  easy  to 
tell  you  other  things." 

"  I  don't  see  why  I  should  tell  you  anything,"  I 
said.  "If  you  can  read  my  fate,  you  ought  to  find 
out  for  yourself.  It  is  a  very  simple  thing." 

"  Ah,  if  you  think  it  a  simple  thing,  there  is  my 
answer.  You  have  not  loved  a  man,  though  many 


n6  THE  LIFE  MASK 

must  have  loved  you,  whether  you  knew  or  not.  But 
some  day  you  will  love.  And  loving  will  bring  you 
happiness." 

"  Does  love  bring  happiness  ?  "  I  asked,  trying  to 
laugh. 

"  Such  love  as  a  man  will  give  you,  must  bring 
happiness,  because  it  is  the  best  thing  in  the  world. 
It  will  be  for  him  to  make  you  feel  that.  I  see  the 
man,  and  I  think  he  will  try." 

"All  the  trying  in  the  world  would  do  him  no 
good !  "  I  broke  out. 

"  You  can't  be  sure.  You  think  so,  because  per- 
haps you  have  known  more  sorrow  than  joy.  That 
explains  what  I  see  in  your  face.  You  have  lived  too 
much  alone.  Am  I  right?" 

"  It's  true,  I  have  been  very  much  alone."  I  could 
hear  the  bitterness  in  my  own  voice,  and  I  half  de- 
spised myself  for  being  hypnotized  thus  into  answer- 
ing the  gypsy's  questions,  taking  her  so  seriously  that 
my  hands  were  cold,  and  my  heart  beating  fast. 

"  You  have  thought,  maybe,  that  happiness  would 
never  come  to  you  ?  " 

"  I  haven't  only  thought  it,  I've  been  sure." 

"  Wait.  I  am  going  to  tell  of  something  I  see, 
which  has  happened  already,  but  is  connected  with 
your  future." 

"Don't!"  I  exclaimed.    "I'd  rather  not  hear  it." 

"  It  is  nothing  sad  or  painful.  I  see  —  a  great 
mirror.  It  is  very  large  —  immense.  The  sky  is  re- 
flected in  it.  It  must  be  out  of  doors.  But  some- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  117 

thing  moves  under  the  surface:  Then  it  is  not  a 
mirror  of  glass.  It  is  water.  I  see  you  looking 
into  it.  You  are  kneeling  on  one  knee,  your  hands 
clasped.  A  veil  falls  over  your  head,  but  does  not 
hide  your  face.  You  bend  down  very  low.  You  are 
thinking  —  sad  thoughts.  Your  face  is  sad,  but  how 
beautiful!  Another  figure  comes  into  the  mirror  — 
a  man.  He  sees  you.  At  first  he  thinks  you  cannot 
be  so  lovely,  so  wonderful  as  you  seem.  No  woman 
could.  But  he  comes  nearer.  The  face  in  the  mir- 
ror is  sweeter  than  the  face  of  any  human  woman, 
and  sadder.  It  is  like  the  face  of  a  water  spirit,  in 
prison.  He  longs  to  set  it  free.  He  would  give  his 
life  to  do  that,  for  he  has  fallen  in  love  with  the  face. 
It  is  not  a  fancy.  He  knows  it  is  the  only  face  in 
the  world  for  him,  the  one  he  has  been  waiting  for. 
He  will  love  it  always." 

I  sprang  up  and  snatched  my  hand  away. 

"  Some  one  has  paid  you  to  say  this !  " 

"  I  swear  to  you  by  my  religion  that  no  one  has 
spoken  to  me  of  any  such  scene  or  paid  me  or  even 
told  me  to  describe  it.  I  see  it  with  my  own  eyes  as 
clearly  as  a  picture,  in  the  dark." 

"  It  is  all  nonsense,"  I  said,  my  mind  in  confusion. 
"  It  seems  mysterious.  But  it  isn't.  There's  some  ex- 
planation." 

"  I  have  told  you  the  truth." 

"  Well !  I  don't  want  to  hear  any  more  such  truths 
—  or  anything  else  at  all.  There's  no  man  like 
that—" 


ii8  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  There  is.  He  has  been  looking  for  you  since  he 
saw  your  face." 

"  Please  tell  me  what  I  owe  you,"  I  said.     "  I  must 

go." 

"  Give  the  money  to  your  guide,   lady.     He  will 

settle  with  me." 

"But  how  much?" 

"Whatever  you  think  the  fortune  worth." 

"  As  a  fortune  it  is  worth  nothing,"  I  said,  "  be- 
cause there's  nothing  in  it,  and  it  can  never  come  to 
anything  at  all.  You  assure  me  you're  speaking  the 
truth ;  but  if  any  man  who  has  seen  me  has  told  you  to 
arrange  this  scene  —  if  you've  somehow  managed  it 
through  that  guide  —  you  may  tell  your  employer 
that  I  am  very  angry.  That  I  don't  wish  ever  to  see 
him.  That  I  want  no  man  in  my  life,  and  won't  let 
one  come  into  it.  That  it's  not  possible  for  him  to 
meet  me." 

"  I  swear  to  you  again,  lady,  I  have  no  employer. 
And  to  a  man  who  is  worth  calling  a  man  there  is  no 
such  word  as  impossible." 

"  Good-night,"  I  said ;  "  and  I  suppose  I  ought  to 
thank  you  for  quite  an  interesting  quarter  of 
an  hour.  You  are  a  clever  woman.  You  might 
have  been  an  actress.  Perhaps  you  have  been. 
I  will  give  the  guide  twenty  pesetas  for  you. 
Will  you  be  satisfied  with  that,  from  my  friend  and 
myself?" 

"  It  is  too  much,"  answered  the  fortune-teller. 
"Five  pesetas  each  is  enough." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  119 

"  Very  well,"  I  said.  "  You  are  honest  about  that, 
anyhow.  Good-night." 

"  Good-night,"  replied  the  whispering  voice. 

I  pushed  past  the  chair  again,  and  went  into  the 
front  room  without  looking  back. 


CHAPTER  III 

WHAT  did  the  gypsy  woman  tell  you? " 
Sarah  inquired  as  eagerly  as  a  young  girl, 
the  moment  we  had  got  rid  of  the  guide, 
and  were  in  our  own  garden,  relocking  the  gate  upon 
the  outside  world. 

"  Oh,  the  usual  thing,  I  suppose  they  always  tell," 
I  answered  vaguely.  "  Unhappiness  in  the  past  — 
happiness  in  the  future.  A  man  coming  into  my 
life." 

"  Nothing  queer,  to  make  you  feel  she  could  read 
things?" 

"  Nothing  that  couldn't  be  easily  explained  —  in 
one  way  or  another.  What  did  she  say  to  you  ?  "  I 
hoped  that  Sarah  would  be  more  frank  with  me  than 
I  with  her. 

"  Oh,  well,  I  reckon  when  you  think  of  it,  maybe 
'twasn't  anything  so  wonderful.  But  it  did  make 
me  feel  kind  o'  creepy  at  the  time.  Then  says  I  to 
myself,  when  you  was  in,  bein'  done,  '  I  wouldn't  put 
it  past  that  hotel  guide  to  ha'  told  the  woman  every- 
thing he  could  find  out.'  I  expect  they  was  in  it  to- 
gether." 

"  Of  course  they  were,"  I  said.  "  The  gypsy  told 
me  to  give  the  money  to  the  guide,  who  would  settle 
with  her.  That  meant  the  guide  would  take  his  com- 

120 


THE  LIFE  MASK  121 

mission  and  give  the  old  woman  the  rest.  She  seemed 
very  honest,  asking  only  ten  pesetas  for  us  both,  when 
I  offered  twenty;  but  probably  she  was  afraid  I  should 
find  out  afterward  what  the  price  really  was,  if  she 
accepted  more." 

"  I  reckon  that  must  ha'  bin  it,"  said  Sarah,  thought- 
fully, as  we  walked  slowly  along  the  path  to  the  house 
door.  "  But  she  didn't  seem  just  like  an  or'nary 
cheatin'  gypsy  fortune-teller,  did  she?  There  was 
something  'bout  her  —  I  hardly  know  what.  Only  I 
felt  all  of  a  heap  afterward,  for  a  minute  or  two,  till 
I'd  kep'  on  tellin'  myself  I  was  right  silly." 

"What  did  she  say  to  you?"  I  insisted,  though  I 
had  no  intention  of  giving  Sarah  any  more  definite 
information  concerning  my  "  fortune "  than  I  had 
given.  And  I  thought  that  she  would  like  to  avoid 
answering  my  questions. 

"  Well  —  it  don't  seem  much  now,  lookin'  back." 

"  Never  mind.  Do  tell  me  what  it  was.  I  won't 
go  indoors  till  you  do." 

Sarah  laughed  her  rare  laugh,  which,  seldom  as  I 
had  heard  it  since  I  was  a  child,  always  struck  me  as 
being  self-conscious,  as  if  in  her  meekness  and  humil- 
ity she  felt  that  she  ought  to  apologize  for  making 
even  so  small  a  noise  in  the  world. 

"  I  reckon  that  old  gypsy  woman  plumb  disliked  me 
without  seein'  me,  except  in  that  dark  little  cubby- 
hole. I  said,  did  she  want  to  hold  my  hand?  She 
kind  o'  hesitated,  then  took  it  as  if  it  was  a  mouse, 
an'  dropped  it  quick.  She  made  a  sort  of  excuse, 


122  THE  LIFE  MASK 

sayin'  she'd  been  in  the  dark  so  long  she  could  see  my 
face  real  clear.  She  told  me  I'd  worn  myself  out 
somehow  or  other  by  my  feelin's,  till  I  was  no  more 
than  a  bundle  o'  nerves,  an'  I  had  a  look  in  my  eyes  as 
if  I  expected  a  sword  to  fall  on  my  head  any  minute. 
Of  course,  she  used  different  words  from  them,  an' 
that  whisperin'  voice  seemed  to  go  rustlin'  through 
me,  like  as  if  somebody  was  rubbin'  my  skin  with 
dried  up,  dead  leaves.  That  was  about  all.  An'  I 
suppose  any  one  with  eyes  in  their  heads  could  tell 
I  was  jumpy  with  my  nerves.  It  was  her  'way,  an'  that 
queer  cave,  an'  her  face  covered  up  so  it  might  ha'  bin 
a  skull—" 

"  You  thought  of  that,  too ! "  I  exclaimed. 

"  Well,  yes,  I  did,  Miss  Nita.  I  got  to  imaginin' 
I  could  see  eyes  like  coals  o'  fire  sparklin'  in  the  black- 
ness under  that  shawl  o'  hers.  That  very  idea  come 
into  my  head,  an'  I  reckon  it  was  why  I  wasn't  so  set 
as  I  had  been  on  your  goin'  in  to  talk  to  the  woman." 

"  Well,  it  was  an  adventure,"  I  said.  "  And  seeing 
the  gypsy  cave  and  the  dancing  was  nice.  You  were 
quite  right  to  want  me  to  go,  Sarah  dear.  It  was  a 
change  for  us.  It  has  taken  us  out  of  the  rut  —  or  it 
would  have,  if  we  could  get  into  a  '  rut '  in  this  ador- 
able garden." 

"You  don't  feel  yet  as  if  you  was  in  one?"  she 
asked  wistfully. 

"  No,  indeed  —  thank  Heaven !  "  I  cried,  with  my 
eyes  on  the  stars.  "  If  I  ever  feel  I  am  in  a  *  rut ' 
here,  and  pine  to  go  on  somewhere  else  because  I'm 


THE  LIFE  MASK  123 

bored  and  want  a  change  of  scene,  I  shall  know  that 
it's  a  punishment  for  sin,  that  I'm  doomed  never  to 
find  peace  or  rest,  but  must  always  flit  from  place 
to  place  like  a  poor  ghost  who  has  no  home  in  this 
world." 

"  You  never  did  anything  to  deserve  punishment," 
Sarah  said,  with  the  obstinacy  her  manner  always  took 
on  when  I  was  tempted  to  break  into  some  tirade 
against  myself  or  fate.  "  It's  a  good  sign,  our  gettin' 
this  garden  you  like  so  much.  It  looks  as  if  things 
might  be  comin'  our  way.  Why  shouldn't  you  have 
a  little  happiness  ?  It's  high  time !  Maybe  that  gypsy 
was  right  about  you.  I  feel  in  my  bones  she  was." 

" Let's  go  indoors,"  I  said.  "If  we  don't,  we  shall 
hate  to,  more  and  more  every  minute." 

"  My !  Do  you  hate  to  go  in,  Miss  Nita  ?  That's 
the  way  I  was  feelin',  but  I  didn't  mean  to  say 
a  word.  Not  that  there's  a  thing  to  be  afraid  of,  but 
I  kind  o'  wish  Marta  was  in  the  house  to-night.  It's 
that  fortune-teller,  whisperin'  in  her  dark  cave,  that's 
made  us  both  different  from  ourselves,  that's  all." 

"  Yes,  that's  all,"  I  echoed,  cheerfully. 

We  went  in,  put  the  subject  of  the  gypsy  out  of  our 
conversation,  if  not  our  minds,  and  talked  of  other 
things  loudly  and  almost  gaily.  But  afterward  as  I  lay 
wide  awake  in  bed  the  thought  came  back.  It  came 
promptly  and  quietly  as  if  it  had  been  waiting  for  the 
moment  when  I  could  give  it  all  my  attention.  It 
seemed  to  belong  to  the  beauty  of  the  night,  which  was 
so  sweet  that  it  was  sad.  The  moon  had  gone  long 


124  THE  LIFE  MASK 

ago,  but  the  sky  was  as  thickly  crusted  with  stars  as 
the  walls  of  the  Alhambra  with  arabesques.  My  win- 
dow was  wide  open,  uncurtained  and  unshuttered,  so 
that  the  lovely  silent  things  of  the  garden,  the  trees 
and  the  grass  and  flowers,  could  talk  to  me  in  their 
language,  all  night  till  morning,  without  my  missing 
a  word  they  said,  even  in  my  sleep.  I  loved  to  feel 
that  they  were  not  barred  away  from  me.  I  knew  just 
how  they  were  looking,  the  lilies  and  roses  and  moon- 
white  magnolias,  out  there  in  the  starlight  which  shone 
only  on  the  surface  of  the  darkness,  leaving  the  deep 
velvety  shadows  unfathomed,  like  bottomless  wells. 

What  a  place  the  garden  was  to  be  happy  in,  and  for 
love  to  walk  into !  It  did  not  seem  right  that  a  woman 
to  whom  love  was  forbidden,  should  live  there. 

Again  and  again  I  went  over  in  my  mind  the  scene 
in  the  gypsy  house.  I  could  remember  every  word  the 
fortune-teller  had  said,  and  what  I  had  answered. 
How  could  she  have  found  out  about  the  man  in  the 
Patio  de  la  Alberca?  It  seemed  to  me  that  there  was 
only  one  explanation.  The  man  had  remembered  my 
face  in  the  water-mirror,  as  I  had  remembered  his. 
He  had  made  up  his  mind  to  attract  my  attention  in 
some  way,  and  meet  me  if  he  could.  I  did  not  like  this 
theory,  for  it  cheapened  my  romance  that  the  hero  of 
it  should  bribe  a  hotel  guide  and  a  gypsy.  I  had  not 
had  time  to  realize  this  at  first,  but  I  saw  now,  in  the 
stillness  of  the  night,  how  almost  repulsive  it  was  that 
the  man  should  have  coached  the  fortune-teller  to  de- 
scribe our  meeting  —  if  it  could  be  called  a  meeting 


THE  LIFE  MASK  125 

—  and  to  tell  me  that  he  had  fallen  in  love  with  my 
face  seen  in  the  water.  I  had  to  admit  that  it  would 
not  displease  me  to  know  he  remembered,  or  even  that 
he  thought  himself  in  love  with  me,  as  with  a  dream- 
woman;  but  it  spoiled  everything  that  he  should  have 
talked  with  the  gypsy.  It  was  as  if  he  wanted  an  ad- 
venture. 

I  could  piece  together  the  little  separate  bits  of  the 
puzzle,  very  easily;  so  easily,  I  thought,  that  even  the 
glamour  of  mystery  faded. 

I  knew  now,  and  had  known  ever  since  I  looked  out 
of  my  window  to  see  him  on  the  restaurant  balcony, 
that  the  man  of  the  mirror  had  been  staying  in  the 
same  hotel  with  me.  I  had  believed,  though  I  could 
not  be  entirely  sure,  that  he  was  the  owner  of  the 
leather  portmanteau.  This  might  or  might  not  be 
true;  but  if  Captain  Shannon  had  gone  away  he  might 
have  come  back.  Our  moving  so  soon  and  quietly  to 
the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina  had  prevented  our  meet- 
ing at  the  hotel.  Since  then  I  had  never  been  outside 
the  garden,  so,  if  he  had  searched  for  me  —  perhaps 
at  the  Alhambra  as  well  as  in  the  hotel  —  he  must 
almost  have  given  up  hope  of  going  on  with  his  ad- 
venture. Very  likely  he  had  looked  in  the  visitors' 
book,  if  he  cared  to  take  a  little  trouble.  The  manager 
might  have  described  the  latest  arrivals.  The  descrip- 
tion of  my  veil  and  traveling  dress  would  have  told 
him  that  I  must  be  the  "  Miss  Nelson  "  or  the  "  Mrs. 
Lippincott  "  who  had  taken  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Cata- 
lina. Probably  he  supposed  me  to  be  Miss  Nelson. 


126  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Next,  he  had  wondered  how  he  could  bring  himself 
to  my  notice,  as  I  never  showed  myself  anywhere. 
Then  the  idea  of  the  gypsy  fortune-teller  had  occurred 
to  him,  and  he  had  got  hold  of  her  through  the  guide. 
I  had  called  the  gypsy  honest  because  she  refused 
twenty  pesetas  and  took  ten;  but  no  doubt  she  had 
got  something  worth  while  from  her  employer.  And 
poor  Sarah  had  been  beguiled  by  the  guide  who,  now 
I  remembered  it,  had  even  suggested  the  time  for  our 
visit  to  the  gypsy  quarter.  The  more  I  thought  the 
more  indignant  I  grew,  and  —  disappointed.  I  had 
hidden  in  my  mind  a  delicate  idyll  as  a  souvenir  of 
my  first  day  in  the  Alhambra,  and  nothing  would  have 
induced  me  to  speak  of  it,  even  to  Sarah.  But  he 

—  the  man  whose  eyes  had  held  mine  in  the  mirror 

—  he  had  had  no  scruples.     Really,  he  had  been  far 
more  to  me  than  I  to  him,  though  he  wanted  me  to 
think  he  had  fallen  in  love.     He  must  have  a  poor 
opinion  of  women!     I  had  been  right,  indeed,  in  not 
wishing  to  see  his  real  face.     Now  he  betrayed  him- 
self as  being  made  of  very  poor  clay,  and  I  was  sorry 

—  sorry,  because  the  picture  was  ruined.     In  my  mind 
I  shattered  it  by  breaking  the  crystal. 


CHAPTER  IV 

THE  next  morning  Sarah  was  not  well.  After 
she  had  tried  to  get  up  as  usual,  she  had  an 
attack  of  faintness  and  was  obliged  to  lie 
down  again.  With  difficulty  I  persuaded  her  to  stay 
in  bed,  letting  Marta  do  the  work;  and  though  she 
fretted  at  first,  later  she  enjoyed  the  unknown  luxury 
of  a  rest-cure.  Propped  high  in  the  narrow  bed,  her 
thin  hair  neat,  and  a  large  old-fashioned  flower-mosaic 
brooch  at  the  throat  of  her  plain  nightgown,  she  lay 
reading  verses  in  "  The  Changed  Cross,"  one  of  her 
dozen  favorite  books.  I  put  a  small  table  near  the 
bed,  with  a  vase  of  moss-roses  on  it  and  a  jug  of  cold 
tea,  flavored  with  lemon,  of  which  she  was  fond. 
There  was  room  on  the  table  for  other  things,  but, 
according  to  a  habit  I  remembered  since  childhood, 
when  Sarah  Nicholls  was  my  nurse,  she  preferred  to 
stow  a  strange  collection  of  objects  under  her  pillow. 
When  she  twisted  about,  all  sorts  of  odds  and  ends  slid 
from  their  hiding-place,  like  insects  scuttling  from  be- 
neath an  overturned  stone :  an  old  silver  watch ;  a  hand- 
kerchief ;  a  box  of  wax  matches ;  a  box  of  cough-drops ; 
a  black  Bible;  and  a  tiny  bottle  of  amyl,  a  heart  tonic. 
She  read,  or  let  me  read  to  her,  until  luncheon  time. 
After  she  had  eaten,  very  sparingly  according  to  her 
custom,  she  thought  that  she  would  try  to  make  up 

127 


128  THE  LIFE  MASK 

for  her  bad  night  by  dozing  for  an  hour  or  two.  But 
at  four  o'clock  I  tiptoed  to  the  half -open  door  and 
peeped  in,  to  find  her  still  asleep.  She  had  slipped 
lower  down  in  bed  and  looked  very  peaceful,  though 
older  than  when  awake.  She  had  the  air,  I  thought, 
of  one  who  would  sleep  for  a  long  time,  and  as  I  was 
sure  she  had  lain  awake  nearly  all  night,  I  decided  not 
to  risk  disturbing  her  by  coming  in  again  till  six  or 
seven  o'clock.  There  was  still  plenty  of  cold  tea  in 
her  jug,  and  biscuits  on  a  plate,  if  she  should  rouse 
and  want  anything  meanwhile. 

The  house  was  so  quiet  that  my  light  footsteps, 
pattering  along  the  tiles  of  the  corridors,  seemed 
loud,  for  it  was  a  fete  day  in  the  church,  and  Marta 
as  well  as  Pepe  had  asked  my  permission  to  go  out. 
I  had  not  told  Sarah  of  this,  for  if  she  had  known 
that  I  was  left  alone  to  prepare  our  simple  dinner  she 
would  have  insisted  on  getting  up.  Pepe  had  dis- 
played to  me  a  poster  with  red  letters  on  yellow  paper, 
advertising  a  great  "  corrida "  or  bull-fight  for  the 
afternoon,  a  grand  event  for  Granada  in  the  summer. 
He  seemed  surprised,  even  grieved,  when  I  shook  my 
head,  showing  disgust;  but  when  he  understood  that 
it  was  for  myself,  not  for  him,  I  had  this  unnatural 
prejudice,  he  brightened.  Marta  had  been  dumb  on 
the  subject  of  the  bull-fight,  but  I  had  seen  her  and 
Pepe  talking  together  excitedly,  and  I  was  certain  that 
she  was  going.  He  vanished  from  the  garden  before 
noon,  leaving  Marta  to  lock  the  gate;  and  when  I 
finished  my  solitary  luncheon  she  too  had  disappeared. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  129 

Knowing  that  Sarah  was  resting,  and  would  be 
better  alone,  I  enjoyed  the  thought  of  having  the  gar- 
den entirely  to  myself.  I  liked  Pepe,  and  it  was  com- 
forting in  the  morning  to  see  him  pottering  about,  but 
sometimes  I  grew  a  little  tired  of  him  in  the  afternoon. 
He  seemed  to  make  unnecessary  errands  in  my  direc- 
tion, when  I  was  reading,  or  when  I  wished  to  sit  on 
the  stone  seat  by  the  fountain  I  liked  best,  and  dream, 
as  happier  women  dream. 

When  I  left  Sarah  asleep,  I  went  straight  to  that 
fountain,  with  my  Browning,  whom  I  was  beginning 
to  read  again  with  something  of  the  old  enchantment. 
It  was  the  fountain  most  distant  from  the  house  and 
gate,  almost  at  the  end  of  the  garden,  and  not  far 
from  one  of  the  miradors  that  rose  from  the  low  front 
wall.  The  reason  I  liked  this  fountain  better  than  the 
others  was  because  of  the  arbor  built  over  it;  a  large 
round  arbor  with  a  domed  roof  like  a  pagoda,  so 
thickly  covered  with  grape-vines  and  honeysuckle  that 
it  was  cool  by  day,  with  a  fragrant,  green  coolness, 
and  mysterious  in  the  evening,  like  an  out-of-doors 
house,  which  shut  away  the  night.  Now,  in  June,  the 
grapes  were  but  tiny  clusters,  emerald  brooches  and 
pendants;  and  sprays  of  honeysuckle  had  contrived  to 
push  themselves  through  the  masses  of  leaves  to  twine 
among  the  little  thick-growing  grapes. 

This  afternoon  the  sun  was  intensely  hot  in  the 
garden,  and  drew  out  all  its  sweetness,  like  burning 
lips  sucking  wine  from  a  wide-mouthed  cup.  The 
paths  seemed  paved  with  gold ;  but  it  was  exquisite  in 


130  THE  LIFE  MASK 

the  arbor.  I  pretended  that  I  was  a  Moorish  princess 
of  old  days,  in  a  temple  of  jade.  I  had  brought  out 
several  red  cushions  from  the  house,  and  on  the  old, 
lichened  stone  seat,  under  a  canopy  of  green,  the  scar- 
let color  and  my  white  dress  pleased  my  eyes.  The 
perfume  of  the  honeysuckle,  the  sweet,  yet  faintly  bit- 
ter smell  of  the  hot  young  grapes,  and  the  heavy  sweet- 
ness of  magnolias  outside  the  arbor  made  me  drowsy. 
I  tried  to  read  "  The  Last  Duchess  "  but  could  not 
concentrate  my  mind.  I  thought  that  I  might  as  well 
sleep  for  a  while,  perhaps  till  five  o'clock  when  the 
sound  of  the  fountain  and  the  waters  of  the  garden 
beginning  to  flow  would  wake  me.  According  to  the 
old  Moorish  custom  the  waters  of  the  Alhambra  are 
given  to  the  different  gardens  for  a  certain  time  each 
day.  Ours  came  at  five,  and  went  on  until  ten  in 
the  summer. 

I  arranged  my  cushions,  and  composed  myself  for 
a  nap,  for  I  too  had  slept  badly  in  the  night,  though  I 
had  not  told  Sarah. 

By  and  by  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  had  waked  up,  and 
strolled  out  of  the  garden  to  the  palace  of  the  Alham- 
bra, for  the  first  time  since  the  day  we  arrived  in 
Granada.  I  stood  for  a  while  in  the  Patio  de  la  Al- 
berca,  looking  down  into  the  green  water,  where 
the  tower  and  the  gallery  roof  and  the  pillars  were 
mirrored.  I  was  afraid  that  something  else  might 
come  into  the  picture,  and  yet  if  it  did  not  come  I 
knew  I  should  be  disappointed.  Suddenly  a  figure 
moved  under  the  archway;  but  at  the  same  instant, 


THE  LIFE  MASK  131 

though  there  was  no  wind,  the  surface  of  the  pond 
was  ruffled,  so  that  I  could  see  nothing.  "  The 
Alhambra  is  spoiled  for  me.  I  can  never  go  there 
again,  so  long  as  that  man  stays!"  I  heard  myself 
saying. 

Then,  a  very  soft,  silky  thing  touched  my  hand,  and 
I  really  did  wake,  starting  up  from  the  cushions.  The 
soft  thing  that  had  touched  me  was  the  head  of  a  white 
dog,  tall  and  slender  and  feathery.  His  face  had  been 
on  a  level  with  mine  as  I  lay  on  the  seat,  and  he  seemed 
surprised  to  see  me  leap  up  so  abruptly.  He  shrank 
back,  but  finding  that  I  did  not  mean  to  drive  him 
away,  and  meeting  my  eyes  with  his  soft  gaze,  he  sidled 
toward  me  again. 

I  could  hardly  believe  that  I  was  awake  after 
all. 

"  I'm  dreaming  you,"  I  said  to  him.  "  You  can't 
possibly  be  here." 

His  plume  of  a  tail  waved  to  and  fro,  and  I  made 
the  dream  last  longer  by  patting  his  head.  I  had 
never  seen  any  dog  quite  like  this  even  in  a  picture.  It 
was  nonsense  that  he  should  appear  so  real,  for  there 
was  no  way  in  which  a  dog  could  have  got  into  the  gar- 
den. The  wall  was  twice  too  high  for  him  to  have 
jumped,  no  matter  how  agile  he  might  be,  and  the  gate 
was  always  locked.  Pepe  had  a  key,  and  we  had  got  a 
duplicate  made  for  Marta,  as  it  was  inconvenient  for 
her  to  be  without  one.  The  third  key  Sarah  and  I  were 
to  use  between  us,  though  I  had  never  wanted  it  yet. 
I  knew  where  it  was  at  this  moment,  and  could  see  it 


132  THE  LIFE  MASK 

in  my  mind's  eye,  hanging  from  a  nail  behind  the  front 
door  of  the  house. 

The  dog  was  of  a  lordly  chivalry  which  pretended 
gratitude  for  my  caresses.  He  laid  his  head  on  my 
knee,  looking  up  at  my  face  with  brown  eyes  that  had 
half-moons  of  bluish  white  at  their  corners.  He 
seemed  to  say,  "  As  much  of  this  as  pleases  you." 

Stroking  him,  I  saw  the  silver  gleam  of  a  collar  un- 
der a  silver  ruffle  of  well-kept  hair.  There  was  a  name 
engraved  on  the  plate,  and  something  else  below,  in 
smaller  letters,  probably  the  name  and  address  of  the 
dog's  owner.  I  was  beginning  to  spell  out,  upside 
down,  a  word  which  I  thought  would  prove  to  be 
"  Gelert,"  when  I  heard  a  footstep.  I  looked  up,  and 
saw  in  the  path  just  outside  my  arbor,  the  man  of  the 
mirror. 

Our  eyes  met  as  they  had  met  in  the  reflection. 
He  stopped  instantly,  taking  off  his  hat  —  the  rather 
shabby  Panama  I  had  noticed  in  the  water-picture. 
I  half  rose,  then  sat  down  again  quickly.  I  knew 
that  the  blood  was  rushing  up  to  my  face.  I  could 
feel  it  tingling  in  my  cheeks  and  in  the  tips  of  my 
ears.  I  was  angry,  and  confused,  and  astonished, 
all  at  once;  angry  with  myself  for  growing  red,  and 
angry  with  him  for  getting  into  my  garden.  But 
under  the  anger  there  was  another  feeling  which  I 
knew  was  there,  though  I  did  not  wish  to  know,  or  to 
understand,  or  even  believe  it  existed.  Something  in 
me,  in  some  obscure  corner  of  my  soul  was  sing- 
ing. Something  was  almost  savagely  happy  and 


THE  LIFE  MASK  133 

satisfied.  Something  was  clapping  its  hands  in  a  kind 
of  triumph,  then  holding  them  out  in  welcome  to  this 
man;  in  defiance  of  the  self  I  knew  best.  To  punish 
that  something  which  was  myself  yet  not  myself, 
and  to  show  it  that  it  could  not  control  me,  I  deter- 
mined to  be  cold  and  even  rude.  The  man  deserved  it 
for  coming  here,  and  he  must  know  how  much  he 
deserved  it.  If  I  were  not  rude  he  would  think  I  was 
pleased  with  everything  he  had  done,  and  that  I  had 
wanted  him  to  come. 

"  You  did  want  him  to  come !  "  something  insisted. 
"  You  want  him  to  stay  here  with  you  now.  You  will 
be  sorry  after  you've  sent  him  away." 

I  would  not  listen  to  that  voice;  but  before  I  had 
time  to  throw  my  sharp  little  javelin,  "  Don't  you  know 
this  is  a  private  garden?  No  one  has  any  right  to 
come  here ! "  a  thought  flung  itself  in  front  of  the 
words,  as  a  woman  might  fling  herself  between  two 
duelists.  "  Suppose,  after  all,  that  the  gypsy  told  the 
truth?  Suppose  she  really  saw  the  vision,  by  read- 
ing your  mind,  if  such  things  can  be.  Then  this 
man  would  not  be  to  blame.  He  would  know  nothing 
about  her,  or  what  she  told  you,  and  he  would  not 
deserve  to  be  roughly  treated.  He  would  be  sur- 
prised and  hurt,  and  think  you  a  rude  woman." 

Maybe  it  was  the  same  inner  voice  which  said  this, 
in  a  different  tone,  trying  to  be  subtle  and  conquer  me 
in  that  way.  I  knew  it  might  be  so,  but  I  couldn't  re- 
sist the  argument.  Instead  of  speaking,  I  sat  looking 
at  the  man,  while  the  dog  bounded  to  him,  wagging  a 


134  THE  LIFE  MASK 

feathery  tail.  And  all  my  thoughts  for  aud  against 
him  had  passed  through  my  head  while  I  might  have 
counted  three. 

"  Forgive  me ! "  he  said ;  and  somehow  I  was  glad 
it  had  not  been,  "  I  beg  your  pardon !  "  for  I  have  al- 
ways disliked  that  expression  and  associated  it  with  ill 
at  ease,  underbred  people.  "  I  came  to  find  my  dog. 
Your  gate  was  open,  and  he  ran  in  — " 

"  Our  gate  open !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  That's  very 
strange.  It's  always  kept  locked." 

Suddenly  I  remembered  that  Marta  had  gone  out 
after  Pepe.  She  seldom  had  to  lock  the  gate.  Excited 
as  she  was  about  the  fete  and  the  bull-fight,  she  must 
have  forgotten.  Perhaps  some  friend  had  been  wait- 
ing for  her  outside,  and  between  them  they  had  left 
the  gate  ajar.  It  must  have  been  so,  since  the  dog 
had  got  in. 

The  man  echoed  the  thought  in  my  mind. 

"  I  suppose  your  servants  were  thinking  more  about 
the  bull-fight  than  anything  else.  I  hope  my  dog  didn't 
frighten  you  ?  " 

He  spoke  in  a  pleasant,  commonplace  way,  in  a 
charming  voice,  not  looking  at  me  too  earnestly  or  in- 
tently, or  doing  anything  to  make  me  self-conscious. 

"  No,"  I  answered.  "  But  it  waked  me  up.  I  really 
believed  at  first  I  must  have  dreamed  the  dog.  It 
didn't  occur  to  me  that  the  gate  could  be  open.  It 
never  has  been  before." 

"  I  know,"  said  the  man,  smiling.  "  I've  been  in 
Granada  a  long  time  —  nearly  a  month  —  and  the  gate 


THE  LIFE  MASK  135 

has  always  been  shut  and  locked.  I  tried  it  once  when 
I  first  came,  I  wanted  so  much  to  see  what  kind  of 
garden  there  was  on  the  other  side.  It  looked  myste- 
rious —  the  old  cedarwood  gate  in  the  high  wall,  with 
frills  of  flowers  on  top  —  like  things  in  pictures  and 
stories,  you  know,  that  you  loved  when  you  were  a 
little  boy." 

At  this  a  smile  would  come. 

"  Yes,  I  do  know,"  I  said,  "  though  unfortunately  I 
never  was  a  little  boy.  /  felt  like  that  when  I  first  saw 
the  gate  —  so  we  took  the  house  and  garden." 

"  I  envy  you,"  said  the  man.  "  No,  I  don't 
though!  I'm  glad  you've  got  the  place." 

His  smile  and  his  voice  won  me  though  I  was  trying 
to  steel  myself  against  him.  It  was  the  mellow,  warm 
kind  of  voice,  I  thought,  that  would  make  a  blind  per- 
son conscious  of  joy,  as  if  he  felt  steal  through  his 
veins  sunshine  he  could  not  see.  I  was  almost  sure, 
in  hearing  him  speak,  that  the  man  must  be  Captain 
Shannon,  my  next  door  neighbor  at  the  hotel,  because 
of  the  whistling  and  singing  I  had  never  been  able  to 
put  out  of  my  memory.  I  waked  up  sometimes  in  the 
night  thinking  of  it,  and  —  yes,  wishing  to  hear  it 
again. 

Now  I  was  hearing  it ;  and  his  face,  seen  so  near  and 
in  bright  sunlight  was  not  a  disappointment  as  I  had 
told  myself  it  would  be,  after  the  picture  in  the  water. 
It  was  brave  and  fine,  and  stronger  than  I  had  thought 
it.  His  eyes  were  the  bluest  eyes  I  ever  saw,  or  else 
the  black  hair  and  brows  made  them  seem  bluer 


136  THE  LIFE  MASK 

than  they  really  were.  They  had  a  clear,  straight 
look,  as  of  one  who  does  not  lie  or  do  anything  that  is 
mean  or  underhand.  He  brought  into  my  garden  the 
one  good  thing  that  had  been  missing  —  the  joy  of 
life.  He  was  not  smiling,  but  I  thought  that  his  eyes 
could  be  merry,  and  that  he  would  enjoy  a  joke,  and 
have  a  sense  of  humor.  He  might  enjoy  adven- 
tures, too,  but  he  had  the  look  of  a  man  too  proud 
for  such  an  adventure  as  I  had  in  my  mind  accused 
him  of  wanting.  That  he  should  be  here  in  my  gar- 
den was  evidence  that  he  had  wanted  it,  and  was  do- 
ing his  best  to  succeed ;  but  somehow  I  could  not  help 
believing  his  eyes  instead.  And  it  was  nice  of  him 
to  be  glad  I  had  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina. 

"  Thank  you,"  I  answered.  "  That  is  good  of  you. 
I'm  glad  too  —  for  myself  and  the  friend  I  live  with." 

"  It  is  rather  good  of  me !  "  he  said,  laughing.  "  I 
think  it  shows  I  have  an  unselfish  nature.  Don't  you 
feel  I  deserve,  as  a  reward  for  not  envying  you,  per- 
mission to  see  the  garden  ?  " 

I  hesitated. 

"If  you  only  knew  how  badly  I've  wanted  to!" 
he  went  on.  "  I  believe  I've  thought  of  the  place 
and  longed  to  get  in  at  this  gate,  every  one  of  my 
twenty-six  days  at  Granada !  " 

As  he  put  it  in  this  way,  I  could  hardly  refuse. 
Sarah  and  I  had  had  the  Carmen  for  only  eleven  days. 
He  had  been  in  Granada,  according  to  his  own  ac- 
count, twice  as  long.  And  he  had  a  reassuring  air  of 
caring  as  much  for  the  garden  as  for  me. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  137 

"Of  course,  if  you  like,  walk  about  and  explore,"  I 
said,  finding  it  easier  every  minute  to  speak  in  an  or- 
dinary tone,  without  self-consciousness.  "  There's  a 
lovely  view  over  the  Vega  from  the  terrace  in  front  of 
the  house.  I  am  never  tired  of  it." 

"  Is  that  why  you  don't  come  to  the  Alhambra?  "  he 
asked,  suddenly. 

I  looked  up  at  him,  startled.  He  was  still  outside 
the  arbor,  but  he  had  come  nearer,  and  stood  with  a 
hand  on  the  frame  of  the  rustic  archway. 

I  did  not  know  what  to  answer,  or  whether  to  answer 
at  all. 

"  I  saw  you  there,"  he  went  on  in  a  very  quiet,  grave 
tone,  without  waiting  for  me  to  speak.  "  It  was  just 
before  closing  time,  in  the  Patio  de  la  Alberca.  I  was 
on  my  way  out.  You  were  kneeling  down  on  one 
knee,  looking  into  the  water  at  the  goldfish." 

An  odd  trembling  went  through  me.  Still  I  did 
not  speak.  But  I  was  asking  myself  the  question :  did 
he  know  that  the  goldfish  were  not  all  I  had  been  look- 
ing at  ?  I  felt  confused  and  anxious.  I  wished  that  I 
were  a  better  judge  of  character,  and  especially  of  men. 
I  had  an  impression  that  the  sort  of  man  who  would 
bribe  a  gypsy  to  tell  a  woman  he  loved  her,  and 
wanted  to  know  her,  would  not  frankly  allude  to 
that  scene.  If  I  could  be  sure  whether  I  were  right  or 
wrong ! 

"  I  saw  your  face  only  in  the  water,"  he  said,  "  but 
it  was  like  a  looking-glass.  I  knew  if  I  should  ever 
meet  you  again  I  should  recognize  you,  no  matter 


138  THE  LIFE  MASK 

where.  I  didn't  think  then  it  would  be  in  my  garden 
of  mystery." 

"  Is  that  what  you  call  it  ?  "  I  asked  stiffly,  in  haste 
to  seize  the  excuse  of  taking  up  another  subject.  I 
was  half  afraid  he  would  cling  to  the  first,  but  he  did 
not.  He  let  it  go. 

"  Yes,  from  the  day  I  saw  the  gate,  and  tried  it. 
Even  now,  I  think  it's  a  good  name.  It's  like  coming 
into  a  hidden  world,  here.  I  might  have  tumbled  down 
the  rabbit-hole." 

I  laughed. 

"  Perhaps  you  have.  Though  you  won't  have  any 
interesting  adventures  exploring  it,  I'm  afraid." 

This  was  a  hint  for  him  to  go  and  look  at  the  view ; 
but  he  did  not  take  it.  I  ought  to  have  been  sorry,  and 
was  not. 

"  The  whole  thing  is  interesting,"  he  said,  and  did 
not  move. 

For  a  moment  we  were  silent;  then  I  hurried  to 
break  a  kind  of  spell  which  was  falling  upon  me,  as  it 
had  fallen  in  the  Alhambra. 

"  Did  you  know  that  any  one  had  come  to  live  in 
the  Carmen  ?  "  I  briskly  asked. 

"  Yes,  I  knew  two  ladies  had  taken  the  place.  They 
told  me  that  at  the  hotel,  the  evening  I  came  back  from 
the  mountains.  I  went  away  late  on  the  night  of  the 
day  I  saw  you  in  the  Alhambra,  or  rather  early 
the  next  morning.  It  was  an  expedition  into  the 
Sierra  Nevada  I'd  promised  to  make  —  to  see  a 
friend." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  139 

**A  friend  —  living  in  the  Sierras?" 

"  A  shepherd  —  such  a  wonderful  fellow !  Spanish, 
of  course.  He's  never  been  down  out  of  the  moun- 
tains, though  he's  over  forty  years  old.  A  glorious 
philosopher  —  has  thoughts  like  stars.  You  would 
like  him." 

"  Should  I?  How  can  you  tell?  You  don't  know 
what  I  would  like." 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  do." 

I  frowned. 

"  Perhaps  you  think  you  know  a  great  deal  about 
women?  " 

"  Heaven,  no !  I'm  a  fool  about  a  lot  of  things,  but 
not  such  an  ass  as  to  think  I  know  women.  Only  — 
I  wonder  if  you'll  very  much  mind  my  saying  it? 
When  I  saw  your  face  in  that  big  looking-glass  at  the 
Alhambra,  I  couldn't  help  feeling  it  was  the  face  of  a 
friend  —  that  is,  of  some  one  I  would  give  a  great 
deal  to  have  for  a  friend;  and  —  and  ought  to  have. 
Are  you  angry?  " 

"  You  know  best  whether  I  should  be  angry  or  not," 
I  answered,  looking  straight  up  into  his  eyes,  "  for 
you  know  exactly  what  you  mean." 

"  Yes,"  he  said,  without  hesitation,  "  I  do  know  ex- 
actly what  I  mean,  and  so  I  know  that  there's  no  reason 
for  you  to  be  angry.  I  should  be  horribly  sorry  to  do 
or  say  anything  at  which  you'd  have  a  right  to  be  angry. 
You  see,  for  eleven  days  I've  been  thinking  about  you 
and  hoping  the  time  might  soon  come  when  I  should 
meet  you;  so  I  almost  feel  as  if  I  knew  you  a  little. 


THE  LIFE  MASK 

Wanting  to  have  people  for  your  friends  is  going  part 
way  toward  getting  them.  Whereas,  you  haven't 
thought  or  felt  anything  about  me  at  all,  till  now  —  and 
I  see  by  your  face  that  I  haven't  gone  about  this  right, 
for  I'm  making  you  angry  even  if  you  weren't  be- 
fore." 

"  I  think  I  am  —  a  little  angry,"  I  said  coldly.  But 
my  heart  was  beating  fast.  I  did  not  want  to  be  disap- 
pointed in  him.  It  was  ridiculous,  but  I  felt  I  could 
hardly  bear  it  now. 

"  Perhaps  that's  because  —  and  it  would  be  very  nat- 
ural—  you  may  believe  that  wanting  to  meet  you,  I 
did  something  toward  getting  your  garden  gate  to  open. 
But  if  you  think  that,  you  misjudge  me.  It  was  an  ac- 
cident, even  though  I  knew  you  lived  here.  Nearly 
every  day  since  I  first  noticed  the  gate,  I've  walked 
past  it.  To-day  I  could  hardly  believe  my  eyes  when 
I  saw  it  open ;  but  Gelert  believed  his.  He  shot  in  — 
and  I  followed.  The  only  thing  is  —  I'm  not  sorry, 
unless  you're  annoyed  with  us  both.  And,  honestly, 
I  think  it  would  be  unjust  to  feel  annoyed." 

"  Then  I  won't,"  I  said,  giving  him  the  faint  smile 
his  eyes  were  asking  for.  "  You  —  and  your  beauti- 
ful Gelert  —  are  welcome  to  see  our  garden.  It's  be- 
ginning to  be  the  best  time  of  day  now  —  except  the 
early  morning;  for  the  fountains  have  come  on,  and 
the  water  is  running  round  the  flower-beds.  Isn't  it 
a  heavenly  sound?  But  I  shall  have  to  go  in,  because 
my  friend  is  not  well,  and  I  must  see  if  she  is  awake. 
She  may  be  needing  something.  Stay  in  the  garden 


THE  LIFE  MASK  141 

as  long  as  you  like,  but  please  shut  the  gate  when  you 
go  out ;  and  later,  I'll  lock  it." 

I  got  up;  and  I  was  ashamed  to  realize  the  pleasure 
it  gave  me  to  see  his  blank  look  of  chagrin.  I  wanted 
to  laugh,  and  to  have  him  laugh  with  me.  Also  I 
wanted  him  to  beg  that  I  would  stay.  Of  course  I 
should  say  it  was  impossible.  But  I  felt  somehow  as  if 
I  had  known  him  a  long  time.  The  garden  had  never 
seemed  so  beautiful,  so  poetic  and  altogether  enchant- 
ing as  it  seemed  at  that  minute.  I  hated  to  go  into 
the  house  and  leave  him.  He  made  me,  with  his  gay, 
kind  manner,  feel  like  a  lonely  child  who  has  found 
a  playmate. 

"  I'm  sorry,"  he  said.  That  was  all.  And  there 
was  nothing  left  for  me  to  say  in  return  but, 
"  Good-by.  I  hope  you  may  enjoy  the  garden." 

I  came  out  of  the  arbor,  and  he  stood  a  little  aside 
to  let  me  pass,  but  he  was  very  near.  The  dog  Gelert 
pushed  a  cool  nose  against  my  hand,  and  I  could  not 
resist  lingering  an  instant  to  smooth  the  silky  head. 
It  is  so  dreadful  and  irrevocable  to  hurt  a  dog's  feel- 
ings, since  it  is  impossible  ever  to  explain. 

"  You  like  dogs  ?  "  the  man  asked. 

"  I  love  them.  A  great  many  people  are  noble,  no 
doubt,  but  all  dogs  are,  I  think." 

"  Yes,  and  Gelert's  one  of  the  noblest.  I  have  sev- 
eral good  friends,  but  he's  the  best  of  the  lot  —  so 
far;  till  to-day." 

"Gelert's  a  Welsh  name,  isn't  it?"  I  said,  still  lin- 
gering, with  the  dog  for  an  excuse.  "  There  was  a 


142  THE  LIFE  MASK 

great  dog-hero,  Gelert,  I  remember.  I  cried  over 
his  story.  I  used  to  think  if  I  ever  had  a  dog,  I'd 
name  him  Gelert.  But  I  was  never  allowed  to  have 
one." 

"  Not  even  now  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  could,  now,"  I  said.  "  But  I  don't  know 
how  long  we  may  be  in  one  place.  It's  hard  to  travel 
with  a  dog." 

"  Gelert's  traveled  far  and  long  with  me.  He  came 
from  Persia.  I've  had  him  from  a  puppy  —  jolly 
little  beast  he  was.  He  ought  to  have  a  Persian  name, 
oughtn't  he?  But  I  was  like  you,  about  Gelert.  Only 
I  made  a  vow  —  when  I  was  ten  or  so.  Some  day  if 
I  got  a  dog  grand  enough,  he  was  to  be  Gelert.  This 
boy  comes  after  a  humble  procession  of  fox-terriers. 
He's  been  the  first  to  grace  the  name.  And  oh,  I  for- 
got—  may  I  tell  you  mine?  It's  Hugh  Shannon  — 
Captain  Shannon  —  as  Irish  a  name  as  Gelert  is 
Welsh.  At  least  the  Shannon  is.  I  don't  know  about 
Hugh  —  do  you  ?  " 

I  had  begun  to  move  away,  ever  so  little;  and  this 
question  might  or  might  not  be  an  attempt  to  keep  me. 

"  No,"  I  said,  laughing,  "  I  know  nothing  whatever 
about  '  Hugh ' !  Good-by  again,  to  you  and  Gelert. 
You  won't  forget  to  shut  the  gate  ?  " 

"I  won't  forget  anything!"  he  said.  "But  —  am 
I  never  to  come  here  again  ?  " 

"Of  course  not!"  I  answered  promptly.  "We 
don't  know  each  other.  And  —  I'm  too  busy  — 
learning  Spanish  —  to  make  new  friends." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  143 

"  This  friend  is  made  already.  And  I  could  teach 
you  Spanish,"  he  said. 

"  Thanks.  You're  very  kind !  But  I've  arranged 
to  have  a  teacher  of  languages,  from  Granada." 

And  now  I  was  actually  moving  away  from  him, 
down  the  path  toward  the  house. 

"  In  the  Alhambra,  then,  we  shall  meet !  "  he  ex- 
claimed, not  daring  to  take  a  step  after  me.  "  Some- 
times you'll  come  there.  I  shall  see  you." 

"  I  may  not  stir  out  of  this  garden  for  days,"  I  said. 
"  Perhaps  you  will  have  left  Granada.  Now,  really, 
I  must  go  to  my  friend." 

I  turned  resolutely,  and  —  my  friend  had  come  to 
me!  Sarah,  dressed  as  usual,  looking  neat  and  mild, 
was  advancing  from  the  house  with  a  tea-tray  in  her 
hands.  She  walked  with  short  steps,  pointing  her 
toes. 

For  a  minute  I  suspected  her  of  knowing  something 
—  of  having  contrived  something  —  I  hardly  knew 
what.  Then  I  remembered  how,  at  the  last  minute, 
she  had  not  wanted  me  to  consult  the  fortune-teller 
after  all,  because  she  had  been  startled  by  what  the 
woman  had  said.  This  proved  that  she  was  not  in 
any  plot  concerning  the  gypsy.  Dear,  dear  Sarah! 
If  I  could  not  trust  her,  I  could  not  trust  myself  —  or 
even  heaven.  But  I  did  trust  her,  utterly. 

"  Oh,  what  made  you  get  up ! "  I  reproached  her. 
"  You  promised  to  rest  all  day." 

"  Not  all  day,"  she  contradicted  me,  with  her  meek 
obstinacy.  "  I  said  all  the  morning.  Such  a  lovely 


144  THE  LIFE  MASK 

dog  came  into  my  room  as  I  was  waking  up.  He 
didn't  wake  me  —  oh,  no,  I  was  awake  already.  But 
when  I  saw  him  I  knew  you'd  got  company,  Miss  Nita, 
so  I  just  slipped  out  of  bed  and  dressed  myself.  I 
was  right  well  rested,  and  it's  done  me  good  to  come 
out.  I  was  that  curious  about  the  dog,  I  felt  plumb 
crazy  to  see  him  again.  Here  he  is,  the  beauty! 
And  this  gentleman.  I  suppose  the  dog's  yours,  sir? 
I've  brought  tea  for  two,  Miss  Nita,  reckoning  you'd 
got  a  visitor." 

"  Captain  Shannon  is  here  by  accident,"  I  said, 
looking  at  her  meaningly.  "  I  let  Marta  go  out.  She 
must  have  left  the  gate  open.  I'm  afraid  we  shall 
have  to  scold  her !  The  dog  ran  in,  and  Captain  Shan- 
non followed  to  get  him  back.  They're  just  going." 

"  Why,  Miss  Nita!  "  exclaimed  Sarah,  ignoring  my 
look,  which  she  must  have  understood.  "  You  ain't 
a  real  proper  Southerner  if  you  turn  a  stranger  away 
from  your  door  when  tea's  ready,  without  so  much 
as  offerin'  him  a  drop !  "  In  her  eagerness,  her  ex- 
citement, she  talked  almost  like  a  Southern  darkey. 

"  Miss  Nelson  doesn't  dare  offer  me  tea,"  said  Cap- 
tain Shannon,  with  laughing  impudence,  "  because  she 
knows  if  she  did,  I'd  accept." 

Sarah  looked  suddenly  so  puzzled,  turning  her  eyes 
from  him  to  me,  that  I  should  have  absolved  her  from 
any  secret  knowledge,  even  if  I  had  not  done  so 
already. 

"  My  friend  is  Miss  Nelson,"  I  explained  coolly. 
"  I  am  Mrs.  Lippincott." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  145 

"  Oh !  "  His  face  changed,  in  frank  disappoint- 
ment, like  a  boy's.  He  looked  young,  and  rather  un- 
happy. The  gay  impudence  died  out  of  his  blue  eyes. 
"  Forgive  me.  I  thought  —  and  she  called  you  '  Miss 
Nita.' " 

"  That's  our  Southern  way,"  I  said.  "  We're  both 
Southerners." 

"  I  guessed  that,  from  your  voices."  He  turned 
again  to  Sarah.  "  Will  you  invite  me  to  tea,  Miss 
Nelson?  If  you've  made  some  for  me,  it  does  seem 
a  pity  to  waste  it,  don't  you  think  ?  " 

"  I  sure  do,"  said  she,  with  unusual  decision. 
"  An'  if  it  rested  with  me,  I'd  invite  you  mighty  quick, 
Captin.  Down  where  I  was  raised  we  never  let 
folks  go  out  of  our  doors  without  somethin'  to  eat  or 
drink,  if  we  could  help  it,  and  I  can't  forget  the  old 
ways.  But  it  ain't  for  me  to  invite.  Miss  Nita's 
so  mighty  sweet  to  me,  she  calls  me  her  '  friend,' 
though  I'm  really  just  nothin'  more'n  an  old  family 
servant.  I  was  her  nurse  once,  sir.  So  you  see,  I 
haven't  got  any  rights  here." 

"How  dare  you  say  that!"  I  cried  out,  half  in 
love,  half  in  anger.  "You  have  every  right  —  more 
right  than  I  have !  " 

"May  she  invite  me,  then?"  asked  Captain  Shan- 
non, slyly. 

I  should  not  have  been  human  if  I  hadn't  laughed. 

"  Yes,  she  may,"  I  answered.  "  But  you'll  be  her 
guest.  And  I'm  not  certain  that  I'll  stay." 

"  I  know !  "  he  said.     "  You  feel  as  if  you'd  been 


146  THE  LIFE  MASK 

'  had.'  But  of  course  we  won't  stop,  Gelert  and  I,  if 
you're  sure  you  don't  want  us." 

"  What,  not  want  that  lovely  dog ! "  exclaimed 
Sarah. 

At  this  Captain  Shannon  and  I  both  burst  out  laugh- 
ing, catching  each  other's  eyes.  It  seemed  very 
strange  to  me  to  laugh  like  that. 

"  I  think  you  had  both  better  stay  to  tea,"  I  said. 

"  And  you'll  stay,  too  ?  " 

"  Yes.  We'll  have  it  in  the  arbor,  where  I  always 
have  mine.  Why,  Sarah,  there  are  only  two  cups. 
I  thought  —  where's  yours  ?  " 

"  I  drank  some  of  the  cold  tea  when  I  got  up,"  she 
said.  "  I  couldn't  take  more  now,  thank  you,  Miss 
Nita.  I  want  just  to  run  in  an'  make  you  a  junket 
for  your  dinner,  before  it's  too  late  for  it  to  get  nice 
an*  cold  an'  set.  The  other  day  it  wouldn't  junk. 
'Twas  the  first  time  in  my  life  a  junket  turned  on  me." 

Captain  Shannon  laughed  again. 

"  I  can  see  it  turning  on  you,"  said  he,  "  like  a  little 
cinnamon-colored  bull !  " 

He  was  too  well  pleased  at  the  prospect  of  Sarah's 
departure;  and  I  gave  her  a  warning  look. 

"  Please,  let's  have  only  fruit  and  not  a  junket  to- 
night. Even  if  you  don't  care  for  tea,  the  air  will 
do  you  good." 

By  this  time  Captain  Shannon  had  taken  the  tray 
from  her,  and  now  I  showed  him  where  to  put  it,  on 
the  wide  stone  ledge  of  the  fountain's  basin,  which  we 
used  for  a  table  when  we  had  tea  in  the  arbor.  Sarah, 


THE  LIFE  MASK  147 

resigning  herself  to  the  inevitable,  filled  the  two  cups, 
and  handed  them  to  Captain  Shannon,  that  he  might 
give  one  to  me.  There  were  thin,  buttered  slices  of 
"  salt-rising "  bread  which  Sarah  made  herself,  be- 
cause she  considered  Spanish  bread  "  fit  only  for  poor 
white  trash."  There  were  also  little  drop-cakes,  and 
preserved  cherries,  samples  of  her  good  Southern 
housekeeping;  and  Captain  Shannon  said  that  he  had 
tasted  nothing  half  so  nice  for  years.  His  compli- 
ments pleased  Sarah,  who,  if  she  were  vain  of  any- 
thing, was  vain  of  her  cooking.  I  could  see  that  she 
liked  and  admired  him;  and  sitting  humbly  at  the 
farthest  end  of  the  stone  seat,  where  she  resolutely 
isolated  herself  to  play  chaperon,  she  gazed  at  him  with 
eager,  almost  stealthy  interest  when  she  was  sure  that 
his  eyes  were  turned  another  way.  As  he  looked 
mostly  at  me,  she  had  plenty  of  opportunity  to  observe 
the  only  man  who  had  come  even  as  far  as  the  thresh- 
old of  our  lives,  for  many  years.  Almost  it  seemed 
as  if  he  did  not  wish  to  look  at  Sarah.  If,  in  talk- 
ing, he  glanced  at  her,  he  glanced  quickly  away  again. 
It  was  not  only  that  he  preferred  to  look  at  me,  which 
without  too  much  vanity,  I  might  have  found  not 
unnatural.  There  was  more  than  that  in  his  avoid- 
ance. Yet  I  could  not  see  how  it  was  possible  for 
Sarah's  delicate,  primly  refined  face  of  sweet  middle- 
age  to  be  distasteful  to  any  one.  She  had  been  kind 
to  Captain  Shannon.  He  had  really  wanted  to  stay 
to  tea,  and  he  owed  his  invitation  entirely  to  her.  He 
ought  to  be  grateful,  and  perhaps  he  was.  Maybe,  I 


148  THE  LIFE  MASK 

thought,  I  merely  imagined  that  he  turned  his  eyes 
from  her  whenever  he  could  without  discourtesy; 
for  Sarah  appeared  to  be  far  from  noticing  that  she 
was  not  appreciated.  Having  reluctantly  abandoned 
her  plot  to  leave  us  alone  together,  she  was  making  the 
best  of  her  failure  in  quite  a  surprising  manner. 
Though  she  sat  as  far  from  us  as  possible,  she  atoned 
for  my  taciturn  mood  by  inducing  Captain  Shannon 
to  talk.  I  sat  quietly  amused,  fancying  that  I  could 
read  her  like  a  book.  All  her  simple  guile  was  di- 
rected toward  "  showing  off "  the  unexpected  guest, 
enabling  him  to  appear  at  his  best,  so  that  I  might 
want  to  see  him  again,  and  have  a  new  interest  in  my 
life.  I  was  sure  that  her  thoughts  were  already  run- 
ning far  and  fast  into  the  future;  that  mentally  she 
saw  us  in  love  with  each  other.  It  was  bewildering 
that  she  could  not  realize  how  sad  and  fatal  a  thing  it 
would  be  for  me  to  care  for  a  man,  and  how,  instead 
of  bringing  me  happiness,  it  would  plunge  me  into  mis- 
ery. Surely  she  had  never  read  "  Maud,"  and  cried 
out  with  those  prim,  pretty  old  lips,  "  What  matter  if 
I  go  mad,  so  I  have  had  my  day  ?  "  Tennyson  was 
not  among  the  E.  P.  Roe  novels  and  "  Stepping 
Heavenward  "  and  "  The  Changed  Cross  "  on  her  be- 
loved bookshelf.  Yet  some  such  thought  —  the  wild 
joy  of  having  lived,  even  to  suffer  all  that  is  possible 
for  the  human  heart  to  suffer  —  seemed  the  only  ra- 
tional explanation  of  Sarah's  confessed  desire  for  me 
to  "  fall  in  love." 

Drawn  on  by  her,  and  perhaps  as  an  excuse  to  pro- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  149 

long  his  visit,  Captain  Shannon  told  us  a  few  things 
about  his  life  which  made  me  wish  more  passionately 
than  I  ever  had,  that  I'd  been  born  a  man.  How  I 
envied  him  his  experiences! 

He  came  of  an  "  army  sort  of  Irish  family,"  he 
said.  They  were  nearly  all  soldiers  from  generation 
to  generation.  He  was  immensely  proud  of  his 
father,  who  was  a  V.C.,  dead  many  years  ago.  No 
one  was  left  now  of  his  very  own  people,  except  his 
sister,  or  rather,  a  half-sister,  for  his  mother  was  a 
widow  with  one  daughter  when  she  married  his 
father.  He  himself  had  always  been  "  keen  on  lan- 
guages," especially  languages  of  the  East,  and  his 
father  had  encouraged  him  to  learn  them  as  a  boy, 
thinking  they  might  help  him  to  "  some  sort  of  a 
career."  Well  —  they  had.  Through  them  he  had 
gained  the  great  desire  of  his  life :  to  "  see  a  lot  of 
the  world,  and  to  have  things  happen ;  not  to  be  a  sort 
of  old  stick-in-the-mud,  living  in  a  rut,  like  so  many 
soldiers."  He  had  been  sent  on  a  "  jolly  interesting 
mission  to  East  Africa,"  because  he  "  knew  some 
African  dialects  " ;  after  that  to  Persia,  as  he  had  "  got 
a  grip  on  the  language."  Now  he  had  lately  come  from 
away  up  the  Nile.  There  he  had  fallen  in  for  some 
"  pretty  good  adventures,"  and  at  the  end  for  a 
"  pretty  bad  fever,"  just  to  balance  things.  It  was 
indirectly  on  account  of  the  fever  that  he  was  in 
Granada  now.  When  he  was  well  enough  to  travel, 
by  easy  stages,  he  had  stopped  a  while  to  rest  in  Cairo, 
and  again  in  Alexandria;  but  as  it  was  supposed  to  be 


150  THE  LIFE  MASK 

an  abnormally  cold,  wet  summer  in  England,  the  doc- 
tors wouldn't  let  him  go  straight  home.  He'd  been 
told  to  break  the  journey  and  get  a  bit  used  to  a 
change  of  climate  at  "  Gib,"  or  Algeciras ;  but  he 
wanted  to  see  the  Alhambra,  so  he  had  taken  things 
into  his  own  hands,  and  had  come  to  Granada  instead. 

"  I  meant  to  stop  a  fortnight  or  three  weeks,"  he 
said,  "  but  here  I  am  still,  and  I  don't  know  when  I'm 
going  to  tear  myself  away.  I've  had  some  splendid 
trips  in  the  mountains,  picking  up  pals  there.  And 
I'm  polishing  my  Spanish  no  end!  I  always  liked 
the  language.  It's  more  manly  and  musical  than 
Italian.  I've  been  lucky  enough  to  strike  up  a  friend- 
ship with  a  clever  chap  in  the  Alhambra  —  sort 
of  official  interpreter  there,  quite  a  swell  in  his  way  — 
knows  the  place  from  A  to  Z,  and  has  let  me  see  all 
the  hidden  things  and  places,  where  the  public  aren't 
admitted.  I  can  get  you  in,  if  you  like.  Would 
you?" 

"  Why,  yes,  thank  you,  we'd  like  it  right  well,  if 
you'll  be  so  kind,"  Sarah  flung  herself  into  the  breach, 
when  I  hesitated. 

For  this,  he  did  give  her  a  grateful  look  and  word. 
He  would  be  delighted  to  be  our  guide,  whenever  we 
wished.  Couldn't  we  make  up  a  plan  to-day? 

"  Perhaps,  if  we  meet  you  there,  thanks,  we  may 
arrange  something,"  I  said  evasively. 

And  I  wanted  him  to  understand  that  I  meant  to  be 
evasive.  It  was  much,  much  better  so.  Sarah  was 
almost  frightening  me  by  her  extreme  politeness  to 


THE  LIFE  MASK  151 

the  man.  And  yet,  underneath  the  ruffled  surface, 
down  in  the  depths  of  me  I  knew  it  would  now  be  a 
sickening  loss  not  to  meet  him,  not  to  see  him  again. 
Already  it  had  come  to  that. 

He  was  willing  to  take  what  he  could  get,  and  did 
not  urge  me  to  decide  anything  there  and  then.  Yet 
the  dogged  look  of  his  mouth  and  chin  when  I  coolly 
put  him  off,  gave  me  the  thrill  that  —  I  suppose  —  a 
man's  strength  is  intended  to  give  a  woman.  I  knew 
somehow  that  his  yielding  the  point  did  not  mean  giv- 
ing it  up,  or  that  he  was  not  keen  on  pressing  it.  I 
knew  also  that  he  would  have  his  way.  I  might  re- 
fuse to  meet  him;  I  might  try  to  avoid  him;  yet  we 
should  see  each  other  again.  It  might  be  that  we 
should  walk  as  far  as  the  great  barrier,  beyond  which 
we  could  not  go  together. 

He  was  still  talking  of  the  Alhambra,  while  my 
thoughts  had  followed  the  ghosts  of  ourselves  into 
the  dimness  past  knowledge. 

"  On  the  night  of  the  full  moon,"  I  heard  him  say. 
Evidently  I  had  missed  something,  for  his  eyes  were 
on  me,  expecting  an  answer. 

"  What  is  it  that's  to  happen  then?  "  I  asked.  And 
my  cheeks  were  hot. 

He  did  not  seem  vexed  that  I  had  not  listened. 

"  I  am  going  to  happen,"  he  said,  with  a  gleam  in 
his  blue  eyes.  "  In  the  Alhambra,  on  the  night 
of  the  full  moon.  The  enchanted  palace  is  mine 
from  moon-rising  to  moon-setting,  and  I  invite  you 
and  Miss  Nelson  to  'happen'  with  me.  Will  you? 


152  THE  LIFE  MASK 

There'll  be  nobody  else.     I've  been  promised  that." 

"  It's  mighty  kind  of  the  Captin  to  ask  us,  ain't  it, 
Miss  Nita?  "  Sarah  prompted  me  with  a  wistful  look. 
"  I'd  like  to  go  real  well.  I  haven't  been  over  to  the 
rAlhambra  yet.  Something  kind  o'  told  me  to  wait, 
an'  I  reckon  this  was  meant.  'Twould  be  nice  to  see 
the  place  for  the  first  time  by  moonlight,  with  no 
other  folks  there  but  just  us." 

"  I  fancy  there  are  very  few  '  other  folks '  there 
at  any  hour  now,"  I  said.  "  But  of  course  it's  kind 
of  Captain  Shannon  to  share  his  privilege.  We  must 
think  it  over  a  little,  if  he'll  let  us,  and  decide  whether 
we  can  afford  it." 

Captain  Shannon  flushed  very  red,  which  made  him 
look  extremely  young,  and  his  eyes  extremely  blue. 

"  Afford  it ! "  he  repeated,  horrified  or  angry. 
"  There's  no  question  of  money.  I've  invited  you  to 
be  my  guests." 

"  Oh,  but  we  couldn't  accept  the  invitation  in  that 
way,"  I  said,  knowing  that  I  was  exasperating,  and 
rejoicing  obscurely  in  my  power  over  the  man.  I 
wished  to  tantalize  him,  and  when  I  saw  his  face  grow 
red,  and  his  eyes  flash,  I  could  have  laughed.  Yet  I 
did  not  want  to  laugh  at  him,  but  with  him.  I  wanted 
to  torture  him  first,  and  then  suddenly  to  see  his  face 
light  up  with  unexpected  pleasure  given  by  me.  I 
thought  of  his  name,  Hugh,  and  liked  it,  feeling  a 
kind  of  tenderness  for  it,  because  it  suited  him  par- 
ticularly well.  I  wondered  if  there  was  any  one  in 
the  world  who  called  him  Hughie  ?  "  Hughie  — 


THE  LIFE  MASK  153 

Hughie,"  I  said  twice  over  to  myself;  and  then  went 
on  to  explain  aloud,  judicially,  that  I  knew  from  the 
guide-books,  the  price  of  a  moonlight  visit  to  the  Al- 
hambra  was  two  hundred  pesetas.  "  If  we  go,  we 
must  pay  two-thirds  of  the  price,"  I  insisted. 
"  There's  no  use  discussing  anything  else." 

"  Even  though  I  have  to  pay  for  myself  alone,  just 
the  same  as  if  it  were  a  party,  and  it  would  add  to 
my  pleasure  so  much  to  have  you  —  and  Miss  Nel- 
son !  "  he  pleaded. 

I  was  ruthless.  No,  we  must  pay,  or  we  would  not 
go.  And  in  any  case  we  should  have  to  think  it  over 
before  deciding. 

Sarah  had  poured  a  saucerful  of  milk  for  Gelert, 
and  walked  out  of  the  summer-house  to  set  the  dish 
down  in  the  middle  of  the  path.  She  had  taken  one 
of  the  small  cakes  with  her,  and  proceeded  leisurely 
to  break  it  into  a  number  of  pieces,  which  she  put  into 
the  milk.  The  dog  ate,  more  in  the  wish  to  be  polite, 
than  because  he  wanted  the  food,  and  he  took  his 
time  in  eating,  as  if  his  master  had  said  to  him 
"  Good  boy !  Be  as  long  as  you  can,  please !  " 

I  knew  so  well  why  Sarah  had  gone  out!  And  I 
was  ashamed,  because  of  course  Captain  Shannon 
must  know  too.  He  was  quick  to  take  advantage  of 
the  chance  she  gave  him. 

"  You  are  wrong  about  the  two  hundred  pesetas," 
he  said.  "  I  don't  believe  it's  as  much.  Anyhow,  I 
can  get  the  price  reduced.  You  must  do  as  you  like 
about  paying  —  only  I  shall  hate  it.  But  I  should  hate 


154  THE  LIFE  MASK 

it  a  good  deal  worse  for  you  not  to  go.  I  want  you 
to  see  moonlight  in  the  Alhambra.  Think  of  it 
in  the  court  of  the  pond  —  in  that  mirror.  Think  of 
it!  Say  you'll  go.  And  say  I  may  come  here  to  see 
you  again.  Please  say  it  —  now." 

"  Why  should  I  ?  "  I  was  afraid  that  my  voice 
shook  a  little.  „ 

"  Because  I  want  it  so  much." 

"  Answer  me  a  question,  then !  "  I  said.  "  Did  you 
« —  tell  any  one  —  any  one  at  all  —  man  or  woman  — 
about  —  seeing  me  in  the  Patio  de  la  Alberca  —  that 
day?  " 

I  looked  him  straight  in  the  eyes,  and  he  gave  back 
my  look  without  flinching. 

"  On  my  honor,  I  have  told  no  one.  Not  a  soul 
knows  —  but  myself  and  you." 

"  Then  —  you  may  come  here  again,  to  see  the  gar- 
den—  and  us.  And  perhaps  —  we'll  go  with  you  to 
the  Alhambra  on  the  night  of  the  full  moon." 

"  Thank  you.  Thank  you  a  thousand  times !  "  he 
said,  somehow  contriving  to  get  hold  of  my  hand, 
which  he  wrung  rather  than  shook.  "  Then  at  last 
I  will  go  away.  I  couldn't  have  gone  till  you'd  made 
me  that  promise." 

I  found  myself  on  my  feet,  looking  after  him  as 
he  went  out  of  the  summer-house.  He  bade  Sarah 
good-by,  and  walked  briskly  off,  with  Gelert  loping 
after  him.  If  only  he  had  known  how  I  longed  to 
go  with  him  to  the  gate! 

I  expected  Sarah  to  burst  into  praises  of  the  visitor; 


THE  LIFE  MASK  155 

but  she  had  singularly  little  to  say  about  him.  She 
seemed  anxious  to  talk  of  other  things,  as  if  she  were 
afraid  of  being  scolded  for  her  encouragement  of  a 
strange  man,  unless  she  could  turn  my  attention  quickly 
to  something  else.  She  said  only  that  it  had  done  her 
good  to  hear  about  a  life  so  different  from  ours,  and 
she  felt  quite  cheered  by  having  "  company."  Such 
a  nice  young  gentleman,  who  was  so  merry  in  his 
ways !  Then  it  struck  her  that  it  was  almost  time  to 
be  thinking  of  dinner.  Would  I  let  her  go  in  alone 
and  make  something  for  a  "  surprise  "  ?  The  poor 
soul  no  doubt  hoped  that  I  might  forget  her  sins,  in 
the  excitement  of  a  new  pudding.  Often  she  went 
back  in  her  mind  to  the  time  when  I  was  a  child. 

I  would  not  let  her  do  the  work  alone;  but  I  made 
her  go  to  bed  early  that  night,  and  afterward  I  sat  in 
the  arbor,  listening  to  the  trickle  of  the  fountain,  and 
watching  the  moon  rain  silver  through  the  grape- 
vines, into  the  splashing  water.  I  felt  Captain  Shan- 
non near  me  there.  I  could  see  how  his  eyes  would 
look  in  the  moonlight.  I  could  hear  him  singing  un- 
der his  breath,  "  Weep  no  more,  my  lady."  He  was 
closer  to  me  than  he  had  been  in  the  afternoon  when 
I  had  to  harden  myself  against  him.  Almost,  I 
could  hear  his  breath  coming  and  going,  and  feel  his 
hand  touch  mine. 

I  hated  to  go  into  the  house,  because  I  was  leaving 
him  behind  in  the  garden.  And  I  knew  that  when  he 
went  away  from  Granada,  he  would  still  be  with  me 
in  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina. 


AFTER  Sarah  told  me  that  the  Moffats  had  left 
Granada,  I  meant  to  go  again  to  the  Alham- 
bra.  I  meant  to  go  every  day,  and  spend 
hours  there;  but  the  coming  of  Captain  Shannon  to  our 
garden  made  me  change  my  mind.  I  dared  not  let  him 
see  me  in  the  palace,  because  he  had  told  me  how  much 
time  he  spent  there,  and  would  perhaps  think  I  ex- 
pected to  meet  him.  I  dared  not  even  walk  in  the 
long  avenues  of  the  Alhambra  grove,  lest  I  should 
pass  him  under  the  elms;  yet  for  the  first  time  my 
heart  was  not  at  peace  in  the  garden.  It  opened 
the  gate  and  went  out,  and  my  thoughts  followed.  I 
was  restless,  and  my  nerves  jumped  for  every  new 
sound;  but  it  was  not  the  restlessness  which  had  been 
part  of  my  old  self.  In  Granada  I  had  lost  it;  and 
now  it  had  not  come  back.  This  was  not  the  fretful 
ache  I  knew  as  well  as  I  knew  the  monotonous  beating 
of  my  heart.  It  was  like  the  restlessness  of  sap  in 
young  trees  when  the  spring  is  near.  I  had  never 
felt  it  before,  but  I  knew  instinctively  that  it  was  what 
Sarah  had  wished  for  me:  a  new  interest  in  life,  youth 
calling  to  youth.  I  had  thought  my  youth  was  dead 
without  having  lived ;  but  it  had  only  lain  in  a  trance. 
The  next  day  in  the  garden  I  sat  with  a  book  which 
I  could  not  read;  and  the  magnolia  trees  and  rose 

156 


THE  LIFE  MASK  157 

bushes  were  no  longer  individual  friends :  they  blended 
together  as  a  screen,  hiding  the  future  that  pressed 
close  upon  me.  Something  was  coming  near  which  I 
could  almost  see,  but  could  not  escape. 

Captain  Shannon  did  not  call  that  day,  though  in 
the  afternoon  Sarah's  wandering  eyes  betrayed  that 
she  expected  him,  and  I  caught  myself  listening  for 
the  jangle  of  the  old  bell  by  the  gate.  The  rusty  iron 
rod  which  had  to  be  violently  pulled,  was  almost  hid- 
den by  the  trails  of  convolvulus  and  ivy  that  hung 
over  the  wall;  but  I  had  discovered  it,  the  day  when 
Sarah  and  I  first  came  to  look  at  the  house,  and  he 
could  find  it  if  he  searched.  No  one  had  ever  rung 
the  bell  since  we  entered  into  possession,  for  Marta 
or  Sarah  brought  all  our  provisions;  and  perhaps  no 
hand  had  jerked  that  rusty  rod  for  years;  yet  I  seemed 
to  know  exactly  how  the  bell  would  sound,  and  I 
fancied  often  that  I  heard  it  begin  to  ring.  But  it 
was  only  fancy.  The  day  passed  as  all  the  other  days, 
except  yesterday,  had  passed. 

I  was  disappointed  when  evening  came,  and  there 
was  no  more  hope  —  or  fear.  Still,  it  was  not  dull 
disappointment.  There  was  a  tingle  of  excitement 
in  it,  as  there»is  when  a  violin  suddenly  stops  playing 
because  a  string  has  broken.  The  string  can  be 
mended,  and  the  music  will  go  on.  It  may  not  be 
the  same.  There  is  the  doubt.  But  it  may  be  even 
sweeter. 

My  heart,  which  had  opened  the  gate  and  gone  out, 
leaving  the  rest  of  me  like  an  empty  shell  among  the 


158  THE  LIFE  MASK 

flowers,  knew  why  my  playmate  had  not  come  again. 
It  said  that  he  had  hoped  I  would  go  to  the  Alhambra, 
that  he  had  been  there,  waiting ;  that  when  he  gave  me 
up,  he  thought  it  wiser  not  to  pay  another  visit  so 
soon.  It  was  not  that  he  did  not  wish  to  come.  He 
was  wishing  to  see  me  more  even  than  I  wished  to  see 
him.  The  reason  why  I  felt  him  near  me  in  the  gar- 
den was  because  in  heart  he  was  there.  He,  too  — 
the  part  of  him  that  was  not  with  me  —  was  an  empty 
shell. 

How  pleased  Sarah  would  be,  I  thought,  if  she 
knew  what  wild,  schoolgirl  ideas  were  racing  through 
my  mind  while  I  talked  with  her  in  the  arbor,  about 
a  long  cloak  of  white  Shetland  wool  she  was  knitting 
for  me.  If  our  real  thoughts  —  hers  and  mine  — 
could  cry  out  aloud  and  drown  our  spoken  words, 
what  a  strange  clamor  there  would  be  in  the  garden! 

The  day  after  that  day,  still  I  did  not  go  out.  The 
little  far-down  voice  in  me  kept  asking,  "  What  will 
happen  now?  " 

What  did  happen,  was  that  the  gate  bell  jangled 
in  the  afternoon  at  half-past  four,  and  sounded 
precisely  as  I  had  known  it  would.  It  was  one  of 
those  strident  bells  which  could  not  speak  at  all,  except 
at  the  top  of  its  dreadful  voice;  but  its  clamor  made 
my  heart  bound. 

Pepe  was  working  —  or  dozing  —  near  the  gate, 
and  unlocked  it,  doubtless  in  astonishment.  I  could 
imagine  him  opening  it  a  little  way,  to  peer  out  with 
his  blinking  eyes;  then,  at  sight  of  a  visitor  who 


THE  LIFE  MASK  159 

seemed  to  him  desirable,  wrinkling  his  nose  with  a 
lazy  smile  —  the  smile  of  a  monk  on  a  poster,  who 
tastes  one  of  his  own  liqueurs. 

The  visitor  was  Captain  Shannon. 

He  had  come,  he  explained,  to  tell  us  that  the  "  price 
of  the  moonlight"  in  the  Alhambra  had  been  reduced 
by  more  than  half.  If  we  were  determined  to  pay 
two-thirds  of  the  sum,  it  would  not  be  very  formid- 
able. Had  he  given  us  a  long  enough  time  for  making 
up  our  minds,  and  would  we  put  him  out  of  his  sus- 
pense by  saying  yes? 

One  side  of  me  wanted  to  say  no ;  but  I  said  yes. 

He  did  not  stay  long;  yet  the  garden  was  different 
afterward  from  what  it  had  been  before  he  came. 
Everything  seemed  to  sparkle:  the  leaves,  and  the 
fountains;  and  there  was  a  vital  quality  in  the  sun- 
shine. 

Sarah  did  not  leave  us  once.  She  sat  near,  and 
timidly  tried  to  win  the  affection  of  Gelert,  who  was 
unresponsive  though  not  rude.  But  Hugh  Shannon's 
eyes  asked,  "Are  we  friends?"  and  mine  answered, 
"  We  are  friends." 

The  morning  after,  I  made  Sarah  go  with  me  to  the 
Alhambra,  though  she  would  have  liked  to  excuse  her- 
self on  the  plea  of  waiting  to  see  the  palace  first  by 
moonlight.  He  met  us  there,  and  after  walking 
through  all  the  beautiful  courts  and  rooms,  we  sat 
for  a  long  time  in  the  little  inner  garden  of  Lindaraja. 
When  we  walked  through  the  Patio  de  la  Alberca,  I 
would  not  stop  to  look  down  at  the  water.  Sarah 


160  THE  LIFE  MASK 

was  always  with  us,  and  though  he  talked  to  her,  and 
was  polite,  I  noticed  still  that  he  turned  his  eyes  away 
from  her  quickly,  whenever  he  could.  This  puzzled 
me  very  much,  and  even  depressed  me.  I  felt  that  I 
ought  not  to  want  him  for  a  friend  if  he  had  taken 
some  unreasonable  dislike  for  one  who  was  everything 
to  me.  "  I  must  find  out  whether  I  imagine  it  or 
not,"  I  said  to  myself.  I  decided  that  sometime  when 
I  got  a  chance  I  would  ask  him  a  frank  question. 

The  chance  did  not  come  until  two  days  later, 
though  only  one  day  had  passed,  since  he  first  strayed 
into  the  garden,  on  which  we  had  not  seen  each  other 
either  there  or  in  the  Alhambra;  and  sometimes  it 
had  been  both.  Lately  we  all  three  took  it  for 
granted  that  he  would  ring  the  gate  bell  every  after- 
noon, not  later  than  half-past  four. 

Sarah  was  unwinding  a  skein  of  white  wool  for  my 
garden-wrap,  when  he  arrived,  and  I  was  trying  to 
teach  her  a  little  of  the  Spanish  I  had  learned. 

"  Why  don't  you  ask  Captain  Shannon  to  hold  your 
skein  for  you?"  I  suggested. 

As  I  said  this,  I  watched  his  face,  and  saw  it  change, 
ever  so  slightly,  yet  unmistakably,  as  I  was  afraid  it 
would. 

"  Miss  Nelson  needn't  ask.  I'll  help  her  with  great 
pleasure,"  he  answered  promptly.  "  But  I  know  a 
dodge  better  than  holding  the  stuff  on  my  hands.  I 
invented  it  for  my  sister,  who  is  always  doing  fancy 
work  or  whatever  you  call  it.  You  put  the  skein 
over  the  backs  of  two  chairs,  like  this,"  and  he  pro- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  161 

ceedecl  to  illustrate  his  idea  with  a  couple  of  chairs 
Marta  had  brought  out  to  the  arbor  because  a  high 
wind  had  blown  water  from  the  fountain  on  to  the 
stone  seat. 

I  felt  the  blood  spring  to  my  cheeks  as  if  he  had 
struck  me.  His  plan  was  quite  an  ingenious  one,  and 
worked  very  well,  but  I  knew  that  he  had  proposed 
it  because  he  did  not  wish  to  sit  knee  to  knee  with 
Sarah,  facing  her  closely  while  the  wool  was  un- 
wound. 

She  appeared  to  be  grateful  for  his  help,  but  I 
thought  the  faded  pink  in  her  cheeks  was  a  little 
brighter  than  usual,  and  that  when  she  glanced  at 
him  —  as  she  often  did,  in  an  odd,  fascinated,  expect- 
ant way  —  her  eyes  looked  wistful. 

It  was  years  since  anything  had  roused  my  temper, 
which  used  to  flame  up  hotly  long  ago,  if  any  one  I 
cared  for  intensely  or  disliked  heartily,  offended  me. 
Never  could  I  be  enraged  with  a  person  to  whom  I 
was  indifferent.  It  must  be  one  extreme  or  the  other 
to  wake  me;  but  now  a  flame  of  fury  swept  through 
my  veins.  It  did  not  matter  whether  I  loved  Hugh 
Shannon  too  much,  or  hated  him.  At  that  moment  I 
could  not  have  told  which  it  was,  but  it  was  all  I 
could  do  not  to  let  my  anger  break  out  against  him. 
If  I  had  spoken,  I  should  have  said  something  to  re- 
gret later,  so  I  sat  silent  until,  when  Sarah  had 
finished  winding  her  skein  into  a  ball,  she  proposed 
going  to  the  house  to  make  tea. 

As  soon  as  she  was  out  of  sight  I  turned  on  Captain 


162  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Shannon.  The  change  in  me  must  have  surprised 
him,  for  his  lips  tightened  as  if  he  had  to  meet  some 
sudden  call  upon  his  strength.  An  odd  thought 
flashed  through  my  brain:  that  he  might  have  had 
such  a  look  on  his  face,  out  in  Africa,  when  the  enemy 
sprang  on  him  and  his  men  from  behind  an  ambush. 
But  I  did  not  mind  being  the  enemy.  I  even  wished 
to  use  any  power  I  might  have,  to  hurt  him,  because 
he  was  strong  and  had  always  been  happy,  while  Sarah 
and  I  were  weak  and  had  known  years  of  sadness  and 
terror.  I  was  trembling  all  over,  but  I  controlled  my 
voice  to  quietness. 

"  Why  do  you  dislike  my  good  Sarah,  who  is  so 
kind  to  you  ?  "  I  asked. 

His  whole  personality  was  changed  in  a  moment. 
The  air  of  gaiety  and  abounding  joy  of  life  which 
characterized  him  was  struck  away.  When  he  was 
happy  he  looked  so  young  that  sometimes  I  wondered 
if  I  were  older  than  he.  In  laughing  he  threw  his 
whole  heart  into  it,  and  had  an  engaging  boyish  way 
of  flinging  his  head  back  a  little,  so  that  one  saw  the 
under  part  of  his  chin,  which  was  whiter  than  the 
brown  throat,  and  cleft  in  the  middle.  His  eyes  nearly 
shut,  so  that  the  black  curly  lashes  stood  out,  and  the 
upper  and  under  ones  drew  close  together,  showing 
just  a  bright  glint  of  blue. 

He  had  been  laughing  like  that  at  a  trick  of  Gelert's 
just  before  Sarah  went,  and  while  my  fury  against 
him  was  rising.  Now,  he  looked  five  years  older,  his 
jaw  square,  his  eyes  large  and  grave.  One  of  his 


THE  LIFE  MASK  163 

hands  was  hidden  behind  Gelert's  head.  I  saw  the 
other  clench  itself  nervously.  It  seemed  a  long  time 
that  I  waited  for  his  answer ;  then  he  said : 

"What  have  I  done  to  make  you  think  I  dislike 
Miss  Nelson?  I  hope  I  haven't  been  rude?" 

"You  know  very  well  you  have  not  been  rude!" 
I  exclaimed.  "  I  almost  wish  you  had !  It  would 
be  something  to  take  hold  of.  You  have  been  worse 
than  rude.  You  have  looked  —  as  if  you  couldn't 
bear  the  sight  of  her.  It  —  it  makes  me  hate  you !  " 

"  I  see  it  does,"  he  said.  "  I'm  sorry  from  the  bot- 
tom of  my  heart." 

"Sorry  for  what?" 

"  That  I  make  you  hate  me.  I'd  a  good  deal  rather 
be  dead  than  be  hated  by  you." 

"  Why  are  you  so  cruel,  then  ?  "  I  asked,  my  lips 
very  dry. 

"  You  know  I  would  do  anything  sooner  than  be 
cruel  to  you,  don't  you  —  or  to  any  one  you  love? 
And  it  isn't  true  that  I  —  dislike  Miss  Nelson." 

"  You  look  at  her  as  if  you  couldn't  bear  to  see 
her  face  —  her  sweet,  kind  face." 

He  blushed  deeply.  I  could  see  the  red  blood 
mounting  under  the  brown  skin  of  his  throat,  and 
slowly  up  to  his  temples,  where  the  veins  swelled  and 
beat  with  the  rush  of  it. 

"  I  am  most  frightfully  sorry,"  he  lamely  repeated. 

"  I'm  sorry,  too,"  I  said,  "  because  I  can't  have  a 
friend  who  —  who  is  disloyal  and  unjust  to  Sarah." 

"  Unjust  I  may  be,  but  I  can't  be  disloyal,  because 


164  THE  LIFE  MASK 

disloyalty  implies  treachery  to  friendship;  and  it  was 
your  friend  I  asked  to  be,  not  Miss  Nelson's,"  he  de- 
fended himself. 

"  You  are  ungrateful !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  She  has 
liked  and  admired  you,  and  she  has  been  very  kind  — 
kinder  than  I  have  been." 

"  Yes,  perhaps.  But  do  you  blame  me  because  I 
can't  feel  to  her  as  I  do  to  you  ?  Look  at  Gelert.  He 
goes  to  you  and  lies  down  at  your  feet  while  you're 
forgetting  his  existence.  Miss  Nelson  calls  him  and 
tries  to  tempt  him  with  lumps  of  sugar,  which  he 
loves,  yet  he  goes  to  her  reluctantly,  and  only  goes 
at  all  because  he  is  a  thorough  gentleman  and  wouldn't 
hurt  a  lady's  feelings.  Why  is  that  —  can  you  ex- 
plain?" 

"  No,  I  can't,"  I  said  sullenly. 

"  Do  you  hate  him  because  he  is  devoted  to  you 
and  indifferent  to  Miss  Nelson  ?  " 

"  He  knows  no  better.     He  can't  discriminate." 

"  I  can.  That's  why  I  lie  at  your  feet  and  not  at 
Miss  Nelson's,  though  she  is  always  kind  to  me  and 
you  are  not." 

"Yet  you  just  denied  that  you  disliked  her!" 

"  I  deny  it  again." 

"What  do  you  feel  toward  her?  It's  something 
that  I  should  hate,  I  know." 

"I  —  really,  I  can  hardly  tell  what  the  feeling  is. 
I  hoped  I  was  hiding  it." 

"  Then  you  confess  there's  something  in  your  mind 
against  her ! " 


THE  LIFE  MASK  165 

"  In  my  mind?  I'm  not  sure.  I  think  it's  in  my 
instinct." 

"If  it  is  your  instinct,  it  doesn't  deserve  the 
name!  "  I  cried  out.  "  Sarah  is  a  saint  —  an  angel." 

"  Very  likely  you're  right,"  he  admitted,  almost 
humbly,  though  I  had  never  seen  him  humble  before, 
except  in  fun.  And  he  was  far  from  being  in  fun 
now. 

A  new  spurt  of  anger  rose  in  my  heart. 

"  Do  speak  out  plainly!  "  I  exclaimed,  "  if  you  want 
me  to  have  patience  with  you." 

"  I  do  want  you  to  have  patience,  and  not  hate  me 
if  you  can  help  it,"  he  said.  "  But  I  will  speak  out, 
if  you  insist.  I  am  grateful  to  Miss  Nelson,  very 
grateful.  She  has  been  kind  to  me,  and  it's  made  me 
feel  a  brute.  If  you  think  I've  offended  her,  I'll 
apologize  most  abjectly.  All  the  same  —  I  can't 
change  what's  in  me.  I  don't  dislike  her  —  for  my- 
self. But  I  do  dislike  to  know  that  she's  so  constantly 
near  you.  I  can't  get  rid  of  the  impression  that 
there's  something  —  terrible  about  her.  It's  in  her 
eyes.  Was  she  ever  —  out  of  her  mind?" 

I  was  so  amazed  that  for  a  moment  I  forgot  to  be 
angry. 

"Sarah  out  of  her  mind?"  I  gasped.  "Good 
heavens,  no!  She's  the  sanest  creature  in  the  world. 
Nothing  could  shake  her  balance.  If  it  could,  she 
would  have — "  I  stopped  short,  and  bit  my  lip. 
"  What  —  what  can  you  find  terrible  about  Sarah  ?  " 

"  I  can't  put  it  into  words,  any  more  than  I  could 


166  THE  LIFE  MASK 

the  fear  there  is  in  a  nightmare.  It  sounds  nonsense 
when  it's  explained.  But  she  has  a  way  of  looking 
at  you  —  when  you  don't  know;  her  eyes  are  on 
you—" 

"  What  a  bad  reader  of  faces  you  must  be !  "  I  said 
scornfully.  "Don't  you  know  —  can't  you  see  that 
she  looks  at  me  as  Gelert  looks  at  you  —  in  worship  ? 
And  I  don't  deserve  it.  If  I  served  her  for  fifty 
years  I  couldn't  begin  to  deserve  her  wonderful  devo- 
tion. Oh,  it  makes  me  shudder  to  hear  you  say  there 
is  something  terrible  about  Sarah.  It  kills  me!  If 
there  is,  it's  all  because  of  what  her  love  for  me  has 
cost  her;  but  no  stranger  could  know  that.  It's 
heart-breaking  to  think  any  one  could  feel  a  horror 
of  Sarah  because  of  —  I  suppose  it  must  be  because  of 
that,  you  feel  so  —  her  nervousness,  and  the  wild  look 
her  poor  eyes  have  sometimes." 

"  They  are  very  strange,  and  she  is  very  strange," 
he  said.  "  It  makes  me  anxious  when  I  think  of  it. 
Of  course  she  is  devoted  to  you,  and  sincere  and  all 
that.  But  when  it  gets  on  my  nerves  at  night  I  —  I 
tell  you  I  hate  to  have  you  living  here  with  her  alone." 

"  Be  silent ! "  I  stammered,  tears  springing  to  my 
eyes.  "  Now  I  do  hate  you.  Now  I  can't  forgive 
you.  It  is  as  if  you'd  struck  her  —  she,  who  is  so 
defenseless  —  so  faithful.  Oh,  if  I  could  only  tell 
you  the  truth  about  her  —  the  truth  about  us  two! 
I  can't  tell  you  that.  It's  not  possible,  even  for  her 
sake,  to  justify  her.  But  this  much  I  will  tell  you: 
she  saved  my  life,  and  more  than  my  life.  She  has 


THE  LIFE  MASK  167 

sacrificed  her  health,  and  her  best  years,  and  her 
money,  for  me.  There  is  nothing  she  hasn't  done  for 
me.  She  had  a  legacy  which  might  have  made  her 
almost  rich  —  a  person  who  asks  so  little,  who  has 
such  simple  tastes.  She  has  spent  scarcely  a  penny 
of  it  on  herself.  Nearly  all  has  gone  for  me.  She 
calls  herself  my  servant  —  and  in  a  way  she  was,  for 
she  was  my  nurse  when  I  was  a  child,  then  my 
mother's  maid,  then  my  maid,  when  I  grew  up;  yet 
she  has  been  more  to  me  —  oh,  a  thousand,  thousand 
times  more  — than  my  mother  ever  was  or  could  have 
been.  I  believe  she  would  have  died  for  me  over  and 
over  again,  but  she  has  done  something  better  and  a 
great  deal  more  difficult.  She's  lived  for  me,  and  for 
me  only.  She  never  thinks  of  herself  at  all  —  poor 
Sarah!  and  you  hate  to  have  her  live  with  me!  Oh, 
go,  Captain  Shannon!  Go  now!  You  are  no  friend 
of  mine! " 

Tears  poured  over  my  face,  and  I  covered  it  with 
my  hands,  to  hide  it  from  him. 

"  Can't  you  forgive  me  ?  "  he  asked. 

I  looked  up,  and  dashed  the  tears  away. 

"  Will  you  take  it  all  back,  and  promise  never  to  do 
Sarah  such  a  cruel  injustice  again?  " 

"  I  can't  promise  that,"  he  said,  heavily.  "  Per- 
haps it  is  an  injustice  —  I  hope  to  God  it  is.  But  I 
can't  help  it." 

Suddenly  I  had  no  longer  any  wish  to  cry.  I  felt 
icily  cold  to  him,  though  I  knew  that  it  could  not  last. 

"  Then  you  must  certainly  never  come  here  any 


168  THE  LIFE  MASK 

more,"  I  said.  "  Nothing,  and  no  human  being  on 
earth,  shall  ever  stand  between  Sarah  and  me.  I 
couldn't  bear  to  see  you  or  speak  to  you  after  this." 

"  You  are  very  cruel." 

As  he  spoke,  he  rose.  I  saw  that  he  was  ready  to 
take  me  at  my  word,  and  the  pang  that  stabbed  me  to 
the  heart  brought  a  strange  joy  with  it.  At  last  it 
was  my  turn  to  make  a  sacrifice  for  Sarah.  What  a 
sacrifice  it  was,  I  should  only  realize  by  and  by  when 
the  fire  in  my  heart  had  died  down  to  ashes. 

"  You  are  far  more  cruel,"  I  retorted. 

He  stood  up  very  straight  and  rigid,  like  a  soldier 
waiting  to  be  shot. 

"  Then  —  this  is  to  be  the  end  of  it  all?  "  he  said 
in  a  half  whisper,  his  eyes  seeming  to  draw  the  best 
there  was  of  me  slowly  into  himself,  to  keep  for  a 
memory. 

"  The  end  of  it  all!  "  I  echoed,  filling  my  voice  with 
contempt.  "  There  has  been  so  little  —  nothing  we 
can't  easily  forget." 

"  You  are  punishing  me  terribly.  Well  —  come, 
Gelert." 

He  turned  away,  and  walked  quickly  down  the  path 
toward  the  gate,  as  he  had  on  the  first  day.  But 
this  time  he  did  not  look  back. 


CHAPTER  VI 

I  DID  not  hear  Sarah  come  into  the  arbor, 
for  I  had  forgotten  that  she  was  due  at  any  mo- 
ment, and  I  was  sobbing  away  my  nervous  ex- 
citement, with  my  head  on  my  arms,  on  the  back  of 
the  stone  seat. 

I  started  guiltily  when  I  heard  her  cry,  "  Why,  Miss 
Nita  —  why,  my  lamb,  what's  the  matter?"  I  was 
ashamed  and  sorry  to  have  her  see  me.  I  had  given 
her  so  much  sorrow,  it  was  time  I  tried  to  heal  the 
wounds,  instead  of  making  new  ones,  in  that  devoted 
heart. 

"  I  got  worked  up  into  a  stupid  nervous  fit,"  I  ex- 
cused myself,  wiping  my  eyes  with  a  damp  handker- 
chief, and  trying  to  smile  at  the  pathetic  figure,  mo- 
tionless with  the  big  tea  tray,  in  the  doorway  of  the 
arbor.  "  What  a  silly  idiot!  I  haven't  done  any- 
thing as  foolish  as  this  for  ages." 

"  The  Captin's  gone! "  breathed  Sarah,  almost  in 
a  whisper,  her  eyes  startled.  She  pronounced  the 
word  "  Captin "  with  a  thin,  drawling  emphasis  on 
the  last  syllable.  I  had  liked  hearing  her  say  it. 

"  Yes,"  I  said,  anger  coming  back  in  a  gust.  "  He 
has  gone,  and  he  is  never  coming  back.  I  sent  him 
away." 

Sarah  turned  very  pale,  and  hurrying  into  the  ar- 

169 


THE  LIFE  MASK 

bor,  set  the  tray  quickly  down,  with  a  slight  crash 
and  tinkle  of  china,  as  if  in  another  instant  she  might 
have  dropped  it. 

"  Mercy  me,  Miss  Nita,"  she  gasped,  in  the  Southern 
darkey  accent  she  unconsciously  used  when  her  agi- 
tation was  greatest.  "  Mercy  me!  No  wonder 
you're  cryin',  if  you've  done  such  a  thing  as  that!" 

"  I'm  not  crying  because  I  sent  him  away,"  I 
flashed  out  at  her.  "  I'm  glad  I  did  it  —  very  glad. 
I  hate  him!  I  never  hated  any  one  in  my  life  so 
much!" 

My  excitement  seemed  to  have  a  calming  effect  on 
her.  She  placed  the  tea-tray  more  securely  on  the 
edge  of  the  fountain-basin,  and  changed  the  position 
of  the  cups  and  plates. 

"  Dearie  me,  honey,"  she  said  gently.  "  This  is 
just  like  old  times  when  you  was  a  little  girl  in  the 
nursery.  I  do  believe  you've  bin  flyin'  into  one  of 
your  real  old  tantrums." 

"  Yes,  I  have,"  I  admitted,  and  would  have  been 
glad  to  laugh  at  myself,  but  I  could  not.  "  I  have 
been  furious.  I  am  still.  Every  flower  in  this  gar- 
den looks  bright  red.  There's  no  use  pouring  out  tea 
for  me.  I  couldn't  touch  anything.  Drink  some 
yourself,  please.  I've  given  myself  a  headache.  But 
I  don't  care.  And  I  am  not  sorry  for  anything  I've 
done  or  said.  I  wish  my  tongue  had  been  a  sword !  " 

Sarah  did  not  coax  me  to  eat  or  drink,  as  she  some- 
times did  if  I  refused.  She  pretended  to  sip  her  own 
tea,  and  crumble  a  piece  of  layer  jelly-cake,  which  she 


THE  LIFE  MASK  171 

had  made  in  the  morning  especially  for  Captain  Shan- 
non. I  imagined  that  she  looked  at  it  sadly. 

"  I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite  if  you  was  sorry  by 
an'  by,"  she  ventured,  "  if  you  was  mad  with  the 
Captin  for  something  he  did,  maybe  meanin'  no  harm. 
I'm  plumb  sure  he  couldn't  ha'  meant  harm,  because 
he  likes  you  so  much,  and  it  would  hurt  him  mighty 
bad  to  lose  you  —  for  a  friend." 

"  Well,  he  has  lost  me  —  and  if  he  really  cares 
enough  to  be  sorry,  he  deserves  it,"  I  said,  in  defiance 
of  myself  more  than  of  her. 

"  Poor  Captin !  "  Sarah  murmured.  "  I'm  as  sorry 
for  him  as  I  can  be." 

"  Maybe  you  wouldn't  be  so  sorry,  if  you  could 
have  heard  what  he  said ! "  I  broke  out,  and  then  re- 
gretted the  impulse,  lest  she  should  suspect  that  she 
was  somehow  concerned  in  the  quarrel.  I  did  not 
intend  to  hurt  her  feelings  by  letting  her  know  that. 

She  had  poured  out  very  little  tea  for  herself,  but 
now  she  drained  the  last  drop,  slowly,  holding  the  cup 
up  before  her  face,  which  it  almost  hid,  for  the  cup 
was  unusually  large :  one  of  the  ugliest  we  had,  which 
she  always  selected  for  her  own  use. 

At  last  she  set  it  down  in  its  saucer,  and  began  to 
arrange  some  tea  leaves  at  the  bottom  in  a  pattern, 
by  prodding  them  with  her  spoon. 

"  Honey,"  she  began  slowly,  "  I  want  you  should 
tell  me  something.  It's  no  good  your  tryin'  to  hide 
it,  'cause  I'm  mighty  sharp  in  one  or  two  ways,  though 
I'm  pretty  poor  in  others.  Was  this  trouble  with  the 


172  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Captin  —  what  you're  blamin'  him  for  —  anything  to 
do  with  me?  Don't  you  go  to  say  no,  for  I'm  right 
sure  it  was.  I  feel  it  in  my  bones." 

"  Please  don't  ask  me  what  it  was  about,  or  what 
he  said,"  I  answered,  almost  crossly.  "  It  will  make 
me  as  angry  as  ever  again,  just  when  you've  been 
calming  me  down  by  being  so  good.  I  want  to  for- 
get it." 

"  So  you  shall,  dearie,  by  an'  by.  That's  just  what 
I'd  like  best.  But  I  want  you  should  forget  it  in  the 
right  way.  You  don't  need  to  tell  me  what  the  Cap- 
tin  said,  Miss  Nita,  because  I  seem  to  know  most  as 
well  as  if  I'd  heard  every  livin'  thing  that  passed  be- 
tween you.  Don't  you  s'pose  I've  seen  —  since  the 
very  fust  day  I  come  into  this  arbor  and  found  him 
here  ?  A  woman  knows  such  things  —  even  a  woman 
like  me.  It's  sort  of  in  the  air.  'Twas  the  same 
with  his  dog." 

"  O  Sarah,  you  break  my  heart ! "  I  exclaimed. 
"  That  any  one  should  try  to  be  my  friend  —  and  hurt 
you!  I  ought  to  have  sent  him  away  before.  But  I 
wasn't  sure.  I  — " 

"  Lord,  honey,  /  was  sure,  from  the  minute  he 
clapped  his  eyes  on  me  —  and  took  'em  away  again  as 
quick  as  he  could.  But  do  you  think  I  minded?  No, 
indeed,  dearie.  I've  got  more  hoss  sense.  The  only 
thing  I  was  afraid  of,  was  that  you  might  get  to  no- 
tice, and  fly  out  at  him.  Then,  to-day,  I  understood 
about  that  skein  o'  worsted.  I  seen  how  your  eyes 
sent  out  sparks,  but  I  couldn't  say  anything.  He 


THE  LIFE  MASK  173 

didn't  see.  It  must  ha'  come  on  him  like  a  shock  to 
find  out  suddenly  you  was  mad  with  him.  I  reckon 
now  I  oughtn't  to  ha'  gone  away.  'Twas  real  thought- 
less. But  I  figured  it  out  that  the  longer  I  stayed  the 
worse  it  would  be,  for,  without  knowin'  it,  he'd  ha'  kep' 
eggin'  you  on  to  be  madder.  So  I  just  made  myself 
scarce  —  and  tea  had  to  be  got,  anyhow.  I  prayed 
to  the  Lord  —  I  did,  honor  bright,  Miss  Nita !  —  that 
you  two  would  get  talkin'  about  somethin'  else,  an'  it 
would  all  blow  over,  like  it  has  before  when  I've  seen 
you  a  weeny  bit  riled  up  for  my  sake,  the  same  way. 
I  could  just  ha'  sunk  into  my  shoes,  dearie,  when  I 
come  back  to  find  you  cryin',  an'  the  Captin  gone.  I 
could  knock  my  head  against  the  wall;  I  could, 
honest!" 

"  It  would  be  more  to  the  point  to  knock  his  head 
against  the  wall,"  I  returned,  bitterly. 

"  I  reckon  that's  just  about  what  you've  gone  an' 
done,  honey.  An'  it  ain't  fair,  anyways.  He  can't 
help  his  feelin's  more  than  that  lovely  dog  can,  an' 
I  don't  bear  one  of  'em  any  more  grudge  for  not  likin* 
me,  than  I  do  the  other.  You  mustn't  either,  Miss 
Nita.  You  mustn't  really,  if  you  don't  want  me  to 
be  right  down  sick  abed.  Why,  I  like  the  Captin 
better  for  showin'  straight  out  what  he  feels,  an' 
not  bein'  sneaky  about  it,  for  all  he's  got  so  much  to 
lose  in  goin'  against  you." 

"  I  told  -him  you  were  an  angel,  Sarah,"  I  said, 
"  and  so  you  are.  You  ought  to  have  a  halo."  I 
laughed  a  little.  "You  would  look  a  darling  in  it." 


174  THE  LIFE  MASK 

She  shrank,  and  shivered  faintly  in  the  nervous  way 
I  knew  well.  "  Please  don't,  Miss  Nita.  It's  'most 
sacrilegious.  I  respect  the  Captin  for  how  he  feels 
about  me.  Don't  folks  talk  about  aurums  or  some- 
thing? I  reckon  they're  some  kind  o'  halo,  though 
maybe  not  very  nice  ones  always.  I  was  readin' 
about  such  things  in  a  magazine  once.  It  said 
we'd  all  got  them,  different  colors  accordin'  to  our 
characters,  and  sort  o'  like  electricity.  It  sounded 
pretty  queer,  but  if  it's  true,  I  reckon  my  one  kind 
of  joggles  against  the  Captin's,  without  my  meanin' 
it  and  rubs  him  up  the  wrong  way.  His  is  all  right. 
I  can  'most  see  it.  It's  mighty  fine,  like  a  Victoria 
Cross,  or  a  lot  of  decorations  for  brave  things  he's 
done.  And  he's  got  a  heart  that  can  be  merry,  and 
full  o'  deep  down  thoughts  at  the  same  time.  I  make 
out  he's  a  real  man,  Miss  Nita,  an'  it's  goin'  to  hurt 
me  worse  than  anything  ever  has  —  except  one  thing 
we  don't  speak  about  —  if  you  throw  him  over  because 
of  me." 

"  You  are  too  good,  Sarah,"  I  said.  "  How  his 
ears  would  tingle  to  hear  you!  I  couldn't  have  done 
anything  but  what  I  did,  and  now  the  episode  is  over. 
We  shall  forget  all  about  it  —  and  about  him  — 
soon." 

She  shook  her  head. 

"  We  can't  do  that.  I  reckon  you  know  we  can't, 
dearie.  And  love's  too  fine  to  throw  away  for  a  trifle." 

"  Love !  "  I  repeated.  "  There's  no  love  in  ques- 
tion." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  175 

"  Why,  now,  Miss  Nita,  even  his  dog  could  see  the 
Captin  loves  you." 

"  Then  if  he  does,  I'm  glad,  for  it  will  punish  him 
more  for  his  injustice,"  I  said,  hardening  my  heart, 
which  was  beginning  to  lose  its  numbness,  and  to  ache 
because  he  was  gone,  never  to  come  again.  I  knew  that 
I  had  been  harsh,  though  it  was  true,  what  I  had  told 
Sarah:  I  did  not  see  what  else  I  could  have  done. 
"  Please,  please  let's  change  the  subject,"  I  added 
quickly.  "  The  thing  is  past.  I  think  Captain  Shan- 
non will  perhaps  go  away  from  Granada  now.  He 
said  the  other  day  that  he'd  stayed  twice  as  long  as  he 
meant  to  —  and  it  must  be  a  long  time  since  he's  seen 
the  sister  he  talks  of." 

Meekly,  Sarah  subsided  into  silence  at  last.  She 
poured  herself  out  more  tea,  and  drank  it  in  little 
sips,  though  it  had  stood  too  long,  and  made  her  cough. 

Neither  of  us  spoke  again  of  Captain  Shannon  that 
day;  and  I  made  only  the  vaguest  reference  to  him 
when  I  said  to  Sarah  at  dinner  (which  I  could  not 
eat)  that  my  headache  was  caused  by  my  own  bad 
temper  —  not  by  what  she  supposed. 

I  went  to  bed  early,  assuring  her  that  a  long  sleep 
would  cure  me;  and  Sarah  brought  me  a  decoction 
made  of  steeped  orange  leaves.  It  was  an  old  rem- 
edy which  she  used  to  give  me  "  down  South,"  when 
I  had  set  my  nerves  jangling  in  one  of  my  baby  fits 
of  fury.  I  thanked  her  for  it,  and  when  I  had  drunk, 
turned  my  face  to  the  wall,  saying  that  now  I  should 
rest  well.  But  it  would  have  taken  more  than  orange- 
leaf  tea  to  give  me  peace  that  night. 


CHAPTER  VII 

BEFORE  Captain  Shannon  came,  I  had  been 
contented  with  only  my  flowers.  But  now 
that  he  had  gone,  I  knew  that  the  happiness 
they  gave  me  was  only  leading  up  to  him.  It  was  as 
if  they  had  said,  "  We'll  give  you  back  your  youth, 
and  make  you  ready  for  love."  Then  I  had  shut  the 
gate  on  love,  when  it  knocked ;  and  now  I  saw  the  gar- 
den dull  and  drab,  as  through  a  piece  of  smoked  glass. 

I  thought  of  him  constantly.  There  was  an  under- 
tone of  him  in  whatever  I  tried  to  do.  My  mind  was 
like  a  shell  washed  up  from  the  ocean,  and  remem- 
brance of  him  was  the  voice  of  the  sea  always  mur- 
muring through  it. 

Three  days  passed,  and  I  had  heard  nothing  of  him. 
He  might  be  gone,  for  all  I  knew.  In  some  moods  I 
was  sure  that  he  had  gone.  In  others,  I  told  myself 
that  he  had  not  really  cared  enough  to  leave  Granada 
because  of  me.  He  had  all  the  world.  Why  should 
I  be  of  importance  in  his  life  —  I  who  had  nothing, 
and  was  nothing?  A  hundred  times  I  longed  to  call 
him  back;  yet  if  I  had  known  he  was  waiting  day 
and  night  outside  the  gate  I  would  not  have  called 
him.  In  my  wise  moments  I  realized  that,  though  I 
suffered  now,  the  suffering  was  as  nothing  to  what  I 
must  have  endured,  if  the  hopeless  little  idyll  in  the 

176 


THE  LIFE  MASK  177 

garden  had  lasted  a  few  weeks,  or  even  a  few  days, 
longer.  It  was  providential,  really,  that  things  had 
ended  quickly  and  suddenly  as  they  had. 

The  fourth  day  was  the  day  of  the  full  moon.  I 
knew  it  by  my  Spanish  calendar.  If  our  friendship 
had  been  undisturbed,  we  should  have  gone  with 
Captain  Shannon  to  the  Alhambra  that  night.  He 
was  to  have  dined  with  us,  and  Sarah  had  planned 
a,  little  feast.  The  table  was  to  have  been  placed 
on  the  terrace,  not  too  far  from  the  house  for  dishes 
to  be  hot.  She  had  spoken  of  buying  red  silk  candle 
shades  which  would  look  pretty  with  a  decoration  of 
crimson  ramblers;  and  she  had  even  hinted  at  the 
extravagance  of  an  ice-cream  freezer.  She  was  long- 
ing to  try  her  hand  again,  she  said,  at  peach  ice,  and 
the  captain  was  sure  to  love  it,  because  coming  from 
the  east  where  there  was  no  cooking,  he  was  like  a 
boy  about  nice  things  to  eat. 

Of  course  we  were  not  to  have  any  feast  now;  and 
I  thought  I  should  always  feel  a  pang  if  Sarah  ever 
again  suggested  an  ice-cream  freezer. 

She  went  down  to  Granada  in  the  morning,  as  she 
occasionally  did.  How  she  contrived  to  make  herself 
understood  in  the  shops,  I  did  not  know,  but  she 
seemed  to  enjoy  the  expeditions,  returning  pink  with 
excitement  and  with  many  parcels  which  she  had  some- 
how obtained.  I  questioned  her  once,  how  she  made 
a  shopkeeper  understand  that  she  wanted  honey,  and 
she  said  that  was  quite  simple:  she  made  a  buzzing 
sound  like  a  bee. 


178  THE  LIFE  MASK 

This  morning  she  was  gone  a  long  time,  although 
there  was  little  to  buy.  When  it  was  almost  luncheon 
time,  and  she  had  not  come  home,  I  began  to  be  anx- 
ious, turning  over  in  my  mind  everything  I  could 
think  of,  which  might  possibly  have  happened  to  her. 

Marta  laid  the  table  in  the  cool  dining-room,  and 
got  ready  our  simple  meal  of  eggs,  goat's^milk  cheese, 
and  fruit.  Would  the  sefiorita  begin  without  the 
sefiora?  she  asked,  for  she  and  Pepe  both  persisted 
in  mixing  us  up  in  this  way,  though  they  had  been 
told,  until  we  were  tired  of  telling,  that  it  was  the 
other  way  round.  Now  we  left  it  alone,  and  answered 
to  the  names  they  chose  to  give  us. 

No,  the  sefiorita  would  not  eat  without  the  seiiora. 
She  would  wait.  (If  I  could  have  put  more  heart 
into  the  lessons,  I  should  have  been  quite  proud  of  my 
progress  in  Spanish.)  The  sefiorita  would  go  to  the 
gate,  and  look  out  to  see  if  the  sefiora  were  coming. 

Sarah  had  our  key,  and  Pepe  unlocked  the  gate  for 
me,  interested  in  my  anxiety,  and  probably  hoping, 
unconsciously,  for  the  excitement  of  some  accident. 

"  But  there  is  the  sefiora,"  said  he,  in  an  almost  in- 
jured tone,  "  walking  along  as  slowly  as  if  it  were 
nine  o'clock  instead  of  one,  and  she  is  with  the  English 
Capitano ! " 

Everything  danced  before  my  eyes  for  a  second  or 
two:  the  shady  green  background  of  trees;  against  it, 
moving  leisurely,  Sarah's  neat  black  figure;  Hugh 
Shannon  carrying  her  parasol,  and  an  enormous  par- 
cel. As  soon  as  I  realized  that  they  were  not  an 


THE  LIFE  MASK  179 

optical  illusion,  I  would  have  turned  and  rushed  back 
into  the  garden ;  but  it  was  too  late.  They  were  close 
upon  me,  and  Pepe  would  have  been  too  deliciously 
scandalized  if  I  had  run  away. 

Sarah  called  to  me. 

"  It's  all  right,  Miss  Nita.  The  Captin  and  I  have 
bin  talkin'  things  over,  an'  I'm  just  goin'  to  be  friends 
with  him,  whether  you  are  or  not.  So  I  don't  see, 
as  you  quarreled  on  my  account,  how  you  can  stay 
mad  with  him  if  I'm  not." 

"  Will  you  forgive  me,  for  Miss  Nelson's  sake?  " 
he  asked,  hanging  back  a  little,  with  his  great  parcel. 
"  If  she's  forgiven  me,  don't  you  think  I've  been  pun- 
ished enough?  Look  at  me  and  see." 

His  eyes  called  to  mine,  as  they  had  often  called  be- 
fore, and  my  eyes  were  compelled  to  answer.  It  was 
true :  he  had  changed  in  the  few  days  since  I  had  seen 
him.  His  eyes  looked  hollow  and  tired  as  if  he  had  not 
slept,  though  he  was  smiling  at  me  now.  Even  it 
seemed  that  he  was  thinner,  and  that  the  ruddiness 
was  gone  from  under  the  brown  of  his  tanned  skin. 
If  I  had  met  him  for  the  first  time  to-day  I  should  have 
thought  him  older  than  I  had  thought  before. 

"  Miss  Nelson  is  what  you  said  she  was  —  a  saint," 
he  went  on,  when  I  did  not  speak.  "  I've  confessed 
everything  to  her,  and  she  has  absolved  me,  even 
though  our  '  auras '  don't  fit,  and  maybe  never  will. 
Won't  you  let  me  come  back  on  these  terms  ?  " 

All  the  time,  as  he  spoke,  he  smiled  faintly;  but 
when  he  asked  this  question,  and  still  I  stared  at  him 


i8o  THE  LIFE  MASK 

without  answering,  the  smile  was  struck  from  his  face. 
His  lips  tightened  and  his  first  deep  flush  faded  into 
pallor.  He  looked  as  if  he  were  suffering  physical 
pain. 

"  Is  it  possible  for  one  to  care  so  much,  and  the 
other  not  at  all  ?  "  he  said,  in  a  low  voice. 

Electricity  ran  through  my  nerves.  Suddenly  I 
held  out  my  hand  to  him,  and  springing  forward,  he 
grasped  it. 

The  groves  and  the  garden  were  singing  in  the  sun- 
shine, "Friends  again!  Friends  again!" 

"  I  thought  I'd  better  just  buy  the  ice-cream 
freezer,"  said  Sarah. 

Afterward,  I  made  her  confess  what  she  had  done. 
Before  going  down  to  shop  in  Granada,  she  had  walked 
into  the  Alhambra,  in  deliberate  search  of  Captain 
Shannon.  There  she  had  found  him,  looking,  as  she 
said,  "  so  peaked,  her  heart  just  bled."  She  had  been 
wondering  what  she  should  do:  whether  she  could 
have  the  courage  to  march  up  to  him  and  begin  at  once 
what  she  wanted  to  say;  but,  "  like  a  soldier,"  he  had 
come  to  her,  and  they  had  "  had  it  out." 

"  He  may  not  like  me,"  she  went  on,  "  an*  I  don't 
know  as  he  ever  can;  but  he  ain't  my  enemy,  an'  he 
thinks  I've  got  some  real  good  points.  He's  said  his 
say  to  you  about  me,  an'  he  don't  need  to  say  any  more, 
for  that's  all  there  is  in  his  head  on  that  subject,  I 
reckon.  And  he's  paid  me  a  right  nice  compliment, 
that's  kind  of  set  me  up.  He  says  he  never  come 
across  any  woman  before  who  would  like  a  man  bet- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  181 

ter  for  speakin'  out  his  mind  about  her,  an'  forgive 
him  just  like  one  man  to  another.  Nobody  except 
you,  Miss  Nita,  ever  said  anything  to  me  I  set  such 
store  on.  I've  got  a  mighty  soft  spot  for  that  young 
man  in  my  heart,  an'  I  couldn't  get  a  minute's  peace 
knowin'  he  was  eatin'  out  his  because  our  door  was 
shut  in  his  face.  I  made  up  my  mind  if  I  could  help 
it,  the  thing  wasn't  goin'  to  be.  An'  as  for  his  leavin' 
Granada,  I  knew  mighty  well  he  hadn't.  If  I'd 
thought  there  was  any  danger  of  that,  I'd  ha'  gone  to 
him  before.  But  I  felt  as  if  'twould  be  best  to  hang 
on  a  few  days,  till  you'd  kind  o'  simmered  down. 
Now  we  ain't  goin'  to  miss  the  moon  in  the  Alhambra 
after  all!  An'  I  reckon  you  won't  grudge  me  bein' 
happy?  " 

I  wound  my  arms  round  the  flat,  frail  waist,  and 
kissed  her  cheek,  which  was  cool  and  soft,  like  the  flesh 
of  a  quite  old  person. 

"How  wonderful  you  are,  Sarah!"  I  said.  "All 
the  same,  I  haven't  forgiven  Captain  Shannon  for  not 
appreciating  you,  and  I  shan't  forgive  him  until  he's 
learned  what  you  really  are." 

But  she  loosed  my  arms,  gently. 

"You  know,  Miss  Nita,"  she  reminded  me,  "I 
can't  bear  to  hear  you  talk  that  way.  I'm  so  un- 
worthy." 

We  spread  the  feast  on  the  terrace;  and  though  I 
said  I  had  not  forgiven  him,  I  could  have  kissed  the 
dishes  I  laid  with  my  own  hands  at  his  place,  know- 
ing he  would  touch  them,  that  he  would  be  in  the  gar- 


182  THE  LIFE  MASK 

den  again,  that  he  would  sit  with  us  at  our  table,  and 
eat  our  food. 

Just  once,  while  I  was  making  up  a  boutonniere  of 
orange  blossoms  to  put  on  his  napkin,  a  voice  seemed 
suddenly  to  scream  in  my  ear:  "  If  he  knew!"  But 
I  silenced  it  by  answering  quickly :  "  What  harm 
for  him  to  come  here  without  knowing,  and  call  him- 
self for  a  little  while  my  friend?  Soon  he  will  go 
home  to  his  real  friends,  and  I  will  fade  in  his  memory, 
like  one  of  these  flowers,  pressed  in  a  book  and  keep- 
ing always  something  of  its  perfume." 

Yet  in  my  heart  I  knew  very  well  that  our  friend- 
ship would  not  end  in  half  sad,  half  sweet  peaceful- 
ness,  like  this.  Now  that  he  had  come  back  we  should 
both  have  to  suffer.  But  I  could  silence  the  voice 
which  said  so,  in  order  not  to  darken  our  "  feast  " ;  and 
I  was  keyed  to  a  pitch  where  I  was  willing  to  endure 
anything  afterward,  just  for  the  sake  of  this  one  night. 


WHY,  Captin,  you  look  like  a  real  prince!" 
exclaimed  Sarah,  when  he  came  to  us  on 
the  terrace. 

It  was  the  first  time  I  had  seen  him  in  evening  dress. 
He  looked  very  handsome,  I  thought,  and  seemed  to 
belong  to  a  world  far  from  mine  which  was  bounded 
by  a  garden  wall.  I  wondered  how  I  had  ever  had 
the  effrontery  to  be  harsh  with  him,  as  if  my  place 
were  far  above  him  in  power,  and  how  he  could  have 
borne  himself  humbly  as  he  had,  in  return.  I  had 
never  thought  much  about  other  women  in  connection 
with  him,  but  now  when  —  as  Sarah  said  —  I  saw  him 
looking  so  "  like  a  prince,"  it  seemed  to  me  that  a 
great  many  beautiful  girls  in  his  own  world  must  be 
in  love  with  him,  or  wanting  to  make  him  fall  in  love 
with  them.  Here,  he  talked  always  of  us,  or  of  im- 
personal things;  of  his  thoughts  about  life  and  people, 
hardly  ever  of  himself  or  of  what  he  had  done,  except 
in  a  glancing  way;  but  I  could  not  help  knowing  that 
he  must  be  a  distinguished  soldier.  Perhaps  this  un- 
assuming young  man,  who  allowed  himself  to  be 
snubbed  by  a  woman  standing  outside  life,  was  a  hero 
in  the  eyes  of  his  country  people.  He  would  probably 
be  lionized  when  he  went  home,  and  made  much  of 
by  pretty  women,  and  invited  to  official  sort  of  enter- 

183 


184  THE  LIFE  MASK 

tainments  where  he  would  have  to  appear  wearing 
medals  he  had  won.  He  had  never  told  me  about  any 
medals,  but  I  was  suddenly  convinced  that  he  had 
earned  many  honors  of  which  lie  had  not  spoken.  I  felt 
jealous  of  England,  and  especially  of  the  women  there 
whom  he  knew,  or  would  meet  when  he  went  back; 
but  there  was  an  almost  tigerish  satisfaction  in  the 
thought  that  for  this  hour  he  was  mine  if  I  chose  to 
claim  him,  and  that  I  could  make  him  forget  the  exist- 
ence of  any  other  woman. 

"  I  have  brought  peace  offerings  to  you  both,"  were 
the  first  words  he  said.  "  Don't  scorn  them,  please ! 
Don't  dash  my  joy  on  this  glorious  night;  maybe 
they're  not  very  nice,  but  pretend  they  are.  Gelert 
and  I  chose  them.  We  did  our  best." 

He  had  something  white  bundled  up  carelessly  un- 
der his  arm.  Now  he  unrolled  a  creamy  film  of  old 
Spanish  lace,  in  the  shape  of  a  mantilla.  In  it  he  had 
wrapped  a  fan  whose  chased  and  gilded  ivory  sticks 
sparkled  faintly  in  the  dusk  which  rose  from  the 
Vega-like  spangled  blue  gauze.  An  envelope  dropped 
out  of  the  parcel  also,  but  he  let  that  fall  to  the 
ground  unnoticed.  It  lay  on  the  pink  tiles  of  the 
terrace,  back  uppermost,  and  I  saw  a  crest,  and  a  pur- 
ple seal. 

"  Will  you  let  me  give  you  the  mantilla  ?  "  he  asked. 
"  I  so  much  want  you  to  take  it.  And  most  awfully 
I  want  to  see  you  in  it  to-night.  Do  wear  it  to  the 
Alhambra  —  will  you  ?  " 

I  would  not  quite  promise  to  accept  the  mantilla 


THE  LIFE  MASK  185 

as  a  gift,  but  I  promised  to  "think  it  over,"  and  in 
any  case  to  wear  it  that  night.  I  tried  it  on  at  once, 
he  and  Sarah  helping  me  to  arrange  it  on  my  hair, 
and  over  the  shoulders.  The  fan  was  for  her,  old 
and  very  beautiful,  with  the  paintings  on  chicken  skin 
that  Spanish  women  value.  Sarah  made  no  difficulty 
about  accepting  her  gift.  She  seemed  delighted  with 
it,  though  she  protested  that  it  was  too  grand  for  her, 
and  she  must  often  lend  it  to  me. 

It  was  only  as  we  were  sitting  down  to  dinner,  with 
the  red-shaded  candles  lighted,  that  Captain  Shannon 
saw  the  letter  he  had  dropped. 

"  Oh,  I  was  wondering  where  that  had  disappeared 
to,"  he  said,  retrieving  it  from  the  floor.  "  I  must 
have  mixed  it  up  with  the  mantilla  somehow.  It  came, 
and  I  read  it  just  before  I  started  out  from  the  hotel. 
A  tirade  from  my  half-sister,  Lady  Mendel,  threaten- 
ing to  look  me  up  if  I  don't  come  home  soon,"  he 
laughed,  and  put  the  envelope  in  a  breast  pocket  of 
his  coat.  As  he  did  this,  I  had  a  glimpse  of  a  strong, 
almost  masculine  handwriting,  with  very  thick,  up- 
right black  letters. 

"Do  you  think  she  really  will  come,  sir?"  Sarah 
asked. 

"Not  she!"  he  replied,  gaily.  "She's  in  Paris. 
Granada  in  July  wouldn't  suit  her  book  at  all." 

"  It  isn't  July  yet,"  I  said,  looking  down  over  the 
blue  Vega  with  its  spangling  lights. 

"  No,  but  it  soon  will  be." 

"  Perhaps  you  will  have  taken  her  advice  and  gone 


i86  THE  LIFE  MASK 

home  by  that  time,"  I  suggested  with  an  air  of  care- 
lessness. 

"  I  have  very  seldom  taken  her  advice,"  said  he, 
"  though  she  thinks  it's  her  duty  to  go  on  giving  it ; 
and  I  shall  take  it  less  than  ever  now.  I  say,  Miss 
Nelson,  did  you  make  this  cold  consomme?  It's  gor- 
geous." 

And  we  talked  of  other  things. 

The  Alhambra  might  have  been  carved  all  of  ala- 
baster in  the  moonlight,  with  here  and  there  a  glowing 
jewel.  And  we  had  it  to  ourselves:  we  three,  and  the 
interpreter,  Captain  Shannon's  friend. 

He  could  speak  English,  and  Sarah  began  by  ask- 
ing him  more  or  less  intelligent  questions,  and  hang- 
ing on  his  words,  I  very  well  knew  why.  He  seemed 
flattered  by  her  interest  in  what  he  could  tell,  and  they 
fell  behind  us,  as  he  explained  to  her  the  meaning  of 
the  horseshoe  windows,  and  small  supporting  pillars. 
"  Tent  poles  and  drapery  they  represented  to  that  na- 
tion of  tent  dwellers,"  I  heard  him  saying.  Then  his 
voice  ceased.  I  looked  back  for  the  two  figures  in  the 
shadow  under  the  gallery,  but  they  were  out  of  sight. 

"  He  will  show  her  what  they  call  the  boudoir  of 
Lindaraja,"  Captain  Shannon  said.  "  It's  his  favorite 
place.  And  by  and  by  he  will  take  her  into  the  Court 
of  Lions,  and  tell  her  how  Gautier  once  spent  a  night 
there,  at  the  time  of  the  full  moon." 

"  Shan't  we  go  with  them?  "  I  asked.  "  He  seems 
very  interesting." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  187 

"  He  is,  but  not  half  as  interesting  to  you  as  I  am, 
I  hope.  And  I  want  you  to  be  with  me  alone  in  the 
Court  of  Lions.  I  love  the  dear  old  beasts,  don't  you  ? 
. —  with  their  square  teeth  and  different  kinds  of 
carved  fur,  and  their  wrinkled-up,  obliterated  faces 
that  look  as  if  they  were  brooding  on  their  pasts. 
Now,  by  moonlight,  if  only  we  knew  the  right  call, 
you  and  I  could  lure  them  all  twelve  from  their  places. 
First  they  would  sit  stealthily  down,  slip  the  fountain 
off  their  backs,  and  leap  to  us,  still  spouting  crystal 
jets  from  their  mouths.  We  could  soon  train  them 
not  to  spout  in  the  house,  though;  and  they  would 
follow  us  to  Egypt,  on  shipboard  and  railway  trains 
and  everywhere." 

"  But  I'm  not  going  to  Egypt,"  I  laughed. 

"  That's  where  I  hope  to  persuade  you're  mistaken," 
he  said,  in  a  suddenly  changed  voice.  "  I  hope  you 
are  going  there." 

"  Some  day  —  a  long  time  from  now,  maybe." 

"  No,  soon.  Stop  here  a  moment,  please.  This  is 
the  exact  spot  where  you  were  kneeling  when  I  saw 
your  face  reflected  in  the  pond.  I  know  the  very 
stone  by  heart  —  the  stone  where  your  knee 
rested." 

He  laid  his  hand  on  my  arm,  and  made  me  stand 
still. 

We  were  in  the  Patio  de  la  Alberca,  looking  down 
into  the  water  as  we  had  looked  then,  only  now  we  were 
together  —  for  a  little  while ;  still,  we  were  to- 
gether, as  I  had  never  thought  we  could  be  in  this 


i88  THE  LIFE  MASK 

place.  And  the  full  moon  was  rising  above  the  high 
white  walls  of  the  court. 

The  water  was  not  green,  but  silver,  and  deep 
indigo  blue  where  the  moon  had  not  yet  touched 
it.  Our  figures  showed,  floating  far  down  under 
the  surface,  as  if  the  pool  were  a  deep  azure  sky 
sprinkled  with  stars,  and  we  were  spirits  wandering 
in  space.  Standing  side  by  side,  we  blended  into  one 
image. 

"  I  made  a  vow  here  that  day,"  he  said,  in  a  hushed 
voice.  "  I  vowed  that  I'd  leave  no  stone,  precious, 
or  otherwise,  unturned  to  get  you.  But  before  I  ask 
you  to  be  my  wife,  and  to  go  to  Egypt  with  me  when 
I  go,  I  have  a  confession  to  make  — " 

"Please  stop!"   I  broke  in.     "I  can't—" 

"  No,  I  won't  stop.  You  shall  not  speak  till 
you've  heard  me  to  the  end.  I  didn't  lie  when  I  said 
that  never  to  a  soul  had  I  mentioned  meeting  you 
here.  But  —  I  was  the  gypsy." 

"  You  —  the  gypsy !  " 

"  Yes.  I've  felt  a  brute.  But  I  always  meant 
to  confess  —  at  this  very  place,  when  I  could  tell 
you  here,  in  my  own  person,  what  I  made  the  gypsy 
tell  for  me:  that  I  love  you  with  all  there  is  of  me, 
that  I'll  love  you  through  eternity.  That's  my  only 
excuse  for  what  I  did.  The  guide  knew  I'd  been  in- 
quiring where  Miss  Nelson  and  Mrs.  Lippincott  had 
gone  —  for  I  guessed  your  name  must  be  one  of  those 
two  signed  in  the  visitors'  book,  from  the  description 
of  your  dress  and  veil,  and  your  beautiful  tall  figure. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  189 

He  told  me  he  was  engaged  to  take  you  both  to  the 
gypsy  quarter  that  night,  to  see  the  dancing  and  hear 
your  fortunes.  Then  the  plan  jumped  into  my  mind 
—  for  I'd  been  there  often,  and  I  knew  what  the 
place  was  like.  I  knew  I'd  only  to  keep  my  head  and 
whisper  sepulchrally,  and  shroud  myself  with  shawls, 
sitting  humped  up,  with  my  back  to  what  little  light 
there'd  be,  to  do  the  trick  all  right.  But  it  was  a  trick. 
I  didn't  realize  that  it  was  a  pretty  low  down  sort  of 
thing  to  do,  till  after  it  was  done.  The  only  thing 
was,  I  simply  had  to  make  you  think  of  me,  somehow 
or  other,  till  I  could  get  to  know  you.  I  couldn't  let 
time  run  on,  and  not  even  exist  for  you.  You  can't 
conceive  what  a  blow  it  was,  to  find  you'd  left  the 
hotel,  when  I  got  back  from  my  mountain  tramp.  I'd 
promised  my  shepherd  to  come  there  and  see  him  again, 
with  some  books  and  tobacco.  I  couldn't  bear  to  fail 
a  fellow  of  that  kind,  or  I  wouldn't  have  gone  a  step 
after  seeing  you.  But  the  hotel  people  said  the  elder 
of  those  two  ladies  I  asked  about  had  engaged  rooms 
for  several  days,  so  I  believed  if  I  hurried  like  mad, 
it  would  be  all  right.  You  were  never  out  of  my 
thoughts  once,  from  the  minute  those  wonderful  eyes 
looked  up  at  me  out  of  this  big  mirror,  till  they  looked 
up  at  me  again  in  your  garden ;  and  you  never  will  be, 
now,  till  our  eyes  meet  in  some  other  world  beyond 
this.  Then  came  the  shock  of  losing  you.  God!  it 
was  a  shock.  When  I  got  that  chance  to  let  you  know 
by  the  gypsy,  how  I  was  loving  you,  sooner  than  I 
could  possibly  manage  it  any  other  way  without  kid- 


190  THE  LIFE  MASK 

napping  you  —  why,  I  just  snatched  it.  You'll  have 
to  forgive  me." 

He  seized  my  hands  and  crushed  them  against  his 
breast.  My  fingers  could  feel  his  heart  pounding,  like 
a  bird  that  beats  its  wings  in  a  cage. 

"  I  am  always  forgiving  you !  "  I  said  breathlessly, 
as  if  I  had  been  caught  by  a  whirlwind. 

"Then  you  do!" 

"  You  say  I  must.     So  — " 

"  But  you  do,  of  your  own  accord  ?  —  because  I 
love  you  so  frightfully  —  ten  thousand  times  more 
than  at  first,  now  I  know  you  for  what  you  are  — 
my  life  eternal,  my  soul !  " 

"  I  forgive  you!  I  can't  help  it,"  I  said.  "But 
you  don't  know  me  as  I  am.  If  you  did,  you  wouldn't 
love  me." 

He  kissed  the  palms  of  my  hands. 

"  This  at  first,"  he  said,  "  for  my  love  of  you. 
Your  lips  when  I've  made  you  love  me.  Not  know 
you?  Why,  the  instant  our  eyes  met  down  there  in 
the  water,  I  knew  I  was  seeing  for  the  first  time  in  my 
life  a  woman  —  the  woman  —  related  to  my  soul. 
Not  love  you,  if  I  knew  you  as  you  are?  Why,  you 
can't  help  revealing  yourself  through  your  eyes  — 
your  blessed,  beautiful  eyes  —  and  your  dear,  soft 
voice,  as  southern  as  these  orange  blossoms  you  gave 
me,  and  sweeter.  I  know  you  better  than  you  know 
yourself.  Can  it  be  possible  that  you,  who  belonged 
to  me  always  from  the  beginning  of  things,  didn't 
recognize  that  we  were  meant  for  each  other,  the 


THE  LIFE  MASK  191 

first   day?    I    dare   you   to    tell   me   you   didn't?" 

"  I  thought  of  you  afterward,"  I  said.  "  It  was 
mysterious  and  romantic,  like  a  face  of  a  man  com- 
ing into  a  crystal.  But  I  didn't  suppose  I  should  ever 
see  you  again.  I  didn't  even  want  to." 

"Why  not?" 

"  Because  —  I  was  sure  if  I  saw  you  I  should  be 
disappointed." 

"  That's  just  contrary  to  what  I  felt.  I  knew  the 
real  you  would  be  more  wonderful.  But  if  you're  dis- 
appointed — " 

"  I  was  mistaken,  because  —  I'm  not  disappointed." 

"  My  darling !  Do  you  mean  —  that  you  care  for 
me?" 

"  Not  —  not — "  I  stammered,  holding  myself  away 
from  him,  "  in  the  way  you  want." 

But  he  would  not  let  me  go. 

"  Look  me  in  the  face,"  he  said,  "  and  tell  me  that 
again  if  you  can." 

I  lifted  my  eyes,  and  looked  at  him.  Chiseled  by 
the  moonlight  and  glorified  by  love,  his  face  seemed 
to  me  supernaturally  beautiful.  His  eyes  called  my 
chilled  soul  out  of  the  shadows  and  warmed  it  with 
divine  fire. 

"  I  can't  say  it,"  I  whispered.  "  But,  oh,  I  implore 
you,  don't  try  to  make  me  say  anything  else.  Let 
us  be  happy.  Let  us  be  friends.  It's  the  only  way 
we  can  keep  each  other.  I  swear  to  you  that's  the 
truth.  You  don't  understand." 

"  What  don't  I  understand  ?  "  he  asked  more  gently, 


1Q2  THE  LIFE  MASK 

but  still  holding  me  in  his  arms.  "If  you  can't  say 
you  don't  love  me,  that  means  you  do.  Yes,  we'll  be 
happy  —  good  heavens,  how  happy!  And  we'll  be 
friends.  But  above  all  we'll  be  lovers !  " 

"  No,"  I  said,  "  that  can't  be !  We  can't  be  any- 
thing to  each  other  —  unless  you'll  be  my  friend.  Oh, 
how  I  wish  you  could !  It  will  be  so  hard  to  lose  you, 
now." 

He  opened  his  arms  and  freed  me;  but  when  I 
would  have  moved  a  step  away,  he  took  my  hands  and 
drew  me  near  to  him  again.  So  we  stood,  looking 
at  each  other,  while  his  hands  held  mine  down  at  my 
sides. 

"We  won't  lose  each  other,  never  fear,"  he  said. 
"  But  you'll  have  to  tell  me  what  you  mean.  Dearest 
•—  is  there  another  man  ?  Miss  Nelson  told  me  long 
ago  that  you  —  that  you're  free.  I  couldn't  wait, 
when  I  heard  you  were  Mrs.  Lippincott;  I  asked  her 
the  second  day  I  came  to  your  garden.  You  haven't 
promised  yourself  to  any  one  else?  Because  if  you 
have,  you'll  have  to  break  the  promise.  You  couldn't 
possibly  keep  it,  for  you  belong  to  me." 

"  There's  no  other  man,"  I  said.  "  But  —  you 
spoke  a  little  while  ago  about  —  asking  me  to  be  your 
wife.  What  I  mean  is  —  that  I  can't  marry  you  — 
or  any  one  —  ever.  It  isn't  just  some  silly,  woman's 
reason.  There's  a  barrier  between  us  as  high  as  the 
wall  of  China,  and  it  can't  be  climbed." 

"  If  you  think  that,  you  don't  know  what  a  man 
will  do  when  he  loves  a  woman  as  I  love  you,  Nita. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  193 

Oh,  the  dear  little  name !  I've  called  you  that  a  hun- 
dred times  to  myself  since  I  first  heard  it  from  Miss 
Nelson!  If  the  wall  were  as  high  as  the  stars,  and  as 
thick  as  a  mountain,  and  as  slippery  as  glass,  I'd  climb 
it  somehow,  if  it  were  the  one  way  to  get  you.  You've 
only  to  tell  me  what  it  is.'* 

"  Ah,  that's  just  what  I  can't  do !  "  I  cried.  "  At 
least  —  I  will  not.  If  I  told,  it  would  be  the  same 
thing  as  sending  you  away  forever,  and  I  don't  want 
to  —  oh,  I  don't  want  to  do  that  yet,  if  I  can  help 
it." 

"  You're  as  mysterious  and  secret  as  a  castle  on  a 
rock  with  a  deep  moat  round  it !  "  he  exclaimed,  al- 
most angrily.  "  I  know  that  in  the  castle  noble 
knights  and  lovely  ladies  live,  but  you  seem  to  want 
me  to  think  you're  the  stronghold  of  a  robber  horde." 

In  spite  of  myself  I  laughed,  though  tears  were  near. 
My  heart  seemed  drowning  in  them,  though  my  eyes 
were  dry. 

"  That  is  what  I  am,"  I  said,  with  the  bitter  laugh 
the  picture  called  up.  "A  robber  stronghold." 

"  Then  I'll  take  it  by  assault ! "  he  exclaimed. 

"You'd  find  it  dark  and  full  of  pitfalls,  and  not 
worth  taking.  Oh,  if  you'd  believe  me,  and  if  you 
would  be  my  friend!  The  part  of  the  castle  where 
you'd  come  as  my  friend,  isn't  quite  uninhabitable,  like 
the  rest." 

"  Don't  let's  speak  in  parables  to  each  other,  my 
dearest  one,"  he  said.  "  And  before  we  go  any  far- 
ther, let  me  assure  you  of  this;  once  and  for  all :  noth- 


194  THE  LIFE  MASK 

ing  you  could  tell  me  about  yourself  would  make  me 
believe  the  castle  wasn't  worth  taking,  and  nothing 
could  make  me  want  less  to  take  it  than  I  do  now  — 
which  is  about  one  hundred  thousand  times  more  than 
I  ever  wanted  or  will  want,  to  do  anything  else  in  the 
world.  Now  that's  understood,  isn't  it?" 

"  I  love  you  for  thinking  so,"  I  told  him,  "  but  — 
you  simply  don't  know  what  you  are  talking  about. 
For  a  minute  you  carried  me  off  my  feet,  though  even 
then  I  kept  my  senses  just  enough  to  realize  that  noth- 
ing —  nothing  can  come  of  this  but  heartbreak  for  me 
—  and  for  you,  if  you  really  care  as  you  say.  Un- 
less—" 

"Unless  — what?" 

"  Only  what  I  said  before,"  I  persisted.  "  Unless 
you  will  be  my  friend,  and  let  us  take  what  happiness 
we  can  find  in  each  other's  friendship.  Perhaps  I 
might  let  myself  have  that  —  though  even  so  much 
wouldn't  be  fair  to  you,  really.  Still,  while  you  stay 
here  —  if  you  don't  go  at  once  — " 

"  I  shall  never  go,  till  I  take  you  with  me,  or  your 
promise." 

"  Ah,  but  that's  nonsense !  Think  of  your  ca- 
reer—" 

"  You  are  my  career." 

I  tried  very  hard  to  draw  my  hands  away  from  him, 
but  he  was  too  strong,  and  too  determined. 

"  You  are  going  to  make  me  very  unhappy ! "  I 
said,  and  my  voice  began  to  tremble.  "  You  would  be 
sorry  to  do  that  if  you  knew  what  a  life  I  have  had, 


THE  LIFE  MASK  195 

and  how  —  up  to  this  —  you've  been  the  one  bright 
spot  in  it  since  I  was  a  little. girl.  If  you  would  only 
be  kind,  and  take  what  I  can  give  —  or  else  go  away 
at  once,  you  would  still  be  to  me  like  a  bright  ray  of 
sunshine  in  a  dark  room.  Your  love  would  be  so  per- 
fect a  thing  for  me  to  remember  that  I  wouldn't  grudge 
one  of  the  steps  which  has  led  me  up  to  it.  I  should 
regret  nothing,  even  though  I  had  to  suffer  in  future, 
because  it  seems  to  me  that  with  such  a  memory,  such 
suffering  would  be  better  than  many  women's  happi- 
ness." 

He  kept  my  hands,  but  his  grasp,  though  as  firm,  was 
somehow  different.  It  was  as  if  the  convulsiveness 
died  out  of  it. 

"  Tell  me  exactly  what  you  want  me  to  do,"  he  said. 
"  I  can't  promise  to  do  it,  because  I'm  only  a  man, 
not  a  marble  saint,  and  I  don't  want  to  be  one.  But 
perhaps  we'll  agree  on  an  armistice  —  to  last  till  I  can 
bring  you  to  my  way  of  thinking." 

"  That  will  be  never,"  I  sighed.  "  Still,  I  should  be 
thankful  to  have  the  armistice,  because  —  you're  so 
much  to  me.  I  didn't  want  to  let  you  mean  so  much, 
but—" 

"  It  was  God  did  that  —  or  fate,  or  whatever  you 
like  to  call  it." 

"  Very  well,"  I  agreed.  "  It  has  come  into  my  life, 
without  my  wish,  but  now  that  it  has  come,  I  cling  to 
what  it  can  give  me.  If  I  can  have  anything  at  all 
without  making  you  suffer  too  much." 

"  I  don't  care  how  much  I  suffer,  so  I  win  in  the 


196  THE  LIFE  MASK 

end,"  he  said.  "  And  even  if  I  fail  —  but  I  won't 
fail!  Tell  me  what  you  want  me  to  do." 

"  Not  to  tear  my  heart  out  by  asking  me  to  marry 
you,  or  anything  like  that." 

"  By  asking  you  to  marry  me,  or  anything  like  that. 
Very  well.  What  else?" 

"  That's  all  —  for  the  immediate  present." 

"  Then  —  for  the  immediate  present  —  I  promise. 
But  what  do  I  get  in  return?  " 

"  My  —  friendship,  with  all  my  heart." 

"  In  all  your  heart,  there's  room  for  more  than 
friendship.  Do  you  give  me  your  love?" 

I  was  silent  for  an  instant.  Then  I  said,  in  a  very 
little  voice: 

"  If  I  tell  you  something,  will  you  make  me  another 
promise?  Not  to  do  anything  but  just  hold  my  hands, 
as  you're  holding  them  now,  kindly,  and  like  —  like 
an  affectionate  friend  ?  " 

"  If  you  imagine  that  I'm  holding  them  now  like  an 
affectionate  friend,  you're  most  awfully  mistaken. 
But  never  mind.  Let  it  pass  at  that.  I'll  do  nothing 
to-night  that  you  ask  me  not  to  do.  And  sufficient 
for  the  night  is  the  good  thereof  —  since  you  won't 
of  your  free  will  grant  me  anything  better  —  yet. 
Now,  tell  me  the  something.  Is  it  that  you  love  me  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  I  said,  "  but  that  isn't  quite  all.  You  are 
good  to  me  now  —  so  good !  And  I'll  tell  you  a  little 
more.  I  loved  you  from  the  first  minute,  when  I  saw 
you  here  in  the  water.  I  didn't  know  it  then,  but  I 
was  afraid  of  it.  I  called  you  to  myself  *  the  man  in 


THE  LIFE  MASK  197 

the  mirror,'  and  I  couldn't  keep  you  out  of  my 
thoughts  —  day  or  night.  I  dreamed  of  you  some- 
times, and  that  did  me  good,  for  it  was  always  a  pleas- 
ant dream,  and  sent  away  a  hateful  one  I  used  to 
have.  After  the  gypsy — " 

"Yes,  dearest;  after  the  gypsy?  If  you  only  knew 
how  hard  you're  making  it,  though,  to  keep  that  arctic 
promise ! " 

"  I  was  so  afraid  my  dream  of  you  was  to  be  spoiled 
< — that  you'd  done  something  I  should  hate  to  think 
of  your  doing.  That's  why  I  asked  you,  in  the  gar- 
den, whether  you'd  ever  spoken  of  me  to  any  one." 

"  I  understood.  I  guessed  what  was  in  your  mind. 
It  was  a  bad  moment  for  me,  because  I  was  thoroughly 
ashamed  of  myself,  and  that's  not  a  good  feeling.  I 
didn't  lie ;  but  still  —  I  vowed  then  and  there  to  make 
a  clean  breast  of  the  whole  business  to-night." 

"To-night?     You  planned  then  — to  do  that?" 

"  Yes,  because  I  couldn't  do  it  —  owing  to  what  the 
gypsy  said  about  me,  till  the  time  came  when  I  could 
tell  you  the  same  thing  she  told.  I  thought  to-night 
would  be  the  soonest  I  should  dare  to  speak  out  for 
fear  of  frightening  you  away  like  the  fairy  fawn  in 
the  story.  By  Jove,  it  was  all  I  could  do,  though,  to 
keep  myself  bottled  up  till  now!  It  seemed  as  if  this 
night  would  never  come.  You  see  —  you  simply  had 
to  love  me.  I  believed  such  love  as  mine  must  create 
love.  It's  like  a  forest  fire  in  the  wind.  It  had  to 
set  you  on  fire  too,  you  beautiful  proud  young  pine- 
tree  on  a  hill." 


ig8  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  Young !  "  I  echoed.  "  There's  another  obstacle 
- — oh,  but  one  of  the  little  ones,  small  as  a  pebble 
compared  to  the  rest.  I'm  afraid  —  horribly  afraid 
I'm  —  older  than  you  are.  You  —  you  look  such  a 
boy  sometimes." 

"  Because  I'm  in  love.  Why,  I  must  be  a  good  ten 
years  older  than  you  are,  you  dark  shadowy  child  — 
maybe  more.  I'm  thirty-two." 

"Oh,  I'm  thankful!"  I  exclaimed.  "I  should 
have  hated  to  be  older  than  you.  But  I'm  not  young. 
I'm  twenty-nine.  Next  October  I'll  be  thirty." 

"  An  opal  for  our  engagement  ring,  then,"  he  said. 
"  That's  not  breaking  my  promise.  October's  a  long 
way  off  —  quite  out  of  the  *  immediate  present.' ' 

We  both  laughed  a  little,  and  it  was  good  to  laugh 
with  him.  It  seemed,  almost,  as  if  he  had  taught  me 
to  laugh.  I  had  forgotten  how,  before  he  came. 

"If  only  the  other  bugbears  are  no  worse  than  this 
one !  "  he  exclaimed. 

"You  must  have  no  hope  of  that  sort,"  I  assured 
him  quickly.  "  Tell  me  one  thing,  since  I've  for- 
given you  the  gypsy.  Why  did  you  make  her  say  she 
swore  by  her  religion?  It  sounded  so  sincere,  some- 
how, it  forced  me  to  believe  her." 

"  And  so  it  was  sincere,  for  I  meant  my  own  reli- 
gion; and  that's  a  lot  to  me.  It  didn't  come  out  of 
anything  I  ever  read  or  heard,  but  just  from  —  oh, 
well,  listening  to  the  beautiful  things  that  speak  with- 
out voices,  and  tell  you  how  you're  related  to  the  uni- 
verse. You  know ! " 


THE  LIFE  MASK  199 

"  Yes,  I  know,"  I  said.  "  Sometimes  when  I've 
been  very  unhappy,  I've  had  no  religion  at  all;  but 
since  I  came  to  my  garden  here,  it's  been  different.  I 
thought  it  was  the  flowers  who  were  teaching  me,  but 
now  I  know  it  was  you  —  and  love.  Oh,  whatever 
happens,  and  no  matter  how  soon  we  part  —  it  must 
come  sooner  or  later  —  when  you  remember  me  you 
can  say  to  yourself :  '  I  brought  her  happiness  and 
light  she'd  been  starving  for.'  Among  all  the  mis- 
sions you've  carried  out,  maybe  that  may  count  among 
your  greatest  successes." 

For  answer,  he  kissed  both  my  hands  again,  very 
softly  and  gently.  I  told  myself  that  when  I  went 
home  I  would  kiss  them  where  his  lips  had  been. 

"  If  the  world  has  been  cruel  to  you,  it's  a  brute," 
he  said.  "  It  shall  never  get  another  chance  to  hurt 
you.  I'll  see  to  that,  as  your  trusty  knight.  You 
were  born  to  be  a  queen  of  hearts,  and  it's  time  you 
came  into  your  own,  instead  of  living  like  royalty  in 
exile.  Meanwhile,  do  what  you  choose  with  my  heart. 
But  before  we  arrange  the  terms  of  our  friendship  — 
for  the  *  immediate  present ' —  I'm  going  to  ask  you  a 
question  I  have  no  right  to  ask.  It  will  keep  your  hand 
in,  forgiving  me.  Have  you  ever  —  loved  any  man  — 
much?  I  don't  suppose  for  a  minute  you'll  answer." 

"  Oh,  but  I  will !  "  I  said,  rejoiced  there  was  some- 
thing I  could  tell,  which  would  make  him  glad.  "  I 
haven't  loved  any  man  —  ever,  till  now.  And  not 
even  a  boy  since  I  was  fourteen." 

"You  adorable   darling!     Bless   you,    I   knew   it, 


200  THE  LIFE  MASK 

somehow.  There's  something  about  you  that  told  me. 
And  I've  been  so  disgustingly  jealous  of  your  —  of 
Lippincott,  sometimes.  Then  again  I  had  a  really 
weird  feeling  that  there  never  was  a  Lippincott:  that 
you  just  called  yourself  '  Mrs.'  as  a  kind  of  protection 
from  droves  of  silly  young  men  when  you  traveled 
round  the  world;  because  I  said  to  myself,  you  were 
too  young  and  beautiful  to  be  Mrs.  Anybody  —  ex- 
cept Mrs.  Hugh  St.  John  Shannon ! " 

"  That  was  before  you  knew  I  was  nearly  thirty. 
Isn't  that  just  a  little,  little  disillusion  to  begin  with  ?  " 

"  Good  heavens,  no !  I  wouldn't  care  if  you  were 
as  old  as  Ninon  de  1'Enclos.  I  know  you'll  be  more 
beautiful  when  you're  eighty  than  you  are  now.  Any- 
how I  shall  think  so." 

"  You  won't  be  there.  You'll  be  a  charming  old 
gentleman  celebrating  your  golden  wedding,  with 
crowds  of  grandchildren  round  you." 

"  That  may  be,  with  you  for  the  golden  bride.  Be- 
cause, though  I'm  going  to  do  what  you  wish,  and 
not  make  love  to  you  in  the  '  immediate  present '  (this 
isn't  making  love,  you  know)  I  won't  disguise  from 
you  that  I  have  very  different  intentions  for  the  fu- 
ture. While  we're  being  '  friends,'  you  will  be  like 
a  sort  of  glorious  bird  of  Paradise  I've  snared,  and 
chained  round  the  foot  with  a  jeweled  chain.  I  let 
you  run,  but  each  day  I  pull  you  in  by  the  length  of 
one  jewel.  I  haven't  had  time  to  count  yet,  how  many 
jewels  there  are!  Or  else,  you're  like  that  castle  on 
the  rock  we  were  talking  about.  You  think  you're 


THE  LIFE  MASK  201 

impregnable,  because  you  always  have  been.  But  al- 
ready I've  swum  across  the  moat,  and  I'm  cutting 
steps  up  the  rock:  one  step  higher  each  day.  Now, 
I'm  not  going  to  let  you  answer  that,  for  fear  you  say 
something  I  shan't  like.  And  if  I  don't  like  it,  you 
won't  either  —  really.  Come  with  me  into  the  Court 
of  Lions,  and  get  their  blessing.  They  must  have 
seen  a  good  many  lovely  women  in  their  time  —  but 
never  one  like  my  woman." 

His  woman!  By  and  by  he  would  have  to  know 
what  woman  I  was,  if  I  could  not  make  him  leave  me 
in  some  easier  way.  But  not  now;  for  I  had  set  this 
night  of  the  full  moon  apart  in  my  mind  as  my  happy 
night. 

Hand  in  hand,  we  went  through  the  doorway  into 
the  Court  of  Lions  where  the  fountain  was  minting 
moonlight  into  silver,  and  where  the  bleak  stone  faces 
of  the  twelve  great  beasts  seemed  to  gaze  at  us  aa 
kindly  as  if  we  were  real  lovers. 


CHAPTER  IX 

IT  was  a  beautiful  thing  to  be  friends  with  Hugh, 
yet  to  know  that  all  the  while  love  stood  close  by, 
in  the  background;  that  though  we  talked  of  im- 
personal things,  there  was  nothing  of  overwhelming 
importance  in  our  world,  really,  except  each  other.  I 
knew  that  I  was  selfish  in  this  happiness.  But,  after 
all,  I  should  have  to  suffer  for  it  in  the  end  more  than 
he.  He  would  learn  some  day,  not  to  forget,  but  to 
look  back  on  all  this  as  a  dream,  very  sweet  while  it 
lasted.  For  he  would  have  his  career,  and  I  should 
have  only  memories. 

I  don't  know  if  he  was  as  happy  in  this  interlude 
as  I  was.  Perhaps  not,  for  he  expected  far  more  of 
life,  and  I  had  learned  to  grasp  at  a  moment's  pleas- 
ure without  looking  beyond. 

Sarah  asked  no  questions,  even  with  her  eyes.  I 
think  she  did  not  wish  me  to  tell  her  what  had  hap- 
pened between  Hugh  and  me,  or  what  were  our  plans 
for  the  future,  lest  I  should  commit  myself  in  words 
to  some  dutiful  decision  she  would  long  to  combat. 
Yet  certainly  she  was  hopeful,  and,  as  always,  sub- 
limely selfless. 

Her  one  desire  was  for  me  to  have  happiness  at 
any  price,  and  maybe  she  thought  I  was  uncon- 
sciously drifting  toward  a  safe  harbor.  Often  I  heard 

202 


THE  LIFE  MASK  203 

her  singing  in  her  thin,  sweet  little  voice,  the  two  songs 
she  used  once  to  love  best :  "  Ev'ry  day  will  be  Sun- 
day by  and  by ! "  and  "  Weep  no  more,  my  lady." 
This  meant  that  joy  which  she  could  not  quite  keep 
down  was  bubbling  up  from  within. 

I  told  Hugh  how  I  had  heard  him  sing  that  old 
darkey  air,  breaking  off  in  the  midst;  and  how  I  had 
longed  to  finish  the  tune  on  the  other  side  of  the  wall. 
And  I  told  him  about  the  exchange  I  had  made:  my 
magnolia  for  his  oleanders,  not  guessing  till  later  that 
Captain  Hugh  St.  J.  Shannon  with  the  much  traveled 
portmanteau,  was  my  "  man  of  the  mirror." 

"  My  subconscious  self  that  had  known  yours  for 
ages  was  talking  to  you,  and  telling  you  to  weep  no 
more,"  Hugh  said.  "  Don't  you  think  that  was  it, 
honor  bright?  Very  intelligent  of  him  to  choose  that 
room,  too,  knowing  somehow  as  he  must  have  done 
that  you  were  coming  a  fortnight  later  to  live  next 
door.  How  I  wish  you  had  finished  the  song  for  me ! 
And  how  I  wish  I'd  known  that  magnolia  was  yours. 
It  would  have  made  all  the  difference.  But  anyhow, 
thank  goodness,  I  didn't  leave  it  to  fade  in  the  room. 
I  took  it  with  me  and  carried  it  a  long  way  in  my  hand, 
thinking  of  you,  till  the  cold  air  of  the  mountains  sud- 
denly killed  it  after  a  few  hours,  and  I  buried  it  honor- 
ably in  a  rock-pocket  of  snow." 

"  Just  as  the  cold  air  of  reality  will  kill  this 
flower  we  call  our  friendship,  after  a  few  days,"  I 
thought.  But  I  did  not  speak  the  thought  to  him. 
We  talked  mostly  like  good  comrades,  who  understand 


204  THE  LIFE  MASK 

each  other,  and  desire  nothing  more  than  they  have 
already.  It  was  only  sometimes  when  twilight  fell  in 
the  garden,  and  silence  fell  between  us,  that  I  felt  a 
thrill  of  danger  when  our  eyes  met  and  we  had  no  wish 
to  speak  at  all. 

He  came  every  day,  and  we  wandered  in  the  Alham- 
bra,  or  went  to  walk  in  the  Generalife,  the  most 
lovely  garden  in  the  world.  Often  he  dined  with  us, 
bringing  Gelert;  and  always  he  was  studiously  pleas- 
ant to  Sarah.  But  there  was  just  that  one  fault  in 
his  manner  with  her:  it  was  studious.  It  no  longer 
irritated  me,  however,  for  I  knew  the  worst,  and  I 
saw  that  he  was  trying  to  be  more  just.  Besides,  I 
was  vain  enough  to  imagine  that  his  feeling  toward 
her  was  prompted  by  an  unconscious  jealousy  of  my 
love  for  the  best  friend  I  ever  had,  or  could  have. 
This  idea  made  me  lenient  to  his  lack  of  sympathy 
with  Sarah,  while  it  glorified  her  forgiving  admira- 
tion of  him  into  nobility. 

When  July  came,  the  heat  grew  intense,  and  tried 
her  strength  a  little.  She  found  it  too  tiring  to  walk 
until  after  sundown,  so  she  never  went  even  to  the  Al- 
hambra.  I  spent  hours  there  alone  with  Hugh,  or 
with  him  and  the  interpreter;  for  except  on  Sundays 
when  people  came  up  from  the  town  or  a  few  young 
soldiers  strolled  in  because  entrance  was  free,  the  pal- 
ace was  our  own.  In  the  mornings  we  sat  oftenest  in 
the  spicy-smelling  cypress  court  of  Lindaraja,  the 
Moorish  maiden;  and  late  in  the  afternoons  we  liked 
best  the  alcove  called  her  boudoir,  opening  on  to  the 


THE  LIFE  MASK  205 

Court  of  Lions.  With  her  windows  behind  us,  green 
as  emeralds  because  of  the  tall  trees  outside,  we  would 
watch  the  sun  leave  one  stone  lion  after  the  other, 
until  all  were  in  shadow,  and  only  the  little  fountain 
jet  in  the  Court  of  the  murdered  Abencerrages  danced 
in  the  light. 

So  more  than  a  week  passed,  and  then  one  evening 
Hugh  announced  that  the  next  day  would  be  his  birth- 
day. 

"  I  want  you  to  celebrate  it  with  me  in  a  special 
way,"  he  said.  "Will  you?" 

"  I  should  like  to  —  if  I  can,"  I  answered.  "  But 
have  you  thought  of  the  way?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  I've  mapped  it  all  out,"  he  replied 
promptly.  "  The  obvious  part  of  the  plan's  very  sim- 
ple and  above  board.  It  is,  for  you  and  me  to  spend 
the  afternoon  in  the  Generalife.  I  was  pretty  sure 
you  wouldn't  mind  doing  it,  so  without  waiting  to 
consult  you  I  got  an  order  to  have  all  the  fountains 
and  all  the  rivulets  of  the  gardens  set  going,  just  for 
you  and  me.  It  will  be  our  show.  Nobody  who 
doesn't  belong  to  us  will  be  let  in.  Not  that  any  one 
would  be  likely  to  come  and  bother  us  there,  this 
blessed  hot  weather,  but  I  thought  it  would  be  just 
one's  luck  to  have  some  idiot  turn  up  that  day  of  all 
others  and  spoil  everything;  so  I've  made  very  extra 
special  sort  of  efforts  to  keep  the  entertainment  pri- 
vate. It  had  to  be  done  down  in  the  town  with  the 
owner's  agent,  and  there  was  such  a  lot  of  red  tape 
about  the  business,  that  I  began  it  days  ago  —  the  day 


206  THE  LIFE  MASK 

in  the  curiosity-shop  when  you  bought  the  picture  of 
the  fountains  playing,  and  said  you'd  give  anything 
to  see  them.  Does  the  plan  please  you?  " 

"  Of  course  it  does,"  I  said.  "  Shouldn't  I  be  un- 
grateful if  it  didn't,  when  you've  remembered  my  wish, 
and  taken  so  much  trouble  to  grant  it  ?  " 

"  I'm  afraid  it  wasn't  very  unselfish,  as  far  as  that's 
concerned.  I  haven't  seen  the  waters  playing  there, 
and  I  want  to.  But  that's  only  the  obvious  part  of 
the  celebration.  I  expected  you  to  consent  to  that. 
It's  in  the  esoteric  part  where  the  difficulty  comes  in, 
I'll  have  to  break  it  to  you." 

"  What  can  it  be  ?  You  almost  frighten  me.  I'd 
hate  to  refuse  you  anything  on  your  birthday,  yet  you 
know  — " 

"  Yes,  I  do  know,  alas !  But  this  isn't  anything  to 
frighten  you.  It's  just  a  —  a  sort  of  game  I  want 
you  to  play  with  me,  for  that  one  afternoon,  to 
make  this  birthday  stand  out  white  and  glittering  for- 
ever, like  a  pearl.  Then,  whatever  comes,  I  shall  have 
had  a  day  which  it  would  be  worth  my  while  to  have 
been  born  for.  We've  been  playing  the  game  of 
friendship  for  over  a  week,  haven't  we?  It's  been 
a  glorious  game,  though  only  a  game  —  and  we 
both  knew  that.  For  my  birthday  afternoon,  with 
you  and  me  in  the  garden  of  Paradise,  I  want  you  to 
change  that  game  for  another.  '  Let's  pretend,'  as 
the  children  say,  that  we're  a  happy,  engaged  couple. 
Oh,  I  know  what  you're  opening  your  lips  to  say! 
Just  kindly  wait  till  I've  explained.  I  won't  beg  any- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  207 

thing  of  you  that  you  aren't  willing  to  give.  I 
won't  ask  more  than  to  kiss  your  hand  as  you  let  me 
do  now,  every  night  when  I  say  good-by.  The  game 
shall  be  —  so  to  speak  —  on  the  '  spirit  level/ 
But  all  the  same  it  will  be  next  door  to  heaven,  to 
play  it,  if  you  will.  What  do  you  say,  dearest  — 
friend?" 

"  You  will  have  to  tell  me  a  few  —  rules  of  the 
game,"  I  laughed,  my  cheeks  growing  warm,  "  before 
I  know  whether  I  —  shall  be  clever  enough  to  play 
or  not." 

"  You  shall  make  the  rules  yourself,"  he  promised. 
"  The  one  thing  I  hold  out  for  is,  that  from  the  time 
we  go  into  the  Generalife  until  we  come  out,  we  are 
really  to  '  pretend  ' —  in  word  if  not  in  deed  —  that 
we  are  engaged  lovers,  who  are  going  to  be  happy  to- 
gether always.  You  are  to  let  me  hold  your  hand, 
and  tell  you  what  our  life  will  be  like.  I  don't  mean 
to  entrap  you.  It  won't  commit  you  to  anything 
after  the  game's  played  out  —  my  birthday  game.  It 
isn't  so  very  much  to  ask,  is  it?  —  considering  what 
I  want  you  to  give  ?  " 

I  tried  to  laugh,  and  to  think  calmly  through  the 
beating  of  my  heart.  I  longed  to  say  yes,  and  have 
a  day  —  his  birthday  —  to  add  to  the  wonderful 
evening  which  was  already  mine  to  remember.  Still, 
I  was  afraid  —  of  him  and  of  myself. 

"  You'd  promise  not  to  go  on  asking  me  to  '  pre- 
tend '  anything  of  that  sort  afterward  ?  "  I  began  to 
bargain. 


208  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  Yes,  I  promise  not  to  ask  you  to  pretend  anything 
afterward." 

"  Very  well,  if  I  may  make  the  rules  of  the  game  — " 

"  With  the  restrictions  mentioned  — " 

"  We'll  take  them  for  granted.  As  it's  your  birth- 
day —  yes,  we'll  '  pretend.' ' 

"  Thank  you  a  thousand  times !  "  he  exclaimed. 

I  looked  up  at  him  a  little  sadly,  though  I  was  smil- 
ing. After  all,  it  seemed  that  he  was  able  to  snatch 
the  joy  of  a  moment  —  or  a  few  hours  —  more  lightly 
than  I  could  do.  I  thought  that  his  birthday,  and 
the  "  celebration  "  that  he  asked  for,  had  better  mark 
the  end  of  our  eight  days'  "  friendship."  The  end 
would  have  had  to  come  soon,  for  he  must  go  back  to 
England.  He  was  well  again;  I  alone  was  keeping 
him  in  Granada;  and  there  were  communications  con- 
cerning his  late  mission  that  should  be  made  person- 
ally to  the  War  Office.  I  saw  that  here  was  the  turn- 
stile where  we  must  say  farewell,  for  it  would  be  too 
difficult  in  any  case  to  drop  back  into  comradeship 
after  a  day  of  "  pretending "  to  be  lovers.  I  said 
nothing  of  what  was  in  my  mind,  for  that  would 
turn  his  day  of  happiness  into  night.  Afterward,  he 
himself  would  surely  see,  if  he  were  reasonable,  that 
since  we  could  not  marry,  we  had  reached  the  parting 
of  the  ways.  If  he  would  not  see,  and  go  of  his  own 
accord,  I  thought  that  rather  than  tell  him  what  might 
make  him  glad  to  go,  I  would  simply  shut  myself  up 
in  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina,  and  refuse  to  see 
him  again.  It  might  seem  selfish  in  me  to  send  him 


THE  LIFE  MASK  209 

away  without  any  real  explanation,  but  in  truth  it  was 
kind,  since  in  this  case  ignorance  was  nearer  to  bliss 
than  knowledge  could  be. 

It  was  very  hot  walking  to  the  Generalife  gardens, 
in  the  July  sunshine,  but  a  breeze  from  the  Sierras 
made  it  tolerable.  Hugh  shaded  my  eyes  with  my 
green  parasol,  and  carried  a  parcel,  which  was  to  be 
Sarah's  "  birthday  surprise  "  for  him  at  tea  time.  We 
did  not  talk  much  to  each  other,  for  we  were  both 
thinking  of  the  "  game,"  and  planning  how  each  was 
to  play  it. 

A  dark,  smiling  young  man  opened  the  gate  for  us, 
and  locked  it  once  more  when  we  were  inside  the  gar- 
den. 

"  Don't  forget  that  the  Generalife  is  mine  for  the 
rest  of  the  day,  and  that  it's  quite  understood  no 
strangers  must  be  admitted,"  Hugh  said  in  his  almost 
perfect  Spanish. 

"  Now,"  he  went  on  to  me,  as  we  turned  up  the 
wonderful  avenue  of  cypresses,  "  we  are  luckier  than 
Adam  and  Eve,  because  the  angel  with  the  flaming 
sword  has  shut  us  into  Paradise  instead  of  shutting  us 
out." 

"  Paradise  for  a  day ! "  I  said.  "  It  sounds  like 
the  name  of  a  poem." 

"  It's  going  to  be  a  poem,"  he  answered,  "  and  you 
and  I  are  to  live  it.  A  poem  set  to  music.  Listen  to 
the  waters!  They  are  for  us,  too.  Everything  for 
us.  This  is  our  world." 


210  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  To-day,"  I  added. 

"Hush!"  he  exclaimed.  "That  isn't  fair.  It's 
not  playing  the  game,  to  talk  about  endings,  or  any- 
thing sad.  We've  got  the  whole  future  before  us. 
What's  the  difference  between  sixty  minutes  and  sixty 
years?  If  there's  any,  we  aren't  going  to  think  of  it 
or  measure  it  now." 

"  Oh,  I  didn't  know  we'd  begun  to  play  yet,"  I  ex- 
cused myself. 

"  We  began  the  minute  we  came  in  at  the  gate. 
And  this  isn't  the  Generalife  really ;  and  we're  not  even 
in  Spain.  It  is  —  let  me  see !  —  it's  Kashmir,  which 
is  about  as  near  Paradise  as  any  country  can  be  that 
doesn't  owe  its  best  charm  to  your  being  in  it.  It's 
Kashmir,  and  you  are  in  it  —  with  me.  We're  going 
to  be  married  to-morrow,  and  this  is  our  last  walk  to- 
gether as  two  lovers.  To-morrow  we'll  be  one." 

"  I  thought  I  was  to  fix  the  rules  of  this  game,"  I 
reminded  him. 

"  My  darling  girl,  it  isn't  playing  the  game  to  al- 
lude to  its  being  a  game.  Don't  you  see  that?  It's 
real  now.  And  anyhow,  you  are  only  to  tell  me  what 
I  mustn't  do,  not  what  I  must  do;  and  you  have  no 
right  of  jurisdiction  at  all  over  what  I'm  to  say." 

"  We  must  see  how  that  works,"  I  said,  laughing. 

"  It  will  work  beautifully.  Now,  just  put  your 
mind  to  it,  and  remember  that  you're  walking  in  a 
garden  of  Kashmir  with  your  lover,  who'll  be  both 
husband  and  lover  to-morrow." 

"  Wouldn't  it  be  more  to  the  point  if  —  I  put  my 


THE  LIFE  MASK  211 

heart  to  it  ?  "  I  asked,  pressing  ever  so  lightly  the  arm 
into  which  he  had  slipped  my  hand. 

"  I  know  your  heart's  in  it,  or  you  wouldn't  be 
here,"  he  said.  "  That's  the  principal  reason  why  I'm 
so  happy.  Listen  while  I  tell  what's  going  to  happen 
to  you.  We're  going  to  have  our  honeymoon  in  a 
houseboat  —  the  most  beautiful,  glorified  sort  of 
houseboat  you  can  imagine,  miles  away  from  every- 
body. In  the  mornings  I  shall  wake  you  up  with  of- 
ferings of  cool  waterlilies,  and  warm  roses.  At  night 
I  shall  put  you  to  sleep  with  kisses,  such  kisses  as  you 
don't  know  exist,  and  I've  been  starving  to  give  you." 

"  Don't ! "  I  said.  "  You're  going  beyond  the 
rules." 

"  No,  for  I'm  not  giving  you  the  kisses,  I'm  only 
talking  about  them." 

"You  mustn't,"  I  pleaded.  "I  —  can't  bear  it  — 
Hugh." 

He  looked  at  me  suddenly,  as  we  walked  slowly 
side  by  side,  under  the  immense  trees  where  a  treach- 
erous sultana  once  met  her  lover. 

"  That's  the  sweetest  thing  you  ever  said  to  me," 
he  answered  in  the  hushed  voice  with  which  he  could 
make  me  feel  as  if  I  were  in  a  dim  church,  full  of  in- 
cense and  organ  music. 

"  Could  we  —  play  —  as  well  in  silence  for  a  little 
while?"  I  asked.  "Because  just  for  a  few  minutes 
I  don't  want  to  talk." 

"  We  can  play  even  better  with  our  lips  silent,"  he 
said,  "  for  then  our  thoughts  can  hear  themselves 


212  THE  LIFE  MASK 

speak.     You  know  what  mine  are  telling  you,  don't 
you,  my  darling?  " 

"  Yes,"  I  whispered. 

We  walked  on  with  my  hand  on  his  arm,  not  saying 
anything  for  a  long  time.  I  was  on  his  left  side,  and 
I  could  feel  his  heart  beating  against  my  bare  wrist. 
It  was  as  if  it  were  telegraphing  messages  to  me,  by 
a  code  of  signals,  messages  which  we  could  not  have 
dared  to  put  into  spoken  language.  I  never  fully  real- 
ized before  how  much  nearer  —  how  dangerously 
much  nearer  —  one  is  brought  to  a  person  one  loves 
by  silence,  than  by  the  most  passionate  love-making 
in  words.  His  silence  kissed  me,  and  drew  my  heart 
to  his,  through  my  eyes,  though  we  were  not  even 
looking  at  each  other;  his  silence  held  me  in  his  arms 
and  drowned  me  in  its  tenderness. 

We  came  to  the  end  of  the  long  avenue  of  cypresses 
and  roses,  which  screen  white  glimpses  of  snow  moun- 
tains far  away.  Hugh  rang  the  house  bell,  and  a  girl 
let  us  into  the  court  of  the  first  water-garden,  made 
by  some  Moorish  king  for  a  woman  he  loved.  I  cried 
out  in  surprise,  for  as  the  door  opened  I  looked  along 
a  flowery  vista  arched  over  and  roofed  with  crystal. 
I  knew  the  place  was  beautiful,  but  I  had  not  dreamed 
•what  it  could  be,  with  its  long  double  line  of  fountains. 

"  Isn't  this  a  good  way  of  celebrating  my  birthday 
—  and  our  marriage  eve  in  Kashmir  ?  "  Hugh  asked, 
when  the  girl  had  vanished,  and  the  garden  full  of 
moving  rainbows  was  ours  alone. 

"  Yes,  a  beautiful  way,"  I  agreed. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  213 

"  Are  you  happy,  O  queen  ?  " 

"  I  am  happy,  O  king." 

"  Then  here  we  will  reign  together,  and  may  our 
reign  be  long  and  blessed.  I  know  it  will  be!  Look, 
this  lace  canopy  of  water  is  like  a  wedding-veil 
for  you,  woven  of  diamonds  by  the  fairies,  our 
subjects.  Come  now  and  see  our  transfigured  realm, 
terrace  by  terrace.  The  best  of  all  is  where  the  water 
cascades  down  the  hollowed  out  balusters  or  walls  of 
the  steps  to  the  fourth  garden  —  the  highest  terrace." 

"  But  I  hate  to  leave  this ;  it's  so  marvelous ! "  I 
said. 

"  It  will  be  better  by  and  by,  as  the  sun  sinks  lower, 
and  it  will  be  ours  still,  you  know.  Everything  that 
belongs  to  our  love  will  grow  more  marvelous  as  time 
goes  on." 

I  did  not  answer.  Again  in  dangerous  silence  we 
walked  through  the  cloisterlike  gallery  to  the  belve- 
dere at  the  end  of  the  garden  court.  On  the  opposite 
hill,  across  a  valley  like  a  chasm  full  of  sunshine,  rose 
the  red  towers  of  the  Alhambra  with  their  brown  tiled 
roofs  like  heaps  of  autumn  leaves.  I  glanced  across 
dreamily.  It  seemed  as  if  the  green  gulf  separated 
me  from  the  real  world.  This  was  a  dream  world, 
beautiful  as  heaven,  where  Hugh  and  I  lived,  and  no- 
body else. 

"  I  can  keep  this  world  separate  always  in  my  mem- 
ory," I  thought.  "  Age  and  years  can't  change  it.  I 
shall  only  have  to  go  into  the  secret  room  of  my  spirit, 
and  lock  the  door,  to  find  it  just  as  it  is  now,  and  Hugh 


214  THE  LIFE  MASK 

and  me,  young  and  happy,  walking  here  together.  So 
I  need  never  be  utterly  miserable,  whatever  happens, 
with  such  a  possession." 

We  went  slowly  up  from  terrace  to  terrace.  It  was 
good  to  know  that  we  could  linger  as  long  as  we  liked 
with  no  danger  that  the  fountains  of  the  first  garden 
might  stop  while  we.  were  in  the  second  or  third  or 
fourth.  This  was  our  day,  and  the  waters  would 
make  music  for  us  till  night  came  —  and  the  last  verse 
of  the  poem. 

The  highest  terrace,  though  not  of  such  sensational 
beauty  as  the  famous  patio  of  the  fountains,  seemed 
more  secret  and  more  our  own,  like  a  house  walled 
with  box  and  myrtle,  and  roofed  with  magnolia  trees. 
Hugh  sat  on  a  bench  under  a  flowery  ceiling  of  green, 
patterned  with  white  stars.  Then  gently  he  pulled 
me  down  beside  him. 

"  This  is  the  deck  of  our  houseboat,"  he  said. 
"  We're  not  married  yet,  of  course,  and  won't  be  till 
to-morrow;  but  I'm  showing  my  dear  bride-elect 
where  she's  to  live  with  me,  until  she's  tired  of  Kash- 
mir. Do  you  think  that  will  be  soon  ?  " 

I  shook  my  head.  I  knew  he  wanted  me  to  look 
up  at  him,  but  I  would  not. 

"  We  shall  just  live  under  our  hats,  you  know,"  he 
went  on,  his  voice  changing  from  tenderness  to  gaiety, 
in  a  disconcerting  way  it  had.  "  You  and  I  together 

—  what  does  anything  else  matter  ?    We'll  eat  up  the 
world,  and  see  all  that's  worth  seeing  in  it,  till  we  go 

—  still    together  —  to    one    even    better.     But    we'll 


THE  LIFE  MASK  215 

never  forget  this  day  or  this  place,  or  lose  touch  with 
it.  We'll  be  like  the  children  in  fairy  stories,  and 
drop  white  stones  all  along  the  road  as  we  go  toward 
eternity,  so  we  can  just  take  hands  and  find  our  way 
back  here  to  Granada  —  I  mean,  to  Kashmir." 

As  he  spoke,  his  hand  covered  mine,  then  grasped 
and  held  it.  I  did  not  try  to  take  it  from  him.  We 
sat  quietly  for  a  moment.  Then  he  said,  in  a  voice 
that  was  not  quite  steady: 

"  You  have  little  pulses  in  your  fingers." 

"  So  have  you,"  I  whispered. 

I  think  that  a  whisper  is  nearly  as  dangerous  as 
silence.  It  is  a  faint  breeze  that  wakes  sleeping 
thoughts,  like  flowers.  I  felt  his  hand  grasp  my  hand 
almost  fiercely,  as  if  he  were  afraid  it  would  be 
snatched  away.  I  looked  up.  His  eyes  plunged  deep 
into  mine.  There  was  nothing  of  me  that  he  did  not 
take  and  hold  in  that  gaze.  I  forgot  that  we  were 
playing  a  game,  and  that  I  had  the  right  to  fix  the 
rules.  My  breath  came  fast.  There  were  just  his 
eyes  in  the  world  —  and  his  hand  on  mine.  Then  the 
clasp  was  loosed  for  a  second,  and  his  arm  went  round 
me,  held  me  close.  Still  my  eyes  looked  up,  and  my 
breath  came  fast  through  parted  lips  till  his  took 
them. 

"  Do  you  forgive  me?  "  he  asked,  when  we  remem- 
bered. "  I  swear  I  didn't  mean  to  kiss  you  when  I 
brought  you  here  —  unless  —  you  changed  your 
mind.  Have  you  —  oh,  Nita,  have  you  changed  your 
mind?" 


216  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"No,"  I  said.  "Yet  there's  nothing  to  forgive. 
It  was  my  fault  that  you  kissed  me.  I  knew  it  — 
but  I  couldn't  care  —  then." 

"  I  love  you  so !  "  he  said.  "  I  made  you  give  me 
that  kiss.  I  felt  as  if  I  should  die  without  it.  And 
it  was  worth  dying  for.  It's  too  late  to  go  back  now, 
Nita,  to  playing  games  of  love  or  friendship.  The 
real  thing  has  got  us.  It's  a  tidal  wave  carrying  us 
on  to  life  or  death.  Let  it  be  life.  Why  not,  my 
soul  ?  You  know  now  that  we  can't  part." 

I  clung  to  him,  and  he  held  me  tight  against  his 
breast. 

"We  must  part,"  I  said.  "But  I  love  you  —  I 
love  you!  I  wish  I  could  die  now,  this  moment,  in 
your  arms ! " 

"  Then  you  want  me  to  die,  too,"  He  answered. 
"  Well,  it  would  be  very  good  to  die,  so.  But  it  will 
be  better  to  live.  We're  young,  and  not  cold.  God 
knows  I'm  not!  There's  a  whole  life  full  of  love  be- 
fore us.  And  we've  got  to  face  it.  There's  no  way 
back,  now." 

"  No,  there  is  no  way  back,"  I  repeated. 

"  Thank  God  you  see  that." 

"  I  see  the  way  on,  into  the  future ;  and  I  see  my- 
self walking  alone.  Let  me  go,  Hugh.  We'll  have 
to  end  this  —  somehow  —  since  we  can't  go  back  to 
the  foolish  game  we  were  playing.  Oh,  if  only  we 
hadn't  begun  it !  " 

"Do  you  wish  that?"  he  asked. 

"  No!  "  I  cried  out.     "  I  don't  wish  that.     I  can't. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  217 

I'm  glad  you  have  kissed  me.  I  shall  have  one  more 
sweet  thing  to  remember." 

"You  shall  have  a  thousand  of  them  to  remem- 
ber ! "  His  eyes  suddenly  laughed  to  mine,  as  if  he 
were  sure  that  after  all  he  was  going  to  be  happy. 
"  Don't  you  know  that  one  kiss  leads  to  another? 
Nita,— " 

I  pushed  him  gently  away,  very  gently,  with  my 
hand  on  his  lips.  They  clung  to  it. 

"  No,"  I  said.     "  No." 

"  But  you're  driving  me  mad  —  you,  and  the 
magnolias  which  are  your  own  flowers,  soft  and 
white,  and  sweet  as  life  and  love  and  death.  We've 
got  to  go  on  now,  as  we've  begun.  You'll  have  to  be 
my  wife,  in  spite  of  yourself  and  all  your  bad  resolu- 
tions." 

"  Remember  your  promise  —  if  I  played  the  game. 
It  was  all  to  end  to-day." 

"  Yes,  the  game  was  to  end  —  and  it  has  ended,  of 
itself,  much  sooner  than  we  meant.  I  promised,  in 
so  many  words,  not  to  ask  you  to  go  on  pretending. 
We're  up  against  realities  now,  and  if  there's  to  be 
no  more  playing,  there  must  be  no  more  mysteries. 
I  wouldn't  be  a  man,  but  a  sickly  sentimentalist  if  I 
let  you  go  on  saying  you  can't  marry  me  or  anybody, 
without  making  you  tell  me  the  reason,  and  give  me 
a  chance  to  beat  it  down  with  a  better  one.  Our 
friendship  has  lasted  us  beautifully  for  eight  days; 
but  it's  worn  out  now,  and  you  know  it.  I've  been 
unnaturally  good,  and  haven't  worried  you  once,  have 


218  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I?  Though  I  must  admit  I  wouldn't  have  tried  to 
be  quite  so  obedient  if  I  hadn't  thought  the  days  might 
be  useful  in  making  you  like  me  a  little  better,  and 
perhaps  feel  the  need  of  me  in  your  life." 

"  Oh,  I  do  feel  the  need  of  you,"  I  said.  "  But  — , 
I  can't  have  you.  It  isn't  just  some  silly  woman's 
reason  you  can  break  down,  as  you  seem  to  think. 
If  it  were,  I'd  tell  you  now,  this  moment,  and  hope 
that  you  could  break  it." 

"  Then  don't  tell,  but  marry  me  all  the  same. 
There's  nothing  I  need  know  about  you,  except  what 
I  do  know,  as  I  told  you  before.  That  you  are  you, 
and  that  life  can  never  be  life  again  without  you. 
Marry  me  to-morrow  —  as  we  were  playing  you  would 
in  the  game.  Surely  I  can  get  a  special  license  or 
something.  The  consul — " 

"Ah,  if  I  could!"  I  cried.  "If  I  could!  If  we 
could  go  to  the  end  of  the  earth  together,  where  we 
should  never  see  any  one  except  each  other,  then 
maybe  — " 

"  We  will  go  to  the  end  of  the  earth,  if  that's  the 
price  of  you,"  he  broke  in.  "  We'll  live  in  tents  in 
the  desert  if  you  like.  I've  done  it  for  months,  and 
could  do  it  forever." 

"  It  would  be  heaven,"  I  murmured,  shutting  my 
eyes  for  a  minute,  to  see  the  picture  of  the  tent  among 
sand  dunes.  "If  you  hadn't  a  career.  Do  you  think 
I'd  let  you  give  it  up  for  me  ?  " 

"  Damn  my  career !  "  he  said.  "  I've  cared  for  it, 
yes  —  such  as  it  is  But  if  there's  to  be  a  question 


THE  LIFE  MASK  219 

of  choosing  between  a  woman  I  adore,  and  pottering 
along  in  the  army  with  now  and  then  some  special 
mission  any  other  fellow  could  do  as  well  or  better, 
why,  I  — " 

"  You  think  so  now,"  I  interrupted  him.  "  But 
as  the  years  went  on,  and  you  saw  other  men  doing 
what  it  had  been  your  ambition  to  do,  it  would  break 
your  heart — " 

"  It  wouldn't,  I  tell  you,"  he  said,  looking  dogged, 
and,  I  thought,  adorable. 

"  I  wouldn't  risk  it  for  anything  on  earth,  neither 
for  my  own  sake  nor  yours,"  I  insisted.  "  Not  even 
for  your  love,  though  now  —  after  to-day  —  I  don't 
see  how  I  am  to  go  on  existing  —  it  won't  be  living 
—  without  you." 

"  Tell  me  what  keeps  us  apart,  and  let  me  judge," 
he  said  again. 

"  I  would,  if  it  could  do  any  good.  But  if  I  told 
you,  even  if  you  said  you'd  take  me  in  spite  of  every- 
thing—  though  I  don't  think  you  or  any  man  would 
do  that  —  I'd  rather  die  than  marry  you  —  yes,  Hugh, 
because  I  love  you  so  much.  I  should  have  to  send 
you  away  simply  because  I  couldn't  bear  to  look  you 
in  the  face  again,  after  you  knew." 

"  I'd  take  my  oath  that  you  make  a  thousand  times 
more  of  the  thing  than  you  need,  whatever  it  is,"  he 
tried  to  soothe  me.  "  I'm  certain  as  of  life  and  love, 
that  you've  done  nothing  evil.  It's  beyond  your  na- 
ture." 

"  Don't  be  too  sure!  " 


220  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  I  am  sure.  If  you  told  me  with  your  own  lips. 
in  a  detailed  statement,  that  you  were  the  greatest  sin- 
ner who  ever  lived,  I  wouldn't  believe  you.  I'd  be- 
lieve you'd  dreamed  it." 

"  Dreamed  it !  Oh,  Hugh,  what  I've  suffered  in 
dreaming  it ! " 

I  covered  my  eyes  with  my  hands,  to  shut  out  the 
gray  figure  in  the  gray  dream  that  rose  before  me. 
And  as  I  so  shut  out  the  sunlight,  gray  shadows 
seemed  to  close  coldly  around  me,  until  Hugh  took  me 
in  his  arms. 

I  did  not  try  to  push  him  away  again.  I  let  him 
hold  me,  so  that  I  might  feel  and  know,  just  once,  the 
dear  comfort  and  protection  a  man  can  give  the  woman 
he  loves.  His  arms  felt  strong  and  hard,  like  warm 
iron. 

"  Dearest,"  he  said,  "  what  are  we  going  to  do  about 
this?  The  tyranny  of  the  weak  over  the  strong  is  a 
lot  worse  than  the  other  way  round,  and  I  can't  force 
you,  without  being  a  brute.  But  we're  not  going  to 
lose  each  other  for  a  scruple.  I've  got  you,  and 
somehow  I  mean  to  hold  you  fast.  Don't  harden 
your  heart  against  me  on  my  birthday,  here  in  this 
garden  where  the  perfume  of  your  own  flower  is 
incense  on  the  altar  of  love.  Say  you'll  marry  me  and 
live  in  the  desert,  if  the  desert  is  what  you  want." 

Incense  on  the  altar  of  love!  Yes,  the  perfume 
was  like  that,  and  it  was  in  my  head,  making  me  for- 
get right  and  wrong. 

"  I  want  you  in  the  desert,  Hugh  —  my  Hugh,"  I 


THE  LIFE  MASK  221 

whispered,  clinging  to  him.  "  I  want  you  as  much  as 
you  want  me  —  more,  maybe,  because  you're  all  my 
life.  I  didn't  know  there  were  such  men  as  you. 
You're  so  dear  —  so  dear.  I  love  all  your  ways 

—  everything  you  are.     Oh,  take  me,  if  you  will  — 
not  to  the  desert,  because  you  must  have  your  career. 
There'd  be  no  happiness  for  me  if  I  broke  it.     But  if 
I'm  willing  to  give  you  everything,  and  take  nothing 
from  you  —  except  your  love,  surely  I  shouldn't  be 
harming  you  after  all?     It's  only  as  your  wife  I 
should  hurt  you.     But  hide  me  somewhere,  and  let  no- 
body know  but  Sarah.     We'll  love  each  other  so  much 

—  and  if  I  see  I'm  hurting  you,  I'll  go  away  — " 
Suddenly  he  pressed  me  so  tight  against  his  breast 

that  my  breath  went.  I  could  not  speak  another 
word. 

"  Be  still,  Nita!  "  he  said  in  a  strange  voice.  "  For 
the  love  of  God,  don't  tempt  me  like  that!  I  won't 
have  you  at  such  a  price!  I'd  rather  die  —  and  let 
you  die.  It  isn't  as  if  there  were  a  real  obstacle  of 
flesh  and  blood  between  us.  If  you  were  the  wife  of 
some  brute  you  hated,  who  ill-treated  you,  it  would  be 
different.  I'd  take  you  from  him  like  "a  shot.  But 
as  it  is,  if  I  took  you  at  your  word,  /  should  be  the 
brute.  I  won't  do  it !  " 

Now  it  was  he  who  tried  to  put  me  from  him, 
but  I  wound  my  arms  round  his  neck,  and  would 
not  let  him  go.  For  the  first  time  I  kissed  him  of  my 
own  accord.  I  kissed  his  strong  brown  throat,  and 
the  dent  in  his  square  chin,  until  he  forgot  that  he 


222  THE  LIFE  MASK 

had  meant  to  tear  himself  away  from  me.  He  set  his 
mouth  against  mine,  while  the  beating  of  our  two 
hearts  was  as  the  beating  of  one.  For  a  moment 
I  was  happy.  I  thought  that  in  spite  of  all,  a  way 
opened  for  us  to  belong  to  each  other,  without  my 
spoiling  his  life,  since  no  one  need  know  of  my  exist- 
ence. 

But  it  was  only  while  the  kiss  lasted.  Then  he 
sprang  up,  though  I  would  have  held  him  if  I  could. 

"  Nita,  I  can't  stand  this !  "  he  said,  in  a  choked 
voice  which  frightened  me.  "  I  daren't  touch  you  — 
daren't  kiss  you  again,  now.  If  I  did  —  I'd  forget 
everything  —  and  that  would  be  damnable!  Stay 
where  you  are.  I'm  going  to  walk  away,  and  not  even 
look  at  you  for  a  minute  or  two,  until  I'm  myself 
again." 

He  turned,  and  took  a  step  or  two  along  the  path, 
his  head  down.  A  great  pity  for  us  both  and  a  great 
shame  for  myself  welled  up  in  my  heart.  I  rose,  look- 
ing after  him,  but  not  calling  him  back.  Then,  stand- 
ing under  the  magnolia,  I  saw  what  I  could  hardly  be- 
lieve to  be  real,  for  the  garden  was  ours.  Two  women 
were  mounting  the  steps  from  the  terrace  below. 


CHAPTER  X) 

HUGH  also  saw  them.     Somehow  I  realized  by 
the  expression  of  his  back,  the  sudden  tense- 
ness of  his  figure,  that  he  knew  who  they 
were. 

I  stood  still,  watching1,  not  sure  yet  what  I  ought 
to  do.  They  came  up  the  steps  slowly,  as  if  they 
were  tired.  Both  were  dressed  in  light  traveling 
dresses,  and  wore  very  fashionable  hats  crushed 
forward  on  their  heads.  They  carried  large,  pagoda- 
shaped  parasols  of  the  newest  kind,  and  it  seemed  to 
me  that  smartness  was  their  chief  characteristic.  One 
was  tall  and  rather  stout,  with  a  finely  disciplined  fig- 
ure ;  the  other,  much  younger,  was  tall  and  slim.  The 
elder  woman  had  on  a  white  veil  with  a  large  pattern 
of  butterflies  or  some  other  insect  which  gave  her  the 
appearance  of  having  several  hideous  birthmarks. 
The  younger  wore  no  veil,  and  was  pretty,  with  deli- 
cate features,  fair  skin,  large  gray  eyes,  and  yellowish 
brown  hair. 

There  would  have  been  no  time  for  us  to  escape 
before  they  caught  sight  of  us,  even  if  we  had  tried. 
After  the  first  shock  of  dismay  at  their  awful  irrele- 
vance, I  was  thankful  that,  at  least,  they  had  not 
come  a  minute  sooner.  If  they  had,  they  must  have 
seen  me  in  Hugh's  arms.  As  it  was,  they  could  see 

223 


224  THE  LIFE  MASK 

only  that  he  was  with  a  woman  in  the  garden  and 
that  —  perhaps  —  he  looked  agitated.  But  I  hoped 
they  might  put  this  down  to  surprise. 

"  Here  you  are,  then,  Hugh ! "  exclaimed  the 
woman  with  the  veil,  in  a  voice  so  cheerful  as  to 
sound  affected.  "  We  have  had  a  chase  to  find  you 
—  oh,  such  a  hot  one!  Poor  Kath  didn't  want  to 
come,  but  I  made  her,  when  the  hotel  guide  said  he 
was  sure  you  were  in  the  Generalife  garden.  I've 
heard  so  much  of  it." 

Hugh,  without  having  said  a  word,  went  to  meet 
them  as  the  lady  talked  on,  and  his  air  of  reluctance 
was  so  marked  as  to  be  almost  offensive. 

I  glanced  about  anxiously,  to  see  if  I  could  get 
away  without  actually  passing  them.  If  there  were 
any  hope  of  doing  so,  now  was  the  moment,  while 
they  were  saying  "  How  do  you  do  "  to  each  other, 
and  Lady  Mendel  (I  felt  sure  it  was  she,  come  to  spy 
out  what  was  really  keeping  Hugh  in  Granada)  told 
how  the  guide  had  brought  them  to  the  gate,  and  they 
had  been  let  in  after  some  difficulty,  by  saying  they 
were  not  strangers.  "  I  assured  the  man  I  was  your 
sister,  and  then  it  was  all  right,"  the  too  cheerful  voice 
explained. 

Already  she  and  the  girl  had  looked  at  me  without 
seeming  to  look.  I  felt  in  every  nerve  exactly  what 
they  were  thinking.  They  were  putting  me  down  as 
some  adventuress  who  had  beguiled  Hugh  from  his 
duty.  He  would  perhaps  have  the  stupid,  mannish 
idea  that  he  ought  to  introduce  us,  in  order  not  to 


THE  LIFE  MASK  225 

give  them  a  wrong  impression.  I  could  not  go 
through  that  ceremony! 

Already  I  knew  that  they  had  taken  him  away  from 
me.  I  had  lost  him.  Not  that  he  had  ever  been 
mine,  really;  but  he  might  have  yielded,  and  accepted 
me  on  my  own  terms,  if  they  had  not  come  at  the 
moment  of  crisis.  Even  this  would  have  been  better 
than  nothing.  And  if  I  had  won  him  in  that  way,  I 
could  have  left  him  when  I  saw  that  he  did  not  want 
me  any  more,  or  that  my  association  with  him  was 
likely  to  do  him  harm.  Now  we  were  parted, 
without  hope  of  any  union.  I  must  go.  My  time 
was  over. 

On  the  seat  where  we  had  been  sitting  was  poor 
Sarah's  "  surprise."  We  had  forgotten  it,  Hugh  and 
I.  In  my  eyes  it  seemed  pathetic,  done  up  in  its  neat 
white  paper,  tied  daintily  with  narrow  ribbon  by 
Sarah's  deft  fingers.  I  knew  what  was  inside.  A 
thermos  bottle  she  had  bought  for  a  birthday  gift 
for  Hugh,  and  filled  with  iced  tea,  flavored  with  lemon, 
as  he  liked  it.  There  were  also  cream  cakes,  with 
little  white,  self-satisfied  faces.  I  thought  that  he 
would  go  with  his  sister  and  her  friend,  and  forget 
Sarah's  surprise.  He  would  never  know  what  it  was. 
She  would  ask  me  when  I  went  home :  "  Well,  was 
the  Captin  pleased  with  my  little  present?"  I  felt 
dully  miserable,  and  even  injured,  because  I  could 
not  tell  her  that  he  had  been  delighted. 

Suddenly  I  turned,  as  the  three  still  talked  together, 
and  swiftly  and  silently  walked  along  a  path  leading 


226  THE  LIFE  MASK 

away  from  the  group.  The  ladies  could  see  me  go, 
but  Hugh  could  not.  I  was  sure  that  they  would  not 
say  anything  until  I  was  out  of  sight. 

Sarah  was  sitting  on  the  terrace  near  the  house  door. 
I  knew  when  I  saw  her  there  that  she  could  not  resist 
taking  a  place  where  she  was  certain  not  to  miss  me 
as  I  came  home.  There  was  a  look  of  expectation  on 
her  face.  Her  eyes  sprang  to  mine,  then  searched  for 
some  one  she  did  not  see. 

"  Why ! "  she  exclaimed,  trying  to  suppress  an  anx- 
ious note  in  her  voice.  "  You're  back  sooner  than  I 
thought  you'd  be.  It  must  be  mighty  hot  in  the  sun. 
Where's  the  Captin?  Ain't  he  comin'  in  with  you?" 

I  had  been  thinking  what  to  say,  as  I  walked  alone 
along  the  golden  way  of  sunlight  we  had  traveled  to- 
gether, Hugh  and  I,  not  two  hours  before. 

"  I  ran  off  and  left  him,"  I  answered  with  a  heavy 
attempt  at  gaiety.  "  His  sister,  Lady  Mendel,  sud- 
denly appeared  to  surprise  him,  and  brought  a  girl 
—  quite  a  pretty  girl.  I  don't  know  who  she  is,  for 
I  disappeared  while  they  were  all  shaking  hands.  Of 
course  I  didn't  want  to  stay  and  be  introduced." 

"  No-o,  I  suppose  not,"  Sarah  said  doubtfully,  end- 
ing with  a  sigh.  "  But,  still,  I  wouldn't  want  you  to 
do  anything  that  would  seem  rude  to  the  Captin's  re- 
lations." 

"  Little  they  cared  whether  I  was  rude  or  not.  I 
was  lucky  to  escape.  Oh,  it  was  hot  coming  home. 
The  wind's  gone  down." 

"Did  you  have  your  tea?"  she  asked.     She  was 


THE  LIFE  MASK  227 

working  slyly  up  to  the  question  of  the  birthday  pres- 
ent.    Poor  Sarah! 

"  No,  we  hadn't  had  time,  when  Lady  Mendel 
came.  Perhaps  they  will  all  three  have  it  —  in  the 
garden  there.  And  when  he  is  able,  Captain  Shannon 
will  come  and  thank  you  for  the  bottle,  and  for  mak- 
ing him  the  cakes.  He's  sure  to  be  pleased." 

I  did  not  dream  that  he  would  ever  find  the  gift, 
much  less  thank  her  for  it;  but  I  could  not  bear  to 
tell  her  that  it  had  been  forgotten.  I  did  not  be- 
lieve that  Hugh  would  come  that  night.  I  did  not 
see  how  he  could.  His  sister  would  be  certain  to 
keep  him. 

I  was  mistaken,  however.  I  had  not  been  at  home 
an  hour  when  I  heard  his  voice.  I  was  upstairs  in 
my  room,  where  I  had  taken  off  my  frock  and  put 
on  a  tea-gown.  I  had  told  Sarah  that  the  heat  had 
given  me  a  headache,  and  that  I  would  lie  down  until 
time  to  get  ready  for  dinner,  or  perhaps  if  I  did  not 
feel  better  I  would  not  dine.  I  could  not  help  know- 
ing that  she  must  suspect  something  had  gone  wrong, 
but,  tactful  and  delicate-minded  always,  she  hid  her 
disappointment.  I  felt  how  she  yearned  to  be  with 
me,  but  I  could  not  ask  her  to  stay ;  I  had  to  be  alone. 
She  understood  without  the  slightest  hint,  and  let  me 
know  that  she  was  far  away  by  singing  "  Weep  no 
more,  my  lady." 

Then  Hugh  came.  He  must  have  walked  fast,  in 
spite  of  the  heat,  for  he  asked  breathlessly,  "  Where 
is  your  Miss  Nita  ?  "  He  always  called  me  that  in 


228  THE  LIFE  MASK 

speaking  of  me  to  Sarah.  He  hated  to  say  "  Mrs. 
Lippincott." 

I  listened  in  my  room  over  the  door.  He  had  come 
—  he  had  come!  Hiding  behind  the  window- frame, 
I  caught  a  glimpse  of  his  dear  dark  head  as  he  walked 
across  the  terrace. 

"  Miss  Nita's  upstairs  lyin'  down,"  said  Sarah.  "  I 
reckon  the  hot  sun  was  too  much  for  her,  comin' 
home." 

"  I'm  afraid  so,"  said  Hugh.  "  Do  you  think  it's 
possible  she  would  see  me?  I'd  wait  any  length  of 
time.  I  wouldn't  have  her  hurried.  But  if  she's 
well  enough  —  I  do  want  to  see  her  so  much !  Will 
you  ask  her?  And,  oh,  Miss  Nelson,  a  thousand 
thanks  for  that  splendid  birthday  present  —  my  only 
one.  It's  just  what  I've  always  been  wanting,  and 
nobody  but  you  ever  thought  to  give  it  to  me."  (I 
was  grateful  to  him  for  that.) 

"  Well,  I'm  real  pleased,"  exclaimed  Sarah.  "  I'll 
run  and  ask  Miss  Nita.  I  reckon  I  can  get  her 
to  come  down.  You  go  along  to  the  arbor  and  wait. 
It's  cooler  than  on  the  terrace."  Then  there  was  si- 
lence. She  was  coming  upstairs. 

"You  needn't  tell  me;  I've  heard,"  I  said.  "Do 
you  think  I  might  go  down  in  this  tea-gown  ?  " 

"  My  goodness  me,  yes,  honey.  You  look  prettier 
in  it  than  most  anything  else  you've  got." 

She  had  chosen  and  bought  it  for  me,  as  she  had 
most  of  my  things.  , 

Hugh  was  walking  up  and  down  impatiently  in 


THE  LIFE  MASK  229 

front  of  the  fountain  arbor,  dusty  and  hot,  but  pale, 
not  red.  If  his  sister  had  seen  him  then,  she  might 
have  thought  that  he  needed  a  longer  stay  in  Granada, 
on  account  of  his  health. 

When  he  saw  me  coming,  he  hurried  to  meet  me, 
taking  long  strides  which  made  him  look  even  taller 
than  he  was.  It  seemed  as  if  a  young  giant  was  rush- 
ing toward  me,  strong  and  determined  as  the  Roman 
men  who  stole  the  Sabine  women. 

"  How  thankful  I  am  to  see  you  again! "  he  said, 
seizing  my  hands  as  if  we  had  not  met  for  a  year. 
"  I  felt  as  if  you'd  eluded  me  somehow,  and  I  could 
never  get  you  back  where  I  had  you  before  —  as  if 
everything  were  over." 

"  So  it  is,"  I  answered.  "  I've  lost  your  respect 
by  what  I  said.  If  I  were  a  conventional  woman,  I 
should  be  thanking  heaven  that  your  sister  appeared 
just  then.  It  was  —  rather  dramatic,  wasn't  it?" 

"  Don't  be  bitter,  darling.  It  doesn't  suit  you,  and 
it  hurts  me,  rather  badly.  I  wish  my  sister  were  in 
Jericho  —  and  she  ought  to  be  there,  instead  of  here, 
anyhow.  She'd  no  business  to  come,  and  the  Lord 
knows  why  she  did !  " 

"  So  do  I,  and  so  do  you.  I  realize  now  that 
I  felt  she  would  come  —  after  that  letter.  ,You  never 
answered  it,  did  you?  " 

"  No.  I  was  always  going  to.  But  there  was  no 
hurry.  Well,  here  she  is.  Good  heavens,  what  I 
went  through,  trotting  those  two  around  that  beastly 
garden  — " 


230  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  laughed,  shrilly. 

"Our  Generalife!" 

"  It  wasn't  ours  when  you'd  melted  away  like  a 
ghost.  I  hated  the  place.  It  was  beastly.  And 
they  would  guzzle  our  dear  tea  and  cakes  —  my  birth- 
day cakes.  I  wouldn't  have  been  sorry  if  they'd 
choked." 

"  You're  very  unbrotherly,"  I  said ;  but  I  began  to 
be  lighter  of  heart.  "  And  ungallant,  too.  That 
pretty  girl ! " 

"  Pretty,  do  you  call  her  ?  She's  got  a  face  like  a 
Christmas  card,  or  a  soda-water  advertisement,  and 
a  sort  of  blotting-paper  intelligence  which  only  ab- 
sorbs knowledge  from  outside,  and  keeps  it  the 
opposite  of  what  it  really  is.  There's  nothing  in 
her.  I  always  thought  so,  and  I  think  so  more  than 
ever  now.  As  for  being  unbrotherly,  Beatrice  is 
only  my  half-sister,  you  know.  We  never  had  any 
tastes  in  common.  If  she  agrees  with  me  in  anything, 
I  always  feel  I  must  have  been  wrong,  and  change  my 
mind.  Wants  me  to  call  her  '  Bee.'  Can  you  see  any 
one  calling  her  Bee?  She  has  drunk  up  my  vitality 
like  water  since  she  came  to-day.  I'm  a  squeezed 
sponge." 

"  You  haven't  come  just  to  tell  me  all  this,  though, 
have  you?"  I  said.  "If  there's  anything  special,  re- 
member we  haven't  much  time  together.  You  will 
have  to  go  back  to  her  and  the  pretty  girl.  I'm  sur- 
prised you  were  able  to  come  at  all." 

"Are   you   really?    Didn't   you   know   I'd   chuck 


THE  LIFE  MASK  231 

them,  and  make  for  this  house  as  fast  as  my  legs 
could  carry  me?  My  word,  I  nearly  walked  them  off 
theirs,  getting  to  the  hotel!  It  gave  me  the  only 
pleasure  I've  got  out  of  their  coming.  I  believe 
they're  having  baths  now.  Look  here,  my  dearest, 
will  you  and  Miss  Nelson  ask  me  to  dinner  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  Do  you  think  it 
would  please  me  for  you  to  be  rude  to  your  sister  and 
her  friend,  who  have  traveled  such  a  long  way  — 
from  Paris,  isn't  it  ?  —  to  see  you  ?  " 

"  I  could  say  I  had  a  previous  engagement  I  couldn't 
break." 

"You  must  say  no  such  thing,"  I  said.  "You 
must  go  back,  and  dine  with  them,  and  not  give  Lady 
Mendel  cause  to  think  I'm  more  of  a  monster  than 
she  thinks  me  already." 

Hugh  looked  astonished. 

"  What  possesses  you  to  imagine  she  thinks  badly  of 
you?  As  a  matter  of  fact,  she  admired  you  im- 
mensely, and  so  did  Kathleen  —  oh,  I  forgot,  you 
don't  know  who  she  is.  Lady  Kathleen  Arnott,  a 
great  chum  of  Beatrice's,  though  she's  almost  young 
enough  to  be  her  daughter.  Beatrice  and  Kath  both 
said,  'What  a  wonderfully  beautiful  girl!'  and  of 
course  they  were  dying  to  know  who  you  were,  and  all 
about  you." 

"Of  course,  Hugh,  dear!  That  goes  without  say- 
ing. What  did  you  tell  them?  " 

"  Why,  what  could  I  tell  them,  except  that  you  were 
a  Mrs.  Lippincott,  a  young  widow,  living  in  a  villa 


232  THE  LIFE  MASK 

near  by  with  a  benevolent  dragon  of  a  companion, 
and  that  you  had  a  miniature  Generalife  of  a  garden 
you'd  redeemed  from  wilderness,  where  you  and  Miss 
Nelson  kindly  let  me  browse  sometimes." 

I  laughed. 

"  The  minotaur  had  a  nice  garden  in  his  labyrinth, 
I  dare  say.  Oh,  I  don't  blame  Lady  Mendel  for  con- 
sidering me  a  monster.  Indeed,  she's  right.  I 
oughtn't  to  exist.  And  I  think  she's  right,  too,  in 
coming  to  save  you  —  and  bringing  an  antidote  to  the 
poison." 

"  I  wish  you  wouldn't  talk  in  riddle  j.  You  make 
me  feel  like  some  baited  animal  in  a  cage." 

My  heart  melted  toward  him. 

"  Hugh,"  I  said,  holding  out  my  hand,  "  I'm  a 
wretch  for  trying  to  hurt  you.  I  was  trying  to  do  it, 
I'm  afraid  —  because  all  my  world's  in  such  a  tur- 
moil, and  I'm  so  miserable.  But  none  of  it  is  your 
fault,  or  your  sister's  —  or  anybody's  except  my  own. 
I  can't  help  seeing,  of  course,  that  Lady  Mendel  must 
have  said  to  herself  when  you  stayed  on  here,  in 
the  heat  of  summer,  '  Cherchez  la  femme/  So  when 
she  wrote  and  didn't  hear  from  you,  things  seemed 
desperate,  and  she  came  to  seek  la  femme  for  herself 
bringing  another,  as  attractive  as  possible.  Then 
she  found  us  in  the  garden,  which  you'd  paid  to  keep 
to  yourself  for  the  afternoon,  as  of  course  that  intelli- 
gent guide  told  her.  No  strangers  were  to  be  ad- 
mitted. What  could  she  think?" 

"  Whatever  she  thinks,  she'll  get  my  version  soon. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  233 

I  haven't  seen  her  alone  yet,  for  I  rushed  off  and  left 
the  two  of  them  at  the  door  of  their  suite  —  they'd 
taken  rooms  at  the  hotel  before  they  came  on  to  the 
Generalife,  so  that  saved  me  a  little  bother.  Some 
time  this  evening,  I  shall  tell  Beatrice  that  you're  the 
woman  I  adore,  and  have  asked  to  marry  me." 

"If  you  do,  you  must  please  tell  her  at  the  same 
time  that  I  have  refused,"  I  said,  as  softly  and  kindly 
as  I  could,  to  make  the  words  sound  less  harsh. 

"  I'll  tell  her  that  if  you  insist;  but  I  shall  tell  her 
also  that  I  intend  to  devote  the  next  few  months  or 
years  if  necessary,  to  making  you  change  your  mind." 

"  Don't,  my  dearest,"  I  implored,  "  for  it  will  only 
worry  and  distress  her  for  nothing.  I  shall  never 
marry  you.  It  would  be  —  a  crime  to  change  my 
mind,  just  as  much  of  a  crime  and  more  —  much  more 
' — than  for  you  to  —  to  take  me  at  my  word  to-day 
when  I  — " 

"  When  you  made  me  love  you  a  million  times  more, 
if  possible,  by  offering  the  most  magnificent  self-sac- 
rifice a  woman  can  offer  to  a  man  who  worships  her. 
That's  the  way  I  look  at  it,  though  I'd  shoot  myself 
• —  and  you  too,  I  think  —  sooner  than  accept  it,  when 
I'm  dead  sure  there's  nothing  really  to  keep  us  from 
marrying." 

"  Oh  —  please !  please !  "  I  stammered.  "  I  can't 
bear  any  more  —  to-night.  I'm  tired,  body  and 
soul." 

"  Poor  child,  I  won't  bruise  you  any  more.  I 
oughtn't  to  have  routed  you  out  when  Miss  Nelson 


234  THE  LIFE  MASK 

said  you  were  lying  down.  But  I  simply  had  to  see 
you  for  a  minute,  before  night.  I  even  thought  you 
might  not  be  sorry  to  see  me,  after — " 

"  I'm  thankful.  I  couldn't  have  closed  my  eyes  to- 
night if  you  hadn't  come  —  though  I  wasn't  sure  you 
could." 

"  Angel !  Wild  horses  or  even  unicorns  couldn't 
have  kept  me  from  you,  to  say  nothing  of  half- 
sisters.  But  Beatrice  was  one  excuse  for  my  coming. 
I  had  to  ask  you  what  to  do  —  for  I  know  a  man  is  a 
first-rate  ass  about  such  things,  and  I  was  afraid  if  I 
acted  on  my  own  initiative  I  might  make  some  stupid 
blunder  from  your  point  of  view.  You  see,  she  and 
Kathleen  Arnott  admired  you  so  much,  and  Beatrice 
made  no  end  of  a  fuss  about  my  begging  you  to  let 
them  call  on  you,  and  see  your  wonderful  garden.  I 
wish  to  goodness  I  hadn't  been  wool-headed  enough 
to  mention  the  garden!  My  impulse  was  to  say  I 
couldn't  ask  permission,  because  you  were  not  strong 
yet  after  a  long  illness,  and  never  received  anybody 
except  a  few  old  friends.  Of  course  if  I  had,  she'd 
have  wanted  to  know  how  old  our  friendship  was, 
and  I  could  have  told  a  lie,  or  said  it  was  none 
of  her  business.  But  I  wasn't  sure  whether 
either  way  would  be  the  proper  dodge,  so  I  promised 
I  would  ask  you.  Don't  say  you'll  have  her  for  my 
sake." 

I  thought  the  thing  over  for  a  minute. 

"  I'm  glad  you  didn't  tell  her  not  to  come,"  I  said. 
"  Lady  Mendel  will  never  see  or  hear  of  Mrs.  Lippin- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  235 

cott  again,  away  from  Granada,  so  why  need  it  mat- 
ter to  me  what  her  opinion  is?  Still  I'm  just  foolish 
enough  to  feel  I  can't  let  any  one  who's  near  to  you 
think  of  me  as  she  might  if  I  refused  to  receive  her 
here.  You  see  —  I've  no  excuse  —  except  one  that 
would  make  things  worse.  .When  does  she  want  to 
call?" 

"Well  —  I  hope  she'll  go  away  day  after  to-mor- 
row. I  only  wish  it  might  be  to-morrow ! " 

"  She  wants  you  to  go  with  them,  of  course." 

Hugh  laughed. 

"  As  the  servants  say,  she'll  have  to  '  take  it  out  in 
wanting.' ' 

"  But  I  hope  you  will  go,  Hugh.  Yes,  I  do  hope 
it.  I  ask  it!  To  stay  is  only  prolonging  the  agony 
for  us  both.  The  sooner  you're  gone,  the  better  it 
will  be  for  you  —  and  for  me  too." 

"  I  don't  believe  you  mean  that  with  your  heart. 
If  I  did,  it  would  be  the  end  of  me,  I  think." 

"  I  mean  it  with  my  soul  —  and  that  ought  to  rule 
my  heart.  Bring  Lady  Mendel  and  Lady  Kathleen 
Arnott  to  see  me  to-morrow,  then  —  at  any  time  they 
like  to  come." 

"  Thank  you,"  he  said,  almost  indifferently.  "  But 
what  about  this  evening?  You'll  let  me  come  to  you 
again  after  dinner,  won't  you?  Do,  Nita!  Do  say 
I  may  come.  After  our  talk  this  afternoon,  I  can't 
stay  away  from  you  all  those  hours,  and  hang  about 
with  Beatrice  and  Kathleen  Arnott !  " 

I  shook  my  head. 


236  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  You  mustn't  come  until  you  bring  them." 

The  thought  in  my  mind  was,  that  I  must  call  upon 
all  my  strength,  and  refuse  to  see  him  alone  again, 
ever.  I  must  write  and  tell  him  this,  saying  that  it 
would  be  useless  to  stay  on  after  Lady  Mendel  went, 
for  the  gate  of  the  garden  would  be  shut  henceforth. 
I  had  not  the  courage  to  tell  him  face  to  face.  I 
should  suffer  too  much,  and  his  agony,  his  arguments 
would  break  me  down.  I  could  not  stand  against 
them. 

"  Then  why  not  let  us  all  three  call  this  evening  ?  " 
he  asked,  unexpectedly.  Could  it  be  possible,  I  asked 
myself,  that  he  suspected  what  I  was  resolving  to  do 
afterward ?  "I  know  they're  dying  to  come.  It's 
curiosity,  of  course,  but  I  don't  think,  honestly,  it's 
as  bad  a  variety  of  it  as  you  give  them  credit  for. 
They  told  me  they  were  starving  after  their  long  jour- 
ney straight  through  from  Madrid,  so  they'll  dine 
early,  and  I  know  you  do,  because  you  love  sitting  in 
the  garden  afterward.  Mayn't  we  walk  over  here 
about  half-past  eight?  The  garden's  at  its  best  then, 
in  the  dusk,  and  you've  got  a  nightingale  or  two  left, 
haven't  you  ?  " 

The  thought  that  flashed  through  my  head  was: 
"  Prying  eyes  can't  see  so  clearly  by  twilight  as  by 
day,"  and  I  answered  promptly:  "Yes,  come  to-night, 
if  they're  not  too  tired." 

"Oh,  I  know  they're  not,"  he  said.  "Beatrice 
asked  me  herself  if  to-night  would  suit  —  but  of 
course  I  couldn't  answer  for  you.  And  I  wonder  — 


THE  LIFE  MASK  237 

anyhow  —  if  I  ought  to  let  her  come  near  you  at  all  ?  " 

"Why  not?" 

"  I  don't  know.  There's  no  reason  particularly,  ex- 
cept —  well,  a  sort  of  feeling  I  have.  She  was  charm- 
ing about  you,  very  complimentary  and  all  that;  but 
—  she  and  I  never  really  understood  each  other. 
We're  no  more  alike  than  the  North  Pole  is  to  the 
South,  though  of  course  we're  fond  of  each  other  in  a 
way,  and  she's  tried  to  be  nice  to  me  according  to 
her  lights.  Lately  it's  become  a  kind  of  superstition 
with  her  that  her  whole  life  has  been  devoted  to  help- 
ing me  on  in  the  world,  and  that  she  married  a  man 
old  enough  to  be  her  father  for  my  sake." 

"Did  she  do  that?"  I  asked,  suddenly  interested. 

"  She  did  marry  an  elderly  man  —  I  think  not  in 
the  least  for  my  sake,  though  I  give  her  credit  for 
sincerely  believing  so  now.  I  couldn't  talk  about  her 
like  this,  to  any  one  except  you,  darling;  but  I  want 
you  to  have  some  idea  of  what  she  is,  before  she  bears 
down  on  you  with  all  sails  set." 

"  It  sounds  formidable ! "  I  tried  to  laugh. 

"  Oh  —  it  won't  be  that,  exactly.  But  she  has  — ' 
er  —  an  idea  of  her  own  importance,  and  she's  in- 
clined to  exaggerate  mine,  as  a  member  of  her  family 
1 —  except  when  she  talks  to  me.  Beatrice  is  ten  years 
older  than  I  am,  you  know.  She  was  eight  or  so 
when  her  mother  and  mine  married  my  father.  Not 
long  ago  she  was  awfully  good  looking.  Now  she's 
growing  stout  and  losing  her  beauty  —  er  —  promptly 
if  not  prematurely.  Sir  Joseph  Mendel  married  her 


238  THE  LIFE  MASK 

because  she  was  supposed  to  be  the  handsomest  girl 
of  her  season,  and  thought  himself  lucky  to  get  her. 
He  was  a  jolly  good  old  fellow,  though :  a  Jewish  City 
man  who'd  got  knighted  for  some  charity  or  other, 
before  my  time.  He  was  rolling  in  money,  and 
Beatrice  now  is  anxious  to  impress  upon  me  the  fact 
that  her  one  motive  in  taking  him  was  to  relieve  me 
of  her  support.  That's  rather  funny,  you  know,  be- 
cause she  always  adored  jewelry  and  frocks,  and  boxes 
at  the  opera  and  everything  women  like.  They  had 
to  be  a  shade  better  than  anybody  else's,  to  please  her. 
And  my  father's  money,  which  he  left  entirely  to  me  — 
mother  being  dead  long  before  —  only  amounts  to  a 
thousand  a  year.  If  I'd  given  her  the  lot,  she 
wouldn't  have  had  what  she  uses  up  for  pin  money. 
So  you  see  her  contention's  rather  weak;  but  she  has 
every  other  kind  of  sense  except  a  sense  of  humor. 
She  would  rather  like  to  '  run '  me,  as  a  reward  for 
what  she  calls  '  sacrificing  her  youth,'  but  she  wouldn't 
respect  me  as  much  as  she  does  if  I  let  her  do  it  for  a 
minute." 

"  Do  forgive  me,  Hugh,"  I  ventured,  "  for  saying 
things  I've  no  right  to  say  —  even  to  you.  But  it's 
in  my  thoughts  —  it  so  longs  to  come  out !  She  does 
want  you  to  marry  Lady  Kathleen  Arnott  ?  " 

"  My  dear  child,  what  an  imagination  you've  got ! 
I  don't  suppose  Kathleen  would  have  me  if  I  asked 
her  —  which  nothing  earthly  would  induce  me  to  do. 
I've  known  her  ever  since  she  was  a  kid.  Lord  Black- 
burn, her  father,  is  a  widower  without  much  money, 


THE  LIFE  MASK  239 

and  Joe  Mendel  bought  a  place  adjoining  his  in  War- 
wickshire. The  next  year  poor  old  Joe  died.  Bea- 
trice has  taken  Kathleen  about  a  lot.  If  she  wants  to 
make  any  match  in  that  family  it's  between  herself 
and  Blackburn,  who's  an  earl,  you  know,  and  rather 
by  way  of  being  a  swell  —  though  church  mice  are 
financiers  beside  him.  And  he's  got  an  old  black  and 
white  Elizabethan  house  Beatrice  is  quite  mad  about. 
Altogether  — " 

"Yes,  I  see,"  I  said,  when  he  paused  for  a  word. 

I  saw  more  than  he,  probably,  saw  himself.  And 
I  realized  that  it  was  spiteful  in  me  to  blame  Lady 
Mendel.  It  was  natural  in  every  way  that  she 
should  be  anxious  for  Hugh  to  marry  Kathleen  Arnott. 
"  Altogether  — "  as  he  had  said,  with  some  other  mean- 
ing in  his  mind,  it  would  be  "  most  suitable."  I  could 
imagine  the  exact  tone  in  which  Lady  Mendel  or  any 
worldly-wise  woman  I  used  to  know  in  other  times 
would  say  that  of  such  a  proposed  match.  And  very 
likely,  though  he  did  not  dream  now  that  it  could 
happen,  some  day  it  would  come  about.  The  pretty 
girl  with  the  large  eyes  and  the  tiny  mouth,  and  the 
"  blotting-paper  intelligence  "  would  be  —  Hugh's 
wife,  the  mother  of  his  children,  loved  by  him  for 
their  sake.  Somehow  this  last  thought  was  a  bolt 
of  hot  iron  shot  through  my  brain.  I  could  have  cried 
out  with  the  anguish  of  it.  I  could  see  those  little 
babies,  that  should  be  mine.  I,  and  I  only,  ought  to 
call  them  into  existence  for  him,  down  the  primrose 
path  of  love. 


240  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  felt,  with  that  picture  in  my  mind,  that  I  should 
scream,  or  burst  into  ridiculous  tears,  unless  I  made 
him  go.  I  told  him  that  the  sooner  he  went,  the 
sooner  he  could  return.  Sarah  would  be  coming 
to  call  me  in.  She  knew  I  was  tired  —  I  must  rest, 
especially  as  I  was  to  meet  his  sister. 

"  I  want  to  look  my  best  for  her  and  Lady  Kath- 
leen," I  said. 

"  You  look  your  best  as  you  are  now,"  he  answered. 
"  You  are  like  a  tall  white  lily  growing  in  the  shadow. 
Will  you  let  me  kiss  you  just  once  —  very  gently  — 
before  I  go?  " 

"  Yes,  kiss  me  —  good-by,"  I  said.  And  though 
I  smiled  at  him,  I  told  myself  that  it  was  our  last  kiss. 


CHAPTER  XI 

WHEN  Hugh  had  gone  my  heart  went  on 
beating  heavily,  as  if  he  were  still  with  me. 
I  could  not  keep  my  hands  quiet,  and  it 
seemed  as  if  I  could  feel  a  separate  vibration  in  every 
nerve.  I  was  afraid  of  Lady  Mendel.  I  was  afraid 
that  I  could  guess  why  she  wanted  to  see  me. 

A  flash  of  fear  passed  across  Sarah's  face,  when 
I  told  her,  but  she  forced  herself  to  smile,  and  say  that 
I  must  make  myself  beautiful  for  the  captain's  sister. 
"  I  reckon  her  ladyship  wants  to  find  out  what's  bin 
keepin'  her  brother  from  his  folks  all  this  time,"  she 
remarked  in  the  sprightly  way  with  .which  she  used 
to  "  cheer "  me  in  the  past,  when  hope  was  to  be 
awakened,  or  terror  put  to  sleep.  "  You  just  show 
her,  that  there's  bin  somethin'  worth  while  stayin'  for." 

I  did  not  need  Sarah's  urging  to  try  and  "  make 
myself  beautiful "  for  Lady  Mendel.  Not  that  I  had 
anything  to  gain  from  her  by  winning  reluctant  ad- 
miration ;  rather  the  contrary,  for  the  more  dangerous 
she  found  me,  the  more  would  she  sharpen  her 
weapons.  But  I  suppose,  when  the  Roman  gladiators 
went  into  the  arena  to  fight,  they  took  pains  with  their 
appearance,  that  those  about  to  die  who  saluted  Csesar 
might  shine  with  brief  glory  as  they  passed  his  throne. 

Perhaps  even  the  women  thrown  to  the  lions  smoothed 

241 


242  THE  LIFE  MASK 

their  hair  and  arranged  their  draperies  before  their 
cell  doors  opened,  and  pinched  color  into  their  cheeks 
in  order  that  the  staring  eyes  of  other  women  might 
find  them  brave. 

But  it  was  not  only  for  Hugh's  sister  that  I  wished 
to  be  at  my  best,  nor  was  it  half  for  Lady  Kath- 
leen Arnott.  More  than  all  I  wished  him  to  think  me 
more  beautiful  than  the  woman  he  might  some  day 
marry.  I  expected  never  to  meet  him  again  after  this 
night;  and  so,  I  thought,  his  last  memory  of  me  would 
be  side  by  side  with  a  sheltered,  flowerlike  girl,  ten 
years  younger  and  twenty  years  happier  than  I.  A 
vanity  which  I  realized  to  be  selfish,  made  me  long 
to  have  the  comparison  in  my  favor. 

An  ideal  woman  would  have  moved  into  the  back- 
ground, so  that  the  man  she  loved  and  could  not 
marry  might  forget  more  easily,  and  be  happy  all  the 
sooner.  Yet,  though  I  saw  my  own  selfishness,  I 
could  not  even  try  to  conquer  it. 

There  was  no  dinner  for  Sarah  and  me  that  night. 
I  told  her  that  I  could  not  eat,  but  asked  for  a  cup  of 
strong  coffee,  which  she  brought  to  my  room  with  her 
favorite  dose  of  orange-leaf  tea  to  soothe  the  nerves. 
I  begged  her  not  to  go  fasting  unless  she  wished  to 
distress  me,  and  she  promised  to  make  herself  tea  and 
toast. 

"  I  couldn't  swallow  anything  else,  an'  you  keyed 
up  the  way  you  are,"  she  said  piteously.  "  I  seem 
to  be  livin'  in  you  to-night  somehow,  and  all  your 
feelin's  come  through  me,  like  they  was  telegraphed 


THE  LIFE  MASK  243 

right  to  my  heart.  An'  a  body  can't  eat  with  elec- 
tricity shootin'  through  them  in  every  direction,  like 
it  is  with  you  an'  me;  though  all  the  same  I  reckon 
we're  both  mighty  foolish  to  get  worked  up  for  no 
cause.  Nothin'  bad  is  goin'  to  happen,  honey.  Now 
don't  you  be  afraid." 

"  I'm  not  afraid,"  I  answered.     "  Only  — " 

"  I  know,"  she  soothed  me,  when  I  choked  on  the 
next  word.  "  It's  right  natural.  But  —  I  reckon  it's 
only  somethin'  in  the  air  —  a  sort  of  breathlessness." 

Yes.  Something  in  the  air.  A  sort  of  breathless- 
ness. 

Marta  and  Pepe  had  gone  as  usual,  and  Hugh  had 
been  told  that  the  gate  would  be  left  unlocked,  so  that 
he  could  bring  Lady  Mendel  and  Lady  Kathleen  in 
without  ringing. 

At  a  quarter  past  eight  I  was  dressed  in  the  gown  I 
had  worn  to  the  Alhambra  for  the  full  moon,  and  was 
walking  in  the  garden.  I  tried  to  sit  still  on  the  ter- 
race, where  Sarah  had  grouped  several  chairs  for 
the  expected  visitors,  and  to  quiet  my  nerves  by 
reading;  but  my  muscles  seemed  to  have  turned  into 
springs  which  I  could  not  control.  I  bounded  up  and 
began  to  walk  almost  involuntarily.  Besides,  it  was  my 
dear  volume  of  Browning  which  I  had  brought  out  to 
read,  as  a  test  of  strength.  I  meant  to  compose  my 
mind  with  the  organ  strains  of  "  Sordello,"  but  the 
book  opened  to  "  Pippa  Passes,"  which  I  had  been 
reading  that  night  when  the  gray  dream  first  began. 
It  seemed  an  omen.  With  a  shiver,  I  tossed  the 


244  THE  LIFE  MASK 

volume  away  on  to  another  chair,  as  I  jumped  up. 

I  dreaded  to  hear  the  big  clock  somewhere  down  in 
Granada  strike  the  half  hour  after  eight;  but  when  it 
had  struck,  and  the  minutes  passed  on  I  longed  to  hear 
the  voices  which  would  tell  me  the  visitors  were  in  the 
garden.  I  felt  I  could  not  wait  to  know  the  worst; 
and  I  reproached  myself  and  I  reproached  fate  be- 
cause I  had  not  parted  with  Hugh  finally  before  his 
sister  came  and  saw  my  face.  Perhaps  all  this 
sick  terror  was  of  my  imagination,  only  worse  than 
what  I  had  suffered  at  Margate  because  what  I 
feared  was  of  so  much  more  importance  to  me  now 
than  then.  Every  shadow  in  the  garden  where  I  had 
once  found  peace  was  a  dark  cave  of  presentiment, 
stored  full  of  sinister  things  that  were  alive  and  rus- 
tling. 

I  prayed  for  the  voices;  but  when  suddenly  the 
prayer  was  broken  by  the  sound  of  them,  my  heart 
hammered,  and  I  wished  that  one  of  the  blows  might 
kill  me  before  I  had  to  meet  Lady  Mendel.  I  won- 
dered if  Sarah's  heart  ever  felt  like  that,  and  if  so, 
how  she  managed  to  live  and  look  so  calm,  except 
when  the  wild  light  flashed  into  her  eyes. 

I  forced  myself  to  walk  slowly  toward  the  gate,  and 
the  pounding  in  my  breast  stopped,  because  my  heart 
seemed  to  have  turned  to  water.  I  could  feel  the 
trickling  of  it  through  my  veins  just  as  the  water  was 
now  running  along  the  edges  of  the  paths  and  the 
flower-beds. 

Lady  Mendel  was  talking.     Although  I  had  heard 


THE  LIFE  MASK  245 

it  only  once,  for  a  moment,  I  was  sure  it  was  her  voice, 
and  not  the  girl's,  because  it  sounded  almost  old,  and 
full  of  self-confidence  and  importance.  "  What  a 
charming  garden,  yet  how  un-English! "  she  was  say- 
ing. 

I  heard  Hugh's  laugh  —  yet  not  quite  his  own,  as 
when  he  laughed  with  me.  "  That '  yet '  is  thoroughly 
characteristic  of  you,"  he  said.  "  Nothing  un-English 
can  be  quite  perfect !  " 

"  You  two  young  Irish  people  forget  that  I  am 
English,"  the  reply  came  clearly,  linking  Hugh  and 
Lady  Kathleen  purposely  together.  I  wondered  if  she 
hoped  that  I  was  near,  and  hearing?  As  Sarah  would 
have  said,  I  did  not  "  put  it  past  her."  I  was  very  glad 
that  Lady  Mendel  was  only  Hugh's  half-sister.  I 
should  have  hated  myself  for  feeling  toward  one 
wholly  of  his  flesh  and  blood,  very  dear  to  him  as  well 
as  very  near,  as  I  felt  toward  her  already. 

At  that  minute  we  came  into  sight  of  each  other ;  and 
the  thought  shot  through  me  that  my  sudden  stony 
calmness  must  be  like  that  of  an  actress  who  loses  her 
stage- fright  only  when  she  hears  her  "  cue."  Hugh's 
last  words  were  my  "  cue  "  to  greet  the  visitors,  and  I 
said  my  words  in  a  voice  which  sounded  pleasant  and 
natural  enough.  It  rather  interested  something  in 
me  that  was  not  me,  but  had  come  to  help  me  through, 
to  feel  that  this  was  like  a  scene  on  the  stage.  I  was 
the  heroine  of  the  play,  in  my  own  eyes,  yet  it  was 
like  acting  a  great  part  in  a  dream,  because  I  did 
not  know  any  more  of  my  words,  or  what  must  come 


246  THE  LIFE  MASK 

next,  for  there  had  been  no  rehearsals.  I  must 
stumble  along  as  best  I  could,  and  make  up  what 
I  had  to  say  from  cues  coming  from  the  other  act- 
ors. 

Hugh  was  looking  at  me  with  encouragement  and 
love  in  his  eyes,  which  he  gave  to  me  as  a  message. 
He  did  not  seem  to  care  if  his  sister  or  even  Lady 
Kathleen  saw  it.  Perhaps  he  wanted  them  to  see  — 
because  of  something  which  had  happened.  I  won- 
dered—  and  the  thought  set  my  heart  to  pounding 
again,  so  that  for  an  instant  the  three  figures  were 
clouded.  Then  I  steadied  myself  with  an  effort.  The 
mist  cleared.  I  saw  Lady  Mendel  even  taller,  hand- 
somer, more  important  than  in  her  traveling  dress, 
at  the  Generalife. 

Her  head  was  uncovered,  and  her  chestnut  hair, 
which  looked  as  if  it  might  be  cleverly  dyed  to  hide 
its  own  fading  color,  was  exquisitely  arranged.  I 
felt  sure  in  spite  of  Lady  Mendel's  preference  for 
things  English,  that  this  was  the  latest  fashion  in 
Paris.  There  were  waves  round  the  long,  yet  full 
face,  and  flat  auburn  bands  held  in  place  with  large 
pins  of  greenish  jade.  She  wore  an  evening  cloak 
of  purple  chiffon,  through  which  her  bare  neck  and 
arms,  and  her  green  satin  gown  glimmered  mysteri- 
ously. Lady  Kathleen's  frock  was  of  some  pale,  rose- 
colored  material,  girlishly  made,  and  the  two  graceful 
figures  moving  between  the  hedges  of  cut  myrtle  had 
the  effect  of  blowing  flowers.  When  they  came  near, 
Lady  Kathleen  lost  nothing  in  charm  of  tint  and  out- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  247 

line,  but  Lady  Mendel  was  no  longer  flowerlike.  I 
saw  that  her  features,  though  handsome,  had  grown 
hard  and  massive,  more  as  if  molded  by  her  thoughts 
and  experiences  of  life,  than  by  time.  'She  did  not 
look  old,  but  I  could  not  fancy  her  as  ever  having  been 
a  girl.  Her  brows  were  set  remarkably  high  above 
the  eyes,  which  gave  a  large  sweep  of  drooping  white 
lid  and  an  expression  of  haughtiness.  Her  nostrils 
were  thick  and  small,  with  no  perceptible  quiver  as  she 
breathed,  which  made  her  appear  peculiarly  unsensi- 
tive,  and  her  upper  lip  was  straight  and  long.  In 
the  soft  twilight  her  complexion  appeared  to  be 
beautiful,  though  in  the  afternoon  I  had  thought  her 
too  florid.  When  Hugh  introduced  us  to  each  other, 
she  threw  back  folds  of  purple  chiffon  and  put  out  a 
superb  hand  and  arm  with  a  gesture  which  told  that 
both  were  generally  admired.  I  caught  a  glitter  of 
rings,  but  the  wrist  was  too  perfect  to  be  hidden  with 
bracelets.  She  took  my  hand  in  hers  with  an  air  of 
cordiality,  but  when  she  had  it,  gave  no  pressure,  so 
that  my  hand  was  at  a  loss  what  to  do  with  itself  in 
the  loose,  cool  cage.  It  was  released,  however,  in  an 
instant. 

"  How  do  you  do,  Mrs.  Lippincott  ?  It  is  so  nice 
of  you  to  let  us  come,"  she  said  in  a  full,  clear  voice, 
which  gave  to  each  word  the  value  of  an  heirloom,  and 
somehow  produced  an  impression  of  royal  patronage. 
But  when  she  spoke  to  Lady  Kathleen  immediately 
after,  she  became  more  human,  almost  motherly.  "  It 
is  even  more  charming  here  than  we  expected  from 


248  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Hugh's  account,  isn't  it,  dear?  Quite  refreshing  after 
our  long  journey  in  that  blazing  train." 

Lady  Kathleen  did  not  offer  me  her  hand.  She  kept 
both  arms  hanging  straight  and  stiffly  down  under  a 
filmy  pink  cloak,  as  if  she  were  shy  and  self-conscious. 
She  was  very  pretty,  very  delicate  and  elusive  looking 
in  the  blue  twilight,  like  a  tall  wood-nymph  feeling 
awkward  in  modern  costume.  She  seemed,  at  a 
glance,  all  eyes  and  fluffy  hair,  for  the  pink  down-curv- 
ing mouth  was  so  small,  and  the  little  white  chin  so 
short,  that  one's  gaze  seemed  to  focus  on  the  big  violet 
eyes  and  pass  the  rest  unnoticed. 

"  Will  you  come  to  the  terrace  ?  "  I  asked.  "  It  is 
our  view  place,  and  all  the  lights  are  beginning  to  come 
out  down  below.  It's  the  most  beautiful  moment,  we 
think.  Afterward  we  must  walk  through  the  garden, 
if  you  care  to  see  it,  before  it  grows  too  dark." 

"  Please  take  us  where  you  please,"  said  Lady  Men- 
del, in  the  nobly  patronizing  tone  which  sounded  to  me 
like  that  of  a  great  personage  opening  a  bazaar. 
"Are  we  to  meet  your  friend,  Miss  —  er  —  Nelson, 
who  is  such  a  devoted  person,  according  to  Hugh  ?  " 

"  Thank  you,  I'm  afraid  not,"  I  answered.  "  She 
isn't  strong,  and  is  not  feeling  well  this  evening." 
So  far  I  spoke  the  truth.  Sarah  had  begged  to 
hide  herself,  unless  I  needed  her  to  "  stand  by  me," 
and,  taking  pity  upon  her,  I  had  said  there  was  no 
reason  why  she  should  trouble  to  appear.  But  my 
next  words  were  far  from  true.  "  She  will  be  very 
sorry  to  miss  you."  They  sounded  insincere  as  I 


THE  LIFE  MASK  249 

mechanically  spoke  them,  but  I  did  not  care  whether 
Lady  Mendel  thought  them  so  or  not. 

We  talked  a  little  on  the  terrace,  all  four  together 
looking  over  the  low  wall  at  the  stars  of  light  coming 
to  birth  on  the  Vega.  Hugh  tried  to  draw  me  out,  so 
that  his  sister  might  realize  what  a  wonderful  person 
I  was.  His  ingenuous  wish  to  make  me  shine  came 
nearer  to  making  me  cry  and  laugh,  for  the  funni- 
ness  and  pathos  of  it.  Lady  Kathleen  scarcely  spoke 
at  all,  except  when  Lady  Mendel  or  Hugh  asked 
her  some  question.  I  realized  that  she  felt  herself 
out  of  place,  that  she  had  not  wished  to  come,  and  was 
anxious  to  get  away.  She  seemed  to  me  like  a  creature 
of  a  different  world  from  mine,  a  world  of  nice  girls 
and  jolly  young  men,  and  country  house  parties,  and 
an  interest  in  dancing  and  bridge  and  cricket  and  polo. 
She  would  probably  laugh  and  have  plenty  to  chatter 
about  in  that  world  —  and  she  would  look  lovely  in  a 
white  satin  wedding-dress  with  a  silver  brocade  train, 
and  floating  film  of  tulle  veil. 

When  I  could  think  of  no  more  to  say,  and  Lady 
Mendel  seemed  a  little  tired  of  telling  about  the  hot 
journey  from  Paris  to  Madrid,  the  broiling  journey 
from  Madrid  to  Granada,  I  suggested  going  to  look  at 
the  garden. 

"  I  wonder  if  you'll  mind  my  sitting  here  with  you, 
and  letting  Hugh  show  Kathleen  about?  He's  so  in 
love  with  your  garden  he  must  know  it  all  quite  well," 
said  Lady  Mendel.  "  I  feel  the  reaction  coming  on 
now,  in  this  delicious  cool  air,  and  suddenly  realize 


250  THE  LIFE  MASK 

how  tired  I  am.  I  can't  think  of  anything  more  at- 
tractive than  resting  in  one  of  these  basket  chairs, 
while  other  people  not  so  lazy  take  exercise." 

"  Do,  please,  show  Lady  Kathleen  everything,  Cap- 
tain Shannon,"  I  said. 

The  girl  brightened  a  little,  smiling  her  pretty, 
turned-down  smile,  and  Hugh,  though  not  enthusiastic, 
did  not  seem  surprised.  I  saw  that  the  proposal  had 
been  planned,  and  this  told  me  in  a  flash  that  Hugh  and 
Lady  Mendel  must  have  had  some  private  talk  about 
me,  since  I  saw  him  last.  She  had  probably  put 
questions  and  he  had  answered;  or  else  he  had  vol- 
unteered the  information  that  he  cared  for  me. 
No  doubt  she  had  showed  sisterly  interest,  and  asked 
him  to  give  her  time  for  a  good  talk  with  me.  He 
did  not  entirely  trust  her,  I  knew,  but  if  she  had  ap- 
peared sympathetic,  he  could  hardly  refuse  such  a 
reasonable  request. 

"  It  is  coming,"  I  said  to  myself,  as  Hugh  and  Lady 
Kathleen  turned  away.  I  could  hear  my  heart  beat- 
ing, yet  I  was  no  longer  frightened.  I  hoped  Hugh 
would  not  take  the  girl  to  our  arbor.  I  wondered  if 
Sarah  were  in  her  room,  sitting  behind  the  window 
curtain,  and  if  she  could  hear  our  conversation.  I 
almost  hoped  she  could,  because,  if  my  presentiment 
were  right,  I  should  be  saved  the  pain  of  telling  the 

story. 

•          •••••*. 

"I'm  so  pleased  to  be  able  to  have  a  talk  with 
you,  quite  by  ourselves,"  Lady  Mendel  began.  "  I've 


THE  LIFE  MASK  251 

been  hearing  so  much  about  you  from  my  brother." 
She  waited  a  second  or  two  to  see  if  I  would  speak;  but 
when  I  did  not,  she  went  on,  in  her  clear,  level  voice, 
with  so  slight  a  hesitation  in  choosing  words,  that  it 
seemed  she  must  have  rehearsed  the  scene  in  her  mind, 
getting  her  part  in  it  by  heart.  "  I  do  hope  you  won't 
think  I'm  too  dreadfully  abrupt,  in  beginning  such  a 
subject,  but  there's  so  little  time,  isn't  there?  And 
there's  so  much  I  want  to  say  —  so  much  I  must  say. 
May  I  go  on,  Mrs. —  Lippincott  ?  " 

"  Please  do,"  I  said. 

"  Well  —  I  am  years  older  than  Hugh,  and  as  our 
mother  died  when  he  was  a  boy,  I've  always  tried  to  do 
my  best  by  him,  in  every  way.  I  felt  there  was  some- 
thing odd  about  his  not  coming  home,  for  one  doesn't 
stop  in  Granada  in  summer,  does  one?  Oh,  it's  dif- 
ferent with  you,  of  course.  You  have  your  villa  and 
garden  —  but  my  brother  —  I  wrote  to  him  several 
times,  saying  if  he  were  ill,  he  must  let  me  know, 
and  I'd  come  out  to  him,  no  matter  how  hot.  He 
always  insisted  that  he  was  well,  and  enjoying  his 
rest.  But  I  felt  there  was  something.  And  then 
I  begged  him  to  meet  me  in  Paris,  where  I  was, 
with  Kathleen.  He  dic'n't  even  answer  —  so  that's 
why  I  came.  As  for  Kathleen  —  her  father's  gone  to 
Canada.  I  couldn't  leave  the  dear  child  behind.  She 
feels  she's  in  a  false  position  —  but  that  can't  interest 
you.  Still,  it  was  rather  awkward  for  us  both  in  the 
Generalife  gardens.  It  was  almost  as  if  we  came  to 
spy  on  my  brother  —  though  I  assure  you  it  was  an 


252  THE  LIFE  MASK 

accident.     He  saw  that  —  from  my  point  of  view 

—  and  perhaps  from  yours.     Before  dinner  this  eve- 
ning he  came  to  my  room  and  told  me  of  —  your  great 
friendship,    and  —  that    he'd    asked    you    to    marry 
him." 

"Then,"  I  answered  in  a  voice  which  would  not 
rise  much  above  a  whisper,  "  he  must  have  told  you 
at  the  same  time  that  I  —  that  I  —  have  not  said 
yes." 

"  He  did  tell  me  that,"  replied  Lady  Mendel,  lower- 
ing her  tones  also.  "  If  not  —  that  is,  if  he  had  told 
me  the  opposite  —  I  should  have  felt  obliged  to  say 
something  which — would  have  been  unpleasant  for 
us  both.  As  it  was,  I  said  nothing.  I  assure  you 
of  that.  Already  I'd  begged  him  to  bring  us  to 
see  you  —  and  the  garden,  of  course.  That  was  a 
good  excuse.  When  he  told  me  of  his  feeling  for  you, 
the  visit  was  arranged,  so  I  offered  no  objections.  I 
simply  waited.  And  I  asked  him  to  give  me  a  chance 
for  making  your  acquaintance  —  you  and  I  alone  to- 
gether for  a  few  minutes." 

"  I  thought  it  must  have  been  so,"  I  murmured. 

"  It  won't  be  long  —  so  it's  the  more  difficult.     But 

—  you  know  when  I  first  saw  you  this  afternoon  —  I 
felt  —  it  seemed  as  if  I  must  have  seen  you  before 
somewhere." 

Ever  since  she  came  into  the  garden  Lady  Mendel's 
worldly  looking  eyes  under  the  large  lids  had  fixed 
themselves  on  my  face  whenever  possible.  They  told 
me  what  she  was  going  to  say  before  her  lips  said  it : 


THE  LIFE  MASK  253 

if  the  news  had  needed  to  be  broken.  I  knew  that  I 
did  not  flush  or  turn  pale.  I  met  her  eyes  steadily,  not 
defiantly,  but  gravely,  with  a  question. 

"  I  couldn't  be  sure  then,"  she  began  once  more, 
"  but  —  frankly,  I  must  confess,  Mrs.  Lippincott,  that 
instinct  told  me  to  associate  the  likeness  with  some- 
thing —  er  —  something  notorious" 

Perhaps  she  expected  me  to  break  into  angry  words, 
but  she  did  not  appear  relieved  of  any  fear  by  my 
silence.  No  doubt  she  had  prepared  herself  to  deal 
with  an  outburst. 

"  Of  course  I  wasn't  so  indiscreet  as  to  speak  of  my 
idea  —  to  my  brother,"  she  assured  me.  "  He  has 
been  away  so  much  in  the  East,  for  years  and  years, 
that  I  was  certain  he  —  but  I  did  ask  Kathleen  if  your 
face  struck  her  as  at  all  familiar,  and  she  had  the  same 
impression  I  had,  though  more  vague.  That  was  one 
reason  why  I  felt  I  must  meet  you  again  —  at  once, 
before  more  harm  could  be  done.  It  was  only  when 
Hugh  came  to  my  room  after  seeing  you  for  the  sec- 
ond time  and  began  telling  me  of  his  feeling  for  you, 
that  suddenly  in  the  most  extraordinary  way,  like  a 
kind  of  flash,  I  remembered."  She  paused  an  instant, 
then  said  more  impressively :  "  I  remembered  who 
you  were.  I  know  I'm  not  mistaken.  Though  I 
never  saw  you  before,  nobody  who  read  the  newspa- 
pers could  help  recognizing  you  from  the  photographs. 
And  it's  only  a  few  months  ago  —  I  saw  them  the  first 
time  they  appeared,  too,  of  course  —  but  it's  so  long 
since  then,  I  might  have  forgotten.  I  suppose  these 


254  THE  LIFE  MASK 

were  the  same,  published  again:  they  looked  old- 
fashioned.  But  you've  changed  singularly  little,  when 
one  realizes  what  you  — " 

"  Oh,  please,  Lady  Mendel,  need  we  talk  of  that  ?  " 
I  could  not  help  imploring,  though  the  instant  the 
words  were  out,  I  wished  them  unspoken.  I  wished 
that  I  could  have  ended  with  her  as  I  had  begun,  seem- 
ingly a  stoic. 

"  Forgive  me,"  she  said  politely.  "  I  was  carried 
on  without  thinking.  Of  course  I  don't  want  to  hurt 
you  more  than  can  be  helped.  It's  all  so  painful.  My 
heart  really  breaks  for  my  poor  brother.  It  will  be 
such  a  terrible  disillusionment  to  him  —  a  man  of 
ideals,  as  he  is." 

"  He  knows  there  is  something,"  I  said.  In  spite 
of  myself  my  voice  sounded  humble.  "  He  knows 
that's  why  I  can't  marry  him." 

"  Ah,  I  suppose,  poor  fellow,  he  has  a  vague  idea  of 
a '  past,'  such  as  women  have  in  plays  or  novels.  Hugh 
is  so  romantic.  But  this  —  Mrs.  Lippincott,  you  must 
tell  him  who  you  are,  and  everything,  or  I  shall  have 
to.  And  it  will  be  so  much  better  for  us  all,  to  have 
it  come  from  you.  That's  why  I  called;  for  when  I 
remembered  quite  distinctly  the  photographs,  I  should 
have  made  an  excuse  of  being  tired,  if  I  hadn't  felt 
it  my  bounden  duty  to  have  this  talk  with  you,  per- 
sonally. I  want  you  to  tell  Hugh  to-night,  Mrs. 
Lippincott,  after  I  have  taken  Kathleen  —  poor  little 
Kathleen!  —  back  to  the  hotel.  Because,  if  you're 
really  fond  of  him,  you  must  see  that  the  best  thing 


THE  LIFE  MASK  '  255 

' —  the  only  thing  —  is  for  him  to  go  away  with  us. 
If  I  could  get  him  off  to-morrow  morning  for  Gi- 
braltar, I  should  be  thankful." 

"  I  do  see  that  it  would  be  best,"  I  said.     "  But  you 
misunderstand  some  things,  I  think,  Lady  Mendel.     I 
didn't  tell  Hugh  —  about  myself,  because  there  was 
never,  never  any  idea  in  my  mind  of  marrying  him.     I 
do  love  him — "     I  was  ashamed  because  my  voice 
would  break.     "  I  love  him  a  thousand  times  too  well 
to  hurt  him  now  or  in  the  future.     I  tried  to  send  him 
away,  but  —  he  wanted  to  stay  —  just  a  little  while. 
And  we  tried  being  friends.     To-day  was  to  be  the 
last  —  his  birthday.     He  didn't  know  —  but  I'd  made 
up  my  mind  not  to  let  him  come  again.     I  meant  to 
write  a  letter  and  tell  him  he  must  go.     Then  you 
came  —  and  we  hadn't  said  good-by  —  and  I  had  to 
see  him  just  once,  to  find  out  whether  you  —  had  told 
him  anything.     Of  course  I  thought  about  the  photo- 
graphs.   That's  why  I  wanted  to  live  quietly  where  I 
needn't  wear  a  veil  always,  as  I  did  in  England  if  I 
went  out.    And  this  garden  seemed  a  place  of  peace. 
But  I  realize  now,  there  can  be  no  peace.     If  it  hadn't 
been  that  you  asked  to  call,  I  shouldn't  have  let  Hugh 
come  to  me  again.    And  he  would  soon  have  gone  away 
if  I'd  told  him  in  a  letter  that  I  should  have  to  live 
shut  up  in  the  garden  till  after  he  went.     He  would 
have  understood  that  —  that  it  was  ended.    Now  you 
know  why  there  was  no  need  for  me  to  tell  him,  and 
make  him  sick  at  heart." 

"  I  don't  know  that,"  Lady  Mendel  said  sharply. 


256  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  Quite  the  contrary.  If  you  won't  tell  him,  I  shall 
have  to,  that's  all." 

"But  why  — why?" 

"  For  one  thing,  you  might  change  your  mind,  and 
yield  to  temptation ;  for  though  Hugh  is  my  brother,  I 
can  see  that  he  is  extraordinarily  attractive  to  women. 
And  to  a  woman  whom  he  loves  —  and  who  loves  him, 
as  you  say  you  do,  I  should  think  he  must  be  irresist- 
ible." 

"  I  swear  to  you  I  won't  change  my  mind.  Noth- 
ing could  make  me  change  it." 

"  Hugh  could  make  you  change  it.  He  is  very 
determined,  and  when  he  wants  a  thing  he  wants  it  so 
much  that  he  moves  heaven  and  earth  to  get  it.  Un- 
fortunately he  wants  very  much  to  marry  you." 

"  But  when  he  knows  it's  impossible  — " 

"  He'll  still  go  on  wanting  it.  I  see  and  admit  that 
you  are  a  woman  a  man  wouldn't  easily  forget, 
especially  such  a  man  as  Hugh,  unless  he  had  a  sudden 
revulsion  of  feeling  which  tore  the  love  out  of  his 
heart." 

"  Oh !  "  I  cried,  as  if  she  had  struck  me.  For  im- 
passable as  I  knew  the  barrier  to  be,  I  had  not  quite 
realized  until  I  heard  it  from  her,  how  revolting  I  must 
be  if  the  truth  were  known.  I  had  hated  the  thought 
of  telling  Hugh,  partly  because  it  would  be  terribly 
painful  to  him,  but  partly,  too,  because  I  had  imagined 
it  not  quite  impossible  that  he  would  want  to  marry 
me  in  spite  of  all.  And  then  I  should  find  it  still  more 
difficult  to  resist  him.  Because  I  had  lived  face  to 


THE  LIFE  MASK  257 

face  with  the  horror  so  long,  I  had  not  understood 
thoroughly  that  it  would  turn  me  into  a  leper  in 
Hugh's  dear  eyes,  as  his  sister  took  for  granted. 

Thoughts  roared  in  my  ears  like  thunder.  I  forgot 
to  answer,  and  I  heard  Lady  Mendel  going  on  with  her 
arguments.  Her  voice  sounded  far  away. 

"  Even  if  he  consented  to  go,  he  would  always  be 
regretting  you,"  she  said.  "  The  memory  of  you  in 
your  high-walled  garden  would  remain  in  his  mind 
like  a  portrait  in  a  beautiful  frame.  Yes,  that  is  just 
it  —  a  portrait  in  a  beautiful  frame.  And  it  won't 
do!" 

11  The  poor  portrait  has  been  skied  in  life's  picture 
gallery ! "  I  heard  myself  cry  out,  bitterly.  "  Now, 
it's  stored  away  forever  in  the  world's  lumber-room, 
with  its  face  to  the  wall." 

"  Don't  feel  like  that  about  yourself,"  said  Lady 
Mendel.  "  I  am  most  sorry  to  distress  you.  But 
what  can  I  do  ?  And  there  are  many  occupations  left 
for  you  on  this  earth.  Slum  work,  for  instance  —  in 
any  country  —  except  England,  naturally,  and  perhaps 
America,  where  it  would  be  disagreeable  to  be  con- 
stantly recognized.  Maybe  the  people  —  er  —  might 
resent  —  that  class  is  so  ungrateful.  But  still,  there 
are  many  consolations,  I  am  sure.  And  if  you  have 
the  courage  to  save  Hugh  by  telling  him,  you  will  have 
the  reward  of  — " 

"  Save  Hugh  by  telling  him !  "  I  echoed.  "  Are  you 
very,  very  sure  that  he  would  look  upon  me  as  being 
so  —  horrible  ?  " 


258  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  I  am  quite  sure,"  she  answered  promptly,  "  that 
neither  Hugh  nor  any  other  man  would  feel  the  slight- 
est temptation  to  make  you  his  wife  —  knowing  who 
you  are." 

"  But  he  might  believe  in  me." 

"  There  would  always  be  the  doubt.  That  would  be 
enough  to  send  a  shudder  through  his  heart  at  the  most 
passionate  moment,  Mrs.  Lippincott.  And  when  a 
shudder  goes  through  a  man's  heart  at  the  thought  of 
a  woman  it  kills  love." 

"  Oh,  you  are  cruel !  "  I  stammered. 

"  If  I'm  cruel  to  you,  it's  in  order  to  make  you  kind 
to  my  brother.  I  assure  you  again,  if  I  allowed  you 
simply  to  send  him  away,  without  telling  him  what  is 
the  real  obstacle  between  you,  even  if  he  bowed  to 
your  decision,  his  life  would  be  ruined.  He  would  be 
haunted  by  you  and  your  mystery.  He  would  never 
be  able  to  turn  his  thoughts  to  anything  or  anyone  else. 
Not  only  would  he  lose  interest  in  his  career,  which  is 
so  promising,  and  forget  his  ambition,  but  he  would 
lose  interest  in  life.  I  know  him  better  than  you  do, 
you  see!  There  would  be  no  home  ties  for  him: 
no  sweet  innocent  young  wife:  no  little  children  to 
console  him.  Whereas,  if  you  tell  him  the  truth  to- 
night, there  will  be  one  short,  sharp  pang,  and  the  thing 
will  be  over." 

"  Oh,  my  God !  "  I  heard  some  one  saying,  and  knew 
that  it  was  I.  My  head  was  bowed  down  into  my 
hands,  and  I  forgot  that  I  had  hoped  to  seem  a  stoic. 
I  did  not  look  up  at  Lady  Mendel,  but  somehow  I  felt 


THE  LIFE  MASK  259 

that  my  agony  had  frightened  her.  I  heard  the  soft 
swish  of  her  satin  dress  as  she  rose  from  the  low 
chair  which  she  had  drawn  close  to  mine. 

"  Do  compose  yourself,"  she  murmured,  laying  her 
hand  on  my  shoulder.  "  I  think  they're  coming  back. 
You  wouldn't  like  Hugh  to  see  —  to  know  —  and  I 
shouldn't.  This  is  not  the  time.  And  it  would  be  so 
dreadful,  before  Kathleen.  She  hated  coming  —  but 
I  made  her  —  so  there  would  be  some  one  to  take 
Hugh  away  from  us.  If  you're  determined  not  to 
tell  Hugh  yourself  —  I  must  do  it;  but  I  should  have 
thought  you  would  prefer  —  and  it  will  be  so  long 
drawn  out,  because  he  won't  believe  at  first.  We  shall 
all  be  tortured  — " 

"  I  will  tell  him,"  I  said,  lifting  my  head  and  rising 
to  stand  by  Lady  Mendel.  "  I  see  that  you  are  right. 
It  was  stupid  of  me  not  to  realize  before  —  but  he  shall 
know,  and  —  and  as  you  say,  it  will  be  over." 

"  They  are  coming ! "  exclaimed  Lady  Mendel. 
"  Will  you  tell  him  to-night?  " 

"  Yes." 

"  I  may  depend  upon  you  ?  " 

"  I  promise.     If  he  comes  back  — " 

"  I  will  send  him,"  said  Lady  Mendel,  briskly. 
"  He  can  take  Kathleen  and  me  to  the  door  of  the  hotel, 
and  return  at  once.  It  shall  be  settled  before  we  leave 
the  garden.  I'll  think  of  something  to  say.  While  he 
is  with  you,  I'll  speak  to  the  hotel  people  about  going 
to-morrow.  When  it's  all  over,  Hugh  will  be  thank- 
ful to  have  everything  arranged  —  and  to  get  away." 


260  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  Yes,  he'll  be  thankful,"  I  heard  myself  saying. 

And  as  the  merciful  darkness  had  fallen,  he  could 
not  see  my  face  when  he  came  near.  By  keeping  si- 
lent under  cover  of  Lady  Mendel's  talk,  I  was  safe. 


HUGH,  Mrs.  Lippincott  has  kindly  promised 
to  look  up  a  book  for  me,"  said  Lady  Men- 
del at  last.  "  Will  you  come  back  when 
you've  dropped  us  at  the  hotel,  and  ask  her  if  she's 
found  it?" 

The  excuse  was  as  good  as  any  other.  She 
was  willing  Hugh  should  think  that  she  was  searching 
a  pretext  to  send  him  back  to  me,  and  that  he  should 
be  grateful  —  for  a  little  while. 

From  the  Carmen  de  Santa  Catalina  it  was  not  more 
than  ten  minutes'  walk  to  the  hotel.  Hugh  would 
come  to  me  again  in  twenty  minutes,  and  I  would 
tell  him  the  thing  which  must  make  him  hate  me. 

I  did  not  try  to  prepare,  or  think  what  I  should 
say  first,  or  wonder  how  I  could  make  myself  seem  less 
terrible  to  him  than  Lady  Mendel  believed  I  should 
seem.  Besides,  according  to  her  the  way  to  save  him 
was  to  show  myself  at  the  worst. 

When  they  had  gone,  I  felt  extraordinarily  tired,  as 
if  I  had  been  battered  by  waves  in  a  high  sea.  I  had 
a  physical  longing,  almost  a  necessity,  to  lie  down, 
and  stretch  myself  out  flat;  but  it  seemed,  if  I  yielded 
to  this  craving,  I  should  never  have  the  courage  or 
strength  to  get  up  again. 

I  had  not  gone  to  the  gate  with  my  visitors,  but 
261 


262  THE  LIFE  MASK 

had  bidden  them  good-by  standing  on  the  terrace, 
and  then,  for  fear  Sarah  might  come  down  or  call 
me  when  the  garden  was  quiet,  I  walked  quickly  and 
softly  away  to  the  arbor  of  the  fountain.  I  knew 
that  if  Sarah  found  me  gone,  she  would  under- 
stand, and  leave  me  alone,  even  if  she  had  overheard 
something  and  suspected  more.  As  for  Hugh,  not 
seeing  me  on  the  terrace  or  in  the  dimly  lighted  draw- 
ing-room, he  would  soon  look  for  me  in  my  favorite 
resting  place.  It  was  taken  for  granted  between 
us  that  if  I  were  not  on  the  terrace,  I  would  be  there. 

When  by  and  by  I  heard  his  footsteps  coming  fast 
along  the  path  to  the  arbor,  as  if  he  were  in  a  hurry, 
I  had  not  thought  of  anything  at  all,  except  that  I 
would  have  to  make  him  turn  from  me  with  repulsion. 

"  Nita  —  are  you  in  the  arbor  ?  "  he  called  to  me  in 
a  low  voice  before  he  reached  the  doorway. 

"  Yes,  I'm  here  —  waiting  for  you,"  I  answered. 

He  came  in,  and  I  could  see  him  as  a  shadow, 
for  now  it  was  night,  and  under  the  heavy  vines  and 
creepers  very  dark. 

"  I  can  just  catch  the  glimmer  of  your  white  dress," 
he  said.  "  You  look  like  a  ghost.  But  — "  and  find- 
ing his  way  to  me  he  took  my  hand  —  "  you  don't  feel 
like  one,  dear,  beautiful,  beloved  woman.  Oh,  how 
glorious  to  come  back  to  you,  and  have  you  to  my- 
self! I  didn't  dream  of  any  such  good  luck.  It's  a 
splendid  ending  for  my  birthday,  after  all." 

His  birthday     .     .     .     My  poor  Hugh !     .     .     . 

"  Is  there  really  a  book  for  my  sister?  "  he  inquired. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  263 

"  Or  was  it  just  a  kind  excuse  to  let  me  say  good- 
night to  you  ?  By  Jove,  I  hadn't  given  Beatrice  credit 
for  being  such  a  decent  chap.  I  believe  I'll  take  to 
calling  her  '  Bee '  after  this.  You  know  I  told  her 
about  us:  that  I  worshiped  the  ground  you  walked 
on,  and  that  I  meant  to  get  you  for  my  wife  in  spite 
of  your  '  No.'  She  was  quite  sympathetic  — for  her. 
But  I  took  her  sympathy  with  a  grain  of  salt,  until 
she  sent  me  back  —  for  the  book.  How  did  you  get 
on  together?" 

"  Very  well,"  I  answered  mechanically.  The  words 
of  the  story  I  would  have  to  tell  began  drumming  in 
my  ears. 

"  I  hung  about  with  Kathleen  as  long  as  I  could, 
because  I'd  promised  —  and  Beatrice  seemed  to  want  to 
be  kind,  according  to  her  lights.  Only  I  kept  think- 
ing—  what  if  she'd  fooled  me,  and  was  trying  to  play 
me  some  trick  ?  —  like  a  dastardly  cat.  Heaven  alone 
knows  what  I  talked  about  to  that  girl.  I  must  have 
bored  her  badly.  She  behaved  like  a  lump.  Of  course 
you  knew  I  wouldn't  bring  her  into  the  arbor  —  our 
arbor  —  where  we've  been  so  happy?" 

"  We've  been  unhappy,  too,"  I  said.  "  At  least,  I 
have." 

"  I  think  you  caused  me  some  qualms  here,  once  or 
twice,  but  I  deserved  them,  perhaps ;  and  you've  atoned 
for  them  all,  my  darling,  since  then,  so  they're  for- 
gotten." 

"  And  now  I  have  to  make  you  unhappy  in  a  way 
you  don't  deserve,  and  I  can  never  atone  for ! "  I 


264  THE  LIFE  MASK 

said.  "  But  I  hope  and  pray  you  will  forget  —  the 
unhappiness  and  me  too." 

"  I  can't  have  you  being  melodramatic,  sweet,"  he 
laughed,  "  and  you  may  as  well  understand  that  I 
won't  let  you  make  me  unhappy,  and  I  never  intend  to 
be  far  enough  away  to  forget.  Dearest,  why  do  you 
shiver?  Your  hand  is  suddenly  like  ice."  He  found 
and  took  the  other.  "  And  this  one  is  just  as  bad.  I 
must  warm  them  —  since  the  July  night  can't."  He 
lifted  both  my  hands  to  his  lips,  but  before  his  mouth 
touched  them,  I  slipped  them  away. 

"  Don't  kiss  even  my  hands  to-night,  dear,"  I  said 
to  him  very  softly.  "  Not  that  I  don't  want  you  to, 
but  because  afterward  you  may  shiver  as  I  did  a  min- 
ute ago,  thinking  how  you'd  kissed  them  just  before 
—  just  before  I  told  you  something  I'm  going  to  tell 
now." 

"  What  are  you  going  to  tell  ?  "  he  asked,  almost 
sharply.  "  Have  I  made  you  understand,  I  wonder, 
that  I  don't  want  to  hear  anything  you  don't  want  to 
tell?  It's  your  present  and  future  I'm  particularly 
concerned  with,  not  your  past." 

"  I've  changed  my  mind,"  I  answered.  "  I  do  want 
to  tell  you." 

"  Very  well,"  he  said.  "  I  wish  you  would  change 
your  mind  about  other  things  as  easily;  but  I  shall 
make  you  do  that.  Tell  me,  dearest  one  on  earth  or 
in  heaven,  just  what  you  wish  to  tell  me  and  no  more ; 
and  let  me  kneel  down  here  at  your  feet,  with  your 
head  on  my  heart  while  you  tell  —  whatever  it  is." 


THE  LIFE  MASK  265 

Before  I  could  stop  him  he  was  on  his  knees,  his 
arms  round  me,  drawing  me  gently  but  firmly  toward 
him.  As  gently  but  as  firmly  too,  I  held  him  back 
with  both  my  hands  on  his  breast,  so  that  he  could 
bring  me  no  nearer  without  using  force  that  would 
hurt. 

"  Listen,  Hugh,"  I  began,  "  have  you  ever  wondered 
why  I  wear  my  hair  short  ?  " 

"  It  isn't  really  short,"  he  said,  "  and  it  goes  all  into 
waves  and  lovely  soft  rings.  Every  woman  would  wear 
her  hair  short  if  it  could  be  like  that.  I  supposed  you 
did  so  because  it  was  pretty  and  quaint,  fastened  with 
those  pins  and  tortoise-shell  buckles.  Besides,  Miss 
Nelson  told  me  you'd  been  very  ill  —  not  even  ex- 
pected to  live,  so  of  course  your  hair  had  to  be  cut  — " 

"  It  used  to  come  nearly  down  to  my  knees.  But  — 
it  was  cut  long  before  I  was  ill,"  I  said  in  a  mumbling 
voice,  because  my  tongue  and  lips  were  so  dry  it  was 
hard  to  speak  at  all.  "  Ten  years  before.  It  was  cut 

—  in  prison." 

That  took  him  out  of  himself.  I  understood  so 
well  how  he  had  believed  that  nothing  I  could  say 
would  startle  him,  that  nothing  could  ruffle  the  deep 
calm  of  his  love;  but  those  two  words  —  "  in  prison  " 

—  spoken  of  myself  —  were  the  words  of  all  others 
he  had  not  schooled  himself  to  expect.     They  stung 
like  a  whip,  and  made  him  cry  out,  "  Good  God ! " 
Then  he  crushed  me  tighter,  not  thinking  whether 
or  no  he  might  hurt  my  resisting  arms.     He  seemed 
to   snatch  me   from   the  world   which  marched  an 


266  THE  LIFE  MASK 

army  against  the  woman  he  would  defend.  I  felt 
the  anguish  in  him  run  through  me  like  fire,  and  the 
passion  of  his  sorrow  because  I  had  not  always  had 
the  defense  of  his  arms.  But  he  knew  only  the  begin- 
ning yet;  and  because  of  the  change  that  must  come  in 
him  when  he  heard  the  rest,  even  in  his  arms  I  felt 
weak,  as  though  my  flesh  were  frail  as  flower  petals, 
beaten  by  a  storm.  For  he  could  not  defend  me 
against  the  revolt  of  his  own  soul.  As  this  was  the 
beginning,  so  that  would  be  the  end. 

"  I  was  in  prison  ten  years,"  I  told  him. 

He  drew  in  a  breath  like  a  sob.  "  God,  what  devils 
men  are!  I'd  give  my  life  to  have  stamped  out  their 
lives,  all  who  put  you  there  —  and  kept  you  there  — 
my  white  dove." 

"  I  was  put  there  for  that,"  I  blundered  on  somehow 
—  "  because  they  accused  me  of  taking  —  a  life.  But 
they  had  just  enough  doubt  —  not  to  hang  me.  I 
should  have  been  in  prison  now  —  and  as  long  as  I 
lived,  only  for  Sarah  —  what  she  did  for  me  —  and 
because  I  was  dying  —  sti  it  seemed  to  them  I  might 
as  well  come  out  to  die.  Then  Sarah  saved  me  again. 
She  wouldn't  let  me  die.  She  is  Sarah  Nicholls  really, 
not  Nelson.  Now  —  do  you  know  who  I  am  —  what 
woman  it  is  you  have  loved,  and  kissed?  " 

"  I  only  know,"  he  said,  "  that  it's  the  woman  I 
love  still  —  just  as  much  —  more  —  for  what  she's 
suffered  unjustly.  Ten  years !  How  shall  I  make  up 
to  you  for  it?" 

"  How  good  you  are,  how  good !  "  I  breathed  to  him. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  267 

"  You  believe  in  me  without  —  asking  one  question. 
My  darling,  the  only  way  I  can  reward  you  is  to  end 
this  as  soon  as  I  can,  and  tell  you  without  need  of 
questions.  I  was  Anita  Durrand.  You  didn't  dream 
it  would  be  as  terrible  as  that  —  the  thing  I  had  to  tell  ? 
O  Hugh  —  let  me  go !  I  know  it  is  making  you  sick 
—  sick  to  have  me  in  your  arms,  but  you  keep  me  for 
pity  —  you  can't  bear  that  I  should  know ! "  My 
voice  rose  shrill  and  sharp,  then  broke.  I  struggled 
to  escape,  and  release  him  from  the  bonds  of  his  own 
loyalty.  But  where  was  the  horror  of  me  which 
Lady  Mendel  had  predicted  with  confidence?  If  he 
felt  it,  he  concealed  it  well  and  bravely.  Still,  he  did 
not  know  the  worst  yet. 

"  It  is  terrible,"  he  agreed ;  "  more  terrible  than  I 
thought,  but  for  you,  dearest,  not  for  me;  except  to 
think  of  the  cruelty  —  and  I  not  there  to  save  you  or 
bear  it  for  you.  Why,  don't  you  see,  I  want  a  thou- 
sand times  more  than  ever  to  take  you  for  mine,  so 
as  to  make  all  the  years  to  come  happy  enough  to  blot 
out  the  past  ?  Ten  years !  Why,  I'll  make  you  look 
back  on  them  as  an  ugly  minute  —  or,  better  still, 
wipe  them  out  of  your  memory." 

"  I  didn't  suppose  there  could  be  men  like  you  in  the 
world,"  I  said.  "  It's  worth  everything  to  have  met 
one  —  and  to  have  had  his  love.  But  even  yours 
can't  live  on  the  rocks  where  I  must  dash  it,  Hugh. 
You're  hardly  in  sight  of  them  yet.  I  think  the 
mist  of  your  own  goodness  hides  them.  Tell  me 
this,  and  answer  truly.  Don't  keep  anything  back, 


268  THE  LIFE  MASK 

for  both  our  sakes.  You  read  the  trial  of  Anita 
Durrand  ?  " 

"  No,  thank  heaven,  I  didn't,"  he  answered,  unhesi- 
tating. "  I  hate  and  loathe  murder  cases  in  the  pa- 
pers —  always  did,  from  a  boy,  for  the  same  reason 
that  I  saw  red  whenever  there  was  any  worrying  of 
rats  with  terriers,  which  some  chaps  called  sport.  The 
thought  of  any  defenseless  thing  at  the  mercy  of 
something  bigger  and  stronger  than  itself  always  made 
me  wild." 

"  Even  if  the  defenseless  thing  was  evil,  and  had 
killed  in  its  turn?" 

"  Yes,  even  then.  How  people  can  swallow  such 
doses  in  the  papers,  with  their  breakfasts !  They  must 
have  the  blood  and  sensibility  of  toads." 

"  But  surely,"  I  insisted,  "  you  knew  about  the  case. 
You  heard  people  talk  of  it  —  express  their  opinions  ? 
Half  England  wanted  me  —  hanged." 

"  Don't !  "  he  begged.     "  I  can't  stand  it ! " 

Still  he  held  me  close,  and  would  not  let  me  go.  I 
had  ceased  to  try,  for  I  thought  that  in  a  few  minutes 
more  the  words  I  had  to  say  would  be  like  a  steel 
key  to  unlock  the  warm  clasp. 

"  You  did  know,  didn't  you?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  knew  —  to  a  certain  extent,"  he  re- 
plied almost  angrily,  his  tone  that  of  a  man  who  is  suf- 
fering bodily  pain.  "  Some  things  are  in  the  air. 
You  can't  avoid  them." 

"  And  didn't  you  —  unconsciously  perhaps  —  form 
an  opinion  that  the  woman  was  guilty?  " 


THE  LIFE  MASK  269 

"  Woman !  Why,  you  were  a  child.  Ten  years 
ago  you  were  barely  nineteen." 

"  That  isn't  an  answer.  But  I  know  what  it  means 
all  the  same,  my  poor  Hugh.  You  did  think  she  was 
guilty." 

"  I  thought  very  little  about  it.  If  you  were  a  child, 
I  wasn't  much  more  than  a  boy  —  it  seems  now  — 
like  most  fellows  of  my  age,  taken  up  with  my  own 
concerns.  I  wasn't  even  in  England  then;  I  was  on 
the  way  out  to  India  at  the  time,  I  remember  now  — " 

"  Ah !  what  makes  you  remember  particularly  ?  " 

"  It  comes  back  to  me  that  people  were  —  were 
talking  on  the  ship.  Cooped  up  like  that,  one  had  to 
listen  sometimes  —  at  the  table  or  in  the  smoking- 
room  —  and  all  that." 

"  You  must  tell  me  what  you  thought  of  —  the 
woman  you  heard  your  friends  call  —  a  murderess. 
If  you  refuse,  I  shall  only  believe  it  perhaps  worse 
than  it  was." 

"  I  suppose  I  took  my  opinion  more  or  less  from 
those  around  me.  But  if  I'd  read  the  case,  Nita  — 
or  seen  your  picture,  as  some  of  the  others  had  —  I 
remember  they  said  you  were  beautiful  and  young  — 
I  should  have  had  the  sense  and  decency  to  think  for 
myself.  I  should  have  known  you  were  innocent. 
God !  I  wish  I  could  have  fought  for  you ! " 

"  But  — "  and  now  the  supreme  moment  had  come 
• —  "  what  if  I  —  were  not  innocent?  " 

I  felt  his  blood  leap  and  his  muscles  contract  as  a 


270  THE  LIFE  MASK 

man's  must  in  the  electric  chair.  For  an  instant  He 
was  dumb.  The  plashing  of  the  fountain  seemed  sud- 
denly very  loud.  It  wept  for  the  death  of  love.  The 
drip  of  its  tears  was  cold  in  my  heart.  In  the  dark 
we  could  not  see  each  other's  faces,  or  it  would  have 
been  harder  to  go  on,  sentence  by  sentence,  telling 
him  these  things,  poisoning  his  ideal  with  deadly 
acid.  But  suddenly  I  knew  that  he  had  lifted  his  head, 
and  was  seeking  my  eyes.  I  felt  his  breath  on  my 
hair. 

"If  you  swore  to  me  that  you  were  not  innocent, 
I  shouldn't  believe  you !  "  he  said.  And  his  arms  did 
not  loose  me  yet. 


CHAPTER  XIII 

STILL  there  was  more  to  come.    And  I  was  not 
trying  to  test  him.     I  was  telling  my  story  as 
best  I  could,  fragment  by  fragment,  until  he 
should  know  of  me  all  that  I  knew  of  myself. 

I  longed  to  bend  forward,  and  kiss  his  hair  in  my 
gratitude,  but  there  was  no  fire  of  passion  in  me  now, 
to  carry  me  away  and  make  me  forget  my  unworthi- 
ness,  as  I  had  forgotten  in  the  afternoon.  Face  to 
face  with  the  reconstructed  image  of  my  old  self,  I 
did  not  understand  how  I  had  offered  my  body  or  my 
soul  to  him  in  any  way,  with  the  idea  that  my  near- 
ness, without  a  legal  tie,  could  not  hurt  him. 

"  It's  no  use  trying  to  thank  you,  Hugh,  for  what 
you  say,  for  what  you  are  —  to  me,"  I  sighed.  "  It 
goes  far  beyond  words  —  as  far  and  high  as  heaven 
is.  But,  could  you  bear  to  listen  if  I  told  you  the 
story  from  the  beginning?  I  should  like  to  tell  you, 
if  you  could  —  go  through  it  with  me." 

"  Let  me  live  it  through  with  you,"  he  answered. 

"  It's  a  long  story,  if  I  go  back  to  the  place  where 
I  want  to  begin.  I  can't  have  you  like  that  on  your 
knees  before  me,  while  I  tell  you.  It  isn't  right  —  and 
you  will  be  so  tired." 

"  I'll  stay  as  I  am,  dearest,"  he  insisted. 
271 


272  THE  LIFE  MASK 

And  so  I  began  to  make  pictures  for  him  of  what 
my  life  had  been :  just  a  few  of  my  childhood,  and  of 
my  mother;  then  of  the  convent;  but  only  quick 
sketches  until  I  came  to  the  time  when  mother  made 
me  join  her  in  Paris. 

"  I  was  seventeen,"  I  said,  "  but  older  than  most 
of  the  girls  at  school.  The  Superior  wrote  that  it 
was  time  for  me  to  be  taken  away  —  so  mother  sent 
Sarah.  Sarah  was  her  maid  just  then  —  but  it  was 
me  Sarah  loved.  And  I  loved  her.  Mother  had  a 
flat,  and  knew  lots  of  people,  who  used  to  come  there 
on  her  *  day  ' —  and  she  was  asked  everywhere.  She 
was  beautiful.  She  looked  almost  as  young  as  I, 
and  loved  to  be  admired.  She  didn't  like  having  a 
daughter  taller  than  herself.  People  were  surprised, 
if  they  saw  me  and  asked  who  I  was  —  but  I  wasn't 
supposed  to  be  '  out/  I  think  mother  lived  extrava- 
gantly, for  she  wasn't  rich  —  and  there  was  some  dis- 
appointment, about  a  French  Marquis  she  cared  for, 
who  couldn't  marry  her  when  he  found  out  how  little 
money  she  had.  I  have  all  that's  left  of  it  now,  and 
it's  less  than  two  hundred  pounds  a  year.  Perhaps 
she  had  about  twice  as  much  then.  Anyhow,  she  was 
worried  how  to  make  ends  meet,  and  have  pretty 
things.  I  didn't  understand  about  helping  her  as  I 
ought,  or  she  might  have  grown  fonder  of  me.  But 
there  was  a  man  who  used  to  call  on  her  some- 
times, who  met  me  one  day  with  Sarah  as  I  was  com- 
ing upstairs  from  a  walk.  He  knew  Sarah  by  sight, 
and  stopped  her  to  ask  who  I  was.  It  surprised  him 


THE  LIFE  MASK  273 

to  hear  that  I  was  Mrs.  Duprez's  daughter.  His 
name  was  Durrand  —  Woodruffe  Durrand,  and  he 
lived  in  England  —  but  of  course  you  know  that; 
and  how  he  had  a  house  in  London,  and  a  moor  in 
Scotland,  and  a  flat  in  Paris,  and  turned  out  to  be  a 
money  lender  who  did  all  his  business  under  another 
name.  People  hadn't  discovered  that  secret  then. 
But  mother  knew  he  was  rich,  and  liked  young  girls. 
I'm  afraid  that  was  the  real  reason  she  answered  the 
Superior's  letter  by  taking  me  out  of  the  convent  so 
quickly. 

"  After  the  morning  he  met  us  on  the  stairs,  Mr. 
Durrand  came  nearly  every  day,  though  Sarah  said 
he  hadn't  been  very  often  before;  and  mother  made 
me  entertain  him,  although  it  bored  me  dreadfully 
and  I  couldn't  think  what  to  say  to  an  old  man. 
He  wasn't  so  very  old  really  —  not  more  than  fifty- 
six  or  seven,  but  he  never  took  any  exercise,  and 
liked  eating,  so  he'd  grown  fat,  with  a  bulging  sort  of 
figure,  and  cheeks  and  chin  that  hung  down  over  his 
collar.  His  hair  was  not  gray,  but  black,  and  so  was 
his  mustache  —  a  bluish  black  that  I  used  to  think 
looked  like  stove  polish  —  but  they  were  thin,  and 
the  bald  part  of  his  head  was  yellow,  like  his  face. 
His  nose  was  large,  and  he  was  always  patting  it 
with  his  silk  handkerchief  soaked  in  some  strong  per- 
fume; and  I  couldn't  help  seeing  that  a  little  black 
came  off  his  mustache  on  the  white  silk.  But,  al- 
though he  was  fat  and  ugly,  he  dressed  very  well,  and 
cared  a  great  deal  about  his  clothes.  I  hardly  ever 


274  THE  LIFE  MASK 

saw  him  in  the  same  things  twice.  Sarah  believed 
that  he  wanted  to  marry  mother,  but  I  was  sure  she'd 
never  accept ;  she  liked  handsome  people.  So  you  can 
think  whether  I  was  surprised  when  mother  told  me 
one  night  that  Mr.  Durrand  had  proposed  for  me.  I 
thought  she  was  joking  —  a  horrid  sort  of  joke  — 
at  first,  but  soon  I  saw  it  was  deadly  earnest.  She 
cried  and  sobbed,  and  said  she  didn't  know  what  would 
become  of  us  if  I  refused  —  we  couldn't  go  on  living 
as  we  were,  and  she  would  have  to  kill  herself,  or 
worse.  All  night  she  stayed  in  my  room,  begging  me 
to  say  yes,  and  telling  me  how  happy  I  should  make 
her  —  and  that  it  was  better  marrying  an  old  man 
than  a  young  man,  if  you  didn't  love  him,  because  you 
could  do  as  you  pleased.  She  said  he'd  be  good  to  us 
both,  and  generous,  and  her  troubles  would  be  over. 
And,  best  of  all,  she  said  she  would  love  me  dearly. 
I  had  always  wanted  her  love  so  much!  She  was  so 
beautiful,  with  such  wonderful,  soft  eyes,  and  sang  old 
songs  in  such  a  lovely  voice  that  it  called  my  heart  out 
of  my  body.  Only  she  never  wanted  it ! 

"  Before  morning  I  promised  to  do  what  she  begged 
me  to  do;  then  everything  was  hurried  up  quickly,  or 
even  for  her  sake  I  don't  believe  I  should  have  been 
able  to  keep  my  word.  Mr.  Durrand  had  to  go  back 
to  England  soon,  and  he  wanted  to  be  married  and  — 
and  have  a  short  honeymoon  on  the  Italian  Lakes 
first.  That  was  a  bribe  to  me  —  to  see  the  Italian 
Lakes.  I'd  always  longed  to.  My  best  friend  at  the 
convent  lived  on  Lake  Como.  And  Mr.  Durrand 


THE  LIFE  MASK  275 

did  nothing  to  frighten  me.  He  was  just  polite 
and  kind  as  he  had  been  before,  and  gave  me  a 
diamond  and  emerald  ring  —  an  antique.  He  was  a 
great  judge  of  antiques.  He  talked  to  me  about  his 
house  in  London,  and  what  a  good  time  I  should  have 
there,  and  how  I  should  love  Scotland.  He  didn't 
tell  me  he'd  been  married  before  when  he  was  young, 
and  had  a  daughter  years  older  than  I.  Not  that  it 
would  have  made  any  difference. 

"  Just  as  soon  as  it  could  be  managed  legally,  we 
had  the  marriage  —  the  civil  one  first ;  and  that  day,  I 
began  to  feel  as  if  I  couldn't  go  on.  I  cried  and  was 
horribly  unhappy  that  night,  and  mother  had  to  prom- 
ise I  should  have  Sarah  for  my  maid,  to  take  to  the 
Lakes  and  to  England,  or  else  I  should  have  refused 
to  go  on  with  the  religious  part  of  the  marriage.  I 
remember  before  I  could  sleep,  mother  gave  me  a  huge 
dose  of  bromide  or  something,  and  the  next  day  I  felt 
dazed  and  strange.  I  didn't  seem  to  care  what  hap- 
pened, and  I  had  a  sick  headache  for  the  first  time  in 
my  life. 

"  We  started  away  two  hours  after  the  wedding  — 
Mr.  Durrand  and  Sarah  and  I,  and  his  valet.  He  — 
Mr.  Durrand  — •  began  wanting  me  to  call  him  *  Sam/ 
and  I  said  I  couldn't;  I  should  have  to  go  on  calling 
him  Mr.  Durrand.  He  was  angry,  and  there  was  a 
look  in  his  eyes  that  made  me  a  little  afraid.  I  got 
to  know  it  very  well  afterward. 

"  We  didn't)  travel  far  that  day.  We  went  only 
to  a  hotel  at  St.  Germain,  which  seemed  to  me  beauti- 


276  THE  LIFE  MASK 

ful.  I'd  never  been  in  a  hotel  before,  since  I  was  a 
little  girl,  just  after  mother  brought  me  away  from 
down  South,  so  I  was  dying  to  have  dinner  in  the  big 
restaurant,  to  look  at  all  the  people,  and  the  lovely 
view  from  the  window.  But  he  wouldn't  consent  to 
that.  He  said  he  wanted  me  to  himself.  We  had  a 
private  sitting-room,  and  he  ordered  dinner  there. 

"  I  couldn't  say  anything  about  that  scene  to  you, 
only  it  had  a  great  influence  on  the  —  case,  afterward 
« —  just  a  year  afterward.  You  didn't  read  the  papers, 
so  you  won't  remember.  The  only  thing  I  need  tell 
you  is,  that  he  frightened  and  disgusted  me  dreadfully, 
and  I  screamed,  and  tried  to  run  out  into  the  hall.  But 
he  laughed,  and  locked  the  door,  while  he  held  my 
wrists,  and  his  teeth  were  so  big  and  yellow  he  was 
like  the  ogre  in  fairy  stories  Sarah  used  to  read  to  me 
when  she  was  my  nurse.  He  called  me  a  little  devil, 
and  said  I  was  making  him  feel  a  young  man.  I 
twisted  myself  away,  and  then  —  because  I  was  really 
afraid,  truly  thinking  he  must  have  gone  out  of  his 
mind,  I  lost  my  head  in  a  sort  of  panic.  I  seized  a 
glass  full  of  champagne  and  threw  it  at  him  as  he 
stood  in  front  of  the  door.  I  didn't  know  what  I  was 
doing  —  I  was  so  frantic  at  being  alone  with  such  a 
man  —  and  married  to  him.  The  wine-glass  struck 
him  on  the  chin,  and  broke.  The  champagne  went  all 
over  his  white  shirt  'front,  mingling  with  a  little  blood 
from  the  cuts  the  glass  made. 

"  I  covered  my  eyes  with  my  hands  and  shrieked 
when  I  saw  what  I  had  done.  He  started  to  come 


THE  LIFE  MASK  277 

toward  me  again  —  I  think  in  his  rage  he  meant  to 
strike  —  but  he  began  to  stagger,  and  then,  though  he 
tried  to  save  himself  by  seizing  a  chair,  he  fell  and 
rolled  over  on  his  side.  His  eyes  were  wide  open,  but 
they  went  up  into  his  head,  showing  only  the  whites, 
and  I  thought  I  had  killed  him.  The  key  of  the  door 
was  in  his  pocket,  and  I  would  have  jumped  out  of  the 
window  sooner  than  touch  him,  to  find  it;  so  I  only 
screamed  for  help.  And  at  last  they  broke  the  door 
down.  His  valet  was  one  of  the  first  in  the  room :  an 
Englishman  who  didn't  like  me  at  all,  or  want  his 
master  to  marry  any  one.  He  asked  me  what  I  had 
done,  and  I  said  I'd  thrown  a  wine-glass  at  Mr.  Dur- 
rand  because  I  was  angry. 

"  They  sent  for  a  doctor,  and  it  turned  out  that  the 
glass  or  the  fall  hadn't  done  much  harm,  but  the  ex- 
citement had  caused  a  fit  of  some  kind.  Mr.  Durrand 
wasn't  strong,  and  there  was  too  much  fat  round  the 
heart,  it  seemed.  He  was  very  ill  there  at  St.  Ger- 
main, a  long  time.  The  wedding  trip  was  given  up; 
and  it  was  weeks  before  we  were  able  to  travel  to 
London.  I  hoped  he  would  let  me  go  away,  but  he 
wouldn't  —  and  mother  couldn't  have  taken  me  back. 
She  was  traveling  in  Italy  with  friends,  and  had  let 
her  flat. 

"  You  don't  remember,  I  suppose,  what  he  said  at 
the  trial  —  but  you  can  imagine  what  the  valet  made 
of  that  scene,  when  he  was  called  as  a  witness  against 
me  a  year  later.  It  was  perfectly  true  that  Mr.  Dur- 
rand was  never  the  same  man  again  after  the  fit  he 


278  THE  LIFE  MASK 

had ;  it  was  my  fault,  for  exciting  him  and  dashing  the 
wine-glass  at  his  face.  But  it  wasn't  my  fault  in  the 
way  Burton  made  it  out.  He  swore  that  I  was  like  a 
mad  fiend,  when  he  found  me  in  the  room,  and  his  mas- 
ter on  the  floor  covered  with  blood.  And  he  lied  when 
he  said  in  court  that  I  screamed  '  I  hope  he  is  dead ! ' 
I  may  have  cried  out  that  I  was  '  afraid  '  he  was  dead 
—  for  I  was  afraid,  and  sick  at  heart  with  a  cold, 
guilty  feeling.  I  forgot  how  terrible  Mr.  Durrand  had 
been  to  me,  in  my  fear  that  I'd  killed  him.  And  al- 
though I  must  have  begun  to  hate  him  even  then,  with- 
out quite  knowing  it,  I'm  sure  I  would  have  given  my 
life  to  save  his  at  that  minute. 

"  His  own  doctor  was  sent  for  from  London  to 
come  to  St.  Germain ;  and  he  traveled  back  to  England 
with  us,  and  always  attended  Mr.  Durrand  afterward. 
When  he  was  called  as  a  witness  in  the  trial,  he  had 
to  say  that  his  patient  had  never  been  strong  after  the 
fit,  and  illness,  at  St.  Germain;  but  he  wasn't  against 
me,  as  Burton  was.  I  know  Burton  was  sorry  I  wasn't 
hanged.  And  if  it  hadn't  been  for  him  and  the  lies 
he  told  about  my  life,  the  things  he  twisted  into  wrong 
meanings,  I  think  I  should  have  been  acquitted. 

"  I  had  such  a  sense  of  guilt  when  I  saw  Mr.  Dur- 
rand ill  and  feeble,  that  I  tried  to  be  gentle  and  good, 
after  he'd  refused  to  let  me  go  away.  He  kept 
me  with  him  a  great  deal,  when  he  was  getting  better, 
but  wasn't  allowed  to  leave  his  room  —  that  was  after 
he'd  been  taken  to  London,  to  the  great  big  house 
where  I  spent  that  awful  year  of  being  married.  He 


THE  LIFE  MASK  279 

liked  me  to  read  aloud  —  he  had  a  library  full  of  splen- 
did books,  and  loved  them.  That  was  the  best  thing 
about  him  —  and  his  love  of  music.  Whenever  I 
happened  to  look  up  from  a  page,  I  almost  always 
found  him  watching  me,  with  a  queer,  brooding  sort 
of  look;  but  when  he  caught  my  eyes,  he  turned  his 
away,  or  shut  them,  and  pretended  to  be  asleep. 

"I  hoped  he  would  get  well,  of  course  —  yet  I 
dreaded  the  time.  When  he  began  to  creep  about, 
he  made  me  help  him  —  and  Burton  was  jealous  — 
but,  oh,  I  forgot  to  tell  you,  the  daughter  I  didn't 
know  about,  used  to  come  and  see  her  father  when  he 
was  ill.  She  married  some  one  he  didn't  like,  and 
he'd  never  forgiven  her  —  still,  he  didn't  seem  to  mind 
seeing  her  when  there  was  nothing  he  wanted  to  do. 
Her  husband  had  lost  a  lot  of  money  —  and  Mr.  Dur- 
rand  wouldn't  give  her  any.  But  I  found  out  after- 
ward that  she'd  hoped  always  he  would  leave  her 
everything,  and  so  she  was  dreadfully  upset  when  he 
married.  She  couldn't  bear  me,  and  it  amused  her 
father  to  try  and  pit  us  against  each  other.  She  was 
rather  common,  because  Mr.  Durrand  had  married 
when  he  was  quite  young,  before  he  was  rich,  a  woman 
of  his  own  class;  but  he,  being  very  intelligent  and 
fond  of  having  beautiful  things  round  him,  rose  above 
it.  Though  he  was  so  ugly  to  look  at,  he  seemed 
hardly  common  at  all  —  except  when  he  was  angry, 
or  in  a  mood  to  say  coarse  things.  Mrs.  Frenshaw  — • 
the  daughter  —  was  like  her  mother,  and  being  poor 
had  got  into  a  different  set  of  people  from  her  father's. 


280  THE  LIFE  MASK 

She  lived  in  Clapham  —  but  she  used  to  come  often  to 
Eaton  Square,  till  Mr.  Durrand  was  well,  and  they  had 
a  quarrel  about  her  husband  and  children,  whom  he 
wouldn't  have  in  the  house. 

"  One  day  when  he  was  strong  enough  to  go  to  his 
business,  which  I  knew  vaguely  was  somewhere  in  the 
city,  he  came  home  in  the  evening  acting  rather 
strangely.  Afterward  it  turned  out  that  he  had  been 
drinking  a  good  deal  of  port,  which  he'd  been  told  never 
to  touch.  He  called  me  to  his  room  —  mine  was  next 
to  it  —  send  tried  to  kiss  me,  and  frightened  me  again ; 
but  I  must  have  looked  at  him  with  a  terrible  look,  for 
he  shrank  away  as  if  he  thought  I  would  throw  some- 
thing at  him  again  or  stab  him.  He  rang  for  his 
valet,  but  when  Burton  came,  he  only  asked  for  his 
medicine.  Still,  I  saw  the  man  suspected  something. 
Mr.  Durrand  wouldn't  let  me  go,  but  when  he  had 
taken  the  medicine  and  sent  Burton  away,  he  called 
me  a  great  many  horrible  names  I  had  never  heard  be- 
fore, and  said  it  was  the  same  as  if  I  had  murdered 
him.  Because  of  the  attack  my  cruelty  had  brought 
on  the  day  we  were  married,  his  doctor  had  told  him 
that  any  excitement  might  kill  him,  in  a  moment. 

" '  You  did  it  on  purpose,  so  you  could  live  on  my 
money,  and  I  could  never  make  love  to  you  again  for 
fear  of  falling  dead,'  he  yelled  at  me.  And  Burton 
must  have  been  listening  at  the  door,  because  he 
knocked  and  opened  it  instantly,  saying,  '  Did  you  call 
me,  sir? ' 

"  I  think  Mr.  Durrand's  great  pleasure  was  in  pun- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  281 

ishing  me,  after  that,  in  all  the  ways  he  thought  I 
should  hate  most.  He  promised  to  help  my  mother 
pay  her  debts,  but  he  wrote  a  letter  which  he  showed 
me,  saying  she'd  given  him  such  a  young  devil  for  a 
wife  she  couldn't  expect  any  payment.  He  hadn't 
bargained  for  what  he'd  got.  I  never  had  a  penny  of 
my  own  to  spend.  He  made  me  wear  handsome 
dresses,  too  rich  and  old  for  a  girl  of  eighteen,  but  the 
bills  came  to  him.  I  couldn't  even  buy  a  book,  and 
when  he  found  out  that  I  loved  books,  he  locked  the 
library  and  kept  the  key.  He  gave  dinners  and  I  had 
to  write  the  invitations,  but  to  his  friends,  not  to  mine. 
I  wasn't  allowed  to  make  friends  —  and  the  few  I  had, 
girls  I'd  known  at  school,  or  their  brothers,  he  wouldn't 
let  me  see.  He  wanted  me  to  wear  his  first  wife's 
jewelry,  and  when  I  wouldn't,  he  boxed  my  ears  —  and 
grew  so  excited,  Burton  and  the  medicine  had  to  be  sent 
for.  Once,  when  his  daughter,  Florence  Frenshaw, 
came  crying  to  me,  begging  me  to  get  her  a  hundred 
pounds  somehow,  I  took  off  my  engagement  ring  and 
gave  it  to  her.  I  hated  wearing  it,  so  it  was  no  sacri- 
fice, but  I  got  into  awful  trouble.  Her  father  ac- 
cused me  of  selling  it  —  and  Florence  never  told  him. 
I  couldn't.  I  was  afraid  of  what  he  might  do  to  her. 
And  I  grew  a  coward  for  myself,  too  —  it  was  so 
dreadful  always  having  storms,  and  being  afraid  he 
might  fall  down  in  a  fit.  If  ever  I  had  any  little  pleas- 
ure, like  meeting  a  friend  by  accident,  or  receiving 
a  present  —  my  Browning,  for  instance,  which  I  have 
to  this  day  —  I  got  into  the  habit  of  fibbing,  rather 


282  THE  LIFE  MASK 

than  he  should  find  out.  I  was  like  Nora  with  the 
macaroons,  in  'The  Doll's  House.' 

"  Things  went  on  like  that  for  a  year,  until  one  day 
he  came  home  unexpectedly  much  earlier  than  usual, 
and  found  an  old  friend  of  mine  with  me  in  the  draw- 
ing-room —  I  had  no  boudoir.  It  was  a  young  man, 
named  Willy  Mackinnon  —  a  silly  boy,  more  like  a 
nice  girl  than  a  man,  though  once  for  a  few  weeks,  in 
a  vacation  from  the  convent,  when  I  was  fourteen,  I 
was  in  love  with  him.  I  wrote  about  him  in  my  diary. 
OBut  he  had  grown  up  without  a  chin.  He  was  just 
better  than  nobody,  because  he  reminded  me  of  old 
times.  It  was  his  cousin  —  the  girl  who  lived  on 
Lake  Como  —  who  gave  me  the  Browning;  and  he 
hadn't  been  in  London  very  long  that  day  when  he 
called.  I  think,  though,  Burton  must  have  heard  me 
tell  Sarah  that  Willy  would  call,  and  have  telephoned 
his  master  to  come  and  find  us  together. 

"  There  was  no  scene  till  Willy  had  gone  —  but 
he  went  soon,  because  Mr.  Durrand  glared,  and  was 
grumpy.  But  afterward  —  if  you'd  read  the  trial, 
I  shouldn't  have  to  tell  you  all  this.  Yet  —  per- 
haps I  should  want  to  tell  you  just  as  it  really  hap- 
pened, not  as  it  sounded  in  the  papers,  when  Burton 
gave  evidence  about  Willy  coming  secretly.  And  it 
went  against  me,  that  he  and  I  had  known  each  other 
a  long  time.  Afterward,  the  scene  came,  when  Willy 
had  got  safely  out  of  the  house.  Then  things  were 
almost  as  bad  as  at  St.  Germain,  for  Mr.  Durrand 
was  taken  very  ill  again.  Just  because  Burton  had 


THE  LIFE  MASK  283 

gone  out  on  some  errand,  and  wasn't  there  to  help  him 
he  seemed  to  think  the  man  careless  and  ungrateful, 
and  refused  to  take  medicine  from  him  afterward.  It 
was  only  a  whim  —  but  Burton  was  sullen  about  it, 
and  afterward  I  found  that  he  blamed  me,  thinking  I 
had  influenced  his  master.  I  suppose  that  is  why  Bur- 
ton bore  no  grudge  against  Mr.  Durrand.  And  now, 
Hugh,  you  know  exactly  what  my  life  had  been,  be- 
fore the  horror  that  crushed  me." 

Hugh  had  listened,  scarcely  moving;  and  as  I  talked 
on,  calling  up  those  old  ghosts  of  the  past,  to  trail  past 
me  in  the  darkness,  he  shielded  me  from  them  with 
his  arms. 

"  That  fellow  wasn't  a  man.  He  was  a  monster !  " 
he  said,  in  a  hard  voice.  "  If  you  had  killed  him,  I 
wouldn't  have  blamed  you.  But  I  know  you  didn't." 

"  Wait.  Hear  what  happened,"  I  went  on.  "  This 
part  that  I'm  going  to  tell  you  now,  was  in  none  of  the 
papers.  It  didn't  come  out  at  the  trial.  Only  Sarah 
and  I  knew.  I  pleaded  innocence  —  but  listen. 

"  He  —  Mr.  Durrand  —  had  a  relapse,  and  was  al- 
most as  ill  as  before.  Still,  though  he  said  to  me  more 
than  once  that  I  was  the  cause,  he  wanted  me  to 
nurse  him.  Perhaps  —  I've  thought  sometimes  — 
he  was  afraid  if  he  let  me  go  for  long  out  of  his  sight, 
I  might  run  away.  He  refused  to  have  a  professional 
nurse  engaged,  and  Burton  was  allowed  to  do  nothing 
but  turn  and  lift  him  —  heavy  work  that  Sarah  and  I 
couldn't  do.  Afterward,  Burton  gave  evidence  that 
his  master  had  said  that  it  was  I  who  refused  to  have 


284  THE  LIFE  MASK 

a  nurse  brought  into  the  house.  Sometimes  Sarah 
sat  up  at  night,  sometimes  I  did,  but  I  liked  the  night 
work  better,  because  then  he  slept  most  of  the  time,  and 
I  could  read,  out  of  sight  from  the  bed,  with  a  green- 
shaded  light.  There  was  nothing  much  to  do,  but  give 
him  medicine  —  always  the  same  kind,  only  stronger 
than  when  he  was  well.  Sarah  preferred  the  day 
work,  for  he  didn't  talk  to  her,  and  grumble  or  nag 
as  he  did  with  me.  Besides,  dear  Sarah's  one  fault 
is  that  she's  a  coward  physically  —  not  morally.  In 
that  way  she's  the  bravest  woman  I  ever  knew.  It  was 
an  old  house,  and  there  were  lots  of  mice  in  it.  Some- 
times they  came  out  at  night,  more  in  Mr.  Durrand's 
room,  it  seemed,  for  some  reason  or  other,  than  any 
in  the  house ;  and  Sarah  couldn't  bear  to  sit  there  alone, 
with  him  asleep,  for  fear  a  mouse  might  run  across 
her  foot.  Once,  one  did  —  or  she  fancied  it,  and  she 
gave  a  little  squeak  of  fear,  which  waked  Mr.  Dur- 
rand  out  of  a  good  sleep  —  so  after  that  I  took  all 
the  night  work.  It  was  only  a  week  before  —  the 
night. 

"  At  first,  the  doctor  had  thought  there  was  danger 
that  he  might  die,  but  there  was  less  anxiety  that  week, 
unless  there  should  be  a  sudden  turn  for  the  worse. 
And  —  O  Hugh,  I  was  sorry  when  I  heard  that !  My 
heart  sank.  Things  had  been  so  dreadful,  I  didn't 
see  how  I  was  to  go  on  when  he  got  well  again.  I'm 
afraid  I  burst  out  with  wicked  words  to  Sarah,  when 
I  was  nervous  and  tired.  It  was  the  morning  before 
the  dreadful  thing  happened  —  when  Sarah  had  come 


THE  LIFE  MASK  285 

to  relieve  me,  and  for  a  few  minutes  we  had  both 
left  the  sick-room  in  charge  of  Burton.  I  cried  on 
her  shoulder  and  said  things  —  I  hardly  knew  what 

—  and  she  soothed  me.     Burton  must  have  listened  at 
the  keyhole.     At  the  trial  he  told  in  his  evidence  what 
I  had  said,  and  more,  that  I  didn't  say.     It  couldn't 
have  been  very  bad,  really,  or  Mr.  Durrand  wouldn't 
have  wanted  me  to  come  and  sit  by  him  again  as  usual, 
while  he  slept  that  night. 

"  I  was  good  about  keeping  awake,  generally.  I 
would  have  a  sleep  the  last  thing;  then  Sarah  would 
wake  me,  and  give  me  a  cup  of  strong  coffee  to 
keep  me  up  through  the  six  hours  of  watching.  But 
that  night,  in  spite  of  the  coffee,  I  felt  drowsy,  al- 
most from  the  first;  I  couldn't  think  why,  for  I'd 
done  nothing  to  tire  myself,  and  I  was  enthralled  with 
'  The  Ring  and  the  Book.'  I  was  reading  it  for  the 
first  time,  and  I'd  just  got  to  the  most  wonderful  part. 
A  strange  coincidence,  that  I  should  have  been  read- 
ing it  just  then.  Mrs.  Frenshaw  found  the  volume 
lying  open  the  next  day  at  the  place  where  I'd  stopped 
reading.  I'm  sure  she  knew  nothing  about  Brown- 
ing, but  she  must  have  glanced  at  things  on  the  page 

—  and  told  her  lawyer  what  she'd  seen;  for  in  her 
evidence  she  contrived  to  bring  it  up,  in  a  clever, 
damaging  way  she  would  never  have  thought  of  her- 
self.    It's  the  same  Browning  you've  seen  me  read- 
ing.    I  found  it  in  a  trunk  Sarah  kept,  and  I  wouldn't 
let  myself  be  treacherous  enough  to  hate  the  book 
for  what  wasn't  its  fault. 


286  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  I  told  you  how  much  Mr.  Durrand  liked  old  things. 
All  the  furniture  in  the  house  was  antique ;  and  his  bed 
was  a  four-poster,  with  heavy  curtains.  They  were 
looped  at  the  sides,  to  give  air,  but  hung  down  at  the 
head  and  foot.  I  sat  when  I  watched  by  him  at  night, 
at  the  foot  of  the  bed,  where  the  thick  gray  silk  cur- 
tains made  a  screen  between  him  and  the  green-shaded 
electric  lamp  on  my  little  table.  His  medicine  and  a 
water  carafe,  and  glasses  and  all  sorts  of  things  for 
an  invalid,  were  on  that  table,  too;  and  on  a  smaller 
table  by  the  bedside,  where  he  could  reach  it  himself, 
nothing  but  a  glass  of  water,  and  one  of  those  tiny, 
fragile  bottles  to  crush  in  a  handkerchief  if  the  heart 
is  suddenly  oppressed.  The  stuff  in  it  is  called  amyl, 
and  it  smells  rather  nice.  Sarah  has  it,  too.  Isn't 
it  strange,  though  she's  so  different  —  so  thin  and  as- 
cetic, and  he  was  so  fat  and  self-indulgent  —  she  has 
some  of  the  same  symptoms  that  Mr.  Durrand  had? 
I  could  never  dare  say  that  to  her,  for  she  detested 
him,  and  it  almost  broke  her  heart  that  I  should  be 
married  to  such  a  man.  He  was  old  —  and  she  wanted 
me  to  have  a  splendid,  beautiful,  young  husband  — 
like  you.  I  believe  she  went  on  her  knees  to  mother 
the  day  I  told  her  about  Mr.  Durrand ;  and  she  was  so 
superstitious,  poor  darling,  that  she  thought  'chang- 
ing the  name  but  not  the  letter '  in  marriage  brought 
dreadful  misfortune. 

"When  I  grew  too  sleepy  to  read,  that  night,  I 
laid  the  book  open  on  the  table  and  tried  to  wake 
myself  up  by  going  softly  to  look,  and  make  sure 


THE  LIFE  MASK  287 

whether  everything  was  right  with  Mr.  Durrand. 
There  was  a  dim,  greenish  gray  light  in  the  room, 
partly  from  my  lamp,  and  partly  from  a  night  lamp 
that  he  was  fond  of,  even  when  he  was  well,  for  he 
hated  sleeping  in  the  dark,  on  account  of  burglars.  It 
had  a  thick,  domelike  shade,  of  some  kind  of  glass, 
like  opal,  and  it  made  a  gray  twilight  that  he  thought 
soothing.  The  entire  room  was  gray,  except  for  the 
old  mahogany  furniture:  gray  wall-paper,  gray  cur- 
tains, gray  carpet;  and  I  had  on  a  gray  satin  dress- 
ing-gown, edged  with  gray  chinchilla.  In  a  minute 
you'll  see  why  I  tell  you  all  this,  and  how  such  a  small 
detail  has  had  an  influence  on  my  whole  life. 

"  I  had  no  kind,  soft  feeling  of  pity  in  my  heart  for 
Mr.  Durrand  as  I  stood  by  the  bedside  and  stared  at 
him  in  the  gray  light.  He  was  asleep,  with  his  mouth 
open,  and  I  said  to  myself  how  disgusting  he  looked. 
I'd  never  thought  of  him  as  being  my  husband;  I'd 
never  used  the  word  in  speaking  to  him  or  of  him.  I 
couldn't  have  done  it!  Although  he'd  been  so  ill,  he 
was  fatter  than  ever,  and  with  his  muscles  relaxed  his 
face  looked  all  loose  and  baggy  under  his  yellow  skin, 
that  was  gray  in  the  gray  light.  His  big  body  made 
a  great  lump  under  the  cover,  and  those  words  of 
Shakespeare's  jumped  into  my  head.  *  How  like  a 
swine  he  lies! '  I  felt  rather  ashamed  of  myself  then, 
because  it  was  as  if  I  said  something  horrid  behind 
his  back  —  and  I  never  had  done  that,  except  to  Sarah 
—  so  I  went  to  my  chair  again  and  sat  down.  He 
seemed  so  fast  asleep,  it  would  surely  be  a  long  time 


288  THE  LIFE  MASK 

before  he  waked  up  —  and  the  doctor's  orders  were 
not  to  disturb  him  for  his  medicine:  good  rest  was 
more  important  at  night.  I  thought  I  might  safely 
close  my  eyes  for  a  few  minutes,  and  doze  off,  as  I 
was  so  drowsy.  Then  I  should  feel  brighter  after- 
ward. I  felt  certain  of  waking  if  he  called,  or  even 
moved,  because  I'd  got  in  the  habit  of  sleeping  lightly, 
as  older  people  do. 

"  I  began  to  dream  about c  The  Ring  and  the  Book.' 
I  seemed  to  be  one  of  the  characters,  I  couldn't  tell 
which,  and  that  worried  me  so  dreadfully,  that  I  had 
the  sensation  of  waking  up.  There  I  was,  in  the  gray 
room,  sitting  with  my  head  bent  forward  uncomfort- 
ably against  the  high  back  of  the  gray  brocaded  chair. 
The  light  was  grayer  than  before,  as  if  there  were  a 
faint  mist  before  my  eyes.  I  was  not  certain  whether 
I  was  really  awake,  or  whether  I  was  dreaming  that 
my  eyes  were  open.  I  wanted  to  lift  my  hand  and 
look  at  it.  Then  I  could  be  sure;  but  just  as  I  was 
trying  to  move,  and  couldn't,  I  saw  a  figure  at  the  far 
end  of  the  room.  Its  back  was  toward  me.  It  was 
reaching  up,  doing  something  I  couldn't  make  out. 
Then  it  turned,  without  the  slightest  sound,  and  I 
knew  that  it  was  myself. 

"  I  stood,  in  my  gray  dressing-gown,  with  my  hair 
hanging  over  my  shoulders  in  two  long  braids.  I 
was  pouring  something  dark  out  of  a  queer  shaped 
bottle  which  I  seemed  to  have  seen  somewhere  before, 
and  to  know  all  about  in  a  secret  part  of  my  brain,  far 
under  the  surface  of  things.  I  was  pouring  the  stuff 


THE  LIFE  MASK  289 

into  a  glass.  I  wanted  to  look  at  the  table  by  the  chair, 
and  see  if  it  was  Mr.  Durrand's  medicine  glass,  but  I 
couldn't  move  my  eyes  from  the  gray  figure  that  was 
mine,  yet  not  mine.  It  was  just  as  if  I  were  frozen  — 
or  bound  with  ropes  to  the  chair.  I  had  a  feeling  that 
the  other  one  had  done  something  to  keep  me  still, 
so  I  shouldn't  interfere ;  yet  through  it  all  a  far  away, 
very  small  voice  was  saying,  '  This  is  a  nightmare. 
Wake  up  —  wake  up ! ' 

"  But  I  couldn't  wake  up,  I  could  only  watch  the 
figure  in  the  gray  dressing-gown,  flitting  softly  about 
like  a  big  gray  moth  in  the  gray  light.  It  came  and 
looked  at  me  in  the  chair,  from  a  little  distance;  then 
when  it  was  satisfied  that  there  was  no  danger  of  my 
calling  out,  it  moved  to  the  bed. 

"  From  where  I  sat,  I  couldn't  really  have  seen  what 
it  did  next,  if  there  had  been  such  a  figure,  but  in  the 
dream  I  could  see.  It  bent  over  the  bed,  and  gently 
shook  Mr.  Durrand's  shoulder,  which  showed  above  the 
cover.  He  waked  up  with  a  slight  start,  and  I  saw  his 
eyes  roll  down  in  the  white.  He  looked  at  the  figure, 
as  if  he  were  dazed  with  sleep  still.  '  Take  your 
medicine,'  it  whispered.  It  lifted  up  his  head  a  little 
on  its  hand,  as  I  always  did,  and  made  him  drink  all 
there  was  in  the  glass.  Then  it  laid  him  carefully 
back  on  the  pillow,  and  flittered  away,  gray  in  the 
gray  light,  till  it  came  to  the  bathroom  door,  which 
stood  ajar.  There,  it  simply  vanished;  and  in  the 
dream  this  was  the  most  terrible  part,  for  I  knew  that 
it  had  killed  Mr.  Durrand  and  now  it  would  hide  itself 


2go  THE  LIFE  MASK 

by  getting  back  into  my  body  again.  The  horror  of 
waiting  for  it  to  come  was  so  intense  that  it  helped 
me  to  struggle.  It  was  as  if  I  broke  something  like  a 
glass  case  that  held  me  fast.  I  could  hear  it  jingle 
in  breaking,  and  I  tore  myself  awake. 

"  Even  then,  when  my  eyes  really  were  wide  open, 
and  my  heart  beating  almost  like  the  quick-firing  of  a 
machine  gun,  I  hadn't  the  strength  to  move.  I  sat, 
feeling  sick  and  faint,  with  my  hands  on  the  arms 
of  the  chair.  But  I  was  so  thankful  to  be  out  of  the 
dream,  that  nothing  else  mattered.  After  a  long  time 
—  I  don't  know  how  long  —  I  dragged  myself  up,  and 
went  to  look  at  Mr.  Durrand.  He  lay  asleep,  as  I 
had  seen  him  before  when  I  first  put  down  my  book: 
in  the  same  position,  with  his  mouth  a  little  open. 

"  After  that,  the  night  wore  on  till  six  o'clock,  and 
I  wasn't  surprised  that  he  didn't  wake  to  take  his 
medicine,  because  the  night  before  and  all  day  he'd 
been  restless.  I  thought  it  was  the  reaction.  At  half- 
past  six,  I  suppose,  Burton  came  to  the  door,  as  usual, 
to  see  if  he  were  wanted;  but  I  didn't  hear  him,  for 
I'd  gone  to  sleep  —  sound  asleep,  or  I  should  have 
heard  him  come.  The  first  thing  I  knew,  he'd  touched 
me  on  the  shoulder.  I  jumped  up,  astonished. 

" '  I  can't  rouse  Mr.  Durrand,'  he  said,  in  a  queer, 
scared  voice. 

"  '  Why  do  you  want  to  rouse  him  ?  '  I  asked.  '  He's 
not  to  be  roused  when  he's  asleep.' 

"  '  He  looks  awful,  that's  why,  and  he's  icy  cold.  I 
believe  he's  dead,'  Burton  answered. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  291 

"  I  rushed  to  the  bed,  and  it  was  true.  Even  in  the 
gray  light  —  but  it  was  brighter  then,  because  it  was 
April  and  a  glimmer  came  through  the  curtains  —  I 
saw  he  had  changed.  Burton  pushed  back  the  cur- 
tains quickly  —  and  the  poor,  dreadful  face  I'd  thought 
so  hideous  —  but  I  needn't  tell  you  all  that.  I  hardly 
remember  what  happened  next.  I  can  only  remember 
feeling  faint,  and  calling  Sarah.  Some  one  telephoned 
for  the  doctor,  and  he  came  soon.  He  lived  not  far 
away.  He  said  Mr.  Durrand  must  have  been  dead 
at  least  three  hours;  and  he  was  very  kind,  when  I 
reproached  myself  for  sleeping.  One  could  tell  that 
Mr.  Durrand  had  passed  quietly  away  without  waking 
up  or  struggling  for  breath,  he  lay  so  peacefully.  And 
the  doctor  reminded  me  that  there'd  always  been  a 
chance  of  heart  failure.  There  would  have  been  no 
suspicion  of  anything  else,  and  perhaps  I  should  have 
forgotten  my  dream  (I  did  forget  it  at  first  in  the 
fright  and  confusion)  if  it  hadn't  been  for  Florence 
Frenshaw  and  Burton.  They  got  together  and  talked 
it  over,  I  suppose.  Perhaps  Burton  told  her  what 
was  in  his  mind.  Anyhow,  she  insisted  on  a  post 
mortem  examination  —  indeed,  she  almost  accused  me 
in  so  many  words,  of  poisoning  her  father  because  I'd 
hated  him  from  the  first.  And  she  told  what  Burton 
had  overheard  me  say  to  Sarah,  that  I  didn't  know 
how  to  bear  my  life,  because  he  was  getting  better  and 
everything  would  go  on  as  before.  There  was  idiotic 
talk  about  Willy  Mackinnon,  who'd  gone  to  America 
—  and  all  Mr.  Durrand's  money  being  left  to  me. 


292  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Burton  thought  I'd  'meant  to  do  it  from  the  first,' 
and  that  I  had  influenced  his  master  not  to  have  any 
one  but  me  sit  in  the  room  at  night.  I  can't  tell  you 
What  I  went  through  in  that  house,  the  day  of  the 
post  mortem  examination  —  when  they  found  mor- 
phia in  the  body  —  enough  to  have  caused  death." 

"  Why  didn't  some  one  accuse  the  beast  Burton  of 
poisoning  him  ?  "  Hugh  broke  out  indignantly,  as  if 
he  could  no  longer  keep  silent.  "  He  came  into  the 
room  while  you  were  asleep.  If  he  could  do  that  at 
half-past  six  without  waking  you,  he  could  have  done 
it  in  the  night.  And  there  was  motive  —  a  grudge 
against  his  master  for  ingratitude,  and  jealousy  of  you." 

"  No,  there  was  no  motive,  dear,"  I  said.  "  Burton 
had  very  large  wages,  and  his  master  often  gave  him 
presents.  There  was  nothing  left  him  in  the  will. 
He  knew  there  would  be  nothing  for  him  or  for  any 
of  the  servants.  It  was  a  whim  of  Mr.  Durrand's  to 
make  his  servants  look  after  him  well :  paying  splendid 
wages,  but  warning  them  to  expect  not  a  penny  after 
his  death.  I  was  the  only  one  who  wanted  him  to  die. 
But  if  it  hadn't  been  for  the  gray  dream  I  could  have 
borne  everything,  and  fought  for  my  life,  with  a  brave 
heart.  It  was  the  dream  that  made  it  most  horrible 
—  the  secret  thought  that  while  I  was  pleading  my  in- 
nocence and  being  defended,  maybe  I  —  I  had  —  in 
my  sleep  —  done  the  thing  I  saw  the  gray  figure  do. 
Even  the  years  in  prison  would  not  have  been  such  tor- 
ture —  without  the  dream.  I  was  always  having  it 
again.  I  was  afraid  to  go  to  sleep.  Just  as  some 


THE  LIFE  MASK  293 

people  feel  they  are  falling  over  a  precipice,  so  I  felt 
about  the  dream.  It  was  that  which  nearly  killed  me 
< — being  haunted  by  it,  as  if  it  were  sent  as  a  punish- 
ment for  —  guilt.  It  wasn't  being  in  prison.  I  could 
have  borne  the  hardships  and  the  shame,  if  I'd  known 
for  certain  the  gray  dream  wasn't  true ! " 


CHAPTER  XIV 

THEN    HugH,    instead   of   loosing   his   arms 
when  at  last  he  had  heard  the  worst  of  all, 
gathered  me  more  closely,  and  I  was  so  tired, 
so  broken  in  the  telling  of  the  story,  that  I  had  no 
strength  to  try  and  put  him  away,  as  I  had  half  prom- 
ised Lady  Mendel.     To  rest  for  a  few  minutes  on  his 
heart  was  the  one  taste  of  heaven  I  could  know. 

"  It  wasn't  true,  darling,  it  wasn't  true,"  he  mur- 
mured, as  if  I  were  a  child  to  be  comforted  after  some 
great  terror.  "  You  couldn't  have  done  it.  Not  that 
there  would  have  been  anything  to  repent  if  you  had 
—  in  your  sleep.  But  you  didn't." 

"  Sarah  always  said  that,"  I  sighed  wearily.  "  I 
couldn't  keep  the  secret  all  alone.  I  had  to  tell  her. 
I  used  to  tell  her  everything.  She  was  the  only  friend 
I  ever  had." 

"  Now  you  have  me,  forever  and  ever." 
"  I  love  you  too  much  to  keep  you,  Hugh." 
"  Too  much  to  keep  me  ?    Why,  to  let  you  go  would 
be  the  end  of  me.     I  love  you  so,  that  if  you  went  out 
of  my  life  now,  heart  and  soul,  I  should  be  like  a 
stopped  clock,  run  down  at  our  last  moment  together." 
I  clung  to  him,  and  he  held  me  as  if  he  would  never 
let  me  go.     But  I  knew  that  I  should  make  him  let 
me  go  by  and  by.     I  knew  how  I  should  have  to  do  it. 

294 


THE  LIFE  MASK  295 

"  Now  you  can  see  what  Sarah  is  to  me,"  I  said. 
"  The  circumstantial  evidence  was  tremendous.  You 
would  hardly  believe  the  way  it  piled  up  and  up. 
There  I  had  been,  alone  with  the  sick  man  for  six 
hours  of  the  night,  and  when  they  found  out  what  had 
happened,  he'd  been  dead  only  three  hours.  And  there 
was  a  solution  of  morphia  in  a  medicine  cupboard  on 
his  wall  —  the  place  where  I  saw  myself  standing  when 
the  dream  began.  The  bottle  had  been  there  a  long 
time.  I  knew  about  it  only  because  I  heard  Doctor 
Severn  ask  Mr.  Durrand  once,  in  a  sharp  way,  if  he'd 
kept  his  promise  about  giving  up  his  doses  of  morphia. 
He  answered  that  he  had  —  that  the  doctor  had  given 
him  such  a  fright  about  the  stuff,  he'd  not  dared  to 
touch  it  since.  Then  Doctor  Severn  turned  to  me,  ex- 
plaining that  Mr.  Durrand  had  once  been  given  very 
small  doses  of  morphia  for  severe  pain  which  pre- 
vented him  from  sleeping,  but  that  the  tiniest  dose 
would  be  dangerous  in  his  present  condition.  He  ad- 
vised me  to  remember  this,  in  case  Mr.  Durrand  ever 
asked  me  for  the  medicine.  If  he  did,  I  was  to  re- 
fuse. He  inquired,  too,  what  had  become  of  the  old 
bottle,  and  Mr.  Durrand  said  it  was  in  the  medicine 
cupboard  still,  behind  all  the  other  bottles,  but  the 
doctor  needn't  fear  that  after  such  a  warning  he  would 
be  tempted,  because  he  didn't  want  to  die." 

"  All  the  same,  probably  he  broke  his  word,  and  did 
get  up  and  take  some,  while  you  were  asleep,"  said 
Fugh. 

"  He  couldn't.     He  was  too  weak  to  move  without 


296  THE  LIFE  MASK 

help.  And,  besides,  the  tumbler  by  his  bedside  was  evi- 
dently washed  after  the  morphia  —  or  else  it  was 
given  him  in  another  glass  which  was  never  found.  So 
far  as  came  out  in  the  trial,  nobody  but  myself  and  the 
doctor  and  Mr.  Durrand  knew  about  the  bottle 
being  in  the  medicine  cupboard  —  not  even  Burton, 
who  was  forbidden  to  touch  anything  there  —  hair- 
dyes  and  things  Mr.  Durrand  used.  And  they  knew 
it  was  that  bottle,  for  after  the  post  mortem,  when 
the  doctor  told  at  the  inquest  about  the  solution  of 
morphia  and  our  conversation,  they  found  that  some 
of  the  stuff  had  quite  lately  been  poured  out.  Every- 
thing was  against  me.  I  saw  it  as  the  days  of  the  trial 
went  on.  I  felt  that  people  thought  me  a  monster  — 
so  young,  yet  so  cruel  and  evil :  marrying  an  old  man 
for  his  money,  and  nearly  killing  him  by  throwing  a 
wine-glass  at  his  head  on  the  wedding-day:  having  a 
man  come  to  see  me,  against  my  husband's  will,  when 
I  thought  he  was  absent  —  poor,  girlish  Willy  Mackin- 
non!  That  part  made  the  jury  hate  me.  It  was  an 
awful  picture  the  prosecuting  attorney  conjured  up 
in  his  speech :  Mr.  Durrand  coming  home  to  find 
a  man  he'd  forbidden  his  wife  to  have  in  the  house  — 
and  falling  in  one  of  the  fits  caused  by  her  violence, 
yet  loving  her  enough,  in  spite  of  all,  to  want  her  near 
his  bedside.  It  was  said  afterward  that  the  jury  were 
not  unfavorable  really,  but  the  judge  summed  up 
against  me,  so  they  were  almost  obliged  to  find  me 
guilty.  But  it  seemed,  when  I  listened  to  the  awful 
speech  of  the  prosecuting  attorney,  that  my  death  was 


THE  LIFE  MASK  297 

already  decided.  I  wasn't  surprised  at  all  when  I 
heard  the  verdict  —  or  the  sentence.  I  only  wished 
I  might  somehow  die  before  it  was  carried  out  —  for 
my  mother's  sake.  I  knew  what  the  disgrace  and 
horror  would  mean  to  her,  though  she  didn't  care  for 
me  —  perhaps  she  didn't  even  believe  in  me.  All  her 
friends  were  cold  to  her  because  she'd  become  notori- 
ous —  the  mother  of  — " 

"  Don't !  I  won't  hear  the  word !  "  Hugh  cut  me 
short. 

"  I'll  not  speak  it,  dear.  But  they  would  have 
hanged  me,  I'm  sure,  if  Sarah  hadn't  been  so  wonder- 
ful. She  moved  heaven  and  earth  to  get  me  reprieved. 
She  let  herself  be  interviewed  in  the  papers,  timid  and 
retiring  as  she  is,  and  by  the  things  she  said,  started  a 
revulsion  of  feeling  in  my  favor.  She  worked  night 
and  day,  and  got  a  petition  signed  by  a  huge  number 
of  people,  thousands  of  important  names,  all  over  the 
country  —  and  there  was  another  petition  started  in 
America  too.  Perhaps  my  being  very  young  helped  a 
little  —  I  was  only  nineteen ;  but  it  was  mostly  through 
Sarah,  I  know,  that  my  life  was  saved.  Do  you  wonder 
I'm  grateful?  Not  that  I  wanted  to  live  for  living's 
sake.  But  to  die  like  that  —  it  would  have  been  too 
horrible !  Sarah  was  always  sure  from  the  first  that  I 
would  be  saved.  She  said  '  I  promise  you,'  as  if  her 
love  made  her  certain  of  performing  a  miracle.  And 
afterward,  when  the  sentence  of  death  had  been 
changed  to  imprisonment  for  life,  she  gave  up  her 
whole  time  and  spent  most  of  a  legacy  from  a  relative, 


298  THE  LIFE  MASK 

working  to  get  me  out  of  prison.  There  was  no  other 
money  but  hers,  for  a  long  time,  for  my  mother  was 
alive  till  three  years  ago,  and  needed  all  she  had  for 
herself.  Mr.  Durrand  hadn't  altered  his  will,  but  as 
I  was  suspected  of  taking  his  life,  it  was  null  and  the 
money  all  went  to  his  daughter.  Even  if  that  had 
been  different,  I  wouldn't  have  touched  a  penny  of 
his!  I  heard  Mrs.  Frenshaw  was  sorry  I  wasn't 
hanged,  for  she  really  believed  I  did  kill  her  father; 
and  I  suppose  she  was  disgusted  when  the  new  Home 
Secretary  decided  to  let  me  out,  as  a  dying  woman,  at 
the  end  of  ten  years." 

"O  Nita,  if  you  had  died  —  and  I'd  never  seen 
you ! "  Hugh  whispered,  as  he  kissed  my  hair. 

"  For  you,  it  would  have  been  better,"  I  said.  "  But 
for  me  —  I  shall  be  able  to  bear  the  rest  of  my  life, 
whatever  it  may  be  in  future,  because  of  this  precious 
memory.  And  do  you  know,  since  the  first  day  I 
saw  you  —  that  day  when  you  were  the  *  man  in 
the  mirror ' —  I've  never  once  dreamed  the  gray 
dream  all  the  way  through  to  the  end?  So  you 
see,  besides  teaching  me  what  love  is  like,  you  have 
broken  the  curse  which  made  my  life  a  constant 
terror." 

"  Thank  you  for  telling  me  that,"  he  said.  "  Nita, 
you  must  marry  me  as  soon  as  it  can  be  done,  be- 
cause I  can't  leave  you  alone  after  this.  I  want  to  be 
with  you  night  and  day,  always,  close  to  you  —  and 
make  you  forget." 

"  You  want  to  be  with  me  —  in  spite  of  the  dream 


THE  LIFE  MASK  299 

• — which  may  be  true?    That  seems  to  me  wonder- 
ful!" 

"  It  isn't  true.  And  if  it  were,  I  should  want  you 
just  the  same.  Or  if  you'd  been  awake  and  —  yes, 
I'd  want  you  even  then.  Wouldn't  you  me,  if  it  were 
the  other  way  round  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  I  said;  "  but  that's  different" 

"  I  told  you  before,  that  nothing  you  could  have 
done,  or  could  do,  would  change  my  love,  except  to 
make  it  stronger.  You  believe  me  now  ?  " 

"  Yes,  I  believe  you  now,"  I  echoed.  "  You've 
proved  it  as  I  should  think  no  man  ever  proved  his  love 
for  a  woman." 

"  Lots  have  —  though  not  to  such  a  woman.  Nita, 
when  will  you  marry  me  ?  " 

My  lips  opened  for  the  word  "  Never !  "  but  I  closed 
them  again.  There  was  no  change  in  my  decision. 
His  loving  me  so  wonderfully  through  all,  was  not  a 
reason  why  I  should  love  him  little  enough  to  spoil  his 
career.  He  believed  in  me,  but  others  would  not.  I 
was  not  even  sure  whether  I  believed  in  myself.  The 
woman  he  married  must  be  one  he  could  be  proud  of, 
his  love  for  her  a  pedestal,  and  not  a  screen.  But  I 
knew  that  holding  me  in  his  arms  he  would  not  let  me 
go,  and  that  all  my  arguments  he  would  beat  down.  I 
was  too  weary  to  fight.  All  I  could  do  was  to  play 
the  coward  with  him  as  a  reward  for  his  courage;  to 
temporize,  to  persuade  him  to  leave  me,  and  then  to 
send  a  letter  of  good-by.  It  was  turning  out  differ- 
ently from  what  Lady  Mendel  had  planned.  It  was 


300  THE  LIFE  MASK 

not  going  to  be  easy  to  make  Hugh  leave  Granada, 
even  when  the  gate  of  the  garden  was  shut;  but  I 
thought  I  saw  the  way:  a  hard  and  dreary  way,  yet  I 
would  take  it.  And  some  day,  if  he  ever  saw  clearly 
enough  to  understand  and  forgive,  he  might  thank  me. 

"  Why  don't  you  answer  ?  "  he  asked. 

"  I  can't  answer  to-night,"  I  said.  "  I'm  broken, 
Hugh  -  in  spite  of  your  goodness.  I'm  broken  to 
pieces.  I  must  rest.  Will  you  go,  dearest,  now  that 
I've  done  what  I  had  to  do,  and  told  you  the  story? 
Will  you  go,  and  let  me  sleep?  " 

He  rose  from  his  knees  to  his  feet  with  one  swift 
movement,  carrying  me  with  him,  so  that  we  stood  to- 
gether, I  still  in  his  arms.  It  made  me  feel  how 
strong  he  was,  how  capable  of  taking  care  of  me  — 
and  how  masterful  he  would  be  if  I  were  his.  I  was 
glad  I  should  have  this  feeling  to  remember  among 
other  sweet  things.  All  things  associated  with  him 
were  sweet,  though  by  and  by  they  would  be  bitter 
sweet. 

"Yes,  I'll  take  you  to  the  house,"  he  said.  "I 
oughtn't  to  have  let  you  talk  on,  when  you  were  so 
tired  —  after  all  I've  made  you  go  through  to-day. 
But  I  thought  it  would  be  best  not  to  stop  you  —  best 
to  get  it  over  and  done  with,  forever.  Now  I'm  go- 
ing to  carry  you.  No  use  resisting." 

He  picked  me  up  as  if  I  were  a  baby,  with  an  arm 
round  my  waist  and  the  other  slipped  under  my  knees. 
He  put  his  face  down  against  mine,  and  kept  it  so,  as 
he  walked  slowly  along  the  path  to  the  house. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  301 

"  I  shall  carry  you  like  this  on  our  wedding  night," 
he  said. 

Then  he  kissed  me,  and  set  me  down  on  my  feet, 
before  the  open  front  door. 

"  Shall  you  sleep?  "  he  asked. 

"I  don't  know.     Shall  you?" 

"  No,  I  shan't  try.  I  want  to  lie  awake  thinking  of 
you.  Tell  me  one  thing  before  I  leave  you  to  rest. 
Had  my  sister  anything  to  do  with  this  ?  " 

"  What  do  you  mean  ? "  I  asked,  startled,  hardly 
knowing  what  to  answer. 

"  Was  she  fooling  me  when  she  pretended  to  sym- 
pathize—  and  wanted  to  meet  you  —  and  all  that? 
Did  she  know  somehow  who  you  were?  Don't  try 
and  spare  her  to  me.  I'll  have  it  out  of  her  to-night 
anyhow,  if  you  won't  tell  me  now." 

"  If  I  must  —  yes.  She  recognized  me  from  photo- 
graphs that  were  in  the  papers  last  December  —  when 
I  was  let  out  of  prison.  The  old  interest  was  revived 
a  little,  I  suppose.  Every  one  thought  I  was  dying. 
So  did  I.  The  photographs  were  the  ones  taken  ten 
years  ago,  but  Lady  Mendel  knew  me  from  them." 

"  Oh,  so  that  was  it !  I  might  have  guessed  it  was  a 
pretense.  Did  she  make  you  promise  to  tell  me  all 
this  —  that  you  have  told  ?  " 

"  Not  exactly  that.  She  made  me  see  it  was  best. 
I  didn't  see  at  first,  or  I  would  have  told  you  before. 
But  she  was  right.  You  mustn't  blame  her,  Hugh.  It 
was  for  your  sake." 

"  I  suppose  she  threatened  to  tell  me,  if  you  didn't?  " 


302  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  It  wasn't  a  threat.  She  didn't  frighten  me  into 
this,  Hugh.  I  made  up  my  mind  that  I'd  rather  speak 
than  let  her  do  it,  because  without  being  too  kind  to 
myself  I  might  show  you  the  best  as  well  as  the  worst. 
And,  besides,  there  was  the  dream.  I  had  to  tell  you 
about  that.  Don't  be  angry  with  Lady  Mendel.  Don't 
reproach  her." 

"  You  needn't  worry  about  us,  darling.  It  will  be 
all  right.  Sleep  if  you  can  —  and  dream  only  good 
dreams.  Dream  that  we're  happy." 

"  But  —  they  say  dreams  go  by  contraries !  " 

"  This  won't.  It  can't.  When  will  you  let  me  come 
back  ?  You  mustn't  keep  me  waiting  too  many  hours, 
or  I  shall  be  gray-haired  —  because  the  hours  will  seem 
years." 

"And  to  me,  dearest.  I'll  —  I'll  write  a  note  — 
and  let  you  know  —  how  I  feel  —  and  everything. 
Sarah  will  take  it." 

"  Early  to-morrow  morning1  —  as  soon  as  you  wake 
up?" 

"  Yes.  Early  to-morrow  morning.  As  soon  as  I 
wake  up." 


CHAPTER  XV 

SARAH  had  left  a  lamp  for  me  in  the  drawing- 
room,  turned  low,  but  many  white  moths  and 
gauze-winged  night  insects  had  flown  through 
the  open  window  to  beat  themselves  against  the  lumi- 
nous porcelain  shade,  and  fall,  spinning  madly  in  a 
death  dance  on  the  table.     Mechanically  I  glanced  at  a 
little  traveling  clock  among  the  flowers  on  the  mantel- 
piece.    It  said  only  ten  minutes  past  midnight.     I  had 
lived  through  all  those  years  in  three  hours! 

I  hoped  that  Sarah  had  gone  to  bed  and  dropped 
asleep  by  this  time,  because,  though  I  meant  to  tell  her 
that  Hugh  knew  my  tragedy,  I  wanted  to  write  my 
letter  to  him  without  oeing  disturbed.  I  was  deadly 
tired,  so  tired  that  I  could  not  yet  feel  the  full  anguish 
of  loss;  and  I  realized  that  it  would  be  easier  to  write 
the  kind  of  letter  I  must  write,  before  my  second  cal- 
vary began.  I  thought  that  I  could  write  almost 
calmly  now,  without  letting  my  longing  for  him  show 
between  the  lines.  And  that  would  be  better  for  him 
as  well  as  for  me,  because  if  he  understood  all  it  cost 
me  to  send  him  out  of  my  life  he  would  not  go.  He 
would  wait,  believing  that  the  gate  might  open. 

I  carried  the  lamp  to  the  queer,  old-fashioned  Span- 
ish writing  table  in  a  corner  of  the  room,  and  the  moths 

303 


304  THE  LIFE  MASK 

that  were  left  alive  blundered  after  me.  When  I  had 
turned  up  the  wick,  they  began  dashing  their  thick 
bodies  on  the  shade  again,  until  I  felt  that  each  blunt, 
horned  head  struck  against  a  nerve.  My  thoughts, 
wandering  and  distracted,  though  I  had  hoped  at  first 
to  concentrate  them  quickly,  were  to  me  like  these 
wretched  insects  of  the  night,  wounding  themselves  to 
death  for  no  purpose,  dying  because  of  the  light  by 
which  they  might  have  lived;  or,  rather,  the  fluttering 
creatures  seemed  like  my  thoughts,  dreadfully  "  come 
alive,"  to  show  me  how  futile  they  were. 

I  began  letter  after  letter.  Knowing  exactly  what  I 
wanted  to  say,  it  was  extraordinary  how  impossible  it 
was  to  make  it  take  the  right  form  on  paper. 

"  I  wonder  if  God  ever  finds  it  hard  to  choose  the 
right  body  for  a  soul  he  has  made,"  I  caught  myself 
vaguely  thinking. 

The  letter  I  headed  "  Darling  Hugh  "  turned  into  a 
cry  of  love.  That  was  the  last  thing  I  must  send  him! 
Another  was  as  laconic  as  though  written  at  a  stran- 
ger's dictation.  A  third  was  so  rambling  and  stupid 
that  he  would  not  know  what  I  meant  to  do  or  wished 
him  to  do.  A  hundred  little  hammers  were  knocking 
in  my  brain  when  I  had  torn  up  six  sheets  of  paper,  and 
was  beginning  again  for  the  seventh  time. 

"  Seventh,  successful,"  I  repeated  dully  to  myself, 
in  a  silly,  childish  way. 

"  This  is  good-by,  dear  Love,"  I  wrote,  "  and  be- 
cause you  love  me  I  ask  you  to  take  me  at  my  word. 
You  see,  it's  for  my  own  sake  as  well  as  yours  that  I 


THE  LIFE  MASK  305 

ask  it.  The  more  I  love  you  the  more  miserable  I 
should  be  if  I  were  v/icked  and  mad  enough  to  marry 
you.  It  was  only  because  I  was  quite,  quite  mad  to- 
day in  the  Generalife  gardens  that  1  offered  to  go  away 
with  you.  I'm  not  ashamed  of  that  conventionally, 
but  I  am  ashamed  that  it  entered  my  mind  as  a  possible 
solution.  Now  that  I  have  made  myself  sane  again 
by  telling  you  my  story,  I  see  it  would  never  have  done 
—  not  because  it  wouldn't  have  been  fair  to  me,  as  you 
thought,  but  because  it  would  have  been  almost  as  bad 
for  you  as  my  being  your  wife.  I  couldn't  have  been 
hidden.  I  should  have  been  a  plague  spot.  '  That 
horrible  woman  —  that  murderess,  who  ought  to  have 
been  hanged  —  who  was  smuggled  out  of  prison  by  a 
trick,  pretending  she  was  at  death's  door  —  a  hypo- 
crite to  the  last !  And  now  she's  got  her  claws  on  that 
splendid  young  fellow  who  might  have  reached  any 
height.'  I  can  hear  the  words  your  friends  —  your 
truest  friends  —  would  say.  And  if  you  dream  I 
could  be  happy  with  you,  it's  because  you  don't  know 
women.  Our  life  together  would  be  a  living  death  for 
me.  I  couldn't  stand  it  long.  I  should  kill  myself  to 
escape,  and  to  save  you  from  repenting  your  sacrifice. 
Even  if  you  didn't  repent,  I  should  believe  you  did, 
and  so  it  would  be  the  same  thing  for  me.  And  I 
should  know  that  sooner  or  later,  your  love  would  be 
drowned  in  regret  for  what  you  had  given  up  —  all 
a  brave  man's  best  ambitions.  I  shouldn't  love  and 
respect  you  as  I  do,  if  the  best  woman  in  the  world 
could  make  up  to  you  for  such  a  loss;  and  I  am,  oh, 


306  THE  LIFE  MASK 

so  drearily  far  from  being  the  best  woman  in  the 
world ! 

"  I  was  at  peace  before  you  came,  in  my  garden. 
Go,  beloved,  for  my  sake,  and  let  me  try  to  find  peace 
again.  Some  day  you  will  be  glad,  my  soldier,  that  I 
ordered  you  to  take  up  your  sword  which  you  would 
have  had  to  lay  down  for  me  —  so  unworthy.  And  I 
shall  be  glad  in  thinking  of  you,  in  reading  of 
noble  things  you  have  done  for  your  country.  I 
shall  feel  I  sent  you  to  do  them,  as  my  knight;  and 
so  you  will  still  be  mine,  in  the  best  way  —  our  only 
way. 

"  Perhaps,  when  you  have  read  so  far,  you  may  still 
be  saying  to  yourself  that  you  will  stay.  But  if  you  do 
stay,  I  tell  you  that  you  will  be  signing  my  death  war- 
rant. I  will  not  live  to  hamper  your  life  and  to  suffer 
remorse.  /  will  end  everything.  You  can  keep  me 
from  doing  this  only  by  leaving  Granada  at  once  with- 
out trying  to  see  me  again,  or  to  write  asking  me  to 
change  my  mind.  This  is  what  I  meant  when  I  said 
good-by  to  you  a  little  while  ago.  It  is  not  a  new 
decision,  since  you  left  me  alone.  If  you  go  we  shall 
both  find  peace,  I  in  my  garden,  you  wherever  your 
soldier's  life  may  take  you. 

"  In  certain  convents  there  is  always  a  light  on  the 
altar  and  a  nun  praying.  My  heart  will  be  such  a  con- 
vent, with  the  light  of  love  unquenchable,  and  a  never- 
ending  prayer  for  your  happiness.  Good-by,  with  all 
the  word  means  of  blessing.  NITA." 

I  addressed   the   envelope,   and   folded   the   letter 


THE  LIFE  MASK  307 

quickly,  feeling  that  it  was  safer  not  to  read  it  through. 
But  as  I  was  ready  to  seal  it  up,  an  irresistible  long- 
ing came  over  me  to  see  again  the  words  which  Hugh's 
eyes  would  see  to-morrow.  It  must  be  some  such 
longing  as  a  lover  has  to  look  just  once  more  on  the 
body  of  his  dead  love,  before  the  coffin  lid  is  screwed 
down.  But  I  should  have  been  wise  if  I  had  obeyed 
my  instinct.  Reading  the  letter  I  had  written  brought 
suddenly  and  terribly  home  to  me  the  future  I  decreed 
for  myself. 

Hugh  gone  —  Hugh  forgetting  me  —  Hugh  marry- 
ing and  being  happy !  The  best  in  me  wanted  all  this 
to  happen;  but  the  other  me  I  had  never  been  able  to 
get  away  from,  was  near  and  close,  the  better  part  re- 
mote and  coldly  white  as  the  praying  nun  in  the  con- 
vent I  pictured  for  Hugh.  "  Tear  up  the  letter !  Let 
him  stay  —  just  for  a  little  while  longer,  to  be  your 
friend  as  he  has  been  these  eight  days,"  the  human  love 
I  had  condemned  cried  out  to  me  on  its  knees.  "  He 
would  rather  have  that  than  nothing.  Just  a  little 
while,  till  you  both  get  used  to  the  thought  of  parting. 
Think  what  your  garden  will  be  without  him !  " 

What  platitudes  I  had  been  writing  about  peace 
coming  back  to  me  in  the  garden!  It  would  be  no 
longer  a  garden,  but  a  burnt  up  wilderness,  where  the 
flowers  were  little  charred  corpses.  Hugh  had  come 
and  brought  love  instead  of  peace,  and  I  would  not 
have  that  pale  ghost  again,  at  the  cost  of  not  knowing 
that  for  which  a  woman  is  made.  But  there  would  be 
no  peace  for  me  any  more. 


308  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  sealed  the  letter,  weeping,  but  I  let  no  tears  fall 
on  it,  or  on  the  envelope.  Then,  when  it  was  ready, 
and  there  was  no  more  to  do,  my  soul  sickened  and  my 
heart  turned  to  water.  I  had  no  strength  left,  nor 
courage,  nor  wish  to  go  upstairs  and  try  to  rest.  Cry- 
ing and  whimpering  desolately,  like  a  lost  child,  I  let 
myself  fall  on  a  poor  imitation  Moorish  divan  near  the 
desk  where  I  had  written  the  letter.  For  a  time  I  lay 
there;  then  I  slid  off  from  the  low  bank  of  cushions 
which  smothered  me  in  the  hot  stillness  of  the  night, 
and  lay  along  the  floor,  on  the  cool  tiles.  I  cried  softly, 
with  some  vague  wish,  instinctive  rather  than  active, 
not  to  wake  Sarah.  I  wished  that  I  might  die  without 
the  sin  and  weakness  of  taking  my  own  life,  or  else  that 
years  might  pass  on  like  this,  in  a  dim  dream  of  falling 
tears  and  a  cool,  hard  resting-place  where  all  was  very 
quiet. 

I  thought  that  I  wished  to  be  alone ;  but  when,  after 
what  might  have  been  a  very  long  time  or  a  very  short 
time,  I  heard  Sarah's  footsteps  coming  downstairs  I 
was  suddenly  glad  in  a  strange,  childlike  way.  Noth- 
ing she  could  say  would  comfort  me,  but  it  would  be  a 
comfort  to  feel  her  love,  as  I  had  felt  it  in  prison  on 
the  days  when  her  visits  were  allowed.  It  seemed 
selfish  to  let  her  find  me  lying  on  the  floor,  abandoned 
to  misery,  but  when  I  heard  her,  there  was  not  time  to 
scramble  up  and  make  a  pretense,  to  save  her  feelings. 
At  the  doorway  she  saw  me,  and  ran  across  the  room 
like  a  young  woman. 

"  My  lamb!  "  she  crooned,  and  folding  herself  down 


THE  LIFE  MASK  309 

beside  me  gathered  me  into  her  arms.  "  Tell  Sarah 
what's  the  matter !  " 

I  nestled  my  face  against  her  thin  breast,  in  stiff  old- 
fashioned  corsets,  for  she  was  not  even  undressed. 

"  I  hoped  you  were  asleep,"  I  sighed,  as  she  smoothed 
my  hair  with  a  trembling  hand. 

"  No,  indeed,  I  was  just  waitin'  up  there,"  she 
said.  "  But  it's  'most  three  o'clock.  I  left  you  to 
yourself  after  I  heard  you  come  in,  as  long  as  I  could, 
till  I  got  scared.  Oh,  I  hope  you  don't  mind  your 
Sarah  knowin'  you're  in  trouble  ?  Maybe  she  can  help 
a  little?" 

"  Nobody  can  help,  dear,"  I  answered,  "  but  I  don't 
mind  your  knowing.  I  was  going  to  tell  you  to-mor- 
row. I  thought  I'd  let  you  sleep  to-night." 

"  Did  you  truly  think  I  could  sleep  when  my  only  one 
was  breakin'  her  heart?  I've  just  bin  on  pins  an' 
needles  every  livin'  minute  since  that  woman  came  to 
call!" 

"  Did  you  hear  our  talk?  "  I  asked.  We  stayed  as 
we  were,  on  the  floor.  We  had  no  thought  of  moving. 

"  Only  a  few  words  at  first,  but  I  didn't  try  to  listen, 
honest  and  true.  I  was  sittin'  by  the  window  be- 
cause it  was  cool;  an'  afterward  you  both  talked  too 
low  for  me  to  hear.  It  was  the  tones  of  the  voice, 
told  me  things  were  goin'  wrong.  I  seemed  just  to 
know  in  my  bones,  what  'twas." 

"  Well,  you  were  right,"  I  said.  "  Sarah,  I've  told 
Hugh  —  the  whole  story  —  the  dream  and  every- 
thing." 


310  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"Lord  o'  Mercy,  Miss  Nita,  have  you  done  that?" 
she  gasped.  "  He  —  the  Captin  —  what  did  he  say  ? 
He  didn't  —  fail  you?" 

"  No,  Sarah,"  I  answered,  with  a  thrill  of  joy  and 
pride  in  my  lover,  "  he  didn't  fail  me.  He  was  a  saint 
—  an  angel  —  no,  better  still,  a  man." 

"  Heaven  be  praised,  my  lamb !  Then  why  —  why 
are  you  cryin',  just  when  God's  goin'  to  let  you  be 
happy  ?  " 

"  I'm  crying  because  I'm  a  coward,"  I  said,  "  and 
because  I  hate  giving  him  up.  But  I  shall  give  him  up, 
of  course.  I'd  be  a  wretch  —  a  devil  to  take  advantage 
of  his  love.  I  couldn't  argue  it  all  out  with  him  to- 
night. I  was  too  tired.  But  I've  written  a  letter,  to 
tell  him  he  must  go  away  at  once  —  that  I'll  not  see 
him  again." 

"  I'm  plumb  sure  he  won't  go,"  said  Sarah.  "  He 
ain't  that  kind  of  a  man." 

"  I've  told  him  in  the  letter  that  unless  he  gives  me 
up  and  leaves  Granada,  I'll  end  everything." 

"  Oh,  my  precious,  not  —  not  kill  yourself  ?  " 

"  I'd  have  to  do  it  if  he  stayed,  rather  than  his  whole 
future  should  be  wasted  and  ruined,"  I  explained  to 
her.  "  But  by  saying  that,  I've  made  it  impossible  for 
him  to  stay.  It  was  the  one  way  I  could  think  of, 
for  he'd  know  that  I  would  keep  my  word  if  he  drove 
me  to  it." 

I  felt  Sarah's  bosom  rise  convulsively  under  my  head, 
as  she  held  me  clasped. 

"  I  thought  we'd  suffered  all  we  had  to  suffer," 


THE  LIFE  MASK  311 

she  said  in  a  piteous,  breaking  voice,  "  but  now  to 
have  this  come!  It  seems  'most  worse  than  what 
went  before.  It  don't  seem  right.  You'll  be  breakin' 
his  heart  as  much  as  your  own.  Don't  make  up  your 
mind  so  quick,  on  the  spur  o'  the  minute  like  this. 
'Most  always,  second  thoughts  are  best.  If  he  wants 
you  as  bad  as  he  thinks  he  does,  won't  you  be  makin' 
a  big  mistake  sendin'  him  out  into  the  world  alone? 
Give  him  the  chance  to  sacrifice  something  for  you. 
He  asks  nothin'  better.  He's  a  real  man.  Why  not 
marry  him  an'  go  'way  off  somewheres,  you  an'  he 
together  —  not  even  me,  'cause  he  don't  like  me,  an' 
it  wouldn't  be  fair  —  somewheres  nobody'd  know 
who  you'd  bin.  Then  it  couldn't  do  the  Captin  any 
harm." 

"  There's  no  such  '  somewhere,'  "  I  said.  "  Even  if 
there  were,  at  the  other  end  of  all  things,  it  would  be 
no  place  for  him  to  waste  his  life.  We  came  here 
to  Granada,  and  shut  ourselves  up  in  a  walled  garden, 
to  escape  eyes.  And  I  just  missed  meeting  the  Moffats 
whom  I  used  to  know.  Then  conies  Lady  Mendel, 
who  recognizes  me  from  the  old  photographs  in  the 
newspapers.  And  even  Lady  Kathleen  Arnott  thought 
when  she  saw  me  at  the  Generalife,  my  '  face  looked 
familiar/  No,  there's  no  escape  for  a  woman  like 
me." 

"Don't  say  that,  as  if  you  was  a  bad  woman!" 
Sarah  cried.  "  You're  just  like  a  white  fawn,  with  an 
arrow  shot  into  its  side  by  a  wicked  hunter." 

"  The  world  —  his  world,  thinks  I'm  a  bad  woman," 


312  THE  LIFE  MASK 

I  reminded  her.  "  There's  no  getting  away  from  that. 
If  they  could  say  no  more  than  '  Hugh  Shannon  has 
married  a  woman  who  was  tried  for  murder,  but 
proved  innocent  and  acquitted,'  it  would  be  a  different 
thing  —  oh,  my  God,  what  a  different  thing !  " 

"  Then,  you'd  marry  him  ?  "  Sarah  murmured. 

"  I'd  marry  him  to-morrow.  There'd  be  no  reason 
why  not,  since  only  suffering  and  not  crime  —  or  sup- 
posed crime  —  would  have  made  me  notorious.  But 
what's  the  good  of  talking  like  this  ?  '  Might  have 
beens  '  only  make  me  more  sad  in  thinking  of  them. 
Don't  let's  talk  any  more,  dear.  Will  you  go  to  the 
hotel  with  the  letter  early  to-morrow  morning?  I 
won't  trust  Pepe  or  Marta." 

"  'Deed,  yes,  honey,  I'll  go  to  the  hotel,"  she  agreed. 
"  I  reckon  you're  right  about  the  talk.  You're  fagged 
out.  Will  you  let  me  help  you  upstairs  to  bed  ?  " 

"I  don't  need  any  help,"  I  said.  "I'm  all  right 
now  —  only  so  tired.  It's  made  me  better,  telling  you. 
But  we've  had  enough,  haven't  we  ?  " 

"  Yes,  we've  had  enough,"  she  repeated. 

Slowly  I  dragged  myself  upstairs,  and  Sarah  fol- 
lowed, having  closed  the  drawing-room  windows  and 
locked  the  front  door  which  I  had  forgotten  to  fasten. 
In  thinking  of  this,  I  remembered  suddenly  that  Hugh 
still  had  the  key  to  the  gate.  I  mentioned  it  to  Sarah, 
as  she  helped  me  to  undress. 

"  Ask  him  for  it  if  you  can  see  him  at  his  hotel  in 
the  morning,"  I  began,  then  changed  my  mind  as  I 
spoke.  "  No,  better  not  see  him.  I'd  rather  you 


THE  LIFE  MASK  313 

wouldn't.  You  might  break  down.  It  would  be  too 
dreadful  to  have  a  scene  at  the  hotel!  Besides,  he 
would  ask  you  questions  about  me.  It  would  be  har- 
rowing for  him  too.  I  won't  open  my  letter  again. 
But  leave  a  line  at  the  hotel,  and  say  you'll  send  Pepe 
for  the  key  —  Hugh  needn't  write.  I  don't  want  him 
to  write  to  either  of  us." 

"  I'll  do  everything  for  the  best,  as  well  as  I  can," 
Sarah  soothed  me.  "  Now  let  me  put  you  to  bed,  and 
you  try  to  sleep.  Maybe  you  can,  you're  so  tired  out. 
And  don't  feel  you  must  wake  up  in  the  morning,  to 
remind  me  of  what  you  want  me  to  do.  I  shan't  for- 
get one  single  thing.  There  won't  be  any  scene  at 
the  hotel,  no  fear.  I'll  write  the  line,  just  as  you 
say,  and  get  the  key  back.  'Twould  do  you  more  good 
than  anything  in  the  world  —  except  the  one  thing  you 
won't  take  —  to  sleep  right  plumb  through  to-morrow, 
till  evening.  Suppose  I  tell  Marta  and  Pepe  they  can 
have  a  holiday,  so  as  there  won't  be  any  noise  about 
the  house  or  in  the  garden?  Those  two  folks  won't 
keep  quiet." 

"  But  what  about  the  key  of  the  gate,  if  Pepe  goes 
off  for  the  day  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  That'll  be  all  right.  I'll  think  of  a  way  to  fix 
everything.  Just  you  trust  me,  and  put  it  out  of  your 
mind,  will  you,  lovey?  " 

"  Yes.  I  always  do  trust  you,  Sarah,"  I  said.  "  No- 
body ever  deserved  it  more." 

"  I  ain't  talkin'  about  what  I  deserve,"  she  protested, 
in  the  quick  anxious  way  she  had  pf  hiding  from 


THE  LIFE  MASK 

praise.  "  Would  you  like  to  take  a  few  grains  of  ver- 
onal  in  a  little  milk,  dearie  ?  " 

"  We  haven't  any  veronal,  have  we  ?  " 

"  There's  a  few  tabloids  left  they  gave  me  when  you 
came  out  of  the  nursing  home,  along  with  a  lot  of 
other  things  you  hadn't  finished  up." 

"  Oh,  I'm  glad,"  I  exclaimed.  "  I  didn't  think  it 
would  be  possible  to  sleep,  but  with  veronal  I  might. 
Do  give  me  ten  grains." 

"  No,  five's  enough,"  she  said  decisively.  "  That's 
the  dose  the  nurses  used  to  give,  I  know." 

When  she  had  put  me  into  bed,  between  cool  sheets, 
she  flitted  away,  and  soon  came  back  with  the  tabloid 
of  veronal,  and  a  glass  of  milk. 

I  did  not  expect  the  drug  to  take  effect  for  half  an 
hour  at  least,  but  almost  at  once  I  felt  myself  slipping 
away  into  darkness  and  peace.  I  knew  even  then  that 
peace  would  not  last,  but  my  tired  brain  grasped  it 
with  thankfulness,  even  for  a  little  while. 


CHAPTER  XVI 

WHEN  I  waked  up  with  a  start  sunlight  was 
streaming  on  to  my  face. 
For  a  minute  I  felt  only  a  vague,  dull 
ache    of    physical    wretchedness.     Needles    of    pain 
threaded  through  my  temples  and  I  had  a  sensation 
that  my  eyes  had  grown  very  old !     Then,  like  a  weight 
of  lead  dropping  from  the  ceiling  onto  my  breast, 
came  the  consciousness  of  what  had  happened.     A 
door  seemed  to  open  in  front  of  me,  showing  the  future 
like  a  long,  dusty  road. 

Hardly  knowing  why,  I  sprang  out  of  bed,  as  if  to 
escape  from  under  the  weight.  I  felt  that  I  must  do 
something — 'anything  —  to  get  away  from  myself. 
I  wavered  a  little,  and  caught  the  back  of  a  chair. 
The  veronal  was  still  in  my  brain.  In  a  moment,  how- 
ever, the  swimming  in  my  head  passed,  and  sliding 
my  feet  into  the  soft  heelless  slippers  Sarah  had  made, 
I  walked  to  the  window.  The  air  revived  me.  I 
wished  that  I  were  dressed,  so  that  I  might  walk  in 
the  garden,  among  the  dewy  flowers.  I  could  see  a 
diamond  glitter  still  on  the  great  hydrangeas,  in  pots  on 
a  shadowed  part  at  the  west  end  of  the  terrace,  so  I 
knew  it  must  be  early.  My  bracelet  watch  was  on 
the  dressing-table,  and  I  was  sorry  I  had  forgotten  to 
wind  it  up  last  night.  I  supposed  it  would  be  run 


316  THE  LIFE  MASK 

down ;  but  no,  it  must  have  been  wound  by  thoughtful 
Sarah.  A  quarter  to  eight!  I  wondered  if  she  had 
gone  to  bed  and  had  slept;  but  I  thought  it  more  like 
her  to  have  spent  hours  on  her  knees,  crying  and  pray- 
ing for  me.  It  would  not  be  the  first  time  she  had 
passed  a  night  so. 

All  wish  to  sleep  was  gone.  My  brain,  though  it 
throbbed,  felt  terribly  alive.  I  could  not  go  back  to 
bed.  I  longed  for  the  garden,  but  dared  not  go  out  if 
Sarah  were  asleep,  for  fear  of  waking  her  by  unlock- 
ing the  front  door,  whose  bolts  were  stiff. 

Her  room  and  mine  were  next  each  other,  but  not 
communicating.  I  slipped  out  into  the  corridor,  and, 
half  in  regret,  half  in  relief,  saw  that  her  door  was 
open.  I  peeped  through.  Her  bed  had  not  been  lain 
in,  or  else  she  had  made  it  up  early  in  the  morning. 
Going  to  the  head  of  the  stairs  I  called  her. 

"Sarah  — Sarah!" 

There  was  no  answer.  The  blood  rushed  to  my 
head,  drumming  in  my  ears. 

"  She  has  gone  out  already,"  I  thought,  "  to  take  my 
letter  to  Hugh.  Perhaps  by  this  time  he  has  it. 
Maybe  he's  reading  it  now !  " 

I  felt  that  I  could  hardly  bear  the  waiting  till  Sarah 
should  come.  To  see  her,  to  hear  what  had  hap- 
pened at  the  hotel  —  though  if  all  had  gone  according 
to  my  hope,  nothing  would  have  happened  —  seemed 
the  one  thing  I  had  to  live  for.  After  that,  dark- 
ness. 

I  went  to  my  room,  and  bathed  in  the  tub  which  was 


THE  LIFE  MASK  317 

always  ready  overnight.  I  brushed  my  hair  away  from 
my  face,  with  a  wet  brush,  and  the  short  waves  fell 
over  my  ears  and  throat  with  cool  touches,  like  birds' 
wings.  Then  I  dressed  quickly,  putting  on  the  tea- 
gown  I  had  worn  to  speak  with  Hugh  in  the  arbor, 
and  ran  down  to  look  for  Sarah,  though  I  was  sure 
beforehand  that  she  had  not  come. 

"  I'll  walk  on  the  terrace  till  I  hear  her,"  I  thought. 

I  was  thankful  she  had  given  Pepe  and  Marta  a  holi- 
day. She  must  have  seen  them  already,  or  they  would 
be  here  by  this  time.  Probably  she  had  waited  at  the 
gate  to  send  them  home.  It  would  be  like  her  to 
think  of  that,  when  almost  any  one  else  would  have 
forgotten. 

The  hot  sun  found  me  on  the  terrace,  and  seemed  to 
press  upon  my  head  a  tight  golden  helmet,  so  I  took 
the  path  to  the  fountain  arbor.  It  was  silent  and  al- 
most sad,  for  the  water  was  not  playing.  It  would  not 
come  on  until  afternoon. 

"  But  even  when  the  fountain  speaks  again,"  I 
thought,  "  it  will  never  say  the  same  things." 

Looking  at  it  with  dull  eyes,  which  still  felt  very  old, 
I  heard  a  sound;  and  thinking  that  Sarah  must  have 
returned,  I  stepped  outside  the  arbor  on  to  the  path. 
My  lips  were  open  to  call  her,  when  a  voice  spoke.  It 
was  Hugh's.  I  could  not  hear  what  he  said,  but  I 
knew  he  was  in  the  garden ;  and  I  started  to  run  back 
into  the  house.  Then  I  stopped  abruptly.  Walking 
up  from  the  gate,  he  would  come  between  me  and  the 
villa.  I  should  meet  him  on  the  way.  Yet  I  should 


3i8  THE  LIFE  MASK 

not  be  safe  in  the  arbor.  If  he  were  looking  for  me, 
he  would  search  there,  as  always. 

Fear  seized  me —  fear  of  him  and  of  myself,  and  of 
destiny.  Hugh  must  have  read  the  letter,  and  have 
come  in  spite  of  it.  Then  he  did  not  believe  I  would 
keep  my  word!  He  still  hoped  to  persuade  me.  It 
was  all  to  do  over  again,  and  I  had  not  strength  for 
the  battle.  The  only  way  was  to  carry  out  my  threat, 
now,  before  he  could  stop  me.  I  remembered  the 
mirador  close  by.  There  might  be  just  time  to  get  there 
without  being  seen.  As  the  thought  came  into  my 
head,  I  flew  to  the  place,  and  up  the  broken  steps  at 
the  side  of  the  rickety  flower-draped  building.  To  get 
in,  I  had  to  part  with  both  hands  the  cataract  of  bou- 
gainvillea  and  ivy  and  convolvulus  that  billowed  over 
roof  and  windows.  Trailing  branches  curtained  even 
the  entrance;  and  the  open  back  of  the  mirador,  facing 
the  garden,  was  completely  screened  with  a  leafy 
tapestry. 

Once  inside,  I  was  out  of  sight,  even  if  Hugh  came 
to  the  arbor,  though  the  path  there  would  lead  him 
directly  under  the  summer-house.  All  I  had  to  do  for 
the  moment  was  to  keep  still.  Then  I  must  make  up 
my  mind  what  to  do  next.  The  front  of  the  mirador, 
looking  down  over  the  old  town,  was  built  on  the  verge 
of  a  precipice.  I  could  pass  out  of  Hugh's  life  — 
since  he  refused  to  let  me  go  in  an  easier  way  —  sim- 
ply by  leaning  against  the  slight  bar  of  crumbling 
wood  which  had  once  guarded  the  opening. 

Sarah  had  turned  giddy  the  first  and  only  time  I 


THE  LIFE  MASK  319 

brought  her  into  this  secret,  sad  retreat.  Her  face 
was  drained  of  blood,  and  with  a  little  squeal  of  fear, 
she  had  run  blindly  past  me,  down  the  steps;  then, 
ashamed  of  her  panic,  she  had  begged  my  pardon  for 
going  first,  making  me  promise  never  to  sit  in  the 
mirador.  I  was  not  breaking  the  letter  of  that  prom- 
ise now,  though  I  broke  it  in  spirit. 

"  This  will  kill  Sarah  when  she  finds  out,"  I  thought. 
"  What  a  reward  for  her  long  years  of  love ! "  Yet 
Hugh  was  more  to  me  than  Sarah,  Hugh,  whom  I 
had  known  less  than  a  month. 

I  hesitated,  with  strange  lights  dancing  before  my 
eyes,  reddening  the  sunshine.  Then  I  saw  Hugh  com- 
ing, Sarah  with  him.  I  turned  away  from  them,  in 
blind  haste  to  lean  against  the  broken  barrier  before 
my  spirit  of  courage  failed.  But  Sarah  spoke,  and 
something  in  her  tone  forced  me  to  stop  and  listen. 

"  In  the  arbor,  Captin,  where  you  and  she  used  to 
sit,  I  can  tell  it  better,  for  I'll  have  to  sit  down.  I 
ain't  strong  on  my  feet  this  morning.  And  it's  the 
furthest  place  away  from  the  house,  where  we  can't 
wake  her  up.  Walk  in." 

It  was  odd,  perhaps,  that  sheer  curiosity  should 
hold  me  back  from  death,  but  I  could  not  die  without 
knowing  what  Sarah  had  to  tell  Hugh.  It  seemed 
like  treachery  to  me  that  she  should  have  brought  him 
into  the  garden,  after  what  I  had  said,  but  perhaps 
there  was  some  excuse.  I  did  not  want  to  go  out  of 
the  world  wronging  her  as  well  as  breaking  her  heart. 
Before  I  died  I  must  know  what  they  were  going  to 


320  THE  LIFE  MASK 

say  about  me,  and  why  Hugh  had  come  in  spite  of  my 
letter. 

They  went  into  the  arbor.  I  could  peep  through 
the  thick  flowery  curtain  and  see  them,  though  they 
could  not  see  me.  Sarah  sank,  rather  than  deliberately 
sat,  on  the  stone  seat.  Her  side  face  was  turned  to 
me,  as  she  looked  up  to  Hugh,  who  stood  near  her, 
close  to  the  fountain.  I  could  see  only  his  back  as  he 
stood  so,  his  hands  clasped  behind  him.  He  seemed 
immensely  tall,  towering  above  the  small,  seated  figure 
of  Sarah,  and  she  very  little  and  shrunken,  crouching 
limply  forward.  I  was  afraid  that  the  night's  vigil 
had  told  sorely  upon  her,  for  she  sat  with  her  arms 
stretched  out,  one  on  either  side,  holding  on  tensely 
by  the  edge  of  the  seat. 

"  I  am  mighty  glad  I  met  you,  Captin,"  she  said, 
"  for  I  shouldn't  have  dared  wait  any  longer  away 
from  Miss  Nita,  and  I  wouldn't  have  left  the  letter 
at  the  hotel,  with  you  out.  When  I  heard  you  wasn't 
in,  I  made  pretty  sure  you'd  be  comin'  round  here  early 
to  ask  how  Miss  Nita  was,  so  I  just  hurried  along 
home,  and  caught  you  up  just  in  time.  This  is  better 
than  you  readin'  my  letter.  And  in  it  I  asked  you  to 
come  and  see  me,  anyhow." 

I  wondered  what  she  could  mean,  what  she  had 
written  to  Hugh  instead  of  the  request  I  had  told  her 
to  make  for  the  key. 

"  What  did  you  write  in  your  letter  ?  "  Hugh  seemed 
to  speak  out  my  thought,  as  if  I  had  communicated  it 
to  his  mind.  "  You're  frightening  me  a  little,  you 
know.  You  say  there's  no  bad  news,  yet  there's  some- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  321 

thing  you  couldn't  tell  at  the  gate,  to  put  me  out  of 
suspense." 

"  When  a  body  has  to  confess,  it  can't  be  done  in  a 
hurry,  Captin.  It's  a  hard  thing  to  do,  anyways. 
I've  got  to  confess  to  you.  I  couldn't  to  Miss  Nita, 
not  in  words,  to  her  face.  'T would  be  the  death  of 
me!" 

"  Something  you  can  tell  me,  but  not  her  ?  "  Hugh 
echoed,  evidently  puzzled,  and  a  little  stiff  in  manner 
as  he  was  apt  to  be  with  Sarah,  in  spite  of  his  good 
resolutions. 

"  Yes,  because  you  don't  like  me,  and  she  —  my 
precious  lamb  —  loves  and  trusts  me  with  all  her 
heart.  I've  bin  real  glad  from  the  first  you  didn't 
like  me,  sir.  It  give  me  a  respect  for  you,  your  seein' 
through  me.  You  felt  there  was'  somethin'  wrong, 
didn't  you?" 

"  Not  wrong  exactly.     Strange,"  Hugh  answered. 

"  Ah,  you  want  to  be  kind  an'  not  hurt  me,  for  her 
sake !  I  reckon  you're  afraid  to  do  an  injustice.  But 
you  couldn't  be  unjust  to  me,  Captin.  I'm  the  black- 
est sinner  on  this  earth.  I  let  Miss  Nita  suffer  all  those 
years,  because  I  was  too  vile  a  coward  to  give  myself 
up,  and  be  hung.  'Twas  for  her  I  did  what  I  did, 
and  I  don't  repent  that  part  so  much.  I  meant  to 
save  her  from  that  beast,  an'  it  seemed  as  if  'twas  no 
worse  than  to  kill  a  mad  dog.  But  when  'twas  found 
out  —  that's  where  I  failed!  I  never  calc'lated  it 
would  be  found  out.  I  thought  they'd  believe  he 
just  died  in  his  sleep;  an'  so  they  would  a'  done,  if  it 
hadn't  been  for  Mis'  Frenshaw  and  that  Burton. 


322  THE  LIFE  MASK 

They  were  two  fiends  together,  plottin'  against  my 
girl." 

Hugh's  voice  cut,  sharp  and  incisive,  into  the  ram- 
blings  which  held  me  dazed. 

"  Do  you  know  what  you're  saying?  Do  you  mean 
me  to  understand  that  you  poisoned  Durrand  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir.  I  did  it.  I  gave  him  the  morphia. 
I  wanted  him  to  be  out  of  her  way,  he  was  so  dread- 
ful, an'  she  was  so  young  an'  sweet.  At  first  I  hoped 
he  was  goin'  to  drop  off  of  his  own  accord,  for  he  was 
mighty  sick,  but  the  doctor  thought  he  was  gettin' 
better,  so  there  was  no  time  to  wait,  and  I  just  did  the 
best  I  could." 

"  Good  God !  And  you'd  have  let  them  hang  her ! 
That's  your  love !  " 

"  Oh,  no,  sir,  I  wouldn't.  I  do  believe  I'd  ha'  got 
the  courage  to  speak  if  it  had  come  to  that.  Just 
wait,  sir,  till  I  tell  you.  I  don't  mind  your  bein'  hard 
on  me.  You  can't  hate  me  no  worse  than  I  have  my- 
self all  these  years,  an'  she  worshipin'  me  for  a  saint. 
My,  how  I've  lived  through  it  I  don't  know.  But  I 
just  had  to  live  till  I  could  get  her  free  an'  make  her 
well,  an'  maybe  find  some  one  to  love  her  when  she 
hadn't  me.  Oh,  I  don't  want  to  get  confused.  I  want 
to  tell  you  the  way  it  was,  so  you  can  know  how  to  do 
what's  best,  but  your  eyes  are  like  swords,  sir,  they'll 
not  let  me  think." 

"  I  won't  look  at  you.  Go  back  to  the  beginning. 
I'll  try  not  to  interrupt.  Tell  me  what  happened  that 
night." 

"The  night  when  I—" 


THE  LIFE  MASK  323 

"  Yes ;  when  you  gave  Durrand  the  morphia.  Had 
you  been  planning  it?  " 

"  When  the  doctor  said  he'd  get  well,  that's  when 
it  came  into  my  head.  It  made  me  feel  sick,  but  it 
seemed  as  if  I  must  do  it,  to  save  her.  I  thought  if  he 
lived,  maybe  she'd  kill  herself,  she  was  so  desperate 
with  the  life  he  led  her.  If  I  could,  I'd  ha'  done  it  one 
of  the  nights  when  I  was  sittin'  up  with  him,  but  before 
I  had  the  idea,  she'd  taken  on  the  night  work.  I  tried 
to  coax  her  to  let  me  go  on  for  every  other  one,  but 
she  wouldn't,  an'  she  was  so  queer  and  nervous  I  was 
afraid  if  I  said  too  much  she  might  guess  what  was  in 
my  head.  I  wasn't  sure  then  whether  she  knew  I'd 
heard  the  doctor  askin'  Mr.  Durrand  about  the  mor- 
phia, and  his  sayin'  the  bottle  was  in  the  medicine 
cupboard.  'Twas  only  afterward  I  found  out  she 
didn't  know  I  was  in  the  next  room  when  they  were 
talkin'  that  day.  It  seemed  providential  my  hearin'  it 
was  there,  as  if  the  thing  was  meant  to  be;  like  with 
Jael  and  Sisera.  God  wanted  Jael  to  kill  him,  an'  her 
name's  gone  down  in  glory  for  what  she  did.  Only 
that  was  different.  She  didn't  let  the  blame  fall  on 
some  one  else.  But  I  never  dreamed  I  was  goin'  to 
do  that.  I  prayed  for  strength  to  carry  it  all  out  just 
right ;  an'  the  idea  come  to  me,  to  give  Miss  Nita  some 
chlorodyne  in  her  coffee.  You  can  buy  that  at  any 
drug  store,  you  know,  sir,  and  she  was  always  right 
easy  to  affect  with  any  sleepin'  medicines." 

"  Then  it  was  you  she  saw  in  what  she  calls  the 
gray  dream." 

"  On  my  word,  I  don't  know,  sir.     It  might  ha'  bin 


324  THE  LIFE  MASK 

all  a  dream  or  I  might  ha'  bin  mixed  up  in  it,  with  her 
half  asleep  an'  half  awake.  I  wasn't  in  a  gray  wrap- 
per. I  had  on  a  black  dress.  But  I  did  just  those 
things  she  dreamed  about.  I  went  to  the  medicine 
cupboard  an'  found  the  queer  shaped  bottle  back  o' 
the  other  bottles,  an'  I  poured  out  the  stuff,  an'  mixed 
it  in  a  tumbler  with  his  heart-medicine.  But  not  the 
tumbler  on  his  table.  I  brought  one  with  me,  an' 
washed  it  out  afterwards.  Then  I  put  back  the  bottle 
where  I'd  got  it.  The  next  thing  I  went  over  an' 
touched  Mr.  Durrand  on  the  shoulder.  Before  he  was 
quite  waked  up,  I  had  the  stuff  down  his  throat,  and 
a  drink  o'  water  after  it,  so  it  wouldn't  leave  a  smell: 
an'  I  praised  the  Lord,  sendin'  up  a  prayer  there  an' 
then,  that  the  thing  was  over  an'  Miss  Nita  free.  If 
I'd  a'  dreamed  they'd  think  anything  was  wrong,  I'd 
not  have  dared,  for  her  sake,  especially  with  her  sittin' 
there  in  the  room  alone  with  him.  But  the  talk  al- 
ways was  that  he  might  die  of  his  heart  just  stoppin' 
short  Everything  seemed  goin'  on  all  right.  It  never 
entered  the  doctor's  head  'twasn't  a  natural  death,  till 
the  valet  and  Mis'  Frenshaw  put  their  heads  together. 
Even  then,  he  thought  'twas  a  foolish  thing  to  have 
the  post  mortem.  That  man  Burton  and  Mr.  Dur- 
rand's  daughter  were  our  bad  geniuses.  If  it  hadn't 
bin  for  them,  Miss  Nita  would  ha'  lived  a  happy  life 
from  that  day  to  this,  an*  had  cause  to  bless  me. 
When  they  arrested  her,  I  wanted  to  say  'twas  me  they 
must  take  to  prison,  but  I  just  couldn't  open  my  lips. 
'Twas  like  as  if  I  had  lockjaw  an'  palsy  both  together 


THE  LIFE  MASK  325 

whenever  I  tried.  An'  I  says  to  myself  I  might  wait 
and  see  first  what  the  verdict  was ;  then,  if  'twas  against 
her,  I'd  have  to  tell,  rather  than  harm  should  come  to 
Miss  Nita.  But  what  I  hoped,  even  when  things 
looked  blackest,  was  that  the  jury'd  never  find  a  beau- 
tiful young  girl  like  her  guilty,  nor  the  judge  sentence 
her  to  die." 

"  But  when  she  was  sentenced  ?  " 

"  Oh,  sir,  you're  so  brave,  you  don't  know  what  it 
is  to  be  a  coward.  It's  'most  like  a  disease.  I  reckon 
it's  worse  than  drink  with  a  drunkard.  I  put  off,  even 
then.  Not  that  I  minded  the  thought  of  dyin'  or  goin* 
before  my  God.  'Twas  the  thought  of  me,  a  woman 
o'  my  age,  who'd  bin  respectable  an'  church-goin'  all 
her  life,  bein'  trussed  up  an'  blindfolded  an'  hung  with 
a  rope  around  my  neck.  A  long  time  ago  when  I 
wasn't  much  more'n  a  child,  I  seen  a  picture  in  a  paper 
of  some  woman  that  was  hung,  in  the  time  of  the  War 
between  the  North  and  South.  Her  name  was  Mrs. 
Surratt,  an'  she  was  a  respectable  woman,  too.  There 
she  was  in  her  dress,  like  she  wore  for  every  day,  with 
her  limbs  all  twined  up  in  rope,  so  she  couldn't  strug- 
gle, an'  her  dress  tied  down  an'  her  poor  feet  danglin' 
like  a  rag  doll's.  It  made  me  right  down  sick,  that 
picture,  an'  I  couldn't  never  forget  it.  Since  that  day 
I  couldn't  read  a  word  about  an  execution  or  any  kind 
of  killin',  without  feelin'  as  if  I  should  faint  away.  I 
could  just  see  the  photograph  of  that  woman  before 
my  eyes,  while  I  was  wrestlin'  with  my  soul  to  speak 
out  an'  tell  I  done  it,  as  if  it  might  ha'  bin  me  I  saw. 


326  THE  LIFE  MASK 

It  wasn't  decent  to  have  to  end  like  that.  I  went  to 
work  to  save  Miss  Nita  some  other  way,  and  there  was 
petitions  signed,  and  all  the  newspapers  in  our  favor. 
I  reckon  a  day  didn't  pass  but  I  talked  with  some  re- 
porter, an'  told  our  story,  how  young  an'  good  Miss 
Nita  was;  an'  how  impossible  she  should  poison  her 
husband,  though  he  was  no  better  than  a  beast.  A 
gentleman  who  owned  several  papers,  an'  who  was  al- 
ways takin'  up  the  cause  of  those  who  were  weak  or 
injured,  had  long  articles  in  his  newspapers,  about  how 
easy  'twould  ha'  been  for  Mr.  Durrand  to  get  up  an' 
take  the  morphia  in  spite  of  what  the  doctors  said; 
an'  other  doctors  wrote  letters  to  the  newspapers  in 
our  favor.  At  first  opinion  seemed  against  Miss  Nita, 
but  when  she  was  sentenced  it  all  turned  the  other  way, 
an'  everybody  said  what  a  wicked  shame  to  hang  a 
young  girl  like  that  on  circumstantial  evidence.  It 
wasn't  long  before  the  sentence  was  changed  to  im- 
prisonment, an'  though  it  was  for  life,  I  knew  I'd  save 
her  somehow.  Even  then  I  wanted  to  tell  the  truth, 
but  she  was  out  o'  danger  of  death,  an'  they'd  ha'  hung 
me  without  any  manner  o'  doubt  if  I  confessed.  I 
thought  to  myself,  she's  better  off  in  prison  than  she 
would  be  if  he'd  lived;  I  was  sure  if  she  could  choose 
she'd  rather  stay  there  a  few  years  than  have  her  old 
Sarah  killed  such  a  way  as  that." 

"  You  might  at  least  have  let  her  choose,  instead  of 
leaving  her  to  be  cursed  by  that  awful  dream  repeating 
itself,  and  making  her  believe  she  was  guilty.  It's  a 
wonder  fear  didn't  drive  her  mad !  " 

"  Oh,  I  know,  sir,  I  know !     But  there  was  my 


THE  LIFE  MASK  327 

cowardice  again.  I  loved  her  so,  an'  she  loved 
me  an'  called  me  her  good  angel.  How  could  I  tell 
her  what  would  lose  me  her  love,  in  a  minute?  Not 
so  much  about  the  poison,  for  that  was  for  her  sake, 
an'  I  was  never  ashamed  of  it,  in  itself,  if  you  can  un- 
derstand. But  to  have  her  know  that  while  she 
was  believin'  in  me,  I'd  sent  her  to  prison  —  an'  let 
her  risk  worse!  No,  I  couldn't.  But  I've  been  pun- 
ished for  my  sin  as  I  wouldn't  punish  my  worst  enemy. 
While  she  was  in  prison,  I  died  a  new  kind  o'  death 
each  day  an'  night  that  passed  over  my  head,  thinkin' 
of  her  there  —  she  who  loved  out  of  doors  an'  flowers 
—  an'  me  free  to  go  an'  come.  I  reckon  'twould  ha' 
bin  a  heap  less  sufferin'  to  give  myself  up  to  be  tried 
an'  hung,  than  live  as  I  did  for  ten  years.  They  made 
a  wreck  o'  my  health,  such  as  I  had,  an'  I'm  glad.  I 
never  eat  a  decent  meal  or  took  a  walk  in  the  fresh  air 
for  exercise,  because  she  couldn't.  I  didn't  want  to 
have  luxuries  she  hadn't  got.  Maybe  when  I  die,  I 
shall  have  to  burn  with  the  goats  in  hell,  but  I  don't 
believe  it  can  be  so  much  worse  than  what  I've  gone 
through  already  from  bein'  a  coward." 

"  But  why,  if  you  held  back  all  those  years  when 
she  was  suffering  tortures  of  mind  and  privations  and 
shame  in  prison,  do  you  come  forward  and  confess 
now,  you  strange  woman !  " 

"  Just  because,  sir,  I  see  it  would  be  worse  for  Miss 
Nita  than  anything  that's  come  yet,  to  lose  you.  She 
won't  have  you  —  nothin'  on  earth  can  make  her 
change  her  mind  —  as  long  as  she  thinks  perhaps  she 
killed  her  husband,  who  never  was  her  husband.  I1 


328  THE  LIFE  MASK 

can't  tell  her  myself,  but  you  can;  an'  you  must  just 
help  me  to  get  away  somehow  before  you  do  tell,  so  I 
won't  have  to  meet  her  eyes  again  afterwards.  Will 
you  do  that,  Captin  ?  " 

11  Wait  a  minute.  Let  me  think.  You  want  to  go 
away  —  to  disappear  ?  " 

"  It's  the  only  thing.  I  couldn't  stand  havin'  her 
hate  me,  after  all  these  blessed  years  of  love." 

"  Blessed  years !  " 

"  I  wasn't  thinkin'  what  I  said,  sir ;  though  in  some 
ways  they  was  blessed  for  me  in  spite  of  all.  I'll  go 
before  to-morrow  mornin',  sir,  but  I'd  like  you  to  grant 
me  till  then.  You  wouldn't  grudge  my  seein'  her  once 
more  ?  Besides,  she  ain't  well.  She  ain't  fit  to  be  left. 
I  know  just  how  to  comfort  her  an'  nurse  her  up,  an' 
make  the  food  that  she  can  eat.  If  I  walk  right  out 
of  the  house  now,  before  she's  better,  it  will  give  her 
a  shock." 

"  I  can't  bear  to  think  of  your  being  near  her ! " 
Hugh  said,  as  he  had  said  once  before.  "  But  —  I 
don't  know  what's  best  for  Nita.  There's  one  thing, 
though.  You  will  have  to  write  out  this  confession 
just  as  you  have  told  it  to  me,  and  sign  it,  or  it  won't 
be  of  any  use.  It  would  probably  be  thought  we'd  co- 
erced you  —  and  that's  maybe  what  they'll  think  any- 
how—" 

"  But  I  have  written  it,  sir.  Did  I  forget  to  men- 
tion that?  I  meant  to  tell  you,  when  I'd  come  to 
where  I  was  tryin'  to  get  her  reprieved.  That's  the 


THE  LIFE  MASK  329 

time  I  wrote  it,  because  I  was  determined  if  I  failed, 
I'd  just  take  some  of  the  same  stuff  I  give  him,  so  as 
to  escape  the  worst,  an'  leave  the  true  story  to  save  her 
life.  I  give  the  sealed  envelope  to  the  manager  of 
the  bank  where  I  put  my  legacy:  a  very  kind  gentle- 
man who  took  a  great  interest  in  Miss  Nita  and  me, 
though  he  never  saw  her  that  I  know  of.  I  just  said  I 
wasn't  strong,  an'  as  I  might  die  sudden  somehow,  I 
wanted  him  to  see  that  certain  instructions  were  car- 
ried out  if  I  went.  He  promised  that  the  minute  news 
came  of  my  death,  he'd  break  the  seal  and  read  the  let- 
ter, but  meanwhile  it  should  stay  in  the  safe  till  it  was 
wanted,  an'  he  hoped  it  would  be  years.  There  it  is 
now,  in  his  keepin',  Captin,  with  a  lot  more  details 
than  I've  give  to  you.  But  —  but  you  don't  mean 
you  want  me  to  let  him  use  it,  do  you  —  without  my 
bein'dead?" 

"  I  want  you  to  telegraph  —  no,  I  suppose  he 
wouldn't  act  on  that  —  I  want  you  to  write  a  letter 
telling  the  bank  manager  to  open  the  envelope  at 
once ! " 

"  Oh,  Captin,  but  it  will  all  come  out,  and  they  can 
arrest  me !  I'd  be  hung  even  now !  Do  give  me  time 
to  hide  myself  somewheres.  I'll  write  you  a  letter  to 
send.  I'll  do  it  now  when  I  go  in,  before  Miss  Nita 
wakes  up.  She's  pretty  sure  to  sleep  a  good  while  yet. 
Won't  that  suit  you  ?  "  she  pleaded,  hands  pressed  to 
thin  breast,  hunted  eyes  looking  up. 

"  What  about  her  —  Nita  ?    You  say  she  won't  have 


330  THE  LIFE  MASK 

anything  to  do  with  me  —  that  she's  made  up  her  mind. 
Then  she's  suffering  —  because  she  loves  me.  You 
haven't  given  me  her  letter,  but  — " 

"  No,  because  I  knew  what  she  said  in  it.  She 
didn't  want  you  to  come  here  again,  an'  I  had  to  have 
you  come.  That's  why  I  hurried  to  find  you,  so  she 
would  be  asleep.  But  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do,  Captin  ; 
I'll  say  I've  seen  you,  an'  you've  got  a  plan  by  which 
you're  'most  sure  you  can  prove  her  innocence,  a  plan, 
she'd  never  guess.  An'  all  you  ask  is  for  her  to  wait 
just  one  day,  till  to-morrow  morning,  before  she  de- 
cides to  give  you  up.  She  will  wait.  I  know  I  can 
make  her  wait !  " 

"  I  can't  give  you  as  long.  I  don't  trust  you 
enough." 

"  I  don't  blame  you,  sir !  How  long  will  you  give 
me,  then?" 

He  thought  for  an  instant. 

"  Till  two  o'clock  this  afternoon.  She'll  wake  be- 
fore that.  You  must  persuade  her  to  see  me  when  she 
does.  When  I  come  you  can  give  me  the  letter  for 
your  bank  manager.  Then  you  must  go  away,  while 
I'm  with  her,  telling  what  you've  told  me.  Meanwhile 
I'll  arrange  where  it's  best  for  you  to  go  first.  After 
that  it  will  be  wiser,  when  the  thing  comes  out,  that  we 
shouldn't  know  what's  become  of  you.  I'll  find  a 
place  and  look  up  trains;  and  I'll  give  you  plenty  of 
money." 

"  I  don't  want  that,  sir,  thank  you.  I've  always 
kept  a  good  sum  by  me  in  case  of  some  sudden  need 


THE  LIFE  MASK  331 

like  this.  I've  got  six  hundred  dollars  of  my  own  in 
the  house.  That's  enough  to  last  me  a  year.  I've 
lived  on  less." 

"And  afterward?" 

"  Oh,  I  reckon  a  year'Il  about  see  me  through  to  the 
end  o'  my  tether.  I'm  mighty  near  wore  out,  thank 
God.  But  you'll  give  me  a  little  grace  before  you  send 
the  letter  to  London,  won't  you,  sir  ?  " 

"  That's  for  Nita  to  decide." 

"  Yes,  sir,  I  reckon  you're  right.  That  ought  to 
be  for  her  to  decide." 

"  I'll  have  to  see  that  she  doesn't  put  it  off  too  long. 
Is  it  understood,  at  two  o'clock  you'll  send  her  here  to 
me,  and  be  ready  to  go  ?  " 

"I'll  be  —  ready,  for  sure!" 

"  I  wonder  if  I  can  trust  you?  " 

"  Oh,  do,  sir!     You  won't  be  sorry." 

"  I'll  run  the  risk  —  unless  something  new  turns  up. 
I  have  the  key  of  the  garden,  and  I'll  keep  it.  If  you 
don't  persuade  Nita  to  see  me  I'll  come  anyhow. 
.Where's  her  letter?  I  want  it." 

"  Captin,  I  never  took  it  to  the  hotel.  I  only  took 
a  letter  from  me.  I  didn't  want  you  to  have  hers, 
ever.  An'  I  can't  get  it,  without  wakin'  her,  for  I 
slipped  it  under  her  door  on  purpose.  I  reckon  she 
wouldn't  find  it  even  if  she  woke  up,  because  it  went 
under  the  rug  that  lies  inside  the  door.  But  it  would 
rouse  her,  sure,  for  me  to  fetch  it;  an'  she  needs  her 
rest." 

"  You've  got  the  cunning  of  madness  about  you!  " 


332  THE  LIFE  MASK 

"  It's  more  the  cunning  of  love,  sir,  maybe.  For  I 
do  love  Miss  Nita  better'n  my  soul,  though  you  mayn't 
believe  it.  Would  you  —  would  you  please  just  go, 
now,  sir?  —  for  if  I'm  to  write  that  letter  I  must  be  by 
myself,  an'  try  to  get  back  a  little  strength  an'  wit  be- 
fore I  can  begin.  An'  there's  a  good  deal  to  do  before 
I  — before  I—" 

"  Yes,  I'll  go  now,"  said  Hugh,  as  promptly  as  he 
had  said  the  same  words  to  me  last  night.  "  I'll  come 
back  at  two  o'clock  and  open  the  gate ;  and  I  shall  look 
for  Miss  Nita  here !  " 

His  head  down,  hardly  glancing  at  Sarah,  he 
walked  out  of  the  summer-house,  but  before  he  had 
taken  many  steps  she  ran  after  him,  calling.  He 
stopped  and  turned,  only  a  yard  or  two  past  the  mira- 
dor. 

"  You'll  break  it  gently  to  her,  won't  you,  Captin  ?  " 
Sarah  asked  in  a  quavering  voice.  "  You'll  begin 
somehow,  so  as  to  work  up  to  what's  comin',  not  to 
shock  her  too  much  ?  " 

"  You  can  trust  me  to  be  gentle,"  Hugh  said,  and 
walked  on  as  if  anxious  to  get  away. 

But  Sarah  followed,  and  caught  up  with  him,  pant- 
ing. I  heard  her  say: 

"  It  ain't  for  myself;  it's  for  her.  You  see  I've  bin 
with  her  since  she  was  a  baby,  and  — " 

The  rest  was  lost.  With  short  steps  she  hurried 
on  beside  him.  I  was  sure  she  would  not  leave  him 
till  they  reached  the  gate. 


CHAPTER  XVII 

SARAH'S  first  rambling  words  gave  their  secret 
to  me  even  before  Hugh  seized  it.  The  shock 
of  their  true  meaning  was  a  lightning  stroke. 
It  was  as  if  I  had  been  half  electrocuted,  and  then  al- 
lowed to  live.  My  mind  received  impressions,  but 
could  make  no  use  of  them.  Sarah's  weak  voice  dro- 
ning on  was  like  a  gramophone.  I  understood  all 
she  said,  but  something  kept  it  from  seeming  impor- 
tant. I  listened  as  if  to  a  character  in  some  scene  at 
a  theater,  in  which  I  was  interested  only  because  it  was 
so  well  acted.  I  felt  that  it  was  realistic,  that  the 
two  persons  who  were  acting  would  do  as  they  did 
now,  if  it  were  life  and  not  the  stage.  I  did  not  hate 
Sarah  in  the  least,  nor  even  love  her  less,  nor  feel  any 
horror  of  her  because  she  had  killed  some  one,  nor 
did  I  rejoice  because  the  gray  dream  of  myself  doing 
the  thing  was  not  true.  Everything  was  to  me  as  it 
had  always  been,  and  this  scene  that  was  going  on  in 
the  arbor  had  nothing  at  all  to  do  with  my  past  or 
future. 

This  was  the  state  of  my  mind  until  Hugh  asked  for 
my  letter,  and  Sarah  told  him  that  she  had  not  taken  it 
to  the  hotel,  but  had  slipped  it  under  my  door.  Then, 
suddenly,  the  whole  thing  became  real  and  intimate.  I 

333 


334  THE  LIFE  MASK 

was  indignant  with  her  for  not  taking  the  letter  that  I 
had  written  as  if  with  my  heart's  blood.  An  instant 
after,  something  seemed  to  laugh  bitterly  and  horribly 
in  my  brain.  It  said,  "  You  are  angry  with  her  for 
hiding  the  letter.  What  about  the  rest  ?  What  about 
her  letting  you  spend  the  best  years  of  your  youth  in 
prison  while  she  pretended  to  move  heaven  and  earth 
to  save  you?  " 

I  looked  down  through  the  flowery  curtain  of  the 
mirador  on  to  her  meek  gray  head,  and  loathed  it. 
"  Hypocrite !  Wretch !  "  were  the  words  that  burned 
in  my  mind.  It  disgusted  me  to  think  how  I  had  wor- 
shiped her,  how  I  had  kissed  her  lying  lips,  her  hands 
of  a  murderess.  I  thought  of  the  dream  and  my 
slavery  to  it,  how  she  had  comforted  me  stammer- 
ingly,  saying  it  was  only  a  dream,  she  was  sure,  and 
not  true.  How  sure  she  had  been,  and  had  never  told 
me!  I  wondered  that  Hugh  could  stand  there  and 
question  and  not  kill  her. 

Then  it  leaped  into  my  comprehension  that  the  hor- 
ror of  my  own  guilt  was  over.  I  had  not  got  up  in 
my  sleep  and  gone  to  the  medicine  cupboard  and  poured 
out  the  poison.  Sarah  had  done  it;  Sarah  had 
done  it  all.  She  had  let  me  suffer,  but  I  was  free  at 
last !  There  was  no  stain  on  my  soul.  For  a  moment 
I  forgot  my  hatred  of  Sarah.  I  was  wildly  happy. 
"  Free  —  free !  "  I  said  in  my  thoughts,  and  clasped 
my  hands  in  thanksgiving,  as  I  never  had  when  I  came 
out  of  prison;  for  then  I  was  still  in  bondage  to  the 
dream. 


THE  LIFE  MASK  335 

"  I  must  tell  Sarah,"  I  found  myself  thinking,  with 
my  old  habit  of  going  to  her  with  everything;  but  the 
dreadful  laugh  came  in  my  brain  again,  and  I  remem- 
bered that  I  had  lost  Sarah.  There  was  not  and  never 
had  been  such  a  saintly,  splendid  Sarah  as  I  had  loved. 
She  was  not  gone,  for  she  had  never  existed.  The  lit- 
tle crumpled  old  woman  down  there  in  the  arbor  was 
a  cruel,  treacherous,  whining  thing  to  turn  away  from 
with  detestation.  I  felt  alone  in  a  world  empty  of  my 
Sarah's  kind  presence,  and  almost  I  would  have  crept 
back  under  the  shadow  of  the  old  fear,  if  I  could  have 
found  my  beloved  nurse  and  friend  waiting  there  for 
me  with  arms  open. 

I  still  hated  Sarah  while  she  promised  to  persuade 
me  into  seeing  Hugh,  and  agreed  to  leave  me  forever. 
When  she  ran  after  him  I  did  not  think,  with  a  pang 
of  fear,  as  I  would  yesterday,  how  bad  it  was  for  her 
heart  that  she  should  run.  I  did  not  care  what  hap- 
pened to  her,  or  how  much  she  suffered.  I  thought 
only  of  myself  and  my  ruined  youth,  and  how  I  was 
to  avoid  meeting  that  woman  when  she  came  back  from 
the  gate.  My  reason  for  hiding  in  the  mirador  was  en- 
tirely forgotten.  I  did  not  even  remember  to  be  thank- 
ful that  I  had  not  thrown  away  my  life  before  know- 
ing Sarah's  secret.  The  wish  to  die  had  been  swept 
violently  out  of  my  mind.  Suddenly,  however,  it  oc- 
curred to  me  that  I  need  not  stay  in  the  mirador.  I 
could  make  a  quick  dash  into  the  house  while  Sarah 
was  gone,  and  lock  my  door  upon  her  for  the  first 
time.  For  awhile  she  would  believe  me  to  be  asleep. 


336  THE  LIFE  MASK 

After  that  —  but  when  would  I  begin  to  realize  that 
it  no  longer  mattered  to  me  what  she  thought  or 
felt? 

She  must  have  lingered  in  the  garden  for  some  rea- 
son, because  ten  minutes  passed  after  I  had  darted 
into  the  house  and  fastened  my  bolt,  before  I  heard 
the  soft  patter  of  feet  on  tiptoe  outside  my  door. 
Sarah  had  come  upstairs,  and  was  listening,  wonder- 
ing if  I  were  awake.  I  lay  on  the  bed,  quite  still  ex- 
cept for  the  pounding  of  my  heart.  If  she  peeped 
through  the  keyhole,  she  could  see  nothing  but  a  ray 
of  sunlight  from  the  window,  falling  perhaps  upon  the 
silver  toilet  things  on  the  dressing-table  —  silver  things 
she  had  given  me. 

It  seemed  mysterious  and  horrible  to  know  that  she 
was  there,  the  wicked  new  Sarah  in  place  of  the  one 
who  had  been  so  dear,  and  that  I  was  hiding  from  her, 
that  I  was  hoping  to  avoid  speaking  to  her,  or  seeing 
her  again,  ever  in  this  world. 

By  and  by  she  went  away.  It  was  very  still  in  the 
corridor,  with  a  stillness  which  was  deathly  in  my 
ears.  Of  course  she  had  not  begun  yet  to  think  it 
strange  that  I  had  not  waked.  It  was  only  half -past 
nine.  What  was  she  doing  now?  Was  she  getting 
ready  for  her  long  journey?  Was  she  writing  the 
letter  she  had  promised  Hugh  to  write,  or  was  she  per- 
haps putting  on  paper  some  rambling  excuses  for  me 
to  read  when  she  was  gone,  and  Hugh  had  "  broken 
the  truth  gently  "  to  me  ?  In  mind  I  reluctantly  fol- 
lowed the  frail  figure  about  the  house,  where  I  could 


THE  LIFE  MASK  337 

feel  that  it  was  wandering,  flitting  like  a  lost  spirit 
to  and  fro,  unable  to  decide  upon  anything.  I  could 
not  get  away  from  Sarah  for  an  instant,  though  the 
door  was  locked  between  us. 

In  an  hour  she  came  back  and  tiptoed  uneasily  about 
again.  I  thought  I  heard  her  breathing,  but  I  told  my- 
self that  I  imagined  the  sound.  Once  more,  silence. 
I  felt  faint,  and  began  to  realize  that  I  was  very  hun- 
gry. I  had  not  eaten  since  luncheon  time  yester- 
day, and  then  scarcely  anything,  for  I  had  been  too 
excited  in  the  thought  of  an  afternoon  with  Hugh  at 
the  Generalife,  to  care  for  food.  Now  I  despised  my- 
self for  wanting  it.  It  made  me  seem  heartless,  soul- 
less; yet  I  longed  for  a  glass  of  milk.  As  I  lay  on  the 
bed,  with  the  thought  of  milk  putting  other  thoughts 
out  of  my  head,  I  heard  Sarah  at  the  door  for  the 
third  time.  She  tapped  lightly,  as  if  with  the  points 
of  her  fingers.  My  heart  gave  a  leap,  and  my  temples 
throbbed.  I  was  no  longer  hungry.  If  I  had  had  the 
milk,  the  sight  of  it  would  have  made  me  sick. 

When  I  did  not  answer,  she  tapped  more  loudly  than 
before. 

"Are  you  awake?"  she  half  whispered. 

I  lay  rigid,  and  after  waiting  a  minute  she  called  out 
anxiously : 

"  Dearie,  do  wake  up !     I'm  frightened  about  you !  " 

I  wanted  to  answer,  but  I  could  not.  It  was  im- 
possible to  speak  naturally,  and  something  would  not 
let  me  cry  out  the  horror  I  had  of  her. 

She  tried  the  door  cautiously.     I  saw  the  handle 


338  THE  LIFE  MASK 

turn.  She  had  found  out  that  it  was  locked.  With 
a  moan  of  fear,  she  rattled  the  knob,  then  beat  on  one 
of  the  panels. 

"  Dearie !  Dearie ! "  she  screamed.  "  Oh,  my 
Lord,  has  anything  happened  to  her  ?  " 

Then  I  had  to  answer,  or  she  would  go  away,  and 
get  help,  and  people  would  come  and  break  the  door 
open. 

"  Nothing  has  happened  to  me,"  I  called  out,  in  a 
harsh  voice,  not  like  mine.  "  I  can't  open  the  door ;  I 
want  to  rest." 

"  You  oughtn't  to  have  locked  yourself  in,"  she 
reproached  me.  "  You  did  give  Sarah  a  fright ! 
Couldn't  you  just  get  up  a  minute  and  slip  the  bolt 
back?  Seems  as  if  I  must  have  one  peep  at  you,  to 
see  you're  all  right,  heart's  dearest." 

"  I  can't  now,"  I  persisted.  "  Please  go  away, 
Sarah,  and  leave  me  alone." 

She  was  silent  for  an  instant,  as  if  stricken  by  my 
refusal  to  see  her. 

"  Your  voice  sounds  so  —  so  kind  of  strange,"  she 
said,  after  that  slight  pause  during  which  perhaps  many 
thoughts,  many  questions  had  run  confusedly  through 
her  mind. 

"  I  am  tired.  I  don't  want  to  talk ! "  I  cried  out 
sharply. 

But  she  would  not  give  up.  In  the  meek  yet  obsti- 
nate tone  I  knew  well,  and  had  loved  and  laughed  at, 
she  went  on : 

"  You  ought  to  have   something  to    eat.     What 


THE  LIFE  MASK  339 

could  you  fancy?    An  egg  beaten  up  in  nice  fresh 
milk?" 

"No  — no!     Nothing!" 

"  Maybe  you  would  feel  different  if  you  let  me  tell 
you  about  the  Captin.  I've  seen  him,  and  —  and  had 
a  talk.  He  give  me  a  message  for  you.  Maybe  there's 
good  news.  Wouldn't  you  like  to  hear  it  ?  " 

"  Not  now." 

"  Dearie,  you're  not  cross  with  Sarah  ?  " 

"  You're  making  me  ill !     Please,  please  go !  " 

She  went  away,  crying.  I  heard  her  make  little 
whimpering  sounds  of  grief.  For  a  moment  my  heart 
softened.  I  half  sat  up,  feeling  I  must  open  the  door. 
I  could  not  let  her  go  like  that.  Then  I  reminded  myself 
how  she  had  let  me  suffer,  not  for  moments  but  years, 
how  she  had  betrayed  me  to  spare  her  cowardly  self. 
"  She  deserves  anything,"  I  mumbled.  Yet  the  pitiful 
whimpering  sounds  echoed  in  my  ears,  and  I  felt  them 
stinging  my  nerves  like  tiny,  invisible  but  very  sharp 
whips.  I  almost  wished  she  would  come  back,  and 
begin  to  plead  again.  Not  that  I  would  have  let  her  in, 
but  it  seemed  unbearable  somehow  not  to  know  what 
she  was  doing. 

Once  in  a  while  I  looked  at  my  watch,  and  the  little 
white  face  of  it  said,  "  She  gave  me  to  you." 

Well,  why  not?  She  had  taken  everything  from 
me ;  no  wonder  her  conscience  had  urged  her  to  try  and 
atone.  It  added  to  her  hypocrisy.  There  was  no 
cause  to  be  grateful. 

I  thought  it  very  strange  that  I  did  not  feel  more 


340  THE  LIFE  MASK 

poignantly.  My  emotions  seemed  to  be  shut  up  in 
some  dim,  dark  place  whence  they  could  not  call  loudly 
enough  for  me  to  hear  and  understand.  I  could  think 
only  of  Sarah,  hardly  at  all  of  myself  or  of  Hugh, 
for  more  than  a  moment  or  two  at  a  time. 

Twelve  o'clock  came;  twelve-thirty.  In  an  hour 
and  a  half,  Hugh  would  look  for  me  in  the  arbor. 

Sarah  again  at  the  door ! 

"  Dearie,  I've  brought  that  egg  and  milk.  I  won't 
ask  to  come  in.  I'll  just  leave  it  and  go.  I've  got 
some  work  to  do.  When  you  feel  hungry,  you  open 
your  door,  and  you'll  find  a  nice  little  tray  waitin'  for 
you.  There's  just  a  line  written  on  a  piece  of  paper, 
tellin'  you  about  the  Captin  and  his  news,  so  I  won't 
have  to  bother  you  talkin'.  But  if  you  want  me,  why 
all  you've  got  to  do  is  to  give  one  little  call.  I'll 
be  in  my  room." 

This  time  she  did  not  ask  for  any  answer.  In  a 
minute,  I  heard  her  door  shut.  I  thought  she  had 
closed  it  loudly  on  purpose,  so  that  I  might  know  she 
was  not  lurking  in  the  corridor,  in  case  I  wanted  to 
take  in  the  tray  without  being  seen. 

But  I  did  not  go  out,  I  had  little  curiosity  about  the 
writing  on  the  piece  of  paper.  I  was  sure  it  was  in 
accordance  with  the  plan  she  had  proposed  to 
Hugh. 

"  Good  news!  "  I  said  to  myself.  "  There's  no  such 
thing!  Even  if  she'd  hidden  away,  I  couldn't  use  her 
confession,  and  risk  naving  her  hanged.  She  knows 
very  well  I  couldn't.  She  must  know.  It's  the  strong- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  341 

est,  not  the  weakest,  who  must  go  to  the  wall.  She's 
an  old  woman.  I  shall  have  to  bear  the  shame  be- 
fore the  world,  and  save  her,  just  as  I  always  did 
before  I  knew  for  certain  it  wasn't  mine.  Hugh  and 
I  are  no  nearer  to  each  other  than  we  were  —  unless  she 
dies.  I  won't  let  him  tell  the  truth,  and  I  won't  marry 
him  while  people  think  me  a  murderess.  We  must 
wait  —  till  she's  dead ;  or  he  must  give  me  up." 

The  words  kept  saying  themselves  over  and  over  in 
my  head.  "  Unless  she  dies  .  .  .  unless  she  dies. 
We  must  wait  until  she's  dead."  But,  very  strangely, 
the  thought  of  Sarah's  dying  sent  a  pang  of  anguish 
through  my  heart. 

I  did  not  know  why  this  was,  or  why  it  should  be, 
for  it  was  impossible  for  me  to  love  her  now.  "  She 
is  a  wicked  and  terrible  woman,  a  cruel  old  woman," 
I  said.  Yes,  cruel,  and  old  —  certainly  old.  Her 
voice  had  sounded  very  old  and  deadly  tired.  Poor 
little  Sarah  —  no,  wicked  old  Sarah  .  .  .  little 
old,  tired  Sarah. 

In  days  long  ago  we  could  not  have  believed  that 
this  would  happen.  Days  when  Sarah  held  me  on  her 
lap,  and  rocked  me  in  her  arms,  crooning  me  to  sleep, 
singing  me  to  sleep  with,  "  Weep  no  more,  my  lady, 
weep  no  more  for  me ! "  .  .  .  Sarah  coming  to 
meet  me  at  the  convent  .  .  .  Sarah  .  .  . 

She  was  crying  again  in  the  next  room.  I  could 
hear  it  through  the  wall,  a  sudden  burst  of  sobbing, 
quickly  stifled.  I  buried  my  head  in  the  pillows,  and 
quivered. 


342  THE  LIFE  MASK 

Lying  thus  with  my  eyes  shut,  and  darkness  pressing 
upon  them  after  the  irritating  brightness  and  heat  of 
the  sunshine,  it  was  as  if  my  spirit  released  itself  from 
some  sort  of  dull  tyranny  imposed  upon  it  by  the  body. 
My  thoughts,  more  than  my  thoughts,  myself,  went  to 
Sarah  in  her  room.  My  thoughts  became  Sarah's 
thoughts.  Then,  because  they  were  her  thoughts,  they 
pleaded  for  mercy,  only  a  little  mercy !  I  saw  her  no 
longer  as  the  angel  of  goodness  she  had  been  in  my 
eyes,  nor  as  the  wicked,  cruel  old  woman  who  had 
thrown  me  to  the  wolves  to  save  herself.  I  saw  her  a 
creature  of  weakness  and  of  strength,  weighted  down 
by  the  tragic  load  of  her  cowardice. 

There  was  no  more  sobbing  now.  The  room  next 
door  was  as  still  as  mine,  yet  even  as  I  felt  the  beating 
of  my  own  heart,  so  did  I  seem  to  feel  the  beating  of 
Sarah's,  and  the  ache  of  it,  as  though  it  were  in  my 
own  breast. 

She  was  a  murderess,  but  why  ?  She  had  taken  the 
life  that  was  in  my  way.  Then  her  dreadful  courage 
had  failed.  But  it  had  not  gone  out  like  a  flame  that 
is  dead.  Some  spark  must  have  lived  under  the  ashes, 
must  have  been  fanned  into  life  again  by  my  great  need, 
or  she  could  not  have  confessed  to  Hugh. 

She  knew  that  he  did  not  like  or  trust  her.  She 
could  not  have  been  sure  of  mercy  from  him.  He  had 
everything  to  gain  by  giving  her  up,  yet  she  had  gone 
to  him  with  her  story. 

I  guessed  now  how  she  had  spent  what  was  left  of 
the  night  after  putting  me  to  bed.  She  had  been  mak- 


THE  LIFE  MASK  343 

ing  up  her  mind  to  this  step,  in  order,  as  she  said,  that 
I  should  not  lose  my  happiness. 

If  she  had  not  sinned,  if  I  had  not  gone  to  prison  and 
spent  all  those  years  there,  I  should  never  have  known 
Hugh.  I  owed  him  to  Sarah,  and  Sarah's  cowardice. 
His  love  was  the  flower  of  my  pain. 

If  Sarah  had  confessed  long  ago  what  she  had  done, 
and  died  for  it,  I  could  never  have  been  happy.  And 
was  it  not  the  truth,  as  she  had  said  to  Hugh,  that  I 
would  have  chosen  prison  rather  than  let  her  go  to 
death?  Yes,  it  must  have  been  so.  The  thing  once 
done,  she  could  not  have  saved  me  if  she  would.  But 
now,  she  had  brought  me  to  Hugh.  She  had  done  her 
best  to  give  us  to  each  other,  and  some  day  — 

The  words  began  to  say  themselves  over  in  my  head 
again,  very  quickly  and  mechanically,  "  When  Sarah 
dies  —  when  Sarah  dies." 

She  was  going  away  to-day,  to  leave  me  forever, 
and  to  hide,  so  that  I  might  be  free  —  as  she  thought 
—  to  marry  Hugh.  When  she  died,  she  would  be  far 
off,  alone,  without  friends  .  .  .  the  little  old 
woman.  But  she  mustn't  go. 

I  was  off  the  bed,  and  at  the  door,  unbolting  it. 

There  was  the  tray,  with  the  glass  of  egg  and  milk, 
covered  with  a  glass  saucer,  that  had  a  rose  in  it.  On 
a  plate  was  very  thin  bread  and  butter ;  and  by  the  side 
of  the  plate,  a  little  three-cornered  note,  folded  up, 
without  an  envelope.  It  was  addressed  in  Sarah's 
handwriting,  more  shaky  and  indistinct  than  usual, 
"  Miss  Nita."  But  I  did  not  stop  to  read.  I  went  to 


344  THE  LIFE  MASK 

her  door,  and  called,  as  she  had  called  at  mine ;  and  now 
it  was  her  turn  not  to  answer. 

I  twisted  the  handle  of  the  door.  It  yielded,  and  I 
pushed  the  door  open. 

Sarah  was  sitting  at  a  table,  in  the  middle  of  the 
neat,  bare  room.  Her  back  was  turned  to  me,  and  her 
head  was  bowed  down  on  her  arms.  So  she  must  have 
bowed  it  when  she  gave  those  few  strangled  sobs  I  had 
heard  through  the  wall ;  but  she  was  not  sobbing  now. 
She  sat  quite  still,  tired  out  with  grief,  the  little  old 
woman  who  had  first  loved  me,  then  wronged  me,  and 
loved  me  through  all. 

I  went  nearer,  and  looking  over  her  shoulder  saw 
that  she  had  interrupted  herself  in  the  midst  of  writing 
a  letter.  Her  arms  and  face  were  resting  on  it,  so  that 
even  if  I  had  tried  I  could  not  have  seen  what  was  writ- 
ten ;  but  I  thought  it  must  be  the  letter  she  had  prom- 
ised, for  by  her  elbow  lay  an  envelope  addressed  to 
"  John  Upwood,  Esq.,  Manager  of  the  Northwest- 
ern Bank,  Kensington,  London,  England.  Private. 
Urgent." 

A  wave  of  pity  surged  up  in  me,  making  the  tears 
spring  from  my  heart.  I  had  never  hated  her,  never 
for  a  moment,  really. 

I  laid  my  hand  on  the  bowed  gray  head,  with  its  neat 
cap  and  tuft  of  ribbon.  "  How  pathetic  a  back 
is,"  I  thought,  "  and  how  defenseless  it  looks,  some- 
how." 

"  Sarah,"  I  said,  "  Sarah,  dear,  forgive  me  for  not 
letting  you  in.  I  thought  then  I  had  something  to 


THE  LIFE  MASK  345 

forgive  you,  a  very  big  thing  and  hard  to  forget.  I 
heard  all  you  said  to  Captain  Shannon,  but  I  do  for- 
give, and  I  don't  want  you  to  go  away.  We'll  bear  it 
together,  and  we  won't  let  the  old  love  go.  Oh,  Sarah, 
Sarah,  I  should  die  if  I  couldn't  love  you  —  and  I  know 
how  you  have  loved  me." 

I  thought  she  would  raise  her  head,  and  look  at 
me,  that  she  would  stretch  out  her  arms,  and  that  I 
should  take  her  in  mine.  But  the  head  lay  still  on  the 
folded  arms  which  pillowed  the  hidden  face.  Gently 
I  slipped  both  my  hands  under  her  chin,  and  so  lifted 
the  head  that  I  might  see  her  face  in  profile.  Some- 
thing fell  from  the  table  —  a  fragment  or  two  of  thin 
glass  which  had  been  in  her  handkerchief.  I  knew 
what  it  was  —  bits  of  a  broken  phial  of  amyl.  She  had 
had  a  heart  attack,  and  used  this  stuff  to  revive  her- 
self, as  I  had  seen  her  do,  more  than  once.  But  now 
it  had  not  been  enough. 

I  knew  that  she  was  dead,  not  fainting,  yet  I  went 
on  talking  to  her,  as  if  she  could  hear  what  I  said : 

"  Sarah,  dear,  I  would  not  have  let  you  go  away. 
No  love  could  have  made  up  to  me  for  yours.  And 
you  haven't  spoiled  my  life.  You  have  given  me  the 
only  things  in  it  worth  having,  your  love  and  Hugh's. 
I  shall  love  you  always,  as  long  as  I  live,  and  if  I  am 
happy  it  will  be  through  you.  I'll  make  Hugh  feel 
all  this  too,  dear.  And  as  /  forgive  you,  may  God  for- 
give you,  and  forgive  me  for  any  pain  I've  caused  you 
to-day.  He  will  forgive  you,  I  know." 

Her  face,  lying  on  my  hand,  was  warm  still,  and  wet 


346  THE  LIFE  MASK 

with  tears.  It  seemed  to  me  as  I  looked  that  it  smiled 
up  at  me,  and  that  a  great  peace  was  softly  smoothing 
the  tired  lines  away.  I  would  have  given  all  the  world 
if  I  had  been  ten  minutes  sooner,  yet  even  now  I  was 
not  too  late.  Her  spirit  had  lingered  to  take  my  for- 
giveness before  it  went  away.  I  felt  it  near  me  in  the 
room,  in  the  bright  sunlight. 

I  was  not  unhappy,  nor  shocked,  for  the  smile  on  the 
prim  little  face  was  too  sweet ;  but  sobs  would  come. 

"  Oh,  if  Hugh  were  here !  "  I  cried  out  aloud. 

Perhaps  by  this  time  he  was  in  the  garden,  waiting 
for  me.  But  I  could  not  leave  Sarah. 

"  Hugh ! "  I  called,  again  and  again. 

I  heard  his  footstep.     He  was  at  the  door. 

"  She  is  dead,"  I  said,  "  but  I  have  forgiven  her. 
And  she  knows." 

Then  I  laid  the  smiling  face  down  very  gently, 
and  let  Hugh  take  me  in  his  arms. 


THE   END 


XEU 


M  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


000792544    9 


